Thong at 12...

[fortyninethousand322]

Believe me...I know of the parents you are referring to...We arent those...

 

Ive allowed my kid to experience life as most her age havent...I made a lot of stupid mistakes as a kid..Mostly as a result of parents that quite frankly, didnt care or monitor anything we did....it held me back and I avowed that if I ever had a kid, I wasnt just going to let them free to do whatever they wanted ..I am going to guide them and let them know....sometimes unpleasnatly, that some things that their friends say/do are all about bullshyt and not the way to go about your life..

 

Too many parents are afraid to alienate their kids..We dont have to worry about it..

 

I don't know. I can see worrying about tattoos or doing drugs or whatever else. But I don't know why anyone would want to know what kind of underwear their child was wearing. I honestly put it on par with worrying about whether or not your teen (or pre-teen in this case) was masturbating. It's a level of control that just goes a little too far.

 

 

Im not criticising...Once you have your own kids, your viewpoint changes....It did for me and many others I know,..

 

TFY

 

Well, considering I'm 26 and never even kissed a girl, I don't think we have to worry about me having or raising children.

[SpiralOut]

Again...I have to question your reading comprehension..

 

No where did I describe 12 year olds as sluts.-you wont find that anywhere,.But yes.when I was 15/16(again, go back and re-read the post)..there were slut girls that got handed around by every guy in the school. most of the time either drunk or stoned..(I was right in the middle of that...I lived it first hand)....If you look at the common denominator, they had parents who were not involved with their lives... Your experiences might have differed, mine didnt..

 

My opinion on this hasnt changed...If a girl of 12 years old thinks its important to wear a thong there is something wrong..If she didnt then she wouldnt be hiding it...I know grown women that wear thongs...they dont hide it...nor should they...they are adults and are capable of making proper decisions about that type of stuff..

 

TFY

 

If you don't like what I say that's fine, but please do not make comments about my reading comprehension. That's a condescending thing for you to say.

 

 

Earlier you said this.

 

 

And all of the sluts I remember from "back in the day" that were giving it up at 15 were like that because their parents didnt care..or "gave them the space".....And all of the deviants and dirtbags had the same type of uninvolved parents..

 

 

So yes, you were referring to 15 year olds, not 12 year olds, but you were still referring to underage girls as sluts. The idea is the same. I still think it's not nice of you to say something like that.

 

 

I am not disagreeing with your parenting methods. I just don't think it's right to call girls sluts. If they were promiscuous, it was because they had uninvolved parents, as you yourself pointed out. It's not fair to call them names just because they didn't have the greatest upbringing.

Edited September 7, 2014 by SpiralOut

[Tayken]

So what would you know about a 12 yr old kid wearing a thong? Come back when you have kids of your own of that age

 

I don't know. I can see worrying about tattoos or doing drugs or whatever else. But I don't know why anyone would want to know what kind of underwear their child was wearing. I honestly put it on par with worrying about whether or not your teen (or pre-teen in this case) was masturbating. It's a level of control that just goes a little too far.

 

 

 

 

Well, considering I'm 26 and never even kissed a girl, I don't think we have to worry about me having or raising children.

[MuddyFootprints]

12 year olds can be cruel and underwear issues can be embarrassing, if, after having a conversation with my 7th grade daughter, realising that her underwear lines were causing undue distraction and ridicule, I would have to consider letting her get a couple of pair.

[Tayken]

12 year olds can be cruel and underwear issues can be embarrassing, if, after having a conversation with my 7th grade daughter, realising that her underwear lines were causing undue distraction and ridicule, I would have to consider letting her get a couple of pair.

 

Perhaps the problem lies in the type of clothing she is wearing and not the underwear? I mean panties aren't seen if someone wears clothing that isn't see-thru...what next, a b**b job so that they don't get ridiculed for having a small pair?

 

next excuse please

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

seeing this topic reminded me of seeing a early teen brag to her mom about pressing her back side againt the window to show her g string. the girl said, a man was lookng at me so i gave him something to look at. Mom did not care and laughed with her.

[Tayken]

seeing this topic reminded me of seeing a early teen brag to her mom about pressing her back side againt the window to show her g string. the girl said, a man was lookng at me so i gave him something to look at. Mom did not care and laughed with her.

 

Unfortunately some adult moms do that too, and all I can say to that is ....ewwwww:rolleyes:

 

It's a case of apples not falling far from the tree

[NYC-BigKat]

In the process of what my wife and I loving call room raids-essentially cleaning everything, putting away, and perhaps some snooping to make sure everything is on the up and up---I happen to stumble across a thong package hidden under the mattress.

 

Original, right?

 

Keep in mind my daughter is 12.

 

I personally don't think it's appropriate, but talking to my wife about it she states that she started to wear thongs at about 12 as well--and my daughter simply states that she doesn't want panty lines.

