Missing her this weekend [update - the 'new' Facebook]

[emotionalMess]

After dumping me and then trying to play the friend card she once said.

 

"I am with you because I don't want you to be with someone who is not nice."

In other words, I'm going to remain in your business to see if your next girl is better than me.

Are you F8king kidding me?

 

Here is what I wanted to say:

First, when I am ready, there wont be just one. There will be many before I go exclusive if ever. Of those many, all will be so far out of your league that I advise you to keep away for your own self-preservation.

[irresolute]

You need to let go. Stop thinking there's hope and move forward with yourvlife. You breaking no contact will only bring you suffering and you know it.

[Mary Oak]

Ignoring me = Cowardice

 

 

I don't think ignoring you is being a coward. What is there for her to say in this situation? I know you wanted to get something off your chest...and you did. So, it was for you, and you accomplished what you wanted to. What is there for her to say? "Thank you for telling me." That is not necessary.

 

You did what you wanted, what you felt was best. She is merely doing the same thing...

[Zahara]

I think you did it because deep down inside you want her to know that you were available to her then and that you're still available to her now. You did it so that it still leaves a little door open to her, just incase there's an opportunity for her to step back in.

 

You think she was an idiot not to understand why you went NC. She knew she dissapointed you when she didn't contact you. You didn't have to explain it. What's worse is that you sat around waiting for a woman that was cheating on her boyfriend. In that sense, what loyalty or honesty did she even have for you at that point, and you sat waiting for her. And here you are contacting trying to be the nice guy, trying to explain your actions to appease her mind.

 

Ignoring you isn't cowardice. When someone has emotionally checked out, most times they don't respond because they don't want to revisit. She knows you are emotional and probably doesn't want to keep regurgitating the past with you. If she is in a relationship, even more reason that her mind has no space for this. Or she has nothing to say to you that would make a difference. Sometimes silence is a loud and clear response.

[BC1980]

Now that I have said everything I ever want to say to her, NC is going to be much easier.

 

I have nothing left to say -EVER, I am actually happy right now.

Can anyone understand where I am coming from?

 

I have a burst of energy in the space that was formerly suppressed with pent up emotion.

 

I feel FREE!

 

Sorry to all those who advocate NC. I do believe it in and have been in NC for 6 months but I have broken it a couple of times and I am back in NC.

 

Ignoring me = Cowardice

 

To all you ladies out there. If you are ever in this situation, don't be a coward. Tell your ex that you are done and do not see a future. I would highly respect any woman who says this up front instead of hiding behind a wall of cowardly silence.

 

Yes, I understand. It's the high of contacting her that will crash soon enough. You did yourself no favors by contacting her, and you're going to want to cave again in another few months. Don't get sucked into the whole idea of needing to say one more thing.

[BC1980]

 

Ignoring me = Cowardice

 

To all you ladies out there. If you are ever in this situation, don't be a coward. Tell your ex that you are done and do not see a future. I would highly respect any woman who says this up front instead of hiding behind a wall of cowardly silence.

 

Did you still have a question about it not being over? She didn't talk to you for four months.

[emotionalMess]

I think you did it because deep down inside you want her to know that you were available to her then and that you're still available to her now. You did it so that it still leaves a little door open to her, just incase there's an opportunity for her to step back in.

 

You think she was an idiot not to understand why you went NC. She knew she dissapointed you when she didn't contact you. You didn't have to explain it. What's worse is that you sat around waiting for a woman that was cheating on her boyfriend. In that sense, what loyalty or honesty did she even have for you at that point, and you sat waiting for her. And here you are contacting trying to be the nice guy, trying to explain your actions to appease her mind.

 

Ignoring you isn't cowardice. When someone has emotionally checked out, most times they don't respond because they don't want to revisit. She knows you are emotional and probably doesn't want to keep regurgitating the past with you. If she is in a relationship, even more reason that her mind has no space for this. Or she has nothing to say to you that would make a difference. Sometimes silence is a loud and clear response.

 

I highly respect your opinions and analysis as I find them to be very in depth, well thought out, and always spot on

given the limited information provided and I learn a lot from you. You have a rare gift to see through the layers and

get to the root issues.

