Guys: Would You Lose Interest In A Girl Just because She Debated With You?

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

Don't wish too hard lol.

 

Awww...now why do you say that?

[smackie9]

Awww...now why do you say that?

 

 

Don't expect him to change....he is the way he is.

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

Don't expect him to change....he is the way he is.

 

So from everything you've read here, you gather he's not going to change? And we just started having conversations...as of two weeks ago? How can you be so sure?

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

The thing with debate is that everyone has a "tipping point" where it starts to get personal.

 

If you have a mutual understanding of where that tipping point is, its fine.

 

People who enjoy debating together usually have the "chemistry" of similar standards of what is too strong and what isn't. Or, are at least aware enough of one another's comfort that they know when to stop. You have to kind of be on the same page about what you're doing.

 

Personally, I've stopped bothering to initiate debate with girls. I enjoy a devil's advocate style of debate, but it seems like all girls ever want to get into a debate about are opinions they are really emotionally invested in. That's no fun.

 

Thanks hasaquestion.

 

Some days I am feeling riled up...only when I am very passionate, lol.

[soccerrprp]

1. It sounds like you hit him where it hurts....his ego.

2. If your debate was not personal and attacked his reasoning in a logical manner w/o acting like a banshee, then go to #1.

3. Guys(or gals) who can't handle other people's opinion/differences in opinion are better to be avoided. My gf and I don't see things eye to eye on some issues, but we don't have to. She has her own thoughts and I have my own...

4. If he lost interest b/c you have your own perspective and it's not in tune with his, then move on. He is insecure or worse..controlling.

5. Some guys, no matter what they say, don't like women to have their own opinions AND be intelligent enough to defend them openly.

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

1. It sounds like you hit him where it hurts....his ego.

2. If your debate was not personal and attacked his reasoning in a logical manner w/o acting like a banshee, then go to #1.

3. Guys(or gals) who can't handle other people's opinion/differences in opinion are better to be avoided. My gf and I don't see things eye to eye on some issues, but we don't have to. She has her own thoughts and I have my own...

4. If he lost interest b/c you have your own perspective and it's not in tune with his, then move on. He is insecure or worse..controlling.

5. Some guys, no matter what they say, don't like women to have their own opinions AND be intelligent enough to defend them openly.

 

 

Yea, I don't think he's ever had a woman give it to him straight before. I can't tell you the level of fawning that takes place when it comes to this boy. All the compliments about his "brilliance" and looks, lol. I too was always very complimentary of him but like another poster said, I think I shattered his perception of me.

 

You are so right about the insecurity/controlling thing. He is both.

 

Thanks for your help. A lightbulb just went on.

[preraph]

If it made him uncomfortable, I'd take it as a sign that he feels outmatched and assume he's not right for you if he can't take a little debate. I mean, a longterm relationship is one big debate, right? I had a hot online relationship with a journalist guy who was so relieved to find someone who would take him on. Our first emails were a massive disagreement during the polygamist compound thing years ago and constitutional and ethical issues involved. At the end of it we were sort of exhausted and in deep. Unfortunately age and logistics intervened and neither of us could get our s**t together at the same time to actually do anything about it.......

 

An old friend of mine is an exjournalist married to a journalist and have been married 25 years and they debate on pretty much a routine basis. You have to find someone who's your equal to do that and not threatened by it. They love it.

[torturedartist]

Have known this guy for sometime now and in the beginning he used to always look at me in a lustful way (i.e. look my body up and down and would also check out my shoes, etc.) however, he is a huuuuuuge flirt but I was never one of the girls who would reciprocate. He also gave me a single heart candy on Valentines' Day and I had a feeling in my gut all day that if he got me alone he would do something. Also, I notice he is often nervous around me (his right leg is always shaking) and his lustful stares have graduated to him always looking at me in an adoring manner. He is not so much trying to hide it, but I see him do it often from my peripheral.

 

Buuuuuuut....oh oh, we had a little debate the other day and I came down kind of hard.

 

 

Needless to say, before the debate, we have never had a platonic relationship/friendship but have just started building one as of recent. We have started having really great discussions surrounding various life topics as of late and they are purposeful, honest, and we have even started to make direct eye contact (something I didn't even realize we weren't doing much of before.) I really went out of my way to try to talk to him and be his friend (which is something I normally don't do) because I felt really bad and...I'm somewhat attracted now because he's started to grow on me.

 

However, he no longer looks at me lustfully (although he postures quite a bit) but still appears quite nervous (leg still shakes) and I must admit, this made me a little sad, lol. I used to hate when he looked at me that way but now I kind of miss it (stupid I know.) Could this mean that he has lost interest and just sees me as a friend or could it mean that he likes me more?

 

 

 

Thanks for your help,

 

I would IMMEDIATELY put the moves on a woman who beat me in a debate. Would you like to debate me, right now?

 

I didn't think so.

[GemmaUK]

There's some great responses in here!

