newmoon Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 When I date someone, I want to be able to relax. If I find myself constantly arguing, or "debating", that's a turn off. i have found this to be the case with most men. they are quite willing to debate a few times and know that a woman has opinions and etc. but it eventually wears on them and they disengage from her after x amount of these debates. debates/differences of opinion are quite natural, but people who enjoy them too much end up single. men want a strong woman up to a point. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 I can't stand women who agree with me about everything, but most guys like a more ego stroking version that agrees with them about most things. Or at least keeps quiet when she doesn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Or at least keeps quiet when she doesn't. perfectly stated 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rewl Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Do you mean by 'leg-shaking' that he has his foot on tiptoe and he rocks the leg up and down, rapidly? If yes, this is nervous energy. Really? I tend to do it when I'm bored out of my mind or if I need the toilet really bad. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 A girl debating with me would actually make me more interested. Assuming of course she was holding her own and making me think about things in a way I hadn't before. That's sexy... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
rewl Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 A girl debating with me would actually make me more interested. Assuming of course she was holding her own and making me think about things in a way I hadn't before. That's sexy... That is hot yeah. I'd bang that. Unfortunately, most girls who "debate" do so on the basis of emotion and the winner of the debate tends to be the one who is loudest. There are some very intelligent chicks out there though, make no mistake. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 The foot tapping thing probably has nothing to do with you. I am sitting in my office alone as I read your posts and I find myself doing the same thing. It's just a habit many people have, nothing more. He checked you out, that's good. You said he also checked out your shoes. That would make me wonder about him. I have never in my life checked out a woman's shoes. If he seemed interested in your shoes, I'd either think he was gay, or has a foot fetish. The debate. I don't think I would lose interest in a girl over a debate, nor would my fragile ego be damaged if I were to lose a debate to a woman. You described him as the cerebral type, so my guess is he may also be very opinionated. Perhaps your stance on the issue is what made him lose interest. I will lose interest in a girl quick if we disagree on some key topics. He's quite opinionated. Sometimes to the point he comes across as a gossip. I remember in the beginning thinking his mannerisms were a little feminine but, I honestly don't think he's gay. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce Leigh Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I love a woman with a great mind. If she makes me take a step back and think something over?? I want to know what makes her tick, especially if she makes me question how i tick. But hey, that's me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trane Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 A difference of opinion leading to a prolonged discussion shouldn't be an obstacle in the way of a relationship if he was interested in you. It would turn me on a little more knowing that there's a voice and an opinion that comes with the woman. If you were dissing him and/or crossing the line with inappropriate language, I would be a bit put off. You would likely have to make the next first move and be prepared for some of mine if another debate should take place. Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 That is hot yeah. I'd bang that. With that kind of phraseology, she may not wish to reciprocate. Remember, an intelligent woman can tell precisely where your interests lie, and she knows you don't want to "bang" her brain... Unfortunately, most girls who "debate" do so on the basis of emotion and the winner of the debate tends to be the one who is loudest. There are some very intelligent chicks out there though, make no mistake. Fortunately, yes, there are. But I have a feeling they would not make a beeline for guys like you. You may have to settle for a slightly 'dumbed-down' version who can't tell that all your friendly debating is just a ploy to get her to the boudoir....That is of course, providing you can get her to lower the volume.... Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 This guy sounds just like my best friend hes an intellectual a thinker seams men like this often come with a little bit of a built in ego cause they fancy themselves to be very smart and most of time they are. with men like this you have to be careful not to bruise said ego to much or they will be become defensive and even aggressive. I've learned its best not to "debate" with them but to simply put your ideas out there while at the same time respecting theirs. Its more of a exchange of ideas rather then a debate. That's how I handle him and it seams to work fine on the flip side ive also seen a friend of ours try and have a hard out "debate" with him were she was pushing her view and it did nothing but end the friendship. Patients sprinkled with a tiny bit of open minded ego stroking gets the job done. That doesn't mean you cant express your views just in a different way. Far as his actions its quite possible he saw you have a brain of your own and that makes you attractive on a deeper level hence him no longer treating you simply like a piece of ass and more like a possible relationship interest? Basically once they connect to you more their views and how they treat you also change hope this was some what helpful good luck.