Gay co-worker is flirty ?

[Kamila]

Now, i'm getting other vibes.

Some days before I asked his phone number and the one of his colleague.

That way, we'll better communicate in which building we are for work.

 

That's not giving wrong signals eh ?

 

Anyway, today we had a meeting in my building.

He texted me before he left that he's leaving his building.

I thought, 'owkay, why texting me ? I know he's gonna be here...he accepted the meeting.'

 

But he wrote the text in a real formal/funny way. Hehe.

I didn't respond 'cos he was already there when i read the text.

He asked me if we already saw each other today.

I laughed to him, 'i don't know anymore!'

We mail and phone each other everyday, i don't keep track. Haha.

 

It was an awkward moment, cos i got really shy and i think he did too.

So we talked about the meeting, work, no more than 2 seconds eye contact.

Then his colleague joined us.

 

After 2 hours, the meeting was over and i rushed back home, i thought he wanted to stay longer, i don't know. I just got this weird vibe.

 

Why is this confusing ???

[GorillaTheater]

Why is this confusing ???

 

Since you interested, I think it's reasonable to have a conversation about whether he's interested as well. It could be a little awkward, but what the hell. Your other alternative is some weird extended dance where he's flirting and you're trying to figure out if he even likes women or not, because if you can't tell, we probably can't either.

 

Damn the torpedoes. Take it straight on.

 

Because you didn't take it straight on, and decided to do the weird dance thing instead.

 

Kamila, just talk to the guy about what's going on.

[Kamila]

Because you didn't take it straight on, and decided to do the weird dance thing instead.

 

Kamila, just talk to the guy about what's going on.

 

I just can't go to the guy and ask him what's going on ???

Imagine i'm wrong and we're still supposed to work together ???

And even if i'm right, how are we going to work together ???

 

Help

[EverLastluv]

Your Job place of profesion, keep it that way

[Kamila]

Your Job place of profesion, keep it that way

 

Yes it's true. But sometimes you meet someone 'special' at work no ?

 

I sent meeting requests today and he said next week will be his last week before he goes on a 2 weeks vacation.

Then he sent me another mail back when he'll return. With smilies and all.

I sent him that he'll return when the best meetings will be held. Hehe.

 

There was a meeting and like GorillaTheater suggested I talked more with him. He just stood there, tongue-tied, haha.

It's cute, but also really confusing. It's like we're stuck or something. Oh well, it will find a way eventually I guess...

[Kamila]

Working together and feelings don't mix well !

I'm having a hard time combining both.

Sometimes I can concentrate, but sometimes it's just like a volcano going to erupt !

Luckily we don't work in the same building, but see each other everyday at meetings.

 

He keeps writing in his mail, if I need anything that I shouldn't hesistate to ask him, he even sends me info that I barely mentioned in meetings, and he's making time to gather that info and send me

I find that really sweet.

It's just confusing.

 

Like someone suggested, I tried talking to him, I do that everytime I get the chance. But he's so passive and listening. I'm also not always the talkative one, but I must otherwise nothing comes out of his mouth. He's more mail, texting, etc ...

Like today, we had a meeting and a break. Everyone went outside to get some water, I just waited in the room with him. He also stayed.

I talked about what i'm gonna do this weekend, see a movie. He asked me what movie and we developed further. But we keep talking about nothing. It's like nonsense just to talk with each other.

 

It's just this work environment that gets in our way I think. It's really hard to have a decent conversation without anyone disturbing us.

 

Monday I'll have a 2 hour meeting with him alone, because his colleague will be absent. What the hell are we going to do ? Should I say something or keep quiet.

[Kamila]

Back to work.

Today we again had a meeting. He texted me asking me where the meeting room was 'cos he forgot to check. Like last time.

I responded and he thanked me with a smilie.

Owkay, it's just info texting.

Meeting was okay, he likes my analysis, blablah...

 

Fast forward the evening, again meetings about analysis.

Boring stuff.

Then an intense eye contact which made me uncomfortable.

 

Then i talked about how my previous project ended, crappily.

I told him I don't know why I'm talking about this stuff and he sits on the table next to me.

So I go on and it was nice to share some personal stuff with him.

Anyway, he's a really nice, calm, considerate guy and likes to listen.

Still, I think he may be gay, I don't know.

Edited August 11, 2014 by Kamila

[Kamila]

Again a meeting, it's an intense week, cos he's going away for 2 weeks in 2 days. So most of the work must be done now.

But today none of us were really in a good mood.

It's not that we were snippy at each other, but something was off.

No more polite, just pure frustration ? We even didn't have much eye contact.

 

He tried making jokes with me, but I was just politely smiling.

During the meeting, he talked about where he went on holidays.