 

While to a certain extent I understand that---but am I alone in thinking 12 is too young?

 

 

Uh...if she's trying to wear thongs so fast then she's trying to grow up so so fast & is gonna start getting more sexy really really quickly after that u know . I once had a 12-13 year old girl flirt with me a few yrs ago out in long island by my aunt's house & she later asked for my number when I was alone with her. I felt so weird & uncomfortable I didn't know what to do u know. These young girls are all up to something so watch her carefully if u don't want her to get sexier too soon & big boys seeing it.

[MuddyFootprints]

The example used was yoga pants. My comment was based on that.

 

For an example of my own horrific parenting, I was aware that my oldest daughter took my grade 8 graduate (she was a little on the heavy side at the time) shopping for underwear that helped her figure look more flattering in her grad dress.

 

She felt confident and outwardly beautiful. And I had no problem with it.

[preraph]

Yeah, I'd make sure you have access to her Facebook and Instagram and check her cell camera and anyplace she stores photos and just be sure she's not taking photos and sending them. She knows it's not good or wouldn't have hid them. So she is sneaking wanting to do something. Photos is the biggest worry. What if some geezer on line told her she should wear those.

[thefooloftheyear]

If you don't like what I say that's fine, but please do not make comments about my reading comprehension. That's a condescending thing for you to say.

 

 

Earlier you said this.

 

 

 

 

 

So yes, you were referring to 15 year olds, not 12 year olds, but you were still referring to underage girls as sluts. The idea is the same. I still think it's not nice of you to say something like that.

 

 

I am not disagreeing with your parenting methods. I just don't think it's right to call girls sluts. If they were promiscuous, it was because they had uninvolved parents, as you yourself pointed out. It's not fair to call them names just because they didn't have the greatest upbringing.

 

 

OK...I was a bit of a punk and a low level juvenile delinquent at that age..Primarily because I had parents who didnt care......Its OK if I, you or anyone else wants to call me that...Because that is what I was and I was well deserving of the moniker...

 

Life isnt always "nice"...Its good to recognize faults and correct them...so you can become a properly functioning adult, and hopefully guide your children to not make the same mistakes you did..

 

I am sure that one day, if you are lucky enough to have a child(ren), you will realize that your influence in their lives is most important and that "society"(which can be pretty effed up), shouldnt be the driving force in their upbringing..

 

Much apologies if I offended you..Surely it wasnt intentional..

 

TFY

[SpiralOut]

OK...I was a bit of a punk and a low level juvenile delinquent at that age..Primarily because I had parents who didnt care......Its OK if I, you or anyone else wants to call me that...Because that is what I was and I was well deserving of the moniker...

 

Life isnt always "nice"...Its good to recognize faults and correct them...so you can become a properly functioning adult, and hopefully guide your children to not make the same mistakes you did..

 

I am sure that one day, if you are lucky enough to have a child(ren), you will realize that your influence in their lives is most important and that "society"(which can be pretty effed up), shouldnt be the driving force in their upbringing..

 

Much apologies if I offended you..Surely it wasnt intentional..

 

TFY

 

 

I had an overprotective parent who cared about monitoring my behaviour, yet didn't give a crap how I felt, and that impacted me quite negatively. Hence, all my comments about empathy. She might think that I turned out fine, but we don't have a good relationship. I hardly ever visit her. If I ever have kids I hope that they feel they can come talk to me about things. I don't want them to ever think I don't care how they feel.

 

 

Apology accepted.

Edited September 8, 2014 by SpiralOut

[anika99]

And all of the sluts I remember from "back in the day" that were giving it up at 15 were like that because their parents didnt care..or "gave them the space".....And all of the deviants and dirtbags had the same type of uninvolved parents..

 

Anyone who is a decent parent.....knows that kids can still respect you even when they are being guided by their more experienced parents..Thats the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard..There are ways to do things without coming across as overbearing...

 

Respect comes from caring and concern...My parents didnt care what I did or where I went...I lost total respect for my father..Maybe if he was more guiding and vigilant I would have respected him more..Instead, he let me learn lifes lessons the hard way....And he died alone...I give my mom a pass...she was fighting a losing battle, although she tried valiantly...Dont be so sure of your theory there..

 

Lets not forget how uninvolved Eliot Rodgers parents were...Id bet they didnt know half of what was going on in that kids life..

 

I appreciate your advice, but I wont be taking it.....So far doing it our way, we have a 12 year old kid that is confident, popular, a straight A student, knows how to act and dress appropriately, doesnt use foul language and is everything any parent could ever want in a kid...She'd never even ask to wear a thong...she knows already its inappropriate..And she is a very loving child to both her parents and her family..

