Thong at 12...

[thefooloftheyear]

Having possession of a thong isn't something I would be concerned about. A thong is just an article of clothing. If you found some kind of sex toy, provocative clothing that you wear on the outside (like a teddy), then that's where I'd be concerned. Back when I was 12, girls wore thongs. As a parent, you can't stop a boy from giving your daughter attention, but you can have a little bit of control with what kind of attention they get. I've seen boys gossip about girls wearing granny panties. We might not give a crap about what people think of us, but at 12 years old...people's opinions matter. You want to fit in. My philosophy is that kids these days can be very sneaky. My mom thought she found me out when she caught me watching porn, but she had no idea how long I was watching porn, and how many sexual experiences I've had until she caught me watching it. If you're going to snoop in her room, that's fine. It's your house, you pay the bills, whatever. However, if you're going to confront her about it, then you're just giving her more incentive not to trust you. When my mom caught me watching porn, she could've ridiculed me. Instead, she said she was willing to buy me playboy magazines, and that if I want to have sex, she would buy me condoms. Although I continued to watch internet pornography behind her back, I never did anything that I felt would truly go against her. A kid is going to have secrets, secrets that you'll never find out, but how far is willing to go against you largely depends on whether you support them or not. Your wife and daughter go thong shopping, mom and daughter have a little bit of a bonding experience, and your daughter ends up being more inclined to tell your wife "girly secrets." If you turn around and say "you can't have thongs. Get your own place and you can be stark ass naked for all I care," then you're just giving her reason to rebel against you. In my perspective, you found the thong only because she didn't think it was worth hiding. The things she's willing to hide are things that may not even be in her room. Kids can be very resourceful, as I've mentioned. Don't be worried about the things you see; I would be worried about the things you don't see. How much she's willing to tell you largely depends on the strength of your relationship, and being authoritative parents isn't always the best approach to every circumstance.

 

 

Its up to us as parents to guide our children....not just let them do whatever they please....Sometimes the "everyone is doing it" reasoning is a pile of dog shyt.. iId rather my kid not be the one that does what everyone else does...What kind of person does that make you?

 

And as a parent, we all should have the right to inspect our kids stuff...Your kid isnt your roommate, drinking buddy, or BFF..Not sure where you live, but my daughter, nor ANY of her friends are wearing thongs...Not that I am paying attention to anyone else, but I am sure my wife would know this and Id hear about it immediately if it were the case..Again, I gotta ask why is it important for a 12 year old child to be concerned with how her ass looks and "panty lines"...?? there is a time and place for everything.

 

I was raised in a household where neither parent really concerned themselves with what we did..I got through, but probably cheated death at least 10 times and saw/did more things than most people will ever do even as adults, let alone kids...But I have a sibling that has been a lifelong drug addict and a total waste of a life..I wont be too hard on my parents, we were all in basic survival mode, but its not the proper way to raise a child...Parents need to stay involved and that means sometimes we have to exercise authority over them when it comes to certain things...Its our job to do that and they will thank us later.....

 

TFY

Edited July 12, 2014 by thefooloftheyear

[SummerDreams]

The fact that she had them hidden under her mattress indicates that she is aware that they are something too much or probably forbidden for her. If she had them out in the open, this would indicate she is not aware that this may be something she is not allowed to do. I guess kids grow up too soon nowadays...

[Leigh 87]

I definitely do not think thongs are appropriate for 12 year olds.

 

I am not a parent though.

 

I personally find thongs to be comfortable, more so than full pants.

 

It would be negligent to ignore all the sexual and adult things that thongs stand for, of which are more plentiful than the need for "comfort"

 

I am baffled when I am shopping and I walk past padded bras for 10 year olds:sick:

[MissBee]

Thongs have been sexualized...but underwear is underwear really. Your daughter won't wear them outside of her clothes, so most likely, especially if she is not sexually active, no one but her will see them and know she is wearing one.