Then he said he didn't spoke a lot of English at home.

He said 'we'. Referring to a partner ??? That made me back away more.

Then again that intense eye contact. I can't stand it.

 

I just want to work.

[Kamila]

Today, day -1 before he goes away for 2 weeks.

It will be good to have some separation time. Especially for me.

 

We worked till late today, catching a deadline.

I even had to take over his keyboard and sit at his desk while he was going through papers on his desk.

It got quite awkward.

 

By the time to go home he waited for me, I tried to come up with an excuse to take another route, but he proposed to walk together to the train station through the park.

Errr...

I hesitated A LOT.

But I thought, i mustn't be rude or something.

 

The walk was nice, I even walked passed my old school, so that was a subject of conversation. Then we parted. Ah yes...

[SYLLPalmer]

I have always found that gay guys are the flirtiest.

It doesn't matter that they aren't interested. They'll flirt until they can flirt no more. Also having big boobs, I almost get more attention from the gay guys about them than from the straight ones.

 

So, personally, I wouldn't read much into it. But you might be mistaken and he might not actually be gay. Maybe ask if he's seeing anyone?

 

It's a fact. I am a straight chick living and working in the gay community for many moons. The gays can be very complimentary but they are like every other population a mixed bag of people. For example one might love the blouse you are wearing, an another how the color brings out your eyes while the third simply ogles your cleavage.

 

Depending on the man and the area in which you are interacting he may keep it PG and not go into his sex life. If you are not experienced with gays and he is keeping it PG I could see finding his flattery confusing. Either way if you enjoy his company go out for a brew.

[preraph]

Whatever it is doesn't seem to be escalating from his direction. You need to find out if it was him who made a complaint -- or maybe he didn't mean to make a complaint and just kept saying he was meeting with you on this or that and someone decided you were taking up his time. If it was him though, he might be after your job or just trying to make friends to climb the ladder. I don't think you should ever say anything. If he is leading anywhere, something will happen and if it doesn't, then he either doesn't think it's a good idea at work or is gay or just friendly.

[Kamila]

You're both right.

He didn't make the complaint, it was his female colleague. She's almost on a burn-out course and I saw her today, and she's really tired.

I'm trying to be really friendly to her.

And i'm a contractor, he can't get my job, cos i'm the first that will go away when they're cutting down budget. Plus, our functions are not the same at all. Our jobs are complementary.

 

So it wasn't him that made a complaint, he's always sticking up for me and even tries to relativate when things are escalating. He's giving me compliments on my work. He's even showing off to other colleagues about how good I am.

He's such a down-to-earth guy. Would be nice to have some of that quality...

 

Anyway, today was his last day, we had a closing meeting with some colleagues. He tried to do the maximum of work. He even suggested he'd work this evening from home if i had some more questions.

I said 'No, you go on holiday and don't turn on your work pc ! no contact whatsoever...' Then, he put his hands on my chair from behind, he creeped me out. He said something stupid about the chair and said he wanted to come sit right next to me and look on my computer. I was like 'okay, ...' even his colleague gave him a weird look.

 

It's like this morning, we greeted each other right ?

But instead of giving each other a kiss on the cheek. He gave me a handshake. I was like 'What are you doing ? I'm not a guy ???'

He smiled awkwardly, he didn't let go off my hand and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I thought he was going to hug me in front of everyone.

 

He's being weird ...

[Kamila]

I'm having a horrible time right now.

Even tomorrow at work will be horrible, because he'll be away for 2 weeks.

The positive side is that I'll be more focused on my job, which is crucial right now !

 

I've been thinking about everything that has been going for the past weeks...

Friday during our last meeting, he told me he's going to leave early, but if I have more questions he'll check his computer in the late evening.

I told him it won't be necessary, 'and besides you're on holidays, you're not supposed to work.'

He looked down, really sad. I told him 'have a really good holiday!'

I never saw him so shy. It made me want to hug him. He didn't look at me and went away ...

I wanted to cry that instant.

Something's really bugging him.

 

Is it me ? Is it something else ? Why doesn't he say something ???

 

He kept complimenting me on my work that day, I told him there could be mistakes in the files you know ...

Then I told him i made this sketch of the project and he told me immediately if he could take a copy of it. I agreed.

He showed off with it to his boss mentioning my name.

He was so cheerful and smiled a lot I got really shy...

 

Later, he even came to my work space to ask me what nice thing I was doing.

I sheepishly said it was work for my bosses. And he gave me a smile that lasted longer than intended...

Or when he was late for a meeting (only 5 min) the day before, he warns me through a text.

When he doesn't know where the meeting is held he asks me through text.

(He shouldn't ask, cos my floor has only 2 meeting rooms, asking is just an excuse for sending a text ...).