 

I'd say his dislike of you winning the debate is pretty clear.

 

If I were in your shoes OP it would already be obvious to me that this is the kind of guy I wouldn't want to date As others have mentioned it sounds like he needs to be in control

 

I dated someone who kept having the same work issues week after week

I suggested a quick, easy, effective and logical solution to save time, frustration and money. He hated it! He went off for a big sulk and ranted to a mutual friend about me.

And er......he turned out to be controlling...very controlling and also very insecure but also his idea of male/female relationships turned out to be far different from mine.

[smackie9]

Wow we are still picking at this?? OP just ask him out for drinks after work, and teach him the art of debating with a potential GF.....work your magic on him

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

If it made him uncomfortable, I'd take it as a sign that he feels outmatched and assume he's not right for you if he can't take a little debate. I mean, a longterm relationship is one big debate, right? I had a hot online relationship with a journalist guy who was so relieved to find someone who would take him on. Our first emails were a massive disagreement during the polygamist compound thing years ago and constitutional and ethical issues involved. At the end of it we were sort of exhausted and in deep. Unfortunately age and logistics intervened and neither of us could get our s**t together at the same time to actually do anything about it.......

 

An old friend of mine is an exjournalist married to a journalist and have been married 25 years and they debate on pretty much a routine basis. You have to find someone who's your equal to do that and not threatened by it. They love it.

 

Thanks preraph.

 

Now that I think about it, his seemingly best female friend at the job is very, very meek and I've often wondered if he enjoyed her company so much because she makes him feel big.

 

LOVE this story of you and the journalist...do you guys still keep in touch?

[Smilecharmer]

The question should be why waste your time with a guy who can't appreciate an equal. My husband and I debate hard, always have and then have angry passionate crazy sex afterwards and make up. I like debating and sometimes will do it just for the sex afterwards. We are opposites in almost every way though and these things just spice it up for us instead of tearing it apart. He is also incredibly intelligent so he isn't intimidated by a strong smart female.

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

There's some great responses in here!

 

I'd say his dislike of you winning the debate is pretty clear.

 

If I were in your shoes OP it would already be obvious to me that this is the kind of guy I wouldn't want to date As others have mentioned it sounds like he needs to be in control

 

I dated someone who kept having the same work issues week after week

I suggested a quick, easy, effective and logical solution to save time, frustration and money. He hated it! He went off for a big sulk and ranted to a mutual friend about me.

And er......he turned out to be controlling...very controlling and also very insecure but also his idea of male/female relationships turned out to be far different from mine.

 

Agreed Gemma! Great responses indeed!

 

Ya know, it's such a crying shame he's so insecure...hmmmm....makes me want to start a new thread asking guys what makes them become this way.

 

lol @ your guy sulking. I'm guessing that relationship didn't last long?

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

Wow we are still picking at this?? OP just ask him out for drinks after work, and teach him the art of debating with a potential GF.....work your magic on him

 

Don't hate, smackie9.

 

Ask him out? Absolutely not! Not after what happened the other day. I at least tried to make amends by initiating a peaceful conversation a few days later...that went fairly well. The ball is in his court now.

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

The question should be why waste your time with a guy who can't appreciate an equal. My husband and I debate hard, always have and then have angry passionate crazy sex afterwards and make up. I like debating and sometimes will do it just for the sex afterwards. We are opposites in almost every way though and these things just spice it up for us instead of tearing it apart. He is also incredibly intelligent so he isn't intimidated by a strong smart female.

 

That must be the best kind of love to make/sex to have! Right after a heated passionate debate!

 

Everyone should want their equal.

[GemmaUK]

Agreed Gemma! Great responses indeed!

 

Ya know, it's such a crying shame he's so insecure...hmmmm....makes me want to start a new thread asking guys what makes them become this way.

 

lol @ your guy sulking. I'm guessing that relationship didn't last long?

 

This guy at work could be awaiting his next time to involve himself with a customer of yours

He may well come back with a play off at some point in the next few weeks/months.

 

Honestly though I would prefer to see a man..or woman for that matter take your 'win' in good grace and with respect.

My boss (Finance Director) always respects when I pick something up and point out where something is going wrong to the detriment of a project/the team/the business or whatever it is.

 

This guy appears to have taken the debate a little (more than a little?) personally.

I actually think this will turn you off him when you have had time to mull it over properly...even if he is cute!

 

Well the sulker lasted longer than I intended him to..4 months longer than the first time I tried to end it

I wasn't aware of what was happening at the time but things that he had said and done kept nagging at me so I did some research on behaviour . I love psychology, I study it for fun! (and this is why I loved some of the replies on here as they are so so good!)

I had only previously read up about the normal, good sides of psychology though and not the bad sides as I had never had reason to.

Having done my research he was.. was controlling, insecure and emotionally abusive. He raised his hand to me one time only and I ran and locked myself in the toilet!

