My mom calls me fat... is she right.

[Glinda.Good]

I see all these poor obese people walking around and feel terrible they don't have anyone that loves them enough to browbeat them. Any stress from that is easily overcome by the positive reactions you get from everyone else for being thin.

 

That is just an awful thing to say. Berating people for being fat is unlikely to spur them on to a diet. In fact, I'm sure it has an opposite effect.

 

I've been around women with real eating disorders, the kind who have to be locked up and have tubes shoved up their noses. Wanting to throw up after binging occasionally is pretty normal. Even I get that urge.

 

Hm. Maybe there was a point where these women with the "real" disorders, who are locked up and tube fed, could have been identified as needing help BEFORE they got to that point. Like, for example, when they were wanting to make themselves puke after overeating.

 

There were steps on the way to the hospital. Opportunities to change paths.

[SammySammy]

Her mother is rude and disrespectful (yes, mothers can be disrespectful). Negative motivation seldom works long-term. This is a perfect example of the need to set boundaries - even with your parents.

[Allumere]

Someone is drinking the Callahan koolaid. Nagging and shaming does not work for anything in most cases. I am sure some small single digit percentage will comply/conform whether its from shaming or just wanting to shut-up the constant mouth piece but in regards to weight it is an epic fail in terms of approach.

[preraph]

I am also 5'7" and I was skinny when young and still I wore a size 10. NO, you are not fat. I am afraid your mother may have a body dysmorphic condition or eating disorder she is projecting on to you! Please next time you go to a physician, tell him your mother is saying you are fat. You sound like you are very very thin at 5'7" and size 4! The only girl I ever knew size 4 was much shorter than you.

 

Please just realize your mother has a problem, not you. I can assure you that if anything, you could be underweight. Do not let your mother erode your self-confidence. She is a bit sick, I'm afraid!

[Candy_Pants]

And now you look like you're pregnant. See what happens to a lot of people when the nagging influence gets removed?

 

Aww someone's mommy didn't give them enough attention.

 

You can't seriously think her unhealthy mother's "nagging influence" is a good thing. Or...maybe you do .

 

Hopefully OP will realize that her mother's influence is bringing her down a dangerous (and deadly) path. She seems young so she'll need all the positive role models she can find outside of her family.

[gaius]

Aww someone's mommy didn't give them enough attention.

 

You can't seriously think her unhealthy mother's "nagging influence" is a good thing. Or...maybe you do .

 

Hopefully OP will realize that her mother's influence is bringing her down a dangerous (and deadly) path. She seems young so she'll need all the positive role models she can find outside of her family.

She was at least always happy to point out in a non polite way when I had gained weight. Why is it so hard to fathom that maybe my mother does the same thing whenever I see her and I've noticed it influences me to stay thin? =/

 

You can't do anything to kids nowadays. We keep going in this direction and in 10 years from now the mother who pressures her kid to keep his grades up through non-polite means will be the evil witch who's projecting her insecurities on her poor abused child. Who cares if they want to work at McDonalds for their entire life? Society will value them exactly the same, just like they do fat and thin people. You're a bad parent if you don't let them. No pressure on your children whatsoever allowed. How dare you stress them in any way.

 

I'm sure you look great kiwi even actually being pregnant. I just wish I knew what I did to piss you off so bad though. =/

Edited July 26, 2014 by gaius

[gaius]

Why the hell would you say something like that? Candy Pants looks fine.

 

I don't know why you are sticking up for people who essential destroy other people's self-esteem by berating them and telling them they suck. That's so awful.

She's actually pregnant spiral. It's a joke.

[gaius]

That is just an awful thing to say. Berating people for being fat is unlikely to spur them on to a diet. In fact, I'm sure it has an opposite effect.

 

Hm. Maybe there was a point where these women with the "real" disorders, who are locked up and tube fed, could have been identified as needing help BEFORE they got to that point. Like, for example, when they were wanting to make themselves puke after overeating.

 

There were steps on the way to the hospital. Opportunities to change paths.

There are a lot of people who struggle with eating who do stuff like throw up occasionally but never get to that level. It's like alcoholism. Just because you pour a toxic drink down your gullet occasionally doesn't mean you're going to devolve into an alcoholic. That's the hysteric part about all this that I don't get. I don't think a lot of you understand what actually goes on with people in situations like this. I just explained that it does influence you to stay thin having dealt with it myself and you somehow want to think you know better. =/

[TigerLilly78]

She was at least always happy to point out in a non polite way when I had gained weight. Why is it so hard to fathom that maybe my mother does the same thing whenever I see her and I've noticed it influences me to stay thin? =/

 

You can't do anything to kids nowadays. We keep going in this direction and in 10 years from now the mother who pressures her kid to keep his grades up through non-polite means will be the evil witch who's projecting her insecurities on her poor abused child. Who cares if they want to work at McDonalds for their entire life? Society will value them exactly the same, just like they do fat and thin people. You're a bad parent if you don't let them. No pressure on your children whatsoever allowed. How dare you stress them in any way.