 

Thongs, when I first started wearing one, around a similar age, maybe 13/14, was because I didn't want panty lines in certain outfits and my mom bought them for me for that reason. But I do remember feeling like it was very "grown" and I think around that time the "The Thong Song" didn't help

 

But yea....I personally don't think it's too young and it really does have a practical function besides its sexualized image. I don't think wearing one will lead her astray and again no one but her will know she is wearing it since it is under her clothes, while ironically, with other kinds of panties, depending on the clothes, people can see the outline through your clothes.

[TheyCallMeOx]

Its up to us as parents to guide our children....not just let them do whatever they please....Sometimes the "everyone is doing it" reasoning is a pile of dog shyt.. iId rather my kid not be the one that does what everyone else does...What kind of person does that make you?

 

And as a parent, we all should have the right to inspect our kids stuff...Your kid isnt your roommate, drinking buddy, or BFF..Not sure where you live, but my daughter, nor ANY of her friends are wearing thongs...Not that I am paying attention to anyone else, but I am sure my wife would know this and Id hear about it immediately if it were the case..Again, I gotta ask why is it important for a 12 year old child to be concerned with how her ass looks and "panty lines"...?? there is a time and place for everything.

 

I was raised in a household where neither parent really concerned themselves with what we did..I got through, but probably cheated death at least 10 times and saw/did more things than most people will ever do even as adults, let alone kids...But I have a sibling that has been a lifelong drug addict and a total waste of a life..I wont be too hard on my parents, we were all in basic survival mode, but its not the proper way to raise a child...Parents need to stay involved and that means sometimes we have to exercise authority over them when it comes to certain things...Its our job to do that and they will thank us later.....

 

TFY

 

I'm no parent so it's really pointless for me to argue against a parent with much more experience than I have with parenting, so I'm not going to argue with your logic. I do know that there are different methods to parenting and I'm certainly not promoting kids do whatever the hell they want. If I was a parent, my approach would be to work smarter, not harder. You can work harder if that's how you roll. Tear down the walls and rip up the carpet if you want to.After all, if you're gonna stick to your guns, stick to your guns. I'm just saying that there's different approaches, potentially more effective, that you can do. That's all.

[SJS]

The fact that she had them hidden under her mattress indicates that she is aware that they are something too much or probably forbidden for her. If she had them out in the open, this would indicate she is not aware that this may be something she is not allowed to do. I guess kids grow up too soon nowadays...

I agree with this. I am also curious as to how she got them. When I was around that age, the clothes that I hid from my parents, I did not pay for...

 

 

IMO 12 is too young for thongs unless there's a more practical reason, like needing underwear for under the gymnastics leo, etc. Thongs have been sexualized for a reason (actually, was there ever a time they weren't? From Huffington Post: Did you know that a man was responsible for the invention of the thong? Former New York mayor Fiorello LaGuardia was angry because the city's nude dancers were exposing too much skin, so the thong was created to provide them with a little more coverage --and it was no coincidence that it was just before the Big Apple hosted the World's Fair.)

 

 

My mom was a room raider when I was that age, and made it known that anything left out in the open was fair game (like notes). My dad was the complete opposite and shrugged everything off. I lived under their house/their rules, and honestly, I'm glad my mom was a room raider because it made me think twice.

[daisydook]

The fact that she had them hidden under her mattress indicates that she is aware that they are something too much or probably forbidden for her. If she had them out in the open, this would indicate she is not aware that this may be something she is not allowed to do. I guess kids grow up too soon nowadays...

 

Thats what most people dont understand about children. They grow up and turn into real people and human beings. Time does this. Not thongs.

 

That could be true. It could also be false. I know if people were going through all my things as a child, I would find better hiding spots, and would feel like my parents never trusted me, no matter how honest I was about everything.

 

Her behaviour indicates she hides things because no matter how honest she is, you will raid her things anyway. Yes, it is their home, but if they have continuous communication with her, trust their daughter, and have no reason to suspect a boy would be seeing these new thongs, I dont see why weekly/monthy/quarterly room raids help. I see these raids as a quick fast approach to making your daughter have very little trust. If she doesnt trust you with the little things, she isnt going to trust you with the big things either.