 

So do it your way when and if you ever have kids, i am reasonably sure you likely wont have the same feelings you do now, but we'll see..

 

TFY

 

 

 

I had the opposite for parents. They were total control freaks. Dad a religious fanatic who wanted to control my every thought, feeling, move. I wasn't allowed to listen to the bee gees (no secular music) couldn't see Star Wars (something about the "the Force" being satanic) couldn't have any opposite sex friends, he read my diary, raided my bedroom.

 

 

I rebelled big time. Drugs, sex, you name it. He thought he had so much control over me but he was delusional. When I wanted to do something I found a way. I left home at sixteen to free myself of him, had my first child at seventeen. I was ill prepared for adulthood considering I had never been allowed to think for myself when I was at home. People took advantage of me and I spent years trying to overcome low self esteem.

 

 

With my own sons I was much easier on them than my parents had been on me. I was stricter with my oldest and he ended up being the one I had the most trouble with. My youngest baby kind of had me wrapped around his finger. I was very easy going on him, he got into some minor trouble as teenager (skipping school, ignoring curfews) but we could always talk. He hated feeling like I was upset with him so when he knew he did something wrong he would try his hardest to improve.

 

 

I have always thought that the very most important years of a child's life are in the first ten years. If parents have given their children love, security, and good direction then the kids teen years will go a little smoother. But if the kid gets to be 13 or 14, feels unloved, unimportant, has low self esteem, then all hell is going to break lose.

[ASG]

Hmm... Some posters keep saying 12 year old should not be thinking about boys and/or sexy underwear... but that's not exactly the case.

 

We might want to think of 12 year olds as kids, but sometimes they're not. When I was 12 puberty had already hit. I already had my period and my hormones were, indeed, raging!

 

Boys were what I thought about. Constantly. I never wanted to wear thongs, though, because UGH! Uncomfortable!!

By the time I was 13 I was dating an older boy and by 14 I'd lost my virginity to him.

 

And none of this had to do with absent parents. They were present, I had rules. But I also had some liberty to do things and make mistakes on my own. Until age 18 I had to ask every time I wanted to go out with friends and had a curfew.

 

My point is... not all 12 year olds are the same. Some will not have hit puberty and will still look like children. Other will have and will look like young women. That can be difficult to accept, but after puberty hits, we're not really children anymore.

[thefooloftheyear]

Hmm... Some posters keep saying 12 year old should not be thinking about boys and/or sexy underwear... but that's not exactly the case.

 

We might want to think of 12 year olds as kids, but sometimes they're not. When I was 12 puberty had already hit. I already had my period and my hormones were, indeed, raging!

 

Boys were what I thought about. Constantly. I never wanted to wear thongs, though, because UGH! Uncomfortable!!

By the time I was 13 I was dating an older boy and by 14 I'd lost my virginity to him.

 

And none of this had to do with absent parents. They were present, I had rules. But I also had some liberty to do things and make mistakes on my own. Until age 18 I had to ask every time I wanted to go out with friends and had a curfew.

 

My point is... not all 12 year olds are the same. Some will not have hit puberty and will still look like children. Other will have and will look like young women. That can be difficult to accept, but after puberty hits, we're not really children anymore.

 

So....OK....Then all we do is allow ourselves and our children to be governed by impulses, desires and hormonal changes?....And thats that?.......huh?

 

Did you find that your behavior as a 13/14 year old child was acceptable, and would you encourage the same for your daughter..?

 

And if your theory about "after puberty hits then we arent children anymore"...Biologically, I suppose thats true, but that doesn't mean they are adults..They dont make proper decisions all the time and dont pay their own bills, etc,.

 

My daughter has a wide circle of friends her age...Sure, they dont all look the same or have the seme physical deveopment, and while I havent been around them so much, I dont see ANY of them as the type that are worried about how their ass looks or looking to score with the local swinging dick..If they did I am sure my wife would be the first to tell me about it...for sure..

 

TFY

[preraph]

I would just add that the excuse offered of not wanting people to see her pantyline is made superfluous by the fact that with thongs, you may not see pantyline, but you see her lingerie every time she bends over.

[ASG]

So....OK....Then all we do is allow ourselves and our children to be governed by impulses, desires and hormonal changes?....And thats that?.......huh?

 

Did you find that your behavior as a 13/14 year old child was acceptable, and would you encourage the same for your daughter..?

 

And if your theory about "after puberty hits then we arent children anymore"...Biologically, I suppose thats true, but that doesn't mean they are adults..They dont make proper decisions all the time and dont pay their own bills, etc,.

 

My daughter has a wide circle of friends her age...Sure, they dont all look the same or have the seme physical deveopment, and while I havent been around them so much, I dont see ANY of them as the type that are worried about how their ass looks or looking to score with the local swinging dick..If they did I am sure my wife would be the first to tell me about it...for sure..

