Author depressedman87 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Any more tips from anyone? Whether she actually is acting immature and childish or whether I'm just saying it to make myself feel better. In my mind if all this stuff about wanting to be with me forever and still loving me even though we're done is true, it would not make her jump into something so quick. I'm starting to feel like it was all BS. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenHeartAndWings Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Any more tips from anyone? Whether she actually is acting immature and childish or whether I'm just saying it to make myself feel better. In my mind if all this stuff about wanting to be with me forever and still loving me even though we're done is true, it would not make her jump into something so quick. I'm starting to feel like it was all BS.[/ I agree with you that being in a relationship feels wonderful. But this girl is abusing you. She's keeping you in her back pocket by keeping your pictures up, keeping you around, in case this new guy dumps her. And you're abusing yourself by continuing to spy on her and thinking about her and the new guy. Stop torturing yourself. It doesn't matter what she said to you. People will tell you that you're the love of their life, they want to grow old with you, they would do anything for you, never hurt you, they're crazy madly in love with you, they will never leave you...then in a matter of hours they're gone! I don't know if it's mental illness, drugs, manipulation, or the fact that they're abusers, but it's a sick game to play with people's emotions. You MUST stop spying on her, because eventually you'll be destroyed by what you see. Start with that. Baby steps. Delete all of her pictures and texts. Get rid of all reminders, or put them in a box in your garage. It hurts at first, but the less reminders, the better. This will help you stop thinking about her so obsessively. You'll still think about her and miss her and grieve. She doesn't respect you. If you cut all contact, no more spying, don't be there for her anymore, she may hate it but she will RESPECT you. It takes discipline, like a strict diet, but take it one hour at a time. When you feel the pain swelling, remind yourself that for every hour you ignore her and refuse to be her door mat, the more she will respect you. I know it hurts... Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 You asked for any more tips I will reiterate: Get a hobby. You need something to wake up and care about and think on aside from her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Another day and more thoughts. She's got the house all to herself this weekend. And obviously I know he'll be there with her, and I'm just wishing it was me. I feel like this will never end. Sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Sitting at work right now by the way. Having a mini attack, and already checked her facebook and instagram bout 20 times. Stop that. There's NOTHING good that will come out of that for you. My own mother and friends say if she ever comes back in the future don't you dare take her back after all this immature **** she's done to you. I need to get rid of this stupid future hope! Of course she did immature stuff. She's immature! You were going out with someone 21-22 years old. You need to surf in more mature waters. Another day and more thoughts. She's got the house all to herself this weekend. And obviously I know he'll be there with her, and I'm just wishing it was me. I feel like this will never end. Sigh. It won't end until you stop focusing your life on her. You're stuck. She was never right for you. At 21-22, you could only be a brief stop on her journey. The new guy is too. Most people don't settle down until they're older. Go out, do other things, develop some other hobbies, and find someone closer to your own age who you can develop a life with. It's that simple - you have to move on. You have one short life, and you're spending it obsessing on someone who doesn't want to be with you. Face that hard truth, and things will begin change. Things can get better if you'll let them. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunberry Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 What I did that help when I got broken up with was going to a counselor and get therapy. They put me in a whole new perspective about it for a while...it was what pushed me into NC. If you don't mind me asking what kind of medication are you on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Stop that. There's NOTHING good that will come out of that for you. Of course she did immature stuff. She's immature! You were going out with someone 21-22 years old. You need to surf in more mature waters. It won't end until you stop focusing your life on her. You're stuck. She was never right for you. At 21-22, you could only be a brief stop on her journey. The new guy is too. Most people don't settle down until they're older. Go out, do other things, develop some other hobbies, and find someone closer to your own age who you can develop a life with. It's that simple - you have to move on. You have one short life, and you're spending it obsessing on someone who doesn't want to be with you. Face that hard truth, and things will begin change. Things can get better if you'll let them. I know about the settling down, but when she got with me she knew what she was getting into and told me she's the relationship type. Said I was the first guy that showed her how two people can really love each other. Talked about picturing us getting married and having kids. So it seemed like she was a different 21 year old I guess, and I still believe that deep down she is. In my head she's going to be with the next guy for the rest of her life, but I guess that's out of my hands and it's just not my concern anymore. She is a handful sometimes, but I put up with it and was patient. We'll see if other guys are that patient. Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 What I did that help when I got broken up with was going to a counselor and get therapy. They put me in a whole new perspective about it for a while...it was what pushed me into NC. If you don't mind me asking what kind of medication are you on? I tried the cognitive therapy thing. It didn't do much. He was the one that suggested I get on the meds because I didn't look or sound good. It's just an anti-depressant. It's two weeks tomorrow, and like I said, not doing much. Link to post Share on other sites
dannytheman Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 If someone feels the need to lie my experience is they either have self issues or aren't into you enough Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 If someone feels the need to lie my experience is they either have self issues or aren't into you enough Sorry, what lies are you referring to? She definitely has some self issues which I don't want to mention here but I guess she's kind of been swiping them under the rug by getting wasted and going out all the time and sleeping with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunberry Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 I tried the cognitive therapy thing. It didn't do much. He was the one that suggested I get on the meds because I didn't look or sound good. It's just an anti-depressant. It's two weeks tomorrow, and like I said, not doing much. Was it citolapram? They may need to increase the dosage if they haven't. A lot of other things factor into the citolopram, like getting out, etc. Citolopram is helped to relieve it yes, but staying in and not doing anything may make it seems like it doesn't. Anti-depressent for me felt like they weren't doing for me at all and as they increased I could feel the difference but at the same time I felt something had to change in my environment in order to acess that. I have no idea if I'm making sense or not (-__-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 Damn it! I'm flooded with thoughts of them being intimate again. I'm just picturing them getting it on and doing everything imaginable under the sun today. I can't believe this is happening. I had her. she wanted to be with me. And I messed up and now he's got her in any position he wants. Probably doing something to him as we speak. UGHHHHHH!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 Was it citolapram? They may need to increase the dosage if they haven't. A lot of other things factor into the citolopram, like getting out, etc. Citolopram is helped to relieve it yes, but staying in and not doing anything may make it seems like it doesn't. Anti-depressent for me felt like they weren't doing for me at all and as they increased I could feel the difference but at the same time I felt something had to change in my environment in order to acess that. I have no idea if I'm making sense or not (-__-) You are. And yes it is that one. Cipralex. Citalopram. Haven't felt a difference. It's like it's day one every damn day. And the more i see pictures or when i saw them together it just gets worse. Right now I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I just feel like I'll miss her forever and I'll always regret that i messed up and lost the most beautiful girl I've ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 You are. I just feel like I'll miss her forever and I'll always regret that i messed up and lost the most beautiful girl I've ever had. And while your sitting there going nuts over something you can't do anything about, you probably missed out of a few good women that passed you by and would be a better match for you. Look friend. You got a choice. Either sit around and wallow in your pity party or move the hell off of square one and do something with your life. Whining and crying isn't going to bring her back so face fact. She's gone and it's time to move on and start healing yourself, then you can get your life in order. Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 And while your sitting there going nuts over something you can't do anything about, you probably missed out of a few good women that passed you by and would be a better match for you. Look friend. You got a choice. Either sit around and wallow in your pity party or move the hell off of square one and do something with your life. Whining and crying isn't going to bring her back so face fact. She's gone and it's time to move on and start healing yourself, then you can get your life in order. I just need to get rid of the hope i have left that one day, in 6 months or a year or 3 years she'll come back to me. And I don't know how. Don't want to keep pining for someone who probably will never be back, and in my head will be engaged in 2 years lol. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Well we have discovered a few things about your so called "princess". She did lie to you - there is no doubt in my mind she cheated on you. She talked BS to you about marriage, kids, etc., but you just want to go on seeing her in your special ray of light.... Honestly, find someone your own age or a lot closer to it. You know she has underlying issues. There are many on here who will tell you the same thing I am about to say and have said many times -you have dodged the proverbial bullet. She left you before you got married, had kids, etc. Think how much more awful it would have been if this happened years down the road??? She is no princess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Well we have discovered a few things about your so called "princess". She did lie to you - there is no doubt in my mind she cheated on you. She talked BS to you about marriage, kids, etc., but you just want to go on seeing her in your special ray of light.... Honestly, find someone your own age or a lot closer to it. You know she has underlying issues. There are many on here who will tell you the same thing I am about to say and have said many times -you have dodged the proverbial bullet. She left you before you got married, had kids, etc. Think how much more awful it would have been if this happened years down the road??? She is no princess. You're right. I just need to learn how to grasp it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 So here's the latest update. After NC for 2 and a half weeks, she texts me on Saturday to see if I wanna have dinner with her on Monday or Thursday. Kind of took me by surprise considering two weeks ago she didn't want to hang out ''like buddies'' because we'd just get back together. So I shortly said I'd get back to her. On Sunday I decided to drop by her house and say hi because I felt like maybe the fact she wanted to meet up was a good sign and maybe she left the guy. I go to her house and she's not there. I call her. No answer. So as I'm pulling out guess who pulls in? They do. They both get out of the car. I have to watch her give him a huge kiss and then they both walk into her house. Wonderful. They didn't see me. Funny thing is, this morning she texts me...hey sorry i was drunk lol and then i passed out. Yea right. He came over to bang her, and I unfortunately had to see it. How can she just do that with him and then want to casually have dinner with me?? I'm not going. I'm just not sure whether to call her out for moving on so quickly after just calling me 3 weeks ago to profess her love or just completely start ignoring her. No answers to her texts or calls. It's like this just won't end. Link to post Share on other sites
hestheone66 Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Please don't confuse love with dependency. You are needy and want a relationship. You are not able to have a mutually fulfilling relationship because you have surrendered your power to be the only one who can make you happy and therefore you attract emotional abusers and manipulator a into your life. The therapy you need transcends coping with the post separation depression. Focus on understanding how to nurture yourself by really putting yourself and your needs for true living connection first. You are worth more than some floosie's pity Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 So here's the latest update. After NC for 2 and a half weeks, she texts me on Saturday to see if I wanna have dinner with her on Monday or Thursday. Kind of took me by surprise considering two weeks ago she didn't want to hang out ''like buddies'' because we'd just get back together. So I shortly said I'd get back to her. On Sunday I decided to drop by her house and say hi because I felt like maybe the fact she wanted to meet up was a good sign and maybe she left the guy. I go to her house and she's not there. I call her. No answer. So as I'm pulling out guess who pulls in? They do. They both get out of the car. I have to watch her give him a huge kiss and then they both walk into her house. Wonderful. They didn't see me. Funny thing is, this morning she texts me...hey sorry i was drunk lol and then i passed out. Yea right. He came over to bang her, and I unfortunately had to see it. How can she just do that with him and then want to casually have dinner with me?? I'm not going. I'm just not sure whether to call her out for moving on so quickly after just calling me 3 weeks ago to profess her love or just completely start ignoring her. No answers to her texts or calls. It's like this just won't end. WOW Well, believe it or not...you going over there actually did yourself a huge favor. If you hadn't seen what she was really doing, you probably would have continued along the same thought that her calling you was a "good thing". You now know, without any doubt whatsoever, she is duplicitous and there is nothing remotely good that will come from a reconcile period with her. I wouldn't bother with calling her out - you got your answer and calling her out will only lead to more unsavory behavior. Either she'll lie once again, or she'll get defensive, or she'll make excuses, bla bla blue blue. "How can she?" is a great question but the fact that she can puts the final nail in the coffin. Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 WOW Well, believe it or not...you going over there actually did yourself a huge favor. If you hadn't seen what she was really doing, you probably would have continued along the same thought that her calling you was a "good thing". You now know, without any doubt whatsoever, she is duplicitous and there is nothing remotely good that will come from a reconcile period with her. I wouldn't bother with calling her out - you got your answer and calling her out will only lead to more unsavory behavior. Either she'll lie once again, or she'll get defensive, or she'll make excuses, bla bla blue blue. "How can she?" is a great question but the fact that she can puts the final nail in the coffin. Well, I'm more angry today than sad. Hope it stays this way. I knew it was coming and she texted me today saying ''Hey my plans cancelled on Wednesday if that's better for you'' OOOHH your plans cancelled?? thanks so much! so I write back ''why do you want to meet up?'' She says ''It would be nice to see you, We don't have to, I won't be offended'' So I say ''Yea, I think I'll pass'' Not be too much of a dick but just to let it be known that THIS time I won't be there. She says ''OK'' 5 minutes later...''Can I ask Why?'' HAHA..knew that was coming. ''I say ''No particular reason, I just don't want to yet'' And That's it, of course part of me feels like a dick and I secretly hope we can meet up some time down the line and I didn't piss her off for good. But after everything she's done I think it really wasn't that bad. I've been there every time she wanted to see me when we broke up..finally I said NO! It's not like she'd tell him she's meeting up with me or tell me shes banging him. What a joke. So I kind of hope she keeps chasing sometime later and I hope I didn't push her more towards him, but it feels pretty good to have finally said no. Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 I don't know what to say except that I am right there with you and it hurts like hell. Emotions aren't logical and to be honest, from where I stand with three horribly failed long-term relationships I'm amazed it ever works out at all--but I have the feeling that when it does, it's because both people decided even before they ever met each other that they really want a relationship and all of the commitments and sacrifices that come with that, and they're just "ready." I have not yet been able to find any solace regarding my most recent break-up, except to say that from experience I know that with time, sometimes a lot of time, the pain fades. Just know you are not alone and you should feel free to vent and solicit support and advice as much as you need, both in your personal life with good friends and family, and on LS. Do what you must to get the help and support you need and things WILL start to shift. Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 I don't know what to say except that I am right there with you and it hurts like hell. Emotions aren't logical and to be honest, from where I stand with three horribly failed long-term relationships I'm amazed it ever works out at all--but I have the feeling that when it does, it's because both people decided even before they ever met each other that they really want a relationship and all of the commitments and sacrifices that come with that, and they're just "ready." I have not yet been able to find any solace regarding my most recent break-up, except to say that from experience I know that with time, sometimes a lot of time, the pain fades. Just know you are not alone and you should feel free to vent and solicit support and advice as much as you need, both in your personal life with good friends and family, and on LS. Do what you must to get the help and support you need and things WILL start to shift. Things feel better today. I'm hoping I don't take a step back but I expect it could easily happen. Not meeting up with her is definitely a good idea because if I saw her knowing she's with this guy I either would've said something or it would just drive me crazy knowing I can't have her. I feel you brother. But we'll be okay. We have to be. We have no option!!! I've never even thought of life not being worth it, just very depressed. Like many people said, we can't have someone else be responsible for our happiness. It's hard as hell especially for the first couple of months, but I've been there before too, and now I think about my other exes, I laugh and forget about it immediately. I hope, no..I KNOW that one day it'll be like that with her. For both of us. But as long as I need to vent I will, and so should you. We'll get there...sooner or later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author depressedman87 Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 So I blatantly said no to meeting up with her by saying ''I Think I'll pass'' and as I predicted she called me the next day saying I was right by not seeng her she just let her emotions get a hold of her and she still misses me that's why she wanted to see me. Since she couldn't see me she wanted to call me to see ''how I'm doing'' So we chatted for a bit. Same old ****. Told me she hasn't been going out a lot. I asked her what she did on Sunday (knowing she went out with him and he slept at her house) and she said she just went for dinner and had a bottle of wine. haha...I wish she knew what I know. What is this girl doing?? She's clearly been banging this guy for a while, but yet still wants to see me and as soon as she feels me slipping away she calls me. I feel like an idiot because when I said no to seeing her I had the control back but now I feel like I gave it back to her by answering her call and playing that ''nice guy'' BS. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 What is she doing? What are you doing? You know she's seeing him and lying to you about it. Does knowing a motive matter? Furthermore, you are still actively playing along. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
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