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 'Lustful interest' is not really the same as interest in a relationship, to be honest. If that's all he had for you, even if you'd debated the 'right' way it's possible that he'd still lose 'interest'. That being said, yes, a lot of it comes down to 'how' you debate rather than 'if'. My SO and I debate fairly often, but we've learnt to agree to disagree, so it's all quite amicable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 This guy sounds just like my best friend hes an intellectual a thinker seams men like this often come with a little bit of a built in ego cause they fancy themselves to be very smart and most of time they are. with men like this you have to be careful not to bruise said ego to much or they will be become defensive and even aggressive. I've learned its best not to "debate" with them but to simply put your ideas out there while at the same time respecting theirs. Its more of a exchange of ideas rather then a debate. That's how I handle him and it seams to work fine on the flip side ive also seen a friend of ours try and have a hard out "debate" with him were she was pushing her view and it did nothing but end the friendship. Patients sprinkled with a tiny bit of open minded ego stroking gets the job done. That doesn't mean you cant express your views just in a different way.... This sparks a different tangent to this topic, which I think is relevant: A very good (male) friend, who runs a Gaming advisory website, posted this on his feed, with his own comment: Extremely thought-provoking and very important to read. Sexism and male privilege still rules the day in the video game industry, but the experiences and commentary in this article are far more wide-reaching than just one industry. One might say, "Read it and weep"..... Link to post Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I have a colleague at work who is one of those brilliant-but-awkward-types. Despite being kind of a weirdo,he's a good person, and we've become close friends. However, we're also very open about our disagreements when they arose. Sometimes I think he's wrong on certain issues and will call him out; sometimes I'm right, sometimes he's right. Somewhere over the course of two years or so, we started to fall in love. When we first sat down to talk about our feelings and figure out if we should date or not, he said "You challenge me...and I like that, a lot." (And yes, we did decide to date, although by that point everyone at the office had assumed we were dating anyway so it wasn't a big deal, ha.) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 The debate. I don't think I would lose interest in a girl over a debate, nor would my fragile ego be damaged if I were to lose a debate to a woman. You described him as the cerebral type, so my guess is he may also be very opinionated. Perhaps your stance on the issue is what made him lose interest. I will lose interest in a girl quick if we disagree on some key topics. Same. It's a double edged sword. I love a debate and I remember during one finding out that the guy was religious. I went off him straight away as I regard religion the equivalent to superstition. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Same. It's a double edged sword. I love a debate and I remember during one finding out that the guy was religious. I went off him straight away as I regard religion the equivalent to superstition. I've never succumbed to superstition, and, touch wood, I never will. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 A difference of opinion leading to a prolonged discussion shouldn't be an obstacle in the way of a relationship if he was interested in you. It would turn me on a little more knowing that there's a voice and an opinion that comes with the woman. If you were dissing him and/or crossing the line with inappropriate language, I would be a bit put off. You would likely have to make the next first move and be prepared for some of mine if another debate should take place. No, did not diss him or use inappropriate language. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 With that kind of phraseology, she may not wish to reciprocate. Remember, an intelligent woman can tell precisely where your interests lie, and she knows you don't want to "bang" her brain... Fortunately, yes, there are. But I have a feeling they would not make a beeline for guys like you. You may have to settle for a slightly 'dumbed-down' version who can't tell that all your friendly debating is just a ploy to get her to the boudoir....That is of course, providing you can get her to lower the volume.... I so like you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 I have a colleague at work who is one of those brilliant-but-awkward-types. Despite being kind of a weirdo,he's a good person, and we've become close friends. However, we're also very open about our disagreements when they arose. Sometimes I think he's wrong on certain issues and will call him out; sometimes I'm right, sometimes he's right. Somewhere over the course of two years or so, we started to fall in love. When we first sat down to talk about our feelings and figure out if we should date or not, he said "You challenge me...and I like that, a lot." (And yes, we did decide to date, although by that point everyone at the office had assumed we were dating anyway so it wasn't a big deal, ha.) Awwwww...cute story. Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 It's not the debate itself, but how it is conducted that would influence my opinion of a woman. I love intellectual conversations, and even a back and forth, but I'd like it to be done with emotional intelligence as well. So, the nature of communication is more important than the debate itself. There are many ways to get a point across, but ask yourself, what is my goal? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 ...has anyone had a read of the link I posted in Post #39....? I thought it might have brought new perspective to the discussion..... originally Posted by LoveIsABattlefield36 I so like you. Why thank you kindly..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 I like a man to debate with finesse, flirty, teasingly, joking, blurt out something so out of left field it makes me laugh. Turing it into a good time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveIsABattlefield36 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 I like a man to debate with finesse, flirty, teasingly, joking, blurt out something so out of left field it makes me laugh. Turing it into a good time. Me too, smackie9. I wish I can get to this stage with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Don't wish too hard lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 The thing with debate is that everyone has a "tipping point" where it starts to get personal. If you have a mutual understanding of where that tipping point is, its fine. People who enjoy debating together usually have the "chemistry" of similar standards of what is too strong and what isn't. Or, are at least aware enough of one another's comfort that they know when to stop. You have to kind of be on the same page about what you're doing. Personally, I've stopped bothering to initiate debate with girls. I enjoy a devil's advocate style of debate, but it seems like all girls ever want to get into a debate about are opinions they are really emotionally invested in. That's no fun. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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