 

Does this not give her the idea that no matter how honest she is, they will never trust her?

 

I would feel like even though I was honest, had CLEAR open lines of communication, told my parents everything and they still raided my room, I would be pretty upset as a child and I would feel like just shutting down, telling them nothing and hiding my panties in between my mattress and boxspring because I cant talk to them openly and honestly anyway. After all, they dont trust me! This is exactly how I would act in the home if I knew my parents went through everything all the time. They don't trust me anyway, so why even talk to them about things?

[thefooloftheyear]

Thats what most people dont understand about children. They grow up and turn into real people and human beings. Time does this. Not thongs.

 

That could be true. It could also be false. I know if people were going through all my things as a child, I would find better hiding spots, and would feel like my parents never trusted me, no matter how honest I was about everything.

 

Her behaviour indicates she hides things because no matter how honest she is, you will raid her things anyway. Yes, it is their home, but if they have continuous communication with her, trust their daughter, and have no reason to suspect a boy would be seeing these new thongs, I dont see why weekly/monthy/quarterly room raids help. I see these raids as a quick fast approach to making your daughter have very little trust. If she doesnt trust you with the little things, she isnt going to trust you with the big things either.

 

Does this not give her the idea that no matter how honest she is, they will never trust her?

 

I would feel like even though I was honest, had CLEAR open lines of communication, told my parents everything and they still raided my room, I would be pretty upset as a child and I would feel like just shutting down, telling them nothing and hiding my panties in between my mattress and boxspring because I cant talk to them openly and honestly anyway. After all, they dont trust me! This is exactly how I would act in the home if I knew my parents went through everything all the time. They don't trust me anyway, so why even talk to them about things?

 

Communication isn't always going to potentially avert a bad situation..If you think kids arent capable of telling parents just what they want to hear, then you are sadly mistaken..I did it and probably everyone else did as well..Its truly rare that kid is 100% honest and forthright...Peer pressure is a powerful thing, and causes kids to do stupid things if they arent guided..

 

Kids dont just "grow up and turn into real people...time does this..".....Oh, if it was just that easy....

 

Time has nothing to do with raising a kid properly...Kids need role models..Kids need direction..Kids need guidance....Kids need to be told ABSOLUTELY NOT when the situation is appropriate..And in some cases, there can be no negotiation...When they live as long as the parent and can share the same life experience then they can argue with a parent..

 

That doesnt mean that you have to be a domineering tyrant with your kid..But too many parents are too afraid to alienate and piss off their kids when they dont get their way on things...

 

I got in a lot of trouble as a kid..Never anything real serious, but trouble all the same..This happened because no one was there to guide me...I had to learn it the hard way..

 

So its real simple then...Let kids learn the hard way, or guide them, even when they think you dont know what the hell you are talking about..

 

I choose plan B every time..

 

TFY

[SunnySide0418]

You are entitled to parent however you'd like.

 

 

I know my mom sure as hell didn't go through my room because she respected my privacy.

 

Insteaded of parenting in a sneaky under handed fashion, she sat me dieb and TALKED to me about my concerns. She never invaded my space and made me feel like I was a prisoner receiving a cell check.

 

We just have different ways of looking at this. There is the trusting, communicating, and understanding parent-child relationship. Then there is the authoritarian, quasi police version of parenting.

 

 

You pick whichever you'd like, but I know I certainly wouldn't use that one.

 

 

Now as for the underwear, let's look at the extreme. What is the WORST possible thing that. Would happen if she wore a thong, and more importantly, why do you feel the need to demand certain underwear types be worn. Would you tell your Boys that they couldn't wear boxers or boxer briefs, and they were ONLY allowed to wear those classic tighty whities?

 

Do you have kids? Sure doesn't sound like it. It's a completewly different perspective thinking back to what your mom did and having kids of your own in today's world. Just my opinion.