 

In my case, there are many complex layers of which I cannot get into.

Me falling in love with a FWB was unplanned and a big mistake. Not only for me, but a mistake for her to ever go there. I am basically a mistake that she wants to erase as soon as possible

and I know this.

 

In her culture, she faces eviction from her house and family if they ever found out about me.

She is destined to be a "domestic slave" to someone who she will never love.

She does not believe in "love marriages". She is brain washed by the culture which tells her that Americans have a high divorce rate and her culture has very little so it must be better.

She will marry a complete stranger to appease her parents.

She will desperately seek someone who she does not really even know or trust who she may like before her parents find someone for her.

 

Honestly, at this point I just wanted to be in her ear and let her know that this is F**king America. Women have choices here. One of the last things I texted her when we were communicating was "Dont be somebody's fu**king housewife". "Go make something of yourself, I believe in you".

 

That was from my heart.

 

I have no right to judge but when someone I love is about embarking on a lifetime of misery, I feel like I have to say something.

 

At any rate, that is where I am today. I don't care as much anymore about the romance. I wanted to play savior. I know its not my place but it is what it is.

 

I went FNC yesterday (Final No Contact).

Edited July 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Insert relevant quote

[emotionalMess]

Still don't fee bad yet.

[emotionalMess]

Did you still have a question about it not being over? She didn't talk to you for four months.

 

No. I had no questions.

 

When we met, I was in a very bad and long relationship and it had to end or I would be insane by now. That relationship is over now.

That was one of the major issues, me not being fully available to her.

It was also the primary reason that it was only an emotional affair and not physical. I had my opportunities but I chose not to cross into the physical line until my relationship ended. Yes, I was an emotional cheater.

 

She doesn't even know that my relationship is over but I am not going to offer that information to her.

 

Like I said, my story has layers.

 

The judgmental people here will not respect me. But this is the only outlet I have, I got nobody to talk to about this.

I hired a Therapist and she was horrible - cant go into details why. But I can say, many people on LS would put her to shame in

terms of direction, advice and know-how.

[BC1980]

No. I had no questions.

 

When we met, I was in a very bad and long relationship and it had to end or I would be insane by now. That relationship is over now.

That was one of the major issues, me not being fully available to her.

It was also the primary reason that it was only an emotional affair and not physical. I had my opportunities but I chose not to cross into the physical line until my relationship ended. Yes, I was an emotional cheater.

 

She doesn't even know that my relationship is over but I am not going to offer that information to her.

 

Like I said, my story has layers.

 

The judgmental people here will not respect me. But this is the only outlet I have, I got nobody to talk to about this.

I hired a Therapist and she was horrible - cant go into details why. But I can say, many people on LS would put her to shame in

terms of direction and advice.

 

I'm not judging you. Sorry if it came off that way. I've broken NC before, so I'm telling you what happened to me. It usually feels worse later. There are layers to everyone's stories.

[emotionalMess]

She cried a lot. I'm sure she was depressed.

She has no health insurance and would not recognize that she is depressed.

 

 

I don't care about me, I have the means to take care of myself.

She does not.

 

This makes me sad.

[emotionalMess]

The only contact I had with her was I held her hand once and sang to her.

 

 

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart

Without saying a word you can light up the dark

Try as I may I could never explain

What I hear when you don't say a thing

 

The smile on your face

Lets me know that you need me

There's a truth in your eyes

Saying you'll never leave me

The touch of your hand

Says you'll catch me if ever I fall

You say it best

When you say nothing at all

[emotionalMess]

Me vs. 1000's of years of culture

 

Guess who wins that battle?

[emotionalMess]

Romantics might say go fight for her. Fight your @ss off.

If I knew she loved me I would but she never admitted as she would not dare to do so.

 

Realists would say, let her go like you have been trying.

 

Sometimes I cry. Not for me, for her.

[emotionalMess]

God I hope she finds real happiness someday.

