Gay co-worker is flirty ?

[Kamila]

Would a gay guy be sexually teasing you ?

From some previous posters, it would seem so...

 

Our project got renamed to a male name. Jokingly during a meeting he said that I was sleeping with that guy to finish work.

 

o_O

 

Would a gay guy say that ? And even then, it's disrespectful no ? Or just fun banter ?

Anyway, he saw I wasn't amused and he was silent the whole time later.

He turned off the lights of the meeting room, got closer to me and said he would help me with the work, held my pen which was almost falling on the ground and he behaved gentlemanly holding the door open for me.

 

He wanted to go out for lunch with me but I declined, I already had a lunchdiner with a friend...

Què ??

[Kamila]

This weekend he twisted his ankle, lightly, while playing basketball. (his boss told me)

Later he sends me an email saying he'll be back on Wednesday and asking me if I had some work for him regarding the project.

Even though he's hurt, he still wanted to work from home. Okay.

 

And there he was today, almost jumping. Uhu.

He even texted me before that he was going to the hairdressers' at 9.

That soon to the hairdresser ?

 

Why must I know that ?

 

I must say, he looked sharp. We had another meeting and he was still stealing some glances. He's funny.

Anyway, I was going to leave the office, when he cornered me about some email he sent me.

I was like 'huh?', ... '...show me on your computer'

 

I sat next to him while he showed me the email. I said to him I responded to it some time ago. He couldn't find it, but eventually we found it. He was so distracted, I almost took over his keyboard.

 

Then he switched the subject about me taking a week holiday. Where I was going, wishing the weather would be good, joking about already leaving today, contacting me while I was away, other holidays planned for the rest of the year, next year...

Huh ? He kept on rambling and rambling, asking me stuff, I couldn't keep up his pace.

I just wanted to work. It's weird cos when we're in group he's so quiet and then when we're alone, it's like another person.

 

Anyway, he left out the most important part of the conversation eh, I so know where he's going...

[Kamila]

I get the feeling that he's not gay...

I think I was wrong...

 

How do I know that ?

It's the way he's attentive to me, not borderline, holding the door open, being polite. Sometimes it's the way he looks at me when I'm not looking, smiling too much at me.

 

Then he asks me some small things like 'how my holidays were', 'where i did go to holidays...', 'am i adjusting getting back to work', just stuff nobody at work really asks in details. And he really listens.

 

Anyway, we started talking about holidays and places to visit and he said he went to a certain place last weekend with a female friend. I asked him if he had any plans with someone in the near, middle term future, he said no. He asked me if I knew this city or whatever. Then he was quite agitated and left the room.

 

Today, his coworker teased him that i was bugging him with questions (i'm just doing my job...). But he said that I wasn't teasing him even if the meeting lasted a whole day. Then he started to do this thing with his chair while looking at me. I tried asking him some more stuff about work, but I almost lost my words. He was then being goofy weird. Err...

 

 

I think it's the fact that we work together that's bugging him. And me.

 

So I tried a tactic, less responding to his mails and detaching myself from him, but that is so hard

We practically see each other every day due to work.

[tatersalad]

I know three guys who I work with that act feminine and I thought was gay and they definitely aren't gay. I know four gay men whom no one would ever think is gay in a million years. Sometimes you really should not judge a book by its cover.

 

I have a buddy who is a trucker driver and loves sports... he is gay.

 

Hit the nail on the head. Never judge a book by its cover.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Serious question: this has been going on since July, but has anything actually happened? It doesn't sound like he's become progressively more flirtatious. Is it possible that he's just a flirty guy in general?

[Kamila]

Serious question: this has been going on since July, but has anything actually happened? It doesn't sound like he's become progressively more flirtatious. Is it possible that he's just a flirty guy in general?

 

Not that flirty in general. He's more of a reserved, shy guy, opening up only to people he knows 'well'. In the beginning he was a really closed up guy until a couple of months ago he tried being more open and even initiating in conversations, texting, mailing, the whole lot. On the other side, well nothing has really happened from my part. That's for sure. I always try to remain professional and he's adjusting to my pace. It's just a sentiment I have that's he's trying to get some signal from my part.

 

I admit that I'm like a brick wall at work. But how could you be the opposite and jeopardize the workplace ? Not to mention if he goes overboard with his flirting and I take it the wrong way things could escalate the wrong way... So he's also guarding himself I think.