[fortyninethousand322]

And as a parent, we all should have the right to inspect our kids stuff...Your kid isnt your roommate, drinking buddy, or BFF..Not sure where you live, but my daughter, nor ANY of her friends are wearing thongs...Not that I am paying attention to anyone else, but I am sure my wife would know this and Id hear about it immediately if it were the case..Again, I gotta ask why is it important for a 12 year old child to be concerned with how her ass looks and "panty lines"...?? there is a time and place for everything.

 

Sure, you have a right to. But should you?

 

The lesson kids usually learn from having their lives inspected all the time for minor things like thong wearing or what they wrote in their diaries isn't to stop doing the behavior their parents don't like...it's usually to get better at hiding it. And they'll always remain one step ahead of you.

 

Parent however you like. But don't be surprised when you have kids who resent you or want nothing to do with you when you're old and in need of care. And it won't be because you protected them from drugs or alcohol, but rather because you were a control freak over underwear.

[Haydn]

The snide remarks i get from my kids about my choice of beach wear......(Actually they have a point, it is fairly garish)

 

 

Sure, you have a right to. But should you?

 

The lesson kids usually learn from having their lives inspected all the time for minor things like thong wearing or what they wrote in their diaries isn't to stop doing the behavior their parents don't like...it's usually to get better at hiding it. And they'll always remain one step ahead of you.

 

Parent however you like. But don't be surprised when you have kids who resent you or want nothing to do with you when you're old and in need of care. And it won't be because you protected them from drugs or alcohol, but rather because you were a control freak over underwear.

[thefooloftheyear]

Sure, you have a right to. But should you?

 

The lesson kids usually learn from having their lives inspected all the time for minor things like thong wearing or what they wrote in their diaries isn't to stop doing the behavior their parents don't like...it's usually to get better at hiding it. And they'll always remain one step ahead of you.

 

Parent however you like. But don't be surprised when you have kids who resent you or want nothing to do with you when you're old and in need of care. And it won't be because you protected them from drugs or alcohol, but rather because you were a control freak over underwear.

 

 

And all of the sluts I remember from "back in the day" that were giving it up at 15 were like that because their parents didnt care..or "gave them the space".....And all of the deviants and dirtbags had the same type of uninvolved parents..

 

Anyone who is a decent parent.....knows that kids can still respect you even when they are being guided by their more experienced parents..Thats the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard..There are ways to do things without coming across as overbearing...

 

Respect comes from caring and concern...My parents didnt care what I did or where I went...I lost total respect for my father..Maybe if he was more guiding and vigilant I would have respected him more..Instead, he let me learn lifes lessons the hard way....And he died alone...I give my mom a pass...she was fighting a losing battle, although she tried valiantly...Dont be so sure of your theory there..

 

Lets not forget how uninvolved Eliot Rodgers parents were...Id bet they didnt know half of what was going on in that kids life..

 

I appreciate your advice, but I wont be taking it.....So far doing it our way, we have a 12 year old kid that is confident, popular, a straight A student, knows how to act and dress appropriately, doesnt use foul language and is everything any parent could ever want in a kid...She'd never even ask to wear a thong...she knows already its inappropriate..And she is a very loving child to both her parents and her family..

 

So do it your way when and if you ever have kids, i am reasonably sure you likely wont have the same feelings you do now, but we'll see..

 

TFY

[SpiralOut]

It's just a curiosity thing. I started doing that at age 15 and I wasn't slutty at all. Wearing a thong is a rite of passage like buying your first bra or learning to wear tampons. Maybe her friends are doing it and she wants to fit in with them.

 

 

She probably hid them because she knew you'd be upset.

Edited September 6, 2014 by SpiralOut

[thefooloftheyear]

It's just a curiosity thing. I started doing that at age 15 and I wasn't slutty at all. Wearing a thong is a rite of passage like buying your first bra or learning to wear tampons. Maybe her friends are doing it and she wants to fit in with them.

 

 

She probably hid them because she knew you'd be upset.

 

A thong is now a rite of passage???....huh??