 

This one got to me:

 

When all our tears have reached the sea

Part of you will live in me

Way down deep inside my heart

The days keep coming without fail

A new wind is gonna find your sail

That's where your journey starts

 

You'll find better love

Strong as it ever was

Deep as the river runs

Warm as the morning sun

Please remember me

[emotionalMess]

To be honest, I was doing much better until I read some of the comments on this thread which were sort of driving me to feel a certain way for my actions.

 

I wrote what I had to say. That day we were to meet was an important milestone and the day after when I blew up was the beginning of the end of me trying to fight for her.

Where I decided not to be with someone who breaks promises and treats me like I am worthless as she did.

 

It's just not easy to fall out of love. I know everyone can understand this.

 

Yes, this is (partially) what NC is for I know, to fall out of love. To eventually forget. NC is sad that way.

[emotionalMess]

Live it to the fullest.

 

Still loving life after breaking contact.

 

Yes, had some bouts of regression but they did not outweigh the benefit for me yet.

 

I wish her love and happiness.

 

Yes, I am not the typical Dumpee however some would say I got what was coming to me - so whatever.

 

I have less and less room in my heart for hate and anger these days.

Why waste energy on negative feelings when you can be giving love?

 

Love is where it's at.

[emotionalMess]

I am a bit sad but I do not regret sending the text.

 

Scenario #1

First because I am fairly certain that she has me blocked which means she would not have read it.

In this scenario, my options are, call her or text from another phone or go to her work and leave a note, or send a message from a new Facebook account - none of which I will ever do.

 

If she cared at all, I would not be blocked - this helps me with closure.

 

Scenario #2

She read my text and chose to ignore it.

I don't ever want to be with anyone who behaves this way. I was always the "nice guy", it only got heated a few times when I was trying to preserve some self-respect and I had to force myself to be mad. Aside from that, I was always respectful and treated her very very well. I may have delayed some of my responses to her in the past but I never ever ignored any of them. She was in denial early after she broke it off, one day she would say she didn't see me as her boyfriend, the next day she would say that I broke her heart worse than anyone ever has. So she is the type who pretends nothing ever happened. It was very immature and confusing to me. When she ignore's that's all I think about. She just convinces herself that I never happened and chooses to preserve herself rather than having the decency to respond. At one point, for months - I was truly her only one good friend. We would chat every night - sometimes until 4am because we enjoyed each other that much. I was her biggest support and biggest fan and pumped her confidence up. Later, she added new friends to Facebook. She soon had a pretty good network going. I didn't care, she gave me her password out of trust. At one point I could tell she was sending messages others at the same time as me and I became less and less important to her. Once she had enough support from others, and had a boyfriend replacement (8000 miles away) she blocked me from Facebook.

 

So, when she ignores me, this is what comes to mind. I am unimportant, I am the lowest priority and why start up again with me when she already has all the support she needs now from so many friends - she had like 50 friends when I checked a few months ago.

 

This is why I referred to her actions as cowardice and entirely selfish.

She was really the last person on this earth that I would have expected this type of behavior from. I was a rebound too. When we met, she was hurting real bad over someone that did not want her. I supported her through that before any romance took place between us. We promised to always be there for each-other no matter what. Turns out to be complete BS from her side. She knew I was completely alone and sad and needed a friend to just say, hey all is going to be all right.

 

Therefore if she read and ignored, its much much easier to move on - this helps me with closure. It helps me realize that I must now be selfish now and forever when it comes to her.

 

Conclusion

NC has done a lot for me so far. It has showed me just how little she cared.

This helps me with closure.

 

In 5 months, I have only broken it a couple of times so I think I am doing pretty good.

 

May 2014

- saw her on the street, I walked over to say hi

- txtd her and called a few days later - ignored or blocked

- 3 messages from Facebook few days later - ignored then blocked

 

Yesterday

- txtd her - ignored or blocked

 

Since the break, I have made some positive changes:

 

* Realized how F88cked up my life was.

 

* I am in the best shape of my life physically. The result - I am bragging but so what: women cannot help themselves from starring at me and I am talking anywhere from 18-60 year olds of any race so I know I am damn hot! I notice most when driving in my tank top but it happens literally everywhere. Needless to say, this boosts my confidence. It does not annoy me at all.