 

Sidenote:

I've been in this situation before with a coworker a few years ago. He tried his flirting on me and I couldn't hold back because I really fell for him and I didn't know how to resist him. I had to work with him on a daily basis which made the situation more difficult to handle. So we had some romantic moments but nothing serious. He wanted to go all the way, but I couldn't due to us working together and things progressing at light speed.

He got rejected by me and I was also at fault here. I left my project after a few days and we couldn't rekindle because things were awkward between us. The friendship was well dead to speak off. Well, no, no friendship even...

 

Anyway, I got a fair share of burn here and I lost someone I could have maybe something more long term with. But due to my 'impatience' things didn't progress like they should have... My coworker told me we went too far, too quick and not to mention the workplace which mixed everything pretty badly. Not a good solid basis for a relationship. Hmm...

 

So, I would like to be patient and see this unfolding like it should be. I hope my 'gay' coworker can see or sense this. And even if I should make a move or he should, how would we proceed at work ? Wouldn't it be awkard ? How do you go from there ? It's so risky ...

 

Probable scenario: tomorrow after the meeting, I talk to him more and ask him out for coffee (signal for: i want to get intimate or release whatever tension is between us...). He says yes (I think) and I admit I have feelings, but we work together. And he says, he doesn't want to settle or have a serious relationship or he's playing the field with his 10 or more female friends...

 

So conclusion: I do nothing

[Banjo Han]

Serious question: this has been going on since July, but has anything actually happened? It doesn't sound like he's become progressively more flirtatious. Is it possible that he's just a flirty guy in general?

 

This is what I'm thinking

[Kamila]

Maybe you're both right.

The flirting hasn't stopped, he's even abbreviated my surname, is louder than usual during meetings, he's being cocky, he's being weird at times. And then he goes all quiet ...

 

Last time he gave me fruit and told me he's a vegetarian. He's also taking food supplements to compensate for the lack of vitamins ... His coworkers are also super nice to me, smiling, showing me pictures they take during work, cracking jokes, meh ... I see my gay coworker just looking at it weirdly ...

 

So as a responce, I've distanced myself from him a bit. Normally after a meeting, I come sit next to his desk to go over the meeting conclusions. Now, I just close myself in a separate office desk with the excuse that it's quieter in there. After some time he came up with the excuse that it would be better to come sit next to him, cos being alone here is well lonely...

 

I told him I would join him, but I didn't, he's becoming 'too much'.

Last time he waited for me to pack my things and head home, but I told him I had some more work to do.

 

He didn't leave it at that, he sat next to me and tied his shoelaces whatever. He gave a speech about something I said a few days ago about my boss maybe asking me to work a weekend to get the job done. He showed concern by telling me work is just work and I shouldn't work all those hours. I told him it's just this one time, cos we have a tight schedule, after a month, the pace will slow down...

 

Anyway, I turned him down 2 times, and I feel guilty about it. I know he wants to be a good coworker and show concern, but I'm having feelings and it's not good for me.

 

This week I'm sick 'cos of low blood pressure and a sore throat. My doctor said I should stay inside and recuperate cos I didn't take a lot of holidays this year.

 

I contacted my boss that I would not be in. To my surprise my 'gay' coworker send me an out of blue text message telling me: 'Get well and I can't wait for you to come back to us !

[Kamila]

Hi everyone...

Little update about my gay coworker. Nothing in sight from him.

The only thing are friendly emails, friendly encounters bordering the flirty, friendly phone calls at work. Ah yes, he also send me a friendly mail to welcome me back after my sickness leave.

 

I'm almost giving up here and just resuming work.

 

This week, I called him to cancel a meeting because almost everyone had other important stuff to do. So I called him to ask him the status of his busy schedule. He said he was quite busy, so I told him, okay, I won't bother you then, but then he moaned something 'noo, it's not that, don't cancel ...' I registered disappointment in his tone of voice. Oh well. I went to visit some of his colleagues for my urgent matters and he was quite shocked to see me there. So i went to his desk to ask him how his work was advancing. He said all was well and he asked me where i was sitting, etc, while fidgeting in his chair ...

 

The day after, i had to almost cancel the meeting but he attended it. He was quite tired and he kept dodging the content of the meeting. He made jokes, he almost had tears in his eyes. He kept gazing outside, asking me if I lived there, the pavements outside. I thought 'what is he doing ? i just want to work and he's chitchatting...' So, meeting ended, he kept it polite with this intense gaze in his eyes again...