 

Also, being a good parent means informing your kids that its ok for some things to be acceptable because their friends are doing it......but not everything....

 

Here is the thing ....

 

ALL of us made stupid decisions when we were kids..Hell, I dont even remember what I scored on the SAT, but it was in the top percentile nationally and yet I made some of the dumbest decisions in my entire life during those times..Kds need guidance...sometimes they need to be told outright that they are wrong...giving kids full leeway, while makes you the "buddy" of BFF to your kid, does nothing but sets them up for potential problems...

 

IMO, no 12 year old girl should be worrying about how her ass looks in a pair of yoga pants...If she is there is some reason to have concern why...And if she is hiding it, then more the worry..There is plenty of time for that, when she is older and can more accurately understand what comes along with some of these decisions..

 

 

 

TFY

[SpiralOut]

A thong is now a rite of passage???....huh??

 

Also, being a good parent means informing your kids that its ok for some things to be acceptable because their friends are doing it......but not everything....

 

Here is the thing ....

 

ALL of us made stupid decisions when we were kids..Hell, I dont even remember what I scored on the SAT, but it was in the top percentile nationally and yet I made some of the dumbest decisions in my entire life during those times..Kds need guidance...sometimes they need to be told outright that they are wrong...giving kids full leeway, while makes you the "buddy" of BFF to your kid, does nothing but sets them up for potential problems...

 

IMO, no 12 year old girl should be worrying about how her ass looks in a pair of yoga pants...If she is there is some reason to have concern why...And if she is hiding it, then more the worry..There is plenty of time for that, when she is older and can more accurately understand what comes along with some of these decisions..

 

 

 

TFY

 

 

I wasn't telling you what to do. I was simply trying to explain where she might be coming from so that maybe you would stop being so harsh on her. There is nothing wrong with setting rules. I felt more concerned about the amount of anger there is in your post. I wonder how much of your anger she sees, and how often. There are ways of setting rules while still having empathy. It doesn't need to be one or the other.

 

 

Yeah, maybe girls shouldn't care what their asses look like in yoga pants at age 12, but they do. You don't need to allow your daughter to wear thongs, I mean yeah that is quite young, but I don't think it's fair to get mad at her for it. She just wants to feel grown up, she doesn't mean any harm by it. Talk to your wife and see if she will agree to an age that would be more appropriate.

Edited September 7, 2014 by SpiralOut

[thefooloftheyear]

I wasn't telling you what to do. I was simply trying to explain where she might be coming from so that maybe you would stop being so harsh on her. There is nothing wrong with setting rules. I felt more concerned about the amount of anger there is in your post. I wonder how much of your anger she sees, and how often. There are ways of setting rules while still having empathy. It doesn't need to be one or the other.

 

 

Yeah, maybe girls shouldn't care what their asses look like in yoga pants at age 12, but they do. You don't need to allow your daughter to wear thongs, I mean yeah that is quite young, but I don't think it's fair to get mad at her for it. She just wants to feel grown up, she doesn't mean any harm by it. Talk to your wife and see if she will agree to an age that would be more appropriate.

 

Uhhhmmm....Im not the OP and I am not angry...I wouldnt get angry though either if she approached us with that idea, we just would tell her its inappropriate and that will be the end of the discussion... Heck, Ive never been angry at my daughter a single day in her life.She has never given ma a reason to be angry...Disappointed a few times? sure...Angry?....Never...

 

TFY

[acrosstheuniverse]

I think I started wearing underwear like that around that age. It was all about the transition to secondary school, suddenly being aware of puberty and breasts and all of that... I think mine started growing when I was about 10 so by secondary school at 11 I was definitely thinking about underwear.

 

I grew out of them pretty fast and stopped wearing thongs/g-strings within a few years (they are HELLA uncomfortable) but it's a normal age for kids of both genders to start thinking about their bodies, what they're wearing, and their sexuality (I think I was 13 when I first had a boyfriend, as were most of my friends, and we still waited four years to lose our virginity).