 

So basically there are some things that I identified of him being interested in me: overly nice, initiating conversations, making jokes, complimenting me on my work, proposing to follow the same path to the subway station, smiling, being helpful for work duties, sometimes he avoids eye contact and stares to the ground/plays with his smartphone/almost puts his head on his desk, and something he didn't do before: he looked at my body (gay ???).

 

Even if there's something there between us, how do you proceed as coworkers ?

'Cos that really got me thinking. How do you mix a relationship at work ?

Sure, we don't work in the same building, but the context of our work makes us intertwined in a straight line.

If I act more cold now, will it frustrate him ? How will he react ?

[preraph]

I promise you you're putting far more thought into this than he is. You're obsessing. He very well may only think about you when you're in front of him or communicate with him.

[Kamila]

I promise you you're putting far more thought into this than he is. You're obsessing. He very well may only think about you when you're in front of him or communicate with him.

 

You're right. It's getting obsessive.

But like today I worked like usual. As long as i've got something to do, it distracts my mind and I'm back to 'normal'.

[Kamila]

Okay, the evidence is pilling up of him being 'gay'.

 

He's away for 2 weeks and his colleagues are talking behind his back.

That he's going to a 'beauty parlour', and doing things we don't know about.

He's considered a very shy guy and better at one-on-one conversations.

 

Boo-hoo

[Kamila]

My boss/colleague is asking me about my 'gay' colleague who's now in holidays since 2 weeks.

 

I didn't think about him until my colleague 'kept talking' about him ...

Sure I had some flash daydreaming, but that was it. Nothing major.

 

The first time he asked was some days ago. I saw another colleague when I was with my boss walking down the stairs and when I said 'hi' he didn't see me.

I had to really raise my voice for him to acknowledge my presence.

I laughed to my boss that he's maybe not really awake cos it's too early.

Then my boss mentioned my 'gay' colleague that is also not really awake all day long.

I was like, why mentioning him ?

 

Then the second time was yesterday. We were talking about work when suddenly he shifted the conversation to my gay colleague.

I said, he's a quite reserved and calm guy, keeping things to himself.

He also wanted to know was if he had a girlfriend...

(To make things clear, my boss/colleague is married and has kids)

 

Anyway, I told him 'Do you want me to ask for you if he has a gf ?'

He was like 'Noo..' Lol, he then said he would look into his FB-page to learn stuff about his personal life.

 

Then, there was silence. He doesn't know i'm single cos i don't talk about my personal life at all.

It's like all those questions we're more a 'detour' to pry into my personal life ...

 

 

He then said, 'you know this colleague ?' He showed me his picture on the company's page.

I said 'yes, i know him, saw him a couple of times here ...' He then said 'Well, he's getting married soon with a colleague from here ...'

 

Then I brought the conversation back to work.

 

Cos hey, we're at work right ?

[Kamila]

Update: my 'gay' coworker is back since yesterday.

He texted me that he was gonna be later to the meeting...

I told him 'fine, good to have you back...'

He then sent me, 'I'm almost back in 5 minutes , but unfortunately I didn't prepare the meeting properly (with a sad smilie...)'

 

It was good to have him there physically in front of me, but this work context really makes everything, yes, 'professional'.

I don't have the time to mix those pseudo feelings with work.

I saw him looking at me more than should be, but really, I don't know how to read this, so I just stayed, yes 'professional'. Anyway, as soon as the meeting ended I just left.

 

The next day, we saw each other again, I was waiting outside for another colleague. He then waited with me and abandoned his other colleague to wait with me. He asked me questions about the fact that i had a lot of work, stress and waiting to take a week of holidays.

He was concerned for my well-being, which was nice of course...

But I don't know what it means, which frustrates me, no one at work is that concerned with me. Or texts me to say that 'they're gonna be late for a meeting', or 'where the meeting room is' ...

 

Anyway, again this afternoon, we had a meeting and he was the only one to attend this one. Oh no. Alone time with him.

So we talked about the stress of the project, the management, the accumulation of mails of my mailbox, him again being concerned with me, blablabla, then talking about how life is supposed to be, choices to be made in life, where to live, blablabla ...

I think we there 'unofficially' said that we haven't got any other obligations towards anyone, meaning 'a family' or 'kids'...

 

We ended this meeting 'cos he had to leave early. He stuck at the door and looked at me. I said I was gonna work further.

He asked me if i was gonna go down to his office when I finish.

I said i was gonna leave early 'cos I was tired.

Then i flirtly told him: do you want me to stop by your desk to say bye ?

He said, 'yes, if you want...' with a serious gaze...

 

So, i did, i stopped by his desk and he packed his bag, a colleague of his went with us.

At the beginning of the route she left us for another route.