 

Friday, he sends me a text he's coming to the meeting, i tell it to his boss who was already in the meeting room, she says to me 'Why is he sending you this text ? He never texts me that he coming to a meeting ?' I tell her 'He always texts me when he comes to the meeting'. My boss then jokes that i have replaced her as his boss. Meh, I just ignored the rest of the conversation.

 

In the meeting, he sits right next to me, he makes a lot of eye contact, I barely look at him, he's inches away from me! I break my pencil and he asks me if i'm stressed whatever. I start to get irritated. Then he looks down to what i'm writing on my notepad and i'm asking why he's looking at it ? And he nods that it's nice what I'm writing. I explain him some stuff on it. Our bosses interrupt us because it was disturbing the meeting.

 

Anyway, again during the meeting he's asking me if i understand some of the topics. I tell him 'not really... but I'll try to find some more information about it'. Then I stopped all contact and concentrated on the speaker because he was really disturbing me and the meeting was really important for my work. He kept looking at me to find some way to communicate with me, but I didn't acknowledge it. I couldn't ! It's not professional ...

 

The meeting ended and I saw he was really stretching the time to get out of it. His boss just waited for him to get out and he kept looking at me. It was almost ridiculous. I almost wanted to tell his boss, 'Just leave us alone ! The man just wants to tell me something, I just don't know what ! '

[Kamila]

Meh, today was a really busy week. Me and my coworker were back-ups for the ones (mostly bosses) going on holiday.

My coworker wasn't in on Monday, but he texted me saying he'll be working from home and that I can call him anytime if I needed anything.

 

The day after, we had a one-on-one meeting, but he wasn't really focused due to the busy schedule and deadlines coming up.

He said he was really tired and so was I. But we find some energy to get some work done.

 

Anyway, the last three days, I went sitting near his desk to speed up things and assist him. I thought I was intruding, but he really was glad I was there.

He even asked me if was going to come to his desk the day after. I thought, oh well, I'll come then.

 

It's awkward for me, because I never had that strong of a click with a male around my age. I think he's younger, but I'm not sure, he's a very strongminded person. So I could be wrong. I'm just weirded out that we never had a more deep conversation about each other's private lives.

 

We've known each other since .. April ? And never has he asked me about my personal life, nor has I to him ? Isn't that weird ?

Is it shyness, or the fact we work together ? (I had a guy at work that also was like that and afterwards he confessed he didn't like mixing work and personal, even though he really liked me. I had no clue, he never asked me questions) I wonder ...

I know he has a big social circle with friends, and (girl)friends.

And anytime at work someone tries to reveal about his personal life, he shuts down. And he even tries to dim his swearing when I'm around.

Someone even warned me while laughing: 'You don't know how he really is ...'

[Kamila]

Monday morning, a file disappeared. I contacted my coworker to ask him if he seen it ...

He sends me a happy email and asking how i was doing ... i responded with fine and asked him how he was doing, he said fine also. smilie faces overboard...

 

Anyway, he solved my problem. But I had a bad cough and I had to cough all through a meeting with several people in it. My coworker was on the line in another building.

Some time passes and he sends me a text asking me if i was alright. Apparently he heard me coughing through the line. He also sent a sad face.

 

Why is he being emo suddenly ?

 

Cos of a strike in the coming days, i'm planning on maybe coming by bike. He was quite sad and said that I should be careful. (Owkay, now you're freaking me out ...)

 

He's changed, he's not making sensual comments anymore, he's more reserved...

[Kamila]

Okay I need help here...

 

Today, we again had a meeting and he texted me again asking me where the meeting room was (it's the same meeting room as always...).

He also adds in his text "how i'm doing..."

I respond to him "i'm still having that cough..."

and he responds with, "hang in there, it's almost weekend (smilies)"

While i'm texting back and forth with him i'm already in the meeting with some other people ...

 

He arrives and after the meeting around noon, I put my stuff on the counter, he follows me to the counter and just lingers there...

 

I ask him if he's already eaten yet, he says 'no', so i suggest him eating with me downstairs in the cafeteria.

 

At the table we were joined by two other colleagues. When they left, we were together alone, i think it's the first time we've been outside a meeting alone.

 

We talked for half an hour and decided to return to our offices, i saw he didn't really wanted to go, but hey, time is ticking.

