Hopeless

[ChasingHope]

It gets better. It really gets better. You cry and you cry and you get angry with him and then with yourself. You just need to FEEL GOOD WITH YOURSELF. Meet good friends and try to laugh about the situation. You see, there are SO MANY people with similar problems.

Your MM has his thoughts about your time together. I'm 100% sure. If he doesn't care, as you said, then DO NOT CARE about somebody who doesn't care.

That's why I suggested to talk to him. Communication is for me the Most important thing. And it has nothing to do with dignity.

Many hugs.

 

Thank you I wish the "not caring" part came easily.

 

I hate being a complainer, and I am the first to say, "if you aren't happy, change what you are doing", but am having a hard time wtih that in this situation. I have a pretty high profile job in my company of 900 employees, and though there are, of course, people that I may not always enjoy communicating with, the interactions he and I have had as of late have caused me physical reactions--my neck is tense, my jaw is sore from clenching it, I have an upset stomach, and I am in a bad mood. I don't want have this type of reaction to ANYONE in the company, least of all him.

HOwever--I think I need to give myself more time and keep myself separated emotionally for a longer period. I totally get what you are saying about communicating these feelings and trying find a happy medium (or at least a medium), but I still feel very close to the hurt and humiliation from the breakup, and I don't want those feelings to cloud my judgement or perception of what the conversation is actually about. And I can't move past thinking that he probably won't welcome a conversation like that, at least not now. I'm sure that in seeing me, those guilty feelings arise, and I really don't want to be the cause of that, nor do I want cause any resentment on his end.

 

I'm hoping that if I wait a couple of weeks before I decide to have that conversation, I won't feel this way anymore, and hopefully just don't care.

[ChasingHope]

Enya and Meretchen--I so so appreciate the feedback and ideas as to how I can make this situation better, but I have to lean on the side of not approaching him--I think I will just be opening up a fresh wound for myself. Believe me--if I could say to him, "let's go back to what it was" and that it actually WOULD go back to how it was, I would do that. But I know that it won't ever be what it was. I think I would be giving myself false hope, and also taking the road of hurt and disappointment.

 

I think it is my self esteem, or what's left of it, that is keeping me from approaching him. He is the one that ended things, and I do not want to come across as desperate by asking him if we can be friends again. He decided that we weren't going to be, so I need to live with that and move on. As Meretchen said, if he is interested in the friendship, he will come to me. And as Enya said, he probably won't. I accept both of those.

 

Again, I know that it almost seems like I am complaining about this situation without doing anything about it, but I am hoping that just by venting and getting my thoughts and feelings out on these boards, it will help me to continue to see just how toxic this situation is, which will help my overall healing.

[Meretchen]

ChasingHope, I feel your pain. I, I do. And Enya, no harm done - no point to argue about what CH decides to to. Fate is but what you make.

 

I am coming from a raw emotional state myself right now, so I am afraid I am not being convincingly objective or anything. I just think, that basically, things are not that complicated. If a mate wants to make it happen, he/she will, at least they will show some sort of action or desire to make it happen. I really, really hate to say it, but that is about all it takes - to show a desire to commit to a plan of some sorts.

[ChasingHope]

ChasingHope, I feel your pain. I, I do. And Enya, no harm done - no point to argue about what CH decides to to. Fate is but what you make.

 

I am coming from a raw emotional state myself right now, so I am afraid I am not being convincingly objective or anything. I just think, that basically, things are not that complicated. If a mate wants to make it happen, he/she will, at least they will show some sort of action or desire to make it happen. I really, really hate to say it, but that is about all it takes - to show a desire to commit to a plan of some sorts.

 

Meretchen, I am so sorry you are going thru this as well. I think "raw" is a great word to use to describe our emotional state.

 

I hope we can all keep each other going and support each other during this time of difficulty. Right now, everything reminds me of him, and I constantly have to restrain myself from sending a link to an article he would find interesting, or just a small "hello, how are you?" I think, though, I will feel better about myself if I can say that I didn't cry to him, beg him, or try to change the situation in any way. He has chosen what he wants, and all I can control is what I choose.

[nadiaj2727]

I hope you can get over him and be free from him. And that you can go on to live a happy life with someone who can give you all of himself. This guy was just fence sitting and using both you and his wife. I'm glad he started feeling guilty and devoted himself to her. Now you can start building your own life.

 

I am 33 years old and happily married with a newborn baby boy. In my late 20's I was you. I made good money and was having an affair with a married man at work. I kept trying to walk away but couldn't for a long time.

 

I had to get very angry at him and institute NC because I wanted it, to finally end the back and forth and get him out of my mind and heart. I changed jobs and blocked his number. My next job actually paid more. So you can do it. Even a pay cut if necessary would be worth it to avoid this emotional turmoil. I don't see how you can get over someone you see a lot. Or at least I couldn't. I also did a lot of therapy and reading about how I got into this situation and how to change. I am so much happier now. I was just nursing my baby and feeling so grateful that I got out of that miserable situation with MM and now have a happy life and a great husband who was single when I met him. I came here (haven't been here in ages) and saw your thread. Please do whatever you have to do to free yourself from him. You really can have a happy life and a fulfilling relationship and your own family. You deserve better than you are giving yourself.

[ChasingHope]

I hope you can get over him and be free from him. And that you can go on to live a happy life with someone who can give you all of himself. This guy was just fence sitting and using both you and his wife. I'm glad he started feeling guilty and devoted himself to her. Now you can start building your own life.

 

I am 33 years old and happily married with a newborn baby boy. In my late 20's I was you. I made good money and was having an affair with a married man at work. I kept trying to walk away but couldn't for a long time.

 

I had to get very angry at him and institute NC because I wanted it, to finally end the back and forth and get him out of my mind and heart. I changed jobs and blocked his number. My next job actually paid more. So you can do it. Even a pay cut if necessary would be worth it to avoid this emotional turmoil. I don't see how you can get over someone you see a lot. Or at least I couldn't. I also did a lot of therapy and reading about how I got into this situation and how to change. I am so much happier now. I was just nursing my baby and feeling so grateful that I got out of that miserable situation with MM and now have a happy life and a great husband who was single when I met him. I came here (haven't been here in ages) and saw your thread. Please do whatever you have to do to free yourself from him. You really can have a happy life and a fulfilling relationship and your own family. You deserve better than you are giving yourself.

 

Thank you Nadia. It really and truly helps to see that there are happy endings, and light at the end of the tunnel. I am 34, and alot of my fears come from thinking I will never find the "right man" to spend my life with--a lot of the reason I miss the xMM is because I felt such a close connection, and he really was everything I have wanted in a guy. And he accepted me for who I was, which doesn't happen a lot. As for a new job--I am extremely happy with what I do, my bosses, my company, etc. I don't want to let my emotions ruin that.

 

Not sure if you will check this board again, but can you share some of the reading materials that helped you previously?

[ChasingHope]

I hope you can get over him and be free from him. And that you can go on to live a happy life with someone who can give you all of himself. This guy was just fence sitting and using both you and his wife. I'm glad he started feeling guilty and devoted himself to her. Now you can start building your own life.