It is just really strange that's all. They look and I'm like, ok so now what - its a little awkward that's all. This is how it was for me years ago before I let myself go a little.

I pretty much was attractive to most women and they would come to me, not the other way around.

 

* I ended my long term relationship that has been killing my soul and spirit for a very long time. I no longer will have to walk on pins and needles waiting for the put-downs and dark cloud of negativity to come down on me when coming home after a long day of work.

 

* I have started a search to locate my purpose in life . I am onto something, we will see.

 

* I am actively seeking therapy, currently between therapists.

 

* I am so much more self-aware than before.. I practice self-compassion now, something I did not know existed.

 

* I got a lot more to work on but the good thing is, am excited about life again - whoo whoo!!

 

thanks for whoever read..

Edited July 24, 2014 by emotionalMess

[emotionalMess]

So I have been in No Contact for 5 months but I had a couple of slip-ups including the other day and texted her one last time.

She has a Samsung Android phone and I'm pretty sure I am blocked and not sure if she ever recieved the message.

 

At any rate, months back I tried to reconnect with her as she was single the last time we chatted.

She ignored 3 messages I sent on Facebook then blocked me. It pretty much was the dagger

through my heart and definatley the end of any hope. So after that, everytime I used Facebook I refused to check to see

if I was unblocked because if I checked and I was blocked, it would take me backwards again and agian. Also, being on

someone's blocked list made me feel like a stalker. It was a burden to use facebook.

 

So I completely deleted my account and have not re-established one since then (almost 3 months now).

 

At any rate, I am at the point where I want to reconnect with former facebook friends (not her) and create an all new account.

I don't want to be her slave anymore so to speak. She should not have any bearing on my decision but unfortunately, there is always that weak

moment where you are tested. With that said, I was able to refrain from checking her account until I sent re-connection attempts.

 

 

I think I'm ready for this. It will be a big step forward for me. Of course I could block her but I wont because she wont message me

anyway and that is for certain.

 

Anyone ever do the same? Do you agree that I should just move on with my life and not worry about her in this decision? I miss my other FB friends and it would be nice to re-connect with them.

[Tbisb74]

You are so not ready for this, or you wouldn't think twice about it or ask. I wouldn't bother. You've done without it this long, I'm sure you'll be fine until you heal completely. When will that be? Who knows? As long as it takes. until then, don't FB, at all, any time, ever.

[hoping2heal]

You aren't ready.

 

The fact that you won't block her seals the deal.

 

You won't do it because you don't want to risk missing a message from her if she were to contact you, not because its arbitrary.

[loversquarrel]

The temptation will be to great for you to want to check up on her. Do you really need FB to re-connect with friends? FB sucks anyway.

[emotionalMess]

Thanks guys for the advice, I really do appreciate it.

 

I have always been one to face my fears. It builds character.

 

I'm not going to let someone who doesn't care about me control my actions any longer.

 

 

I have the will power. I did it before. The reason I deleted my account was not because I would spy on her profile. I stopped that as I know I was doomed if I chose to do that. I deleted because she blocked me after trying to reconnect. Well I wont be trying to re-connect anymore and I sure as hell will not be checking her profile as doing so would be like sticking myself in the eye with an ice pick.

 

Ok guys?

[David87]

I have a better idea, start a new FB page ot use the old one, it doesn't matter, but block your ex right away.

[Michael 93]

Start a new facebook page as a way to journal all of the cool, positive things you have been doing. Set up the profile so that only pictures are readily available to see.

 

Take selfies on/in front of

 

1.) Eiffel tower

2.) Louvre

3.) Grand Canal

4.) Colosseum

5.) Empire State

 

Post all these pictures on your new facebook and document things as you would normally.

One day when you are healed you will more than likely see a request from her.

 

You show her that life does not stand still. You show her just what you have become.

 

Just for starters. You go out there and you improve your living. You show that you want to move on. You will become mysterious and show strength. Two traits women LOVE.

 

All the best