 

I waited for the elevator to take me to my floor.

 

He gave me a kiss on the cheek and smiled while he left the building. ()

[Kamila]

Almost a month... nothing major really happened.

Only that he now phones me quite often at work.

Instead of writing emails, he phones me.

Today it was 3 times.

 

He keeps me up to date with his holidays, why he sometimes can't come to meetings.

He acts gentlemanly, holding doors open for me, complimenting me on my work, when I look for a place to sit at his floor he looks with me.

He even offered to finish an analysis for a deadline due very soon. He's really helpful.

He tells me about his concert plans, what i like doing outside of work, how my weekends were ...

 

The only thing i'm sensing is that he's not really looking for a relationship. He seems to go out quite often.

[elaine567]

Is it not just possible that you are now his best friend at work, you say he is pretty quiet normally and he has chosen you, because he can speak to you and he and you get on so well.

Some people just click together.

If you are really interested in him, then you need to suss out for certain if he is gay and if he isn't, then you need to make your feelings a lot clearer. He tried the flirting to no avail, so it is up to you to make the moves now.

[Kamila]

I know, but at work it's really tricky. Everyone is watching every move you make.

[Kamila]

It's been 2 months.

A month earlier our project ended. I know it would sting not seeing each other everyday. He even said to me we will not be seeing each other much anymore.

Even so I left for a trip for a month, so that was quite abrupt.

 

It's been a week since i'm back.

The second day he sends me an email about me being back again.

I respond back and he directly asks me about my holidays, how i've been and he mentions he's not been good. But he doesn't want to discourage me.

 

And he said i should come over and say hello if i was in the vicinity.

So i did, i went to his office and all his colleagues were all over me, i hadn't had a proper chance to talk to him like he wanted.

He wanted to know how my trip went. I suggested i'll send him photos of my holidays.

 

That's it ...

[Kamila]

Okay, now it's becoming weird.

 

We've been emailing back and forth at work.

I was absent 1 day (sickness) and that day he sent me a reminder email with lots of smilies.

 

The day after, my coworker talked to him on the phone. I heard my name and i asked my coworker 'who are you talking to ?' He said 'your fiancee !'

Then he went on that i was sick. Apparently he wanted to know why i didn't reply to his messages.

 

Er ? Why not asking me ?

[Kamila]

So here i am again.

I'm 90% sure my coworker isn't gay. Well, I think.

He's displaying all the awkward flirty signs and extended gazes. If that's enough of an observation to make. But what would i know ?

 

What has happened so far ?

When I came back from my 3 week holidays he emailed me welcome backs and all. He was happy that I came back, we exchanged some random things through mail. He even changed the colour of the mail into green and it almost become a rainbow when we exchanged mails. I asked him out of curiousity if he was seeing someone, but he never responded to that mail. That made me feel, erm, like he put up a wall.

So i left it at that, a week later i visited a colleague of his for work. He was very pleased to see me, he was very talkative with me, talking about random things. He even quoted something i said during the email exchange we had some weeks before. I wanted to ask him why he didn't respond to the question i asked about him being single or not. But i didn't want to pry further into his private life.

 

He's very helpful when i have work-related questions. He even makes the effort to phone me. Last time he talked about desserts and a place nearby his place that makes delicious cakes. He knows i'm on a sugarfree diet during the week and for me desserts are holy. He phoned in the afternoon again to tell me what he had for desserts. He teased me and i said to him 'wait till you reach a certain age when you're going to put on weight!' He told me he's not that old and asked me what my age was.

 

It was like a brick wall fell onto my head. Don't forget i'm surrounded by my coworkers and they hear everything i say. He apologized for asking my age, and certainly asking the age of a woman. I told him i'm older than him. Then he told me how old he is. Apparently we're the same age. I don't know if that's a good thing ...

 

Anyway, it was good to have a talk with him about random stuff. The weekend after he phoned me again at work. We talked about how nice the weather was. I was planning on having a stroll during lunch hours. He told me to wear a jacket just in case the weather would change. He's attentive eh ?

 

During the last week i had to again visit his colleague, i sat in a cubicle alone. He made some random visits into mine to talk a bit about work. Last time he asked me in a teasingful tone what i was doing, searching stuff on the net whatever. Everytime he does that, i just say stupid things and watch him, i don't what he wants. It's so stupid. i just want to ask him to say something more meaningfull, like he likes me or whatever. And that he missed me His eyes are a deep blue, it's mesmerizing. Mmmm...