 

I think the best thing you can do is maybe say 'hey honey, I saw you had some new undies, those things can be so uncomfortable, wanna come shopping and we'll find you some better stuff?' try bring it out in the open. Might be difficult if you invaded her privacy to find them, I'd have being damn furious and felt violated if parents had done that to me at her age. Then hopefully you can have an open dialogue about it, casually ask her why she wanted those styles, maybe you'll learn something (as others have said it's probably more to do with avoiding VPL and fitting in during gym class than boys but you never know).

[Tayken]

Just let her wear whatever underwear she likes. It sounds more like a " I need control " issue than it does about something that could possibly cause any harm. What exactly is going to come of this " inappropriate " piece of under wear?

 

 

The " room raids " are a but concerning too. How is a kid supposed to learn to trust anyone if ther own parents don't trust her enough to have a space that she can call her own ?

 

 

Really...does that also apply to wearing any clothing she likes e.g. tight tops, see-thru tops, short short skirts etc? The problem here is that most moms raise their daughters the way they were raised or even worse because they try to be friends with them as opposed to parents.

 

If both parents aren't on the same wavelength, there is going to be trouble and the kids will pick up on that and run circles around you.

 

The posters that have liked your comments, are obviously the ones that do that to their kids or believe it's OK for a 12yr old to dress provocatively and probably have boyfriends also.

 

A 12yr old talking about panty lines...I mean wth, and where did she get that from? Obviously from mom

 

As a man in his 40s...I personally find thongs/g-strings disgusting and it doesn't do nothing for me when a woman wears this. Why would anyone in their right mind, pay more for less material?

[Tayken]

A thong is now a rite of passage???....huh??

 

Also, being a good parent means informing your kids that its ok for some things to be acceptable because their friends are doing it......but not everything....

 

Here is the thing ....

 

ALL of us made stupid decisions when we were kids..Hell, I dont even remember what I scored on the SAT, but it was in the top percentile nationally and yet I made some of the dumbest decisions in my entire life during those times..Kids need guidance...sometimes they need to be told outright that they are wrong...giving kids full leeway, while makes you the "buddy" of BFF to your kid, does nothing but sets them up for potential problems...

 

IMO, no 12 year old girl should be worrying about how her ass looks in a pair of yoga pants...If she is there is some reason to have concern why...And if she is hiding it, then more the worry..There is plenty of time for that, when she is older and can more accurately understand what comes along with some of these decisions..

 

 

 

TFY

 

 

Bold 1: I couldn't agree more with you comments and I had similar concerns above in my post. Parents these days really need to get their heads out of their clouds, and be parents as opposed to trying to be friends with their kids. If you find it daunting, then have less kids

 

Bold 2: I have to ask, does this same girl worry about her marks in school i.e. want to do things to make sure she is getting 90s????? If you listen to that Beyonce' song "Flawless", try and listen to the words by the other person on that song...she talks about how girls aren't in competition with one another for careers, but instead for the attention of boys/men

 

The only parent that will think this is OK, is one that is into this fluff themselves, and thinks looks/vanity is more important than carving a good education and career for yourself

 

I guess some don't mind being a grandma early

[fortyninethousand322]

And all of the sluts I remember from "back in the day" that were giving it up at 15 were like that because their parents didnt care..or "gave them the space".....And all of the deviants and dirtbags had the same type of uninvolved parents..

 

Anyone who is a decent parent.....knows that kids can still respect you even when they are being guided by their more experienced parents..Thats the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard..There are ways to do things without coming across as overbearing...

 

Respect comes from caring and concern...My parents didnt care what I did or where I went...I lost total respect for my father..Maybe if he was more guiding and vigilant I would have respected him more..Instead, he let me learn lifes lessons the hard way....And he died alone...I give my mom a pass...she was fighting a losing battle, although she tried valiantly...Dont be so sure of your theory there..

 

Lets not forget how uninvolved Eliot Rodgers parents were...Id bet they didnt know half of what was going on in that kids life..