 

TFY

 

Yeah, I think my behaviour was perfectly acceptable. I wasn't a wild teen at all. My mom booked me a GYN appointment, so that I could start taking the pill at age 14. And it wasn't to regulate my period, which had always been like clockwork. She was aware of my imminent sexual life.

 

No, teenagers are NOT adults! But they're not children either. They are something in between and need to be treated as such.

 

Again, examples of how it's different: When I was 10, for instance, my parents would never leave me and my brother alone overnight. But by the time we were 13/14 that started happening. Because we weren't exactly children anymore. They checked in often.

 

Like I said before, I don't advocate treating a 12 year old like an adult. They're not. They need guidance and advice and rules. But it it wise to realise that at 12 some girls (not so much boys) will have hit puberty already and will have urges and desires. It is good to talk about these things and make sure they are aware of what sex entails and the consequences. But you need to be prepared for the fact that they may decide they're ready to have sex (whether they really are or not - or whether you think they should be or not).

[NYC-BigKat]

Hmm... Some posters keep saying 12 year old should not be thinking about boys and/or sexy underwear... but that's not exactly the case.

 

We might want to think of 12 year olds as kids, but sometimes they're not. When I was 12 puberty had already hit. I already had my period and my hormones were, indeed, raging!

 

Boys were what I thought about. Constantly. I never wanted to wear thongs, though, because UGH! Uncomfortable!!

By the time I was 13 I was dating an older boy and by 14 I'd lost my virginity to him.

 

And none of this had to do with absent parents. They were present, I had rules. But I also had some liberty to do things and make mistakes on my own. Until age 18 I had to ask every time I wanted to go out with friends and had a curfew.

 

My point is... not all 12 year olds are the same. Some will not have hit puberty and will still look like children. Other will have and will look like young women. That can be difficult to accept, but after puberty hits, we're not really children anymore.

 

 

Yup this is so so true. Like I said in my other posts had a 12-13 year old girl wanting my number & trying to flirt with me. It was weird as weird can be but she thought she was just as mature as me & went for it so not all of them are the same nope.

[amaysngrace]

When I was 10, for instance, my parents would never leave me and my brother alone overnight. But by the time we were 13/14 that started happening. Because we weren't exactly children anymore. They checked in often.

 

Your parents broke the law...you know that, right?

[ASG]

Your parents broke the law...you know that, right?

 

Why do people always assume the law is the same everywhere or that we all live/are from the US? It's not and I'm not.

 

They didn't. From age 12 parents, while obviously still responsible, can enact judgement on whether their children are mature enough to stay home alone. And they wouldn't leave us for a week. Just 1 night. A while later we started staying alone on weekends, when they'd go away for work.

 

But again... Age of consent in my country is 14. Legal drinking age is 16, 14 if with parents at a restaurant, no restriction in the privacy of your home. They are aware that teenagers aren't exactly children, even if they're obviously not adults yet, either!

[amaysngrace]

Why do people always assume the law is the same everywhere or that we all live/are from the US? It's not and I'm not.

 

They didn't. From age 12 parents, while obviously still responsible, can enact judgement on whether their children are mature enough to stay home alone. And they wouldn't leave us for a week. Just 1 night. A while later we started staying alone on weekends, when they'd go away for work.

 

But again... Age of consent in my country is 14. Legal drinking age is 16, 14 if with parents at a restaurant, no restriction in the privacy of your home. They are aware that teenagers aren't exactly children, even if they're obviously not adults yet, either!

 

What country is that? One that thinks guns are harmful?

[ASG]

What country is that? One that thinks guns are harmful?

 

As a matter of fact, yes. They're not illegal or anything, but there are severe restrictions to buy them and the regular joe doesn't own a gun.

 

You say that as if it's a bad thing!

[amaysngrace]

You say that as if it's a bad thing!

 

No. I just think it's ironic.

[ASG]

No. I just think it's ironic.

 

As ironic as the US, who is very strict on drinking age and age of consent and allows virtually anyone to buy a gun...

[SpiralOut]

 

I am sure that one day, if you are lucky enough to have a child(ren), you will realize that your influence in their lives is most important and that "society"(which can be pretty effed up), shouldnt be the driving force in their upbringing..

 

 

 

 

FYI, it is not necessary for a person to have children in order to understand or to "realize" this.

 

 

Many of us childless adults have either had difficult upbringings of our own, and/or studied enough child psychology to understand how important parenting style is. I am sure that you yourself realized this before you had your daughter. In no way shape or form have I suggested, or meant to imply, that society should be a driving force in a child's upbringing. I'm not sure if you think that I said that or if you are just speaking passionately.

Edited September 10, 2014 by SpiralOut