 

In two weeks time he'll be changing building and moving into mine, on the same floor as mine, so he'll be closer to mine. AWKWARD.

[JohnsonBaby]

You sound very analytical and obsessive over this . Why don't you just flirt back asking him about his gf/bf ,something light hearted that would give u a sure answer.

[Kamila]

I am so borderline flirting/professional with him it's getting ridiculous.

My boss works with my crush coworker and he started to tease me about him.

Everytime my coworker phones me and we exchange too long phone conversations he asks me, 'It's him eh !'

Last week he asked me a question: 'Do you know if he's single or not ? What do you think ? Because my wife wants to set him up with a girlfriend of hers ...'

I was just jealously gazing at my computer screen and thinking: 'Why is my boss asking that question ???'

Then he told me: 'I think he's single... isn't he ?' Then he started to ask another colleague of ours for her opinion. She cheerfully said: 'Of course he's single. Because blablabla...'

I just let the conversation rest for the morning.

 

The afternoon came and then my boss asked me if my crush coworker could cook. I answered him: 'Sure... i don't know...' He then cheerfully said:

'So you know he can cook ! I knew there was something between you two !'

 

Erm ? What ? Anyway to answer the above poster: I already asked him the question if he was seeing someone, he didn't respond me. That's a response in itself. The ball is in his court now. I just want to do my job like before and not think obsessively about him. It's just wasting my time.

[Kamila]

You sound very analytical and obsessive over this . Why don't you just flirt back asking him about his gf/bf ,something light hearted that would give u a sure answer.

 

Well, actually, the gay part is for 99.99% out of the way. He's talking to other girls at the office through the office phone.

I stopped the flirting, it was almost annoying and unprofessional.

Problem is that he's now flirting 10 times more than before. So the moment we stop flirting he's bringing the big guns ???

I've even complained to another coworker about his behavior towards me.

 

He's adjusted the flirting to invading my space/getting very loud/laughing stupidly and when he gets the opportunity, he sits at the desk next to me. (It's free office space...) One time i've asked him if he's drunk or something. When i leave for lunch he's screaming why i'm leaving him all alone. Or when the colleagues head out for lunch he's staying a bit more alone with me. I just smile at him and tell him that his buddies are waiting for him at the cafeteria... He's weird...

 

Anyway, he's trying to talk to me. He's making an effort and I'm replying and trying to figure him out also. It's just that it's difficult talking about work and then more private stuff. Oh yeah, he likes to gossip. Whenever he gets the chance he talks about this guy or another. I didn't know guys could be that gossipy

 

He's told me last week he doesn't have kids and sometimes goes out with female friends for a day. He's told me he doesn't see himself having kids right now. Now, i didn't ask him to tell me this. He's just babbling all day long and when i try to work he's again trying to steal my time.

 

Now that i'm showing less interest he's trying more ? He's asked for my FB last month, but i've told him i'm not that into FB and stuff. A week later he's asked me for advice for vacation tips, but I didn't answer that mail (yet). I had too much work to do. Then lately he said he went to some workshop about healthy food (he's a vegetarian). He knows I'm also very strict with my diet and stuff. He even looks at the kind of salads i bring to work. He's even suggested to giving me recipes.

 

Now, my theory here is that this guy hasn't figured himself out yet. He's dating other girls. And he's also testing me. Bleh. I have two weeks of holidays and the moment i was out of the office he was wearing a sad puppy face. Awww...

[Kamila]

We're in 2016, geez this thread is old...

 

So, we're not coworkers anymore. After he left for 4-months vacation far away, I soon after left the workspace for another one.

 

Before we parted, he didn't stop flirting with me, trying to invade my space, having a conversation, the usual. One time he even grabbed my purse in the elevator (owkay...)

 

The last day we were coworkers, I wanted to give him a proper goodbye before he left for his long trip. Instead he hid in the corridor which I would take leading to the exit. I was like 'okay, he wants to talk in private, away from the other coworkers...'

 

He told me he took notes of some holiday tips I gave him. He also wanted to know whether i had Facebook or not for him sharing his holiday pictures. I told him he could add me if he finds me. Then he said something about me telling him whether i'll still be there when he returns...

 

After 4 months, he added me on FB...