 

I appreciate your advice, but I wont be taking it.....So far doing it our way, we have a 12 year old kid that is confident, popular, a straight A student, knows how to act and dress appropriately, doesnt use foul language and is everything any parent could ever want in a kid...She'd never even ask to wear a thong...she knows already its inappropriate..And she is a very loving child to both her parents and her family..

 

So do it your way when and if you ever have kids, i am reasonably sure you likely wont have the same feelings you do now, but we'll see..

 

TFY

 

You know, when my dad was growing up, on non-school days (i.e. weekends and the summer), parents kicked their kids out at 8 am and didn't want to see them back home until dinner time. They were trusted to either not get in trouble, or to be able to figure it out on their own. Seems to have worked fairly well.

 

Something changed where now parents feel the need to micromanage every little detail in little Johnny or little Sallie's life. Helicopter parenting. And we wonder why today's generation lack maturity, life skills, independence, and the ability to handle adversity. Mommy and daddy told them what to do their entire lives and once on their own they have no ability to direct themselves.

 

I've seen the story play out in slightly different ways. I knew a lot of Muslim kids when I was in college. And with the girls especially, they came from families where their parents were obsessed with making sure they didn't talk to boys, didn't date, dressed a certain way (headscarf, etc.) even going so far as to send them to all-girl schools for high school. Right way to be raised right, chaste, getting good grades, having self respect. Well, what happened once they got to college and mommy and daddy weren't there to monitor them? The ones who didn't want that kind of life dated, dressed however they wanted (just made sure to come back home dressed the "right" way), etc.

 

I understand the impulse to want to instill the right values in your children. I just think you overestimate how much impact parenting has.

[SpiralOut]

Uhhhmmm....Im not the OP and I am not angry...I wouldnt get angry though either if she approached us with that idea, we just would tell her its inappropriate and that will be the end of the discussion... Heck, Ive never been angry at my daughter a single day in her life.She has never given ma a reason to be angry...Disappointed a few times? sure...Angry?....Never...

 

TFY

 

Ah sorry. Posting late at night and all that I mistook you for the OP. My bad.

 

 

I stand by what I said earlier, that I was not telling the OP what to do. I was simply saying that it's not easy to be a 12 year old girl.

 

But you really do sound angry, especially with your comments about sluts. What do sluts have to do with anything? Are you trying to say that a girl who wears a thong must be a slut? I really hope that's not what you meant. Your attitude towards 12 year old girls isn't very empathetic. So what if they care "what their ass looks like in yoga pants"? Are you seriously judging them for that? That's not very nice. They can't help it that they live in an over-sexualized culture. Again - that doesn't mean the parent has to agree to it or allow certain things. I just don't think it's fair to have such a harsh attitude about it.

Edited September 7, 2014 by SpiralOut

[thefooloftheyear]

Ah sorry. Posting late at night and all that I mistook you for the OP. My bad.

 

 

I stand by what I said earlier, that I was not telling the OP what to do. I was simply saying that it's not easy to be a 12 year old girl.

 

But you really do sound angry, especially with your comments about sluts. What do sluts have to do with anything? Are you trying to say that a girl who wears a thong must be a slut? I really hope that's not what you meant. Your attitude towards 12 year old girls isn't very empathetic. So what if they care "what their ass looks like in yoga pants"? Are you seriously judging them for that? That's not very nice. They can't help it that they live in an over-sexualized culture. Again - that doesn't mean the parent has to agree to it or allow certain things. I just don't think it's fair to have such a harsh attitude about it.

 

Im not angry....you dont want to see that....

 

If you think anything about what I posted reeks of anger I have to question your reading comprehension..Passionate? maybe..angry? no..

 

Thongs are sexualized by society...Several posters agreed...And quite frankly NOTHING of a sexual mature should be part of ANY 12 year old girls life...I didnt make it that way...

 

I have a fair amount of tattoos...I got them when I was an adult...Even though I dont think my parents were all that involved, they might have had a huge problem if I showed up with a tattoo on my arm when I was 14 years old..and rightfully so...

