Author Jane0501 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 You are brilliant! This is exactly how I feel. People on here keep saying he's innocent, but I see his intent! So you think I'm right that he is engaging her?? And that he's not behaving like a faithful man!! If he were, he wouldn't bother replying to cutesy emails, or offer to cook for her. COOK FOR HER! I keep telling myself that maybe I am paranoid... I think I need a kick in the rump from other perspectives to give this situation the serious attention that I feel in my gut it deserves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 OP, when he was emailing her via flirting and sexual innuendos, did you not say anything to him? As I said before, they're slowly developing a level of chemistry. I hardly believe that anyone in a marriage should be flirting and exchanging sexual innuendos with a colleague of the opposite sex. It's wrong. If there are issues within the marriage, then the right thing to do would be for both of you to confront them. It isn't a free pass to find a distraction outside of the marriage to escape those issues. Why won't you confront him? I would have done so when I found out about the flirting and the sexual banter. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 When his employer finds out you are in his e-mail, he WILL be fired for this. His wife hacking his email account without his knowledge is far less likely to get him fired, then him as a exec exchanging emails that are "flirting with sexual innuendo" with a lower level attractive female employee that can later use these emails as proof in a sexual harassment complaint when her husband finds out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 You said you were his second marriage. I'm very curious to find out more about your past relationships/marriages that may be contributing to your paranoia? I'm NOT saying he's innocent in all of this BUT for you to go to such great lengths to track your husbands every move is borderline obsessive unless there is something from your past that is triggering your behavior that you're not sharing with us. It had to have started somewhere and THAT is the piece of this puzzle I think is more important than just asking people on here to blindly agree with what you're doing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 I think the enabler that is helping you is terrible. You need to speak with your husband. Dont reveal your sources but this third party you have put in this mess should not be helping you. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 I hate to be the one to tell you this...all these liberal "hope-mongers" on this site will tell you different, but I am giving you a sneak peek into the male playbook. The SECRET for ANY good man to stay faithful (and most women I believe) is this: DON'T PUT YOURSELF IN BAD SITUATIONS!!! THIS INCLUDES CREATING BAD SITUATIONS!!! Humans make mistakes. Males are very horney and love sex. Even if a man LOVES his wife, and another hot girl throws herself at him, it will be VERY hard for him to resist. Yes, it's possible, but it's not probably. Therefore, the key to success and fidelity is to NOT CREATE OR ENTER BAD SITUATIONS!!! Your husband has not only CREATED a bad situation; he is living and breathing in it, and making it worse every...single...work day. He is wrong for doing this in more ways than you know. All it will take is one late night alone for the two of them or one night out for drinks...he may not even make a move, heck even if he PROBABLY won't make a move...if she is the home wrecking type and see's him as a good provider and she is attracted to him...she will use her feminine wiles and make a move. I promise you. You need to communicate to him this isn't how a married man should act. Agreed 100% on the principle, but disagree entirely as to what the OP's H is doing in this case. I've read and re-read, and haven't seen anything that looks like flirting or sexual innuendo. What am I missing? Link to post Share on other sites
rewl Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 With that kind of behaviour, I'm not overly surprised your first marriage failed. So will this marriage. This marriage is like a fish washed up on a beach. The end is nigh so start looking for husband #3 and his work email too. Or hack into the workplace surveillance camera, it's much more reliable than a "spy". Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 This is kind of like the calm before the storm. The beginning stages leading up to a full blown affair. This is absolutely unacceptable and inappropriate. Have you always been suspicious of your husband? Before and after you were married?? If so, then that's not good at all. Snooping and spying on your part is wrong but at the same time, he's doing things that are wrong too. Just remember, two wrongs don't make a right. This all needs to come to a hault NOW. Confront him about everything, apologize for snooping through his emails without him knowing but be sure to tell him he gave you every reason to suspect he might be having an affair. All the evidence indicates he is having a serious emotional affair with that woman. You need to get into marriage counseing ASAP. He needs to understand that there is no reason he and another woman should have any involvement outside of work...including exchanging emails that are not work related emails. If she is a friend then you should know her just as well as he does and talk to her same as he does. His friends should be your friends and your friends should be his friends (regarding friends of the opposite sex.) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
