Bruce Leigh Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 One thing I will say though is maybe change the date to non-movie. It's hard to build a connection when you're both sat in silence for 2 hours. Go for a little bite to eat before the movie. Nothing major. I agree, the movie on its own isn't the best environment for connecting with someone. Contribute the lack of texting to someone who prefers to chat to people face to face rather than through smart phones. So much can get lost in translation through texting and that's something that should be avoided at the beginning of dating anyone. Much rather a 5 min phone call. Link to post Share on other sites
katinlc Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 I'm a super overanalyzer on everything and even I think this isn't that big of a deal. If they set up another date with me, I'm good. Sure I'd like to talk to them in between, but to me a set date means they like me. I've had so many text buddies that never ask for a second date, I put a lot more weight on the second date confirmation over the texting. One thing I will say though is maybe change the date to non-movie. It's hard to build a connection when you're both sat in silence for 2 hours. I like a movie for a second date because you've already spent the first one talking and deciding you like each other enough for a second date. The movie takes the pressure off and lets you get comfortable just being in each other's presence. However, I like to do coffee afterwards. The last 3 guys that I went on more than 1 date with, the second date was a movie. The first guy we just did a movie and both ended up commenting that we didn't like not getting to talk to each other. The other two with coffee afterwards worked well to balance that and add some conversation time. Plus you can always discuss the movie if you need a topic to get the ball rolling. The one thing I don't like about dinner/movie is that kind of ends up being expensive and usually a guy insists on paying for everything still at that time. I try to pick up the coffee, but they usually don't let me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 He asked me what I would like to do and I offered 3-4 things like eat out on a terrace, go to a festival we have in town now, and the last one was go to a movie and he said he'd like to go to the movies. I am sure we will go for a coffee and cake afterwards. Thank you for de-dramatizing the situation. It still sucks to not hear from him though but I'll survive. Link to post Share on other sites
JungleLover Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 He asked me what I would like to do and I offered 3-4 things like eat out on a terrace, go to a festival we have in town now, and the last one was go to a movie and he said he'd like to go to the movies. I am sure we will go for a coffee and cake afterwards. Thank you for de-dramatizing the situation. It still sucks to not hear from him though but I'll survive. I think you have some legitimate concerns but I would not think about them too much. I used to make very little contact between dates in the early stages just to not ruin the excitement/anticipation of the date and leaving a lot of potential conversation for the date. I have since changed the way I handle in between dates communication but this is just an example how little contact in between is not necessarily a bad thing. The Saturday date is a positive thing as you have mentioned. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 If he's a pilot perhaps he is in another country and his phone doesn't work there. My phone won't work outside of the US. Maybe he's not even in town to have a midweek date. I prefer weekend dates and don't need to hear everyday before then even if I've been dating someone a while. I am independent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 If he's a pilot perhaps he is in another country and his phone doesn't work there. My phone won't work outside of the US. Maybe he's not even in town to have a midweek date. I prefer weekend dates and don't need to hear everyday before then even if I've been dating someone a while. I am independent. These days he flies North America. He also does a lot of chartered flight which means when he gets up in the morning he doesn't know where he'll be sleeping at night. That being said, it has not prevented him to go online so far. And like I said pre-meeting he'd contacted me from anywhere he was. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 These days he flies North America. He also does a lot of chartered flight which means when he gets up in the morning he doesn't know where he'll be sleeping at night. That being said, it has not prevented him to go online so far. And like I said pre-meeting he'd contacted me from anywhere he was. You've done so much thinking about this lack of contact that you may as well cancel date #2 now! Your hostility over it is bound to show. Maybe reread Diezel's post. Daily. It's not uncommon for contact to drop off once you've met. The big mystery is now out of the bag. There's no more building up the mythical creature that is the perfect mate. Either he wants another date or he doesn't, and so far, it looks like he does. If he doesn't, he'll flake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 23, 2014 Author Share Posted July 23, 2014 You've done so much thinking about this lack of contact that you may as well cancel date #2 now! Noway Your hostility over it is bound to show. No, don't worry, I am a pro at this now. Maybe reread Diezel's post. Daily. I will do that ! This damn silence works at boosting the anticipation though !! When I met him there was this one thing I was not crazy about, now I don't care, I just want that second date to arrive. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 This damn silence works at boosting the anticipation though !! When I met him there was this one thing I was not crazy about, now I don't care, I just want that second date to arrive. Now you're talking. Anticipation in a GOOD way! My husband and I talked for a month before even meeting. After the first date, I spent a week reflecting on how great the date was, and how I could see myself with him. It was feeling of total peace and calm. It was so different from what I was used to, that it was eerie! But, here we are, barely two years after that first date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 (edited) So.... At what point should I expect a date confirmation? We're Thursday, no words at all from him since Sunday. And Sunday I am the one who contacted him. Edited July 24, 2014 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 You shouldn't expect one. Make other plans. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Sorry, I may well be going against everyone else here.... He was able to contact you often before the meet. You met, all went well. You have some way to be aware he has been online since and often. However is no longer in touch with you several times a day as he was before. My guess is that he has met a few ladies and has set up first meets and is getting to know the others..hence not spending time texting/calling you. If you are OK with this and doing the same..no problem. You do however have an instinct about this guy or you would not have posted. What do 'you' actually think Geata? You have met him, you know his profile and you know how he was before, during and since your meet up. Looking at your stats on t'other thread...you have great stats (1000 views per week...amazing! I didn't even get that in my thirties!)