 

See...when it comes to raising kids...Its not always about what is nice or empathetic..

 

The fact that "they cant help it that they live in an over-sexualized culture" is a cop out, if ANY parents use that logic to submit to allow their kids to do anything they want..Then shame on them...

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

You know, when my dad was growing up, on non-school days (i.e. weekends and the summer), parents kicked their kids out at 8 am and didn't want to see them back home until dinner time. They were trusted to either not get in trouble, or to be able to figure it out on their own. Seems to have worked fairly well.

 

Something changed where now parents feel the need to micromanage every little detail in little Johnny or little Sallie's life. Helicopter parenting. And we wonder why today's generation lack maturity, life skills, independence, and the ability to handle adversity. Mommy and daddy told them what to do their entire lives and once on their own they have no ability to direct themselves.

 

I've seen the story play out in slightly different ways. I knew a lot of Muslim kids when I was in college. And with the girls especially, they came from families where their parents were obsessed with making sure they didn't talk to boys, didn't date, dressed a certain way (headscarf, etc.) even going so far as to send them to all-girl schools for high school. Right way to be raised right, chaste, getting good grades, having self respect. Well, what happened once they got to college and mommy and daddy weren't there to monitor them? The ones who didn't want that kind of life dated, dressed however they wanted (just made sure to come back home dressed the "right" way), etc.

 

I understand the impulse to want to instill the right values in your children. I just think you overestimate how much impact parenting has.

 

Believe me...I know of the parents you are referring to...We arent those...

 

Ive allowed my kid to experience life as most her age havent...I made a lot of stupid mistakes as a kid..Mostly as a result of parents that quite frankly, didnt care or monitor anything we did....it held me back and I avowed that if I ever had a kid, I wasnt just going to let them free to do whatever they wanted ..I am going to guide them and let them know....sometimes unpleasnatly, that some things that their friends say/do are all about bullshyt and not the way to go about your life..

 

Too many parents are afraid to alienate their kids..We dont have to worry about it..

 

 

Im not criticising...Once you have your own kids, your viewpoint changes....It did for me and many others I know,..

 

TFY

[SpiralOut]

 

The fact that "they cant help it that they live in an over-sexualized culture" is a cop out, if ANY parents use that logic to submit to allow their kids to do anything they want..Then shame on them...

 

TFY

 

I very clearly stated that parents are free to make whatever rules they see fit, including disallowing thongs or whatever clothing they like. I don't understand what you are arguing with me for. I am not telling anyone on here what rules to enforce with their kids.

 

 

You say you are passionate, not angry, okay fair enough. But when I see a grown man use the word "slut" to describe 12 year olds, it rubs me the wrong way. I don't think that's right for you to do that.

 

 

You also haven't answered my question. What did you say the word slut for?

[thefooloftheyear]

I very clearly stated that parents are free to make whatever rules they see fit, including disallowing thongs or whatever clothing they like. I don't understand what you are arguing with me for. I am not telling anyone on here what rules to enforce with their kids.

 

 

You say you are passionate, not angry, okay fair enough. But when I see a grown man use the word "slut" to describe 12 year olds, it rubs me the wrong way. I don't think that's right for you to do that.

 

 

You also haven't answered my question. What did you say the word slut for? Are you saying girls who wear thongs are sluts? I just want to make sure I understand you on that.

 

Again...I have to question your reading comprehension..

 

No where did I describe 12 year olds as sluts.-you wont find that anywhere,.But yes.when I was 15/16(again, go back and re-read the post)..there were slut girls that got handed around by every guy in the school. most of the time either drunk or stoned..(I was right in the middle of that...I lived it first hand)....If you look at the common denominator, they had parents who were not involved with their lives... Your experiences might have differed, mine didnt..

 

My opinion on this hasnt changed...If a girl of 12 years old thinks its important to wear a thong there is something wrong..If she didnt then she wouldnt be hiding it...I know grown women that wear thongs...they dont hide it...nor should they...they are adults and are capable of making proper decisions about that type of stuff..

 

TFY