Author Mapper71 Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 Well there goes your chance to make a difference in one young person's life. It sounds like you and your husband deserve each other, in the most selfish kind of way. Fine by me! i am E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y selfish when it comes to my time!! I don't want to sit around pretending I'm having the time of my life with a kid have nothing in common with and watching shows I have no interest in when I could be doing what I like. I never liked kids and still don't. And yup...I married a guy with one hoping we'd rarely see her. I'm a horrible human being..I get that. Funny thing is, in their screaming match she told him that I was a way better parent than he ever was! Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Fine by me! i am E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y selfish when it comes to my time!! I don't want to sit around pretending I'm having the time of my life with a kid have nothing in common with and watching shows I have no interest in when I could be doing what I like. I never liked kids and still don't. And yup...I married a guy with one hoping we'd rarely see her. I'm a horrible human being..I get that. Funny thing is, in their screaming match she told him that I was a way better parent than he ever was! It doesn't exactly sound like you're having the time of your life with your husband either! How many days did he call in sick to work this week? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 It doesn't exactly sound like you're having the time of your life with your husband either! How many days did he call in sick to work this week? There's problems at the OP's work also. I think I will have to bow out here. Mapper, your last post....wow! I will refrain from posting in your threads in future. The 'human' side of me cannot help but say...Good luck and I wish you happiness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 There's problems at the OP's work also. I think I will have to bow out here. Mapper, your last post....wow! I will refrain from posting in your threads in future. The 'human' side of me cannot help but say...Good luck and I wish you happiness. Yea, I know. I won a chicken dinner in that thread! But, after meeting my husbands side of the family, I will concede that some people like more drama in their lives. They thrive on it. I'm not gonna sit here and say everyone should adopt my quiet, peaceful ways. It's only when someone gets hurt in the process, SD in this case. At least OP has the power to change her sitch if she so desires. SD is sorta at the mercy of all adults involved. Sad. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Right there she was telling him she doesn't think he cares about her. That's what he needs to respond to, but he's too reactive. A good parents tries to help their child feel secure, even when they're having a meltdown. I doubt he's ever been able to do that, and got in power struggles with her even when she was a toddler. The teenage years and everyone knows girls are the worst. I remember my little sister constantly fighting for attention in the household and my mother calling me on the phone to come by and talk to her. It was always about her personal problems at school with friends, enemies, teachers, relationships, her bodily image and so forth. My sister admitted that our parents didn't show much interest in her issues so she lashed out. I think this is the same situation with SD. It's common practice for girls within that age range. The best thing to do is try to relate your past situation to their present one. It won't be easy at first. The girl might reject it initially but over time, she'll come around. If it worked for me, any caring parent or adult can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 The teenage years and everyone knows girls are the worst. I remember my little sister constantly fighting for attention in the household and my mother calling me on the phone to come by and talk to her. It was always about her personal problems at school with friends, enemies, teachers, relationships, her bodily image and so forth. My sister admitted that our parents didn't show much interest in her issues so she lashed out. I think this is the same situation with SD. It's common practice for girls within that age range. The best thing to do is try to relate your past situation to their present one. It won't be easy at first. The girl might reject it initially but over time, she'll come around. If it worked for me, any caring parent or adult can do it. Too bad that eliminates these two. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 How would you know, hiding away in the bathroom? Because REMEMBER they were screaming at the top of their lungs and the entire neighborhood could hear what was being said??!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 Too bad that eliminates these two. Yup we are horrible people. I've already TOLD you that!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 This is heartbreaking! The poor girl doesn't seem to get any love from anyone. No wonder she hides in her phone and talks to her friends for company/support. I would do exactly the same if I had no choice but to visit people with the attitudes you two have. My heart goes out to her. We try and take her places and she rolls her eyes. H tries to watch a movie with her, play a video game with her, take her to run errands and she rolls her eyes. Tells him he never does anything with her and she's bored and then when he does do something with her she tells him she just wants to be left alone. We ask her what she wants to do then seeing as how texting and going to the mall are the ONLY things she ever enjoys and she says "I don't know...something fun". I have no idea what is FUN to her and she doesn't want to tell us! She doens't want to be outside, she doesn't want any cultural experiences. Mall mall mall! We can't spend hundreds of dollars on her every time when she comes up if that is the only thing that makes her happy! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Yup we are horrible people. I've already TOLD you that!! Okay, fair enough. So be horrible people on your own and stop griping about a kid that doesn't want to deal with horrible, irresponsible, martyrs. She doesn't deserve that and even a "horrible person" could recognize that. Or you could make it about the actual issue instead of whining about how everyone is attacking you while you place yourself in the victim role..... ......while victimizing a teenage girl for acting like a teenage girl who is sick of being pushed around by two people who obviously don't care about her. So this thread was started just to garner sympathy for you? Epic Fail. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Wow, DOT nailed it. After reading all your threads, I didn't see it until she pointed it out, but now it is crystal clear...you like being the victim. You're the victim of your husband's crappy attitude. You're the victim of your stepdaughter's bad behavior. You're the victim of your own meekness. You're even the victim of a co-worker lady who talks too much! And you don't want to change anything because then you won't be the victim anymore. Good luck with that. As for your stepdaughter, I have so much sympathy for her. She has no mature, responsible parent to look up to and model her behavior after. No wonder she is a freaking mess. I hope she does blow you all off once she's 18 and find some people who will actually give a crap about her. It wouldn't be any worse that you all. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Bravo to DOT and Bittersweetie for laying it out like it is with Mapper. I applaud the analysis of these threads. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Fine by me! i am E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y selfish when it comes to my time!! I don't want to sit around pretending I'm having the time of my life with a kid have nothing in common with and watching shows I have no interest in when I could be doing what I like. I never liked kids and still don't. And yup...I married a guy with one hoping we'd rarely see her. I'm a horrible human being..I get that. Funny thing is, in their screaming match she told him that I was a way better parent than he ever was! I pray for you. That maybe just maybe you can become less selfish and self centered and become a woman who stops causing harm to self and others. They say like energy attracks - what you've got is a big ball of negative energy in your home. You keep growing it bigger with all these situations and resentments. And the problem is that you seem to think this kind of energy is normal. I'm sure his daughter can feel the negativity around your space. You COULD change that but you don't seem willing to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tiger Lily Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 I pray for you. Praying for you too, OP. Have you ever thought about a more eternal consequence to your actions? We all have selfish thoughts and actions, and get annoyed with others. But it's not pleasant living this way! In my own life, I have found that thinking about more long-term outcomes of my actions today has helped me put less negative energy into silly things. And the only way that I've done that is by thinking about God, and what it means that we are a creation of God, and how we're happiest when we form a relationship with Him. I hope you can find that same happiness. You and your family are in my prayers! God bless. Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 The only thing she is doing on that phone is texting. 24/7 constant texting and not letting the phone out of her sight. She doesn't have a conversation with us or interested in dong anything because that phone is her life. That cannot be tolerated! When he told her to get off the phone while she ate she rolled her eyes and shook her head. He told her again and she said no and that's when the crap hit the fan with her. Then not only is she dropping f bombs with her dad, but she calls her mom during all this (who she is supposed to adore) and her mom is yelling at her to calm down and SD goes to her "Amy (not mom, but Amy!) don't f******talk to me like that". So if that's how she is being allowed to talk to her mom no wonder she is this way! So your husband decided to punch a hole in the door............and seriously wonders why only knows how to flip when shes mad as apposed to reasonably voicing her argument!? Kids learn from watching, kids become teens, teens become adults! Theres a saying my boss at the fire station told me once - "when tempted to fight fire with fire, remember at work we use water". Your husband went in there flame throwing!! You guys wanted to know what was wrong? why she didn't wanna be there? why shes sat on her phone? She laid it out for you, clear as you like - he's not her father, he was never a father to her. He doesn't care about her! Whether that's true or not, I cant say, two versions of every event but it doesn't matter one jot cause to her its true! And I cant imagine as a parent how anyone can think yelling and punching walls is the best way to reply that or fix anything! Whats the point of this thread? Your not interested in any relationship with her and your husband cant deal with the going getting tough - so surely its good shes back with her mum! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Yup hopefully she'll be able to stay away for a little over a year yet until she turns 18 and then she won't ever have to see us again! Fine by me! Sure as hell makes our lives less stressful! Seriously? You married into a ready-made family. Why would you hope that your husband would hardly want to see his child? I'm with those who say it's obvious to her that she isn't wanted. You don't want her to be comfortable in your home, you don't think about what she might like to do, in preparation for her visits. She could be out with her friends, instead of spending two weeks with people who have no interest in her. Maybe your spending money on her at the mall, is the one small piece of evidence she has, that she matters to any of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Yup we are horrible people. I've already TOLD you that!! Well, then, maybe you can empathize with your supposedly-awful step-daughter, and the woman at work that you hate so much. Since she's a horrible person, as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Because REMEMBER they were screaming at the top of their lungs and the entire neighborhood could hear what was being said??!!!! Then why bother hiding away if you could hear? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 Whats the point of this thread? I am VENTING! If you hate it then don't read it and don't respond if it bothers you so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 Seriously? You married into a ready-made family. Why would you hope that your husband would hardly want to see his child? Be cause he hardly saw her before we met due to the mother pulling crap and moving all over the place away form him and then SHE claims that he never wanted to be a part of SD's life. Well kind of hard when she tells him to move to Minnesota from Washington for a job and she'll follow a month later and then drops the bomb after he moves "Oh yeah, we aren't coming." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted July 27, 2014 Author Share Posted July 27, 2014 Then why bother hiding away if you could hear? Because it stressed me the hell out and I didn't want to be anywhere near them. I just about got in the car and drove away. Let them fight it out! I have never in my life experienced anything like that. A father screaming at his daughter, a daughter screaming profanity at her father both saying horrible things and then to hear her scream at her mother on the phone "don't f****** talk to me like that!" must mean she gets away with a hell of a lot when she's with her mother. I never EVER would have even raised my voice slightly to my parents and don't understand how a 16 year old thinks she can say all this horrible stuff and get away with it. Her mother has had screaming matches with all her boyfriends and former husband so I'm sure SD gets an idea of men are horrible and you should treat them as such. God knows we hear SD tell us how great a guy is and then the next time we see her he's an ass because he cheated on her or pissed her off and he's a jerk.This last one was supposedly so awesome and they were getting promise rings and I thought 'Oh yeah I'm sure this is the love of your life at 16". Sure enough, guess who cheated on her? I'm sure she plays a big part in everything with her attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Fine by me! i am E-X-T-R-E-M-E-L-Y selfish when it comes to my time!! I don't want to sit around pretending I'm having the time of my life with a kid have nothing in common with and watching shows I have no interest in when I could be doing what I like. I never liked kids and still don't. And yup...I married a guy with one hoping we'd rarely see her. I'm a horrible human being..I get that. Funny thing is, in their screaming match she told him that I was a way better parent than he ever was! Yes, you are definitely EXTREMELY selfish. Doubt anyone is going to disagree with you on that one. You married a man with children. What kind of person does that, hoping that the child will just "go away"? In addition, what kind of man with children would marry you, given your attitude? You two deserve each other. The innocent child got a crappy lottery in life with her family - no wonder so many families are screwed up if people just really are THIS selfish and uncaring about anyone except themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 (edited) I never EVER would have even raised my voice slightly to my parents and don't understand how a 16 year old thinks she can say all this horrible stuff and get away with it. Maybe you were raised with parents who loved you and cared enough to teach you right from wrong and discipline you. What would have happened to you if no one cared about you? Do you think children are born knowing how to behave? No one has taught this child anything - not about love, respect, or discipline. All she knows is rejection. Edited July 28, 2014 by Hope Shimmers 5 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Maybe you were raised with parents who loved you and cared enough to teach you right from wrong and discipline you. Judging by OP's selfish, cold and childish statements in this thread about her own step daughter, I'm gonna go with a no on this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Why don't you and your husband take parenting classes? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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