 

I'm sure you look great kiwi even actually being pregnant. I just wish I knew what I did to piss you off so bad though. =/

 

Ever considered that maybe its societies problem and intolerance shouldn't be accepted as much as it is? my health concerns are just that mine..I highly doubt some one out on the street who would belittle me "cause im overweight" is doing it cause of their overwhelming "health" concerns for me its cause they don't care for how I look simple as that.

 

Hate agenst over weight people is only as bad as it is cause its been socially accepted for so long. Like any other learned hate it can be unlearned once its not encouraged or accepted any further.

 

This doesn't mean I think being overweight is a wonderful thing and should be encouraged but I for one refuse to give into hate for hates sake..I don't think anyone should...

 

There is a difference between teaching your kids right and wrong and encouraging them in a positive loving way. vs degrading them or teaching them to hate themselves or others. Only with patients love and tolerance can a child grow into a kind and productive adult in my opinion anyways..

[TigerLilly78]

There are a lot of people who struggle with eating who do stuff like throw up occasionally but never get to that level. It's like alcoholism. Just because you pour a toxic drink down your gullet occasionally doesn't mean you're going to devolve into an alcoholic. That's the hysteric part about all this that I don't get. I don't think a lot of you understand what actually goes on with people in situations like this. I just explained that it does influence you to stay thin having dealt with it myself and you somehow want to think you know better. =/

 

 

 

Here is why I don't agree with your view point on this...

 

Sure some can drink and not get addicted but not all now people who drink cause somethings bothering them will tend to use it as a crutch hence the chance for them to become alcoholics increases and all the serious health concerns that come along with that.

 

Now if I remember correctly forcing yourself to throw up after eating can also lead to serious health probs ok so that said if the OP is doing it because of the unrealistic fears her mother is putting into her head her chance for it developing into a serious or even deadly eating disorder is increased..just like with alcoholism its all about cause and effect...

[gaius]

Here is why I don't agree with your view point on this...

 

Sure some can drink and not get addicted but not all now people who drink cause somethings bothering them will tend to use it as a crutch hence the chance for them to become alcoholics increases and all the serious health concerns that come along with that.

 

Now if I remember correctly forcing yourself to throw up after eating can also lead to serious health probs ok so that said if the OP is doing it because of the unrealistic fears her mother is putting into her head her chance for it developing into a serious or even deadly eating disorder is increased..just like with alcoholism its all about cause and effect...

I can agree with that. Throwing up occasionally and binging and purging can have health issues, if it's frequent enough. But would you suggest someone who has a drink once every other month should go to a doctor just to be safe? Because they might devolve into an alcoholic? One thing I don't like about the psychiatric approach to everything is it treats people with such a subtle disrespect. The original poster is not bulimic, bulimia is characterized by frequently binging and purging and I'm pretty sure once every other month doesn't make the cut. But even then some of the smartest people around like Serial Muse are still treating her like someone who needs to rush to the doctor because there might be something seriously wrong with her.

 

Again, it's more normal than most people realize. Please stop theorizing if you've never had any experience with it yourself. You don't understand and you're not helping anything.

[TigerLilly78]

I can agree with that. Throwing up occasionally and binging and purging can have health issues, if it's frequent enough. But would you suggest someone who has a drink once every other month should go to a doctor just to be safe? Because they might devolve into an alcoholic? One thing I don't like about the psychiatric approach to everything is it treats people with such a subtle disrespect. The original poster is not bulimic, bulimia is characterized by frequently binging and purging and I'm pretty sure once every other month doesn't make the cut. But even then some of the smartest people around like Serial Muse are still treating her like someone who needs to rush to the doctor because there might be something seriously wrong with her.

 

Again, it's more normal than most people realize. Please stop theorizing if you've never had any experience with it yourself. You don't understand and you're not helping anything.

 

How do you know who on here hasn't had a serious eating disorder? how do you know who hasn't had a drinking problem in their past? every alcoholic had to start some were with the occasional drink to sooth their nerves.. its a gamble people take when they use things to mask or take care of a deeper issue as the OP is doing with her binge eating I don't know to me its unhealthy to let a other wise healthy young lady take that sort of gamble with her life but again I prob just have no experience in such things so Ill leave the floor to you..

Edited July 26, 2014 by TigerLilly78

[gaius]

How do you know who on here hasn't had a serious eating disorder? how do you know who hasn't had a drinking problem in their past? every alcoholic had to start some were with the occasional drink to sooth their nerves.. its a gamble people take when they use things to mask or take care of a deeper issue as the OP is doing with her binge eating I don't know to me its unhealthy to let a other wise healthy young lady take that sort of gamble with her life but again I prob just have no experience in such things so Ill leave the floor to you..