The following weekend I ended it by text. I didn't want to talk to him again as he would (possibly) done the same as before and talked me around

 

The issue he had at work was postcodes (zipcodes in the US) He would get an address and postcode to go to and stick the postcode in his satellite navigation gadget and go there. He ended up in a field or a busy town centre a couple of times a week and would shout the house down venting about it.

He didn't like when I suggested he google the company to check the postcode he had been given.

To me it's simple, codes are easy to get wrong, an address is less easy to be wrong. Problem solved with a few key strokes!

I don't think he ever did use google (if he did he never said so)....but at least he stopped angrily ranting about how it was everyone else's fault all the time to me

[PogoStick]

You talked about his flexing and being used to superiority, but you're doing the same in the mental arena. I love a woman who is intelligent, confident, and competent, but I find your approach to be unattractive. It seems you feel a need to constantly display your own superiority. Pushing it in people's faces is actually a low status move. People who subtly radiate their positive qualities are the true Kings and Queens.

[GemmaUK]

You talked about his flexing and being used to superiority, but you're doing the same in the mental arena. I love a woman who is intelligent, confident, and competent, but I find your approach to be unattractive. It seems you feel a need to constantly display your own superiority. Pushing it in people's faces is actually a low status move. People who subtly radiate their positive qualities are the true Kings and Queens.

 

Where did you get

It seems you feel a need to constantly display your own superiority.

from?

I didn't see that. Can you quote where you spotted that Pogo{/b]?

I agree..I think anyone should find out the real deal before jumping in.

It's far better to watch an wait after all . I must have missed something here.

[smackie9]

What I don't get is why would anyone be attracted to a guy that expects women to fawn all over him, and has an ego problem. That would be enough to turn me off.

 

Should I say that both are clearly disappointed with each other?

[Thruster]

would not be upset at all

 

as long as she understood i was right ands she was wrong after the debate was over

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

This guy at work could be awaiting his next time to involve himself with a customer of yours

He may well come back with a play off at some point in the next few weeks/months.

 

Honestly though I would prefer to see a man..or woman for that matter take your 'win' in good grace and with respect.

My boss (Finance Director) always respects when I pick something up and point out where something is going wrong to the detriment of a project/the team/the business or whatever it is.

 

This guy appears to have taken the debate a little (more than a little?) personally.

I actually think this will turn you off him when you have had time to mull it over properly...even if he is cute!

 

Well the sulker lasted longer than I intended him to..4 months longer than the first time I tried to end it

I wasn't aware of what was happening at the time but things that he had said and done kept nagging at me so I did some research on behaviour . I love psychology, I study it for fun! (and this is why I loved some of the replies on here as they are so so good!)

I had only previously read up about the normal, good sides of psychology though and not the bad sides as I had never had reason to.

Having done my research he was.. was controlling, insecure and emotionally abusive. He raised his hand to me one time only and I ran and locked myself in the toilet!

The following weekend I ended it by text. I didn't want to talk to him again as he would (possibly) done the same as before and talked me around

 

The issue he had at work was postcodes (zipcodes in the US) He would get an address and postcode to go to and stick the postcode in his satellite navigation gadget and go there. He ended up in a field or a busy town centre a couple of times a week and would shout the house down venting about it.

He didn't like when I suggested he google the company to check the postcode he had been given.

To me it's simple, codes are easy to get wrong, an address is less easy to be wrong. Problem solved with a few key strokes!

I don't think he ever did use google (if he did he never said so)....but at least he stopped angrily ranting about how it was everyone else's fault all the time to me [/quote

 

Gemma!

 

I understand how you feel about psychology for I just love it as well!

 

I am so happy you got away from that guy. He sounds like a piece of work.

 

That was actually a really good suggestion about the zip codes. At least now you know the signs of an abusive partner and will be able to shut it down before you get too invested.

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

would not be upset at all

 

as long as she understood i was right ands she was wrong after the debate was over

 

lol! Don't be foolish!

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

You talked about his flexing and being used to superiority, but you're doing the same in the mental arena. I love a woman who is intelligent, confident, and competent, but I find your approach to be unattractive. It seems you feel a need to constantly display your own superiority. Pushing it in people's faces is actually a low status move. People who subtly radiate their positive qualities are the true Kings and Queens.

 

Where did you see me say I flaunted my mental abilities? Pushing it in his face? I simply corrected him for inserting himself into my business concerning my client. How does that equate to being low status?

[LoveIsABattlefield36]

What I don't get is why would anyone be attracted to a guy that expects women to fawn all over him, and has an ego problem. That would be enough to turn me off.

 

Should I say that both are clearly disappointed with each other?

 

I understand what you are saying smackie9, but he shouldn't 't be disappointed with me.

[PogoStick]

Where did you get from?

I didn't see that. Can you quote where you spotted that Pogo{/b]?

I agree..I think anyone should find out the real deal before jumping in.

It's far better to watch an wait after all . I must have missed something here.

 

Not you Gemma. I was referring to the OP.