..so if your own instinct says 'no' you should trust it! PS. Movies is a bad date. You can't talk. I wouldn't do movies for a first date/second meet personally. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Now you're talking. Anticipation in a GOOD way! My husband and I talked for a month before even meeting. After the first date, I spent a week reflecting on how great the date was, and how I could see myself with him. It was feeling of total peace and calm. It was so different from what I was used to, that it was eerie! I learned that lesson. Now if I feel anxious or nervous about a man, I know it's a bad sign. When it's someone good for me, I feel comfortable nearly right away. I don't need drama. That isn't romantic in my book. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 What do 'you' actually think Geata? You have met him, you know his profile and you know how he was before, during and since your meet up. I find the situation hard to judge. it's difficult to find him excuses after I've seen him reaching to me from his plane or hotel room. Although that previous week may not be representative of every week. He also goes in Inuit territories, no roads go there, so I don't know what technology they have. If I don't hear from him by tomorrow then I should consider the date being off. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Even I have to admit that even if a concrete time and date was set for Date #2, the fact that there is ZERO communication for 7 days in between is a little suspect. I would have at least texted SOMETHING by now. Just approach this situation calmly and proceed with caution. I have the odd feeling he might pop up right before Date #2 and act like everything is okay. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 So.... At what point should I expect a date confirmation? We're Thursday, no words at all from him since Sunday. And Sunday I am the one who contacted him. I think your concern is reasonable. Why leave someone hanging and not say ANYTHING to them AT ALL for a week? That is poor manners, and as you're experiencing leads to lots of uncertainty about the person's interest. It IS bizarre. After our first date my bf and I planned the 2nd date a little over a week later because 2 days after our date I was going out of state for a week. However, during that time he and I both phoned and messages each other and brought up our excitement for the second date. So for me...ZERO communication is a red flag. I'd wait for confirmation but would admittedly be turned off. If he does confirm and you do go out, I'd casually bring it up on the date. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 double post! Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 It's a date. It's not a trip to the altar. It is also of course, one of two things. Either he is still interested, or he isn't. If he is, then there must be a reason for the silence. Perhaps he feels that a concrete time and date set for the 2nd date is sufficient....until you actually meet and talk in person. Perhaps that is his comfort zone. You don't know him well enough yet to know the intricacies of those details. Digital toys often suck us into instant gratifications..... (I'm showing my age here. I first started dating when phone calls would be made, and the sound of ten rings and a hangup.) Nobody home. Toughened up the old waitin' muscles. Until you know for sure, jumping to conclusions before you know the facts is probably not a good idea. His silence now could be his way of saying that he prefers live in person...since you have actually met, and it went well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I find the situation hard to judge. it's difficult to find him excuses after I've seen him reaching to me from his plane or hotel room. Although that previous week may not be representative of every week. He also goes in Inuit territories, no roads go there, so I don't know what technology they have. If I don't hear from him by tomorrow then I should consider the date being off. I'm going to purposely ignore some posts that have come up since your last post Gaeta as I have views on the negative and the positive. Re-read your posts and in transfer them...I wrote them all, not you. I am not just GemmaUK...I'm your sister and we get on like a house on fire..love and trust each other. No need to post a reply but 'think' about it. What would you advise me? You have to also bear in mind that all of the things your sister (me) wants are actually all of the exact things you want so all that you know already about me and my own views (anything I have ever posted)...they no longer exist. What should I do 'Sis'? x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 I believe in the unknown don't rush into any judgment or decision, let the situation unfold on its own without trying to control it or influence it. Tomorrow will come fast enough and I'll be set. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Then why the worry? You know how you feel. If it feels good..go with how it feels! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 I don't worry anymore because I know at 99% he is a no show. It's 18h45 here, no date confirmation, he was active today on the dating site. That's alright, he's just another one on top of a dozen who've done that already. By the way, if ever you feel like giving zoosk a try watch your credit card, they charged me an extra 25 dollars as activation fee on top of subscription. You bet I had them reverse that! Link to post Share on other sites
Glinda.Good Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Next time you meet someone you like, and you make tentative plans for a future date - DO NOT OBSESS ABOUT IT. Just go on with your happy life. If you have that second date, awesome! You really don't know if you can count on strangers you've just met, though, and thinking about it should not be dominating much of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 Yes Glinda. But, you have to admit I am having a string of bad luck here. It's like the 4th guy in a row being a no show for second date. Link to post Share on other sites
Glinda.Good Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 Yes Glinda. But, you have to admit I am having a string of bad luck here. It's like the 4th guy in a row being a no show for second date. Well … maybe the universe is trying to teach you something. Don't mean to be harsh, but you have not cut back on the obsessing even after #4. You need to do that, or else you might end up a crazy lady. Just kidding about that last part. But you know what I mean. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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