Cause I can tell just based on what some people are posting they haven't had any experience. They're just going with whatever popular perception on things they've heard. And you know what the funniest thing is? The average party girl is probably binging and purging way more than this girl is. All that jager really makes you want to puke.

 

You have experience when it comes to this stuff Tiger, I'm not talking about you. That's the reason why you're engaging with me on a serious level instead of just being outraged, you can see something truthful in some of what I'm saying.

 

I agree with you and would love if society would treat overweight people differently but they don't. And if the condom ever broke I'd rather my kid have a happy and comfortable life being thin than a hard and stressful one fighting an uphill battle trying to change society. And it would be selfish of me to not try and make that happen because it would cause them stress or potentially make them like me less. Stress is something they're going to have to get used to in life.

[Glinda.Good]

There are a lot of people who struggle with eating who do stuff like throw up occasionally but never get to that level. It's like alcoholism. Just because you pour a toxic drink down your gullet occasionally doesn't mean you're going to devolve into an alcoholic. That's the hysteric part about all this that I don't get. I don't think a lot of you understand what actually goes on with people in situations like this. I just explained that it does influence you to stay thin having dealt with it myself and you somehow want to think you know better. =/

 

Being shamed and / or barfing on purpose helped you to stay thin? Well, neither helped me to stay thin. Your reality is not the norm.

 

Why don't you address how you know women with "real" eating disorders who are in the hospital being fed by tubes?

 

Do you not understand that they were definitely manifesting behaviors far before they got to that point?

 

Making yourself puke because you want to be thin is NOT HEALTHY. Sure, plenty of people who do this won't end up in a hospital. They still are exhibiting sickness.

 

Making yourself hurl is not comparable to having a drink, either. Drinking is a part of our social and gastronomic customs. Some folks end up having a problem with it.

 

The technicolor yawn, however, should be reserved for people with food poisoning or the stomach flu.

[Glinda.Good]

[quote=gaius;5822032

You can't do anything to kids nowadays.

 

Oh, cheer up. There are plenty of people abusing kids all over the place "nowadays." No worries there.

[Candy_Pants]

I can agree with that. Throwing up occasionally and binging and purging can have health issues, if it's frequent enough. But would you suggest someone who has a drink once every other month should go to a doctor just to be safe? Because they might devolve into an alcoholic? One thing I don't like about the psychiatric approach to everything is it treats people with such a subtle disrespect. The original poster is not bulimic, bulimia is characterized by frequently binging and purging and I'm pretty sure once every other month doesn't make the cut. But even then some of the smartest people around like Serial Muse are still treating her like someone who needs to rush to the doctor because there might be something seriously wrong with her.

 

Again, it's more normal than most people realize. Please stop theorizing if you've never had any experience with it yourself. You don't understand and you're not helping anything.

 

Once a month is how it can start. Obviously no one knows the outcome. How the hell could we. The reason people are taking this SERIOUSLY is because it IS SERIOUS.

 

My good friend has been hospitalized several times due to her bulimia. She's weakened her heart, immune system, teeth, damaged her throat and stomach. And it doesn't end with only bulimia. She also takes laxatives and has moved onto methamphetamine.

 

So yes. I have personal experience. I don't need to stick my fingers down my throat to know that bulimia is a terrible disease.

[SpiralOut]

She's actually pregnant spiral. It's a joke.

 

I still don't understand your point of view.

 

 

The OP has already posted that her BMI is normal and her friends think her weight is normal. It makes no sense for her mother to criticize her. She doesn't need to lose weight, yet her mother is calling her fat.

 

You say that it's good to criticize overweight people into losing weight. Okay. But how does that apply to this particular situation?

 

What are you views on a perfectly healthy, fit person being called fat?

Edited July 26, 2014 by SpiralOut

[gaius]

I still don't understand your point of view.

 

 

The OP has already posted that her BMI is normal and her friends think her weight is normal. It makes no sense for her mother to criticize her. She doesn't need to lose weight, yet her mother is calling her fat.

 

You say that it's good to criticize overweight people into losing weight. Okay. But how does that apply to this particular situation?

 

What are you views on a perfectly healthy, fit person being called fat?

Just because you're in the normal weight range doesn't mean you wouldn't look better 5-10 pounds thinner. It's different for every person. It's like having a mother that wants you to get into an ivy league college instead of just being happy with community. Some families have higher ambitions than others.

[USMCHokie]

Maybe, those comments aren't so bad after all. I am liking the results. I feel smaller and leaner. When I came home from college I weighed 155 lbs. Now I weigh 145. I'm trying to get down to 135 and a size 2.

 

This jumped out at me...perhaps the delivery wasn't the best, but the intentions may still be noble.

[SpiralOut]

Just because you're in the normal weight range doesn't mean you wouldn't look better 5-10 pounds thinner. It's different for every person. It's like having a mother that wants you to get into an ivy league college instead of just being happy with community. Some families have higher ambitions than others.

 

That depends on what part of the normal weight range you fall. If you're closer to the low end, then losing weight might actually put your health at risk. If OP is unsure of how much weight she can safely lose, she should consult a doctor.

 

It's fine for families to have high ambitions, but it's also okay for individuals within the family to disagree with their family and to have different goals. At some point, we each become our own person.

[USMCHokie]

It's fine for families to have high ambitions, but it's also okay for individuals within the family to disagree with their family and to have different goals. At some point, we each become our own person.

 

I would just hope that the parents raise their kids in a way that keeps them from getting bitch slapped by the real world when they become adults...

[SpiralOut]

I would just hope that the parents raise their kids in a way that keeps them from getting bitch slapped by the real world when they become adults...

 

I agree. I think it's important for parents to instill self-esteem and confidence in their kids. Helping them to lose weight is fine so long as they do it in a healthy and positive way. When a child is criticized too often, and told all the time that they aren't good enough the way they are, it wreaks havoc on their self-esteem, and that's what will kill them in the real world. Parents that bully their own children are putting their kids at risk, since kids that are bullied are more likely to be bullied some more as adults.

Edited July 26, 2014 by SpiralOut

[USMCHokie]

I agree. I think it's important for parents to instill self-esteem and confidence in their kids. Helping them to lose weight is fine so long as they do it in a healthy and positive way. When a child is criticized too often, and told all the time that they aren't good enough the way they are, it wreaks havoc on their self-esteem, and that's what will kill them in the real world. If you don't believe in yourself or feel good about yourself, that will hold you back - no matter how thin you are.

 

Not exactly where I was going with this...too much coddling and artificial esteem building will ruin a child...telling a child that she's "healthy" when there's room for improvement will just screw her when she becomes an adult and wonders why she has issues with dating or loses out to the more attractive women in the real world.

 

The problem might be the delivery. Criticism is certainly not the right answer, but instilling in the kids some value in their appearance will go a long way to helping them succeed in the long run. Relying on unwarranted self-esteem and confidence just creates weak and entitled children...

 

I recently read an article in HuffPost about this very topic...

[SpiralOut]

Not exactly where I was going with this...too much coddling and artificial esteem building will ruin a child...telling a child that she's "healthy" when there's room for improvement will just screw her when she becomes an adult and wonders why she has issues with dating or loses out to the more attractive women in the real world.

 

The problem might be the delivery. Criticism is certainly not the right answer, but instilling in the kids some value in their appearance will go a long way to helping them succeed in the long run. Relying on unwarranted self-esteem and confidence just creates weak and entitled children...

 

I recently read an article in HuffPost about this very topic...

 

I'm not suggesting coddling or artificial esteem building.

[Allumere]

Cause I can tell just based on what some people are posting they haven't had any experience. They're just going with whatever popular perception on things they've heard. And you know what the funniest thing is? The average party girl is probably binging and purging way more than this girl is. All that jager really makes you want to puke.

 

You have experience when it comes to this stuff Tiger, I'm not talking about you. That's the reason why you're engaging with me on a serious level instead of just being outraged, you can see something truthful in some of what I'm saying.

 

I agree with you and would love if society would treat overweight people differently but they don't. And if the condom ever broke I'd rather my kid have a happy and comfortable life being thin than a hard and stressful one fighting an uphill battle trying to change society. And it would be selfish of me to not try and make that happen because it would cause them stress or potentially make them like me less. Stress is something they're going to have to get used to in life.

 

As a freshman in high school I watched a close friend in the 7th grade go from healthy to wrecked and hospitalized as the result of an eating disorder. In college I had not one buy three room mates with eating disorders...THREE. Amy we had to call 911 on after after she passed out. She was a binge and purge girl. From the outside you wouldn't know it. She was a beautiful blond with a perfect body...and was completely screwed in the head. Why, because she was raised to be perfect. So after the gobbling of boxes of laxatives during a purge session she was hospitalized and forced to withdraw from school. Margaret was just like Amy. Beautiful, smart, and was expected to be perfect and was never enough. Laura was tall, smart, edgy and anorexic...actually both. She either did coke to not eat or she binged and purge. For someone who took a lot of showers, she always came out dry. And the marks on her fingers were pretty evident. We did an intervention and she went to a facility and was there for six months. Why? Because she was never enough and that was re-enforced by her family ad her boyfriend. Oh and let me add I have been involved in an industry that weight can make or break someone and therefore people take extreme measures. I just want to throw this out there that some of us do have much more of a clue than you are giving credit for.