chucksagent Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 OP - ignore these morons. They pick and choose their facts. "They are just being friendly." Why isn't he emailing the fat 60 year old woman from accounting when on vacation? Why isn't he offering to cook for his golf buddy Joe who is also an executive? The problem with liberals is that the IDEA of "hope" and "faith" (which are both important and certainly have their places) has been perverted by the mainstream media and the gang mentality of the Democratic Party. It has seeped into every area of life. Example: They focus on the POSSIBLY not the PROBABLE. People abusing welfare = "not EVERYONE abuses it." As if that changes the fact LOTS do. "He is just being friendly." Then why is he only being EXTRA friendly with a young/sexy underling, and not an older, fatter, same aged, same gendered, equal? People look at the facts they WANT to see. People like us look at a fact like a fact. A chair is and will always be a chair. We can HOPE and have FAITH it will turn into a hamburger, but it never will. That's why HIS behavior is wrong. Even if your spying is also wrong...his behavior is MORE wrong because it can lead to adultery and divorce. Another liberal issue. The patriot act vis a vis, if you got nothing to hide, whats the problem? Here is more to the gang liberal mentality. Bush started Patriot Act, EVERY LIBERAL HATED HIM FOR IT!!! Obama signs NDAA which essentially does away with 2 consitutional rights and allowed him to close Boston and the Liberals pretended to not see him do it. Lol. Again, ignoring FACTS. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
chucksagent Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Rewl - how many times did you read what she wrote again? Inappropriate behavior includes but is not limited to the following: -Her buying him a gift -Him emailing her about personal and not business stuff -Him emailing her WHILE ON VACATION WITH HIS WIFE! -Him complaining about you to her -The Wine -The praising -Offering to Cook for her – WHY ISNT HE COOKING FOR YOU? -Him kissing her butt in the meeting Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Also, you seem to be waiting to have proof that he is sexually involved with his coworker before confronting him...why? You have the power to possibly prevent it from going that far. If you confront him now, he may stop all contact non-work related with her to help save your marriage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Also, you seem to be waiting to have proof that he is sexually involved with his coworker before confronting him...why? ^ ^ ^ . THIS . ^ ^ ^ Jane - what steps are you going to take to put your marriage back on track? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PerfectStorm Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Maybe an a attractive woman is flirting with your husband but it doesn't sound like he has crossed any lines. You, however, have crossed several. I would be livid if I was your husband. You might want to think twice about what you're doing, and a lot less about what he's doing. Link to post Share on other sites
chucksagent Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Here is how Liberal thinking works (only makes sense to those with agendas or are brainwashed): Evidence of inappropriate behavior: -Her buying him a gift -Him emailing her when with you ON VACATION -Him complaining about you to her -The Wine -The praising -Offering to Cook for her – WHY ISNT HE COOKING FOR YOU? -Him kissing her butt in the meeting Evidence of appropriate behavior: -Faith -Hope Evidence Bush took away our rights: -Patriot Act (allows surveillance on targets who a judge declares after viewing evidence is a terrorist) Evidence Obama took away our rights: -NDAA (National Defense Authorization Act - president can now declare US citizen as enemy combatant - loses 4th and 5th amendment rights) -Closed Boston after bombings (loss of every right - martial law) -Obamacare (forcing you to pay for and get health care - unconstitutional - violates 1st amendment) -Trying to take away guns (Sandy Hook shooting using it as propoganda - violates 2nd amendment) "Husband has done nothing wrong" "Bush sucks." Someone else said 2 wrongs don't make a right. I agree, Bush AND Obama were wrong. But no liberals will admit that. You AND your husband are BOTH wrong. But you committed a necessary evil BASED on his behavior. So it i justified. Cause and effect people THATS LIFE. If your husband wasn't flirting with young women, you wouldn't have to monitor him. So what are these hope-mongers solutions for you? GET DIVORCED! The easy way out, which is the liberal way. Not, stay in it, try to fix it...like I already said, HE MAY NOT HAVE ANY BAD INTENTIONS! But he is STILL WRONG for creating a bad situation and overstepping healthy releationship boundries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Maybe an a attractive woman is flirting with your husband but it doesn't sound like he has crossed any lines. You, however, have crossed several. I would be livid if I was your husband. You might want to think twice about what you're doing, and a lot less about what he's doing. WOW. Just. WOW. You're joking, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chucksagent Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 me85 - Liberal thinking. You can flirt with someone of the opposite sex, treat them better than your spouse, but their needs ahead of your spouses, created a negative situation for your marriage... BUT...don't spy on my email. Lol. That is bad to do. BAAAHAHAHAHA!!! Liberal thinking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 This is is a cluster f*ck.. on one side you got a husband who goes astray, on the other you got a wife who got spies and read work emails. You two really need to sit and talk about what's going on, instead of posting crazy stories about "he said, she said". Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 me85 - Liberal thinking. You can flirt with someone of the opposite sex, treat them better than your spouse, but their needs ahead of your spouses, created a negative situation for your marriage... BUT...don't spy on my email. Lol. That is bad to do. BAAAHAHAHAHA!!! Liberal thinking. I agree with you 110% This is why the divorce rate is so high. It's really unbelievable to me. I am so old fashioned when it comes RSs. I was raised with the understanding of what good family values are. Thank goodness I was taught how men and women should be in a RS together. Love takes hard work, despite what many people think... "Oh it's supposed to be easy." What a laugh! Not even! That's the fairytale we all want and yes, some actually get it but it's very rare. You have to really work at RSs. People are just lazy, pure and simple and have unrealistic expectations. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane0501 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 I will address all the questions in a subsequent post. But the plot thickens. Here's the story my spy told me about today: All the women were in the lunch room and the girl yesterday had baked rolls and made jam for breakfast. She was telling a story about how my husband didn't want one bc he said it was too much for his figure. His direct report, a matronly older woman, said "Really? He had McDonalds for lunch". Then another woman said he stole his pen, the girl said "I'll email him and tell him, make some fun of him". The matronly woman said "You're over your hurdle, then?". The girl said "Yes, I am. I'm not scared of him anymore. He's a very funny guy!". The other woman said "Really? He hides it well." Then the girl mentioned that he had brought up their lunch for the dept, for which he would be cooking, and she said she would make a couple of things too. Then the matronly, older direct report said "I left a meeting at 7:30 last night with him and he asked if I wanted to grab dinner. I said no, I have a husband waiting at home, if his wife had made something for him. He said "My wife doesn't live me, she didn't make me anything". So I think he's nutritionally unbalanced. He might need some home cooking in his life." What does all of this mean? Does it seem like everyone is catching on to the dynamics between them?? The matronly older woman was also in the meeting yesterday where he was kissing her butt! Does it sound like they think it's the girl's fault or that my husband is to blame? I know these things shouldn't matter but other people's perception of the situation, especially there, matter to me... Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 I will address all the questions in a subsequent post. But the plot thickens. Here's the story my spy told me about today: All the women were in the lunch room and the girl yesterday had baked rolls and made jam for breakfast. She was telling a story about how my husband didn't want one bc he said it was too much for his figure. His direct report, a matronly older woman, said "Really? He had McDonalds for lunch". Then another woman said he stole his pen, the girl said "I'll email him and tell him, make some fun of him". The matronly woman said "You're over your hurdle, then?". The girl said "Yes, I am. I'm not scared of him anymore. He's a very funny guy!". The other woman said "Really? He hides it well." Then the girl mentioned that he had brought up their lunch for the dept, for which he would be cooking, and she said she would make a couple of things too. Then the matronly, older direct report said "I left a meeting at 7:30 last night with him and he asked if I wanted to grab dinner. I said no, I have a husband waiting at home, if his wife had made something for him. He said "My wife doesn't live me, she didn't make me anything". So I think he's nutritionally unbalanced. He might need some home cooking in his life." What does all of this mean? Does it seem like everyone is catching on to the dynamics between them?? The matronly older woman was also in the meeting yesterday where he was kissing her butt! Does it sound like they think it's the girl's fault or that my husband is to blame? I know these things shouldn't matter but other people's perception of the situation, especially there, matter to me... Jane, it means your husband isn't loyal to you. You have all the evidence you need... CONFRONT HIM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane0501 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 Why? You think he isn't loyal and that the other women in the office know?? I can't confront him now, we're going on vacation in 2 days and I don't want to spoil it for the kids - we have two. This will have to wait, so please stop harping on that. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Why don't you confront your husband about all of this? Like another person said maybe if you say something now you can put the brakes on what seems to be a smoldering upcoming affair. Is she the only young woman there? It sounds like all of the other women are old. I really can't believe that you would actually ask someone he works with to spy on them. Aren't you putting their job in jeopardy by doing this or do you care? I think instead of asking a bunch of strangers about this you should ask your husband and tell him what you've done and what you know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 I don't see how you can sit on this through your vacation. Wouldn't it be better to confront the problem beforehand and get it worked out so you two will have a good vacation. Otherwise are you going to sit there while he emails this other chick on your vacation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane0501 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 Oh, he won't email her! I take his phone! There won't be any confrontation before the vacation, the kids come first. The only question I see right now is whether those other women know... And yes, she's the only young one and by far the prettiest, only pretty one, I met her once. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Why? You think he isn't loyal and that the other women in the office know?? I can't confront him now, we're going on vacation in 2 days and I don't want to spoil it for the kids - we have two. This will have to wait, so please stop harping on that. Let me ask you this, do you honestly think your H's loyal to you? If you do, then why are you suspicious of him at all? Come on...you know your H isn't loyal to you. Alright, I completely understand why you don't want to confront him right now. Do you plan to confront him once you return from vacation? Sorry, I didn't catch how long you have been suspicious of your H and have been spying on him. How long has this been going on, again? May I ask if you yourself are faithful to your H? I'm just asking. Quite often, a partner is paranoid of their spouse because they themselves are guilty of the exact thing they suspect their partner is doing...Psychology 101 Link to post Share on other sites
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