Then we were just the two of us, talking.

 

A friend of mine asked me this one questions regarding all of this:

Does he act like this with anyone else at work ?

I said, no, not that I know or see. But it can mean nothing.

[pteromom]

If your boss told you he is getting married, you can ask him about that. It's something you could say to anyone, whether you were interested in them or not.

[Kamila]

If your boss told you he is getting married, you can ask him about that. It's something you could say to anyone, whether you were interested in them or not.

 

Well, my boss was only wondering if he had a girlfriend...

The only thing I know is that he bought an appartment and moved away from his old one a few days before.

He was complaining that the place was empty because there were removal boxes everywhere.

[Kamila]

Yesterday, we talked about our favorite types of chocolate.. I mentioned the white ones.

The day after the colleague of my gay colleague brought a box full of white chocolates.

He even came earlier to the meeting to hand me the box in person.

 

I was quite taken aback by his gesture.

I asked him, "So you want me to share this box with the whole group that will come ?"

He was hesistant and looked away (was this box of chocolates only meant for me ?)

 

I didn't feel at ease at all, so i decided to open the box and hand it over to the rest of the bunch.

Even my gay colleague. Anyway ...

[preraph]

Sounds like you may have an admirer. Now, see, THAT'S what they act like when they're actually interested. A thank-you note or email is in order. If you're dead-set on not encouraging him you can depersonalize it some with "Oh, those chocolates were yummy. Thank you so much. I know the rest of the office enjoyed them as well."

[Kamila]

Sounds like you may have an admirer. Now, see, THAT'S what they act like when they're actually interested. A thank-you note or email is in order. If you're dead-set on not encouraging him you can depersonalize it some with "Oh, those chocolates were yummy. Thank you so much. I know the rest of the office enjoyed them as well."

 

Yes, that made me put things into perspective.

But, this guy and my gay colleague are almost opposites in the way they act.

 

The first is more open, extraverted, a clown, talks loud in a group.

While my gay colleague is more shy, sends me texts, mails, wonders how i'm juggling the tasks at the office, when i'm gonna take holidays, why i'm that early at work, shows me a picture he's sending a sick colleague ... things a more reserved/gentle type would do...

 

The admirer shouldn't have brought me that box of chocolates ... he has a wife and two kids ...

His intentions were well crystal clear...

[Kamila]

Anyway, today I saw my two guys again.

One with his boxies of chocolate and the other which is still unlabeled (read: gay or not). Lol.

 

Anywho, I'm almost sick and my mental state isn't reaching its full potential.

Which leads to confusing moments ... ouch...

 

So, Monday morning, sucks being at work when being almost sick and wanting a long deserved holiday... when suddenly, my gay colleague makes his appearance.

 

(I scream: 'yeah!' in my head, he's so sexy in his 'gay' demeanor ...)

 

He's paying me a little visit 'cos he had another meeting in my building. Nice, he wanted to see me. But that could mean anything...

He tells me that he's going to be later for our meeting this afternoon, I tell him okay (he even sent me an email about his being later today last week, owkay!)

 

Fast forward this evening.

My colleague and I are waiting for my gay colleague. Wondering where he is. (I was still clueless... mental state 'zero'...)

My gay colleague comes in 15 min later and we tell him wondering where he was. Then he shots me this gaze like 'i told you twice i was gonna be late !'

 

I was like ' o__O' (embarassed to the core, wanting to crawl under my desk)

'So that's what you were talking about last week and this morning ??? ' (i tell him sheepisly)

Hehe... he then reassured me it was okay... and he proposed to go get some water in the kitchen... (damn, i thought he was gonna be upset or something, but i forgot )

 

The meeting went well, and due to the fact that i was sitting somewhere else, my gay colleague often stood up to come to my desk to explain me things.

One time he even went on one bended knee. I was like 'what is he doing ???' Even his colleague looked at him weirdly ...

I got a really good look at his babyface. If my hormones weren't in check, I would have glomped him that moment and kissed him on the cheek.

OH yes!

He then went back to his place and shot me some long glances. Mmmm...

(Maybe it's all in my head ...)

[Kamila]

Just another day at work. I now see him daily. He's always happy to see me.

Always being friendly, having a laugh.

He even asked me if he could help me with some analysis I had to finalize (even tough he's also got a pile of work...).

He's also refusing politely to do some work, cos he has to work for our project.

 

Today I closed myself into a room to have some quiet time, he barged in and asked me if everything was okay, telling he was going to eat downstairs.

It's not that he's 'annoying' me, but he's really clingy and that triggers me.

Resulting me to back away, you know, protecting myself.

Also when he locks his wonderful blue eyes onto me during long periods, it makes me really uncomfortable and wondering why he's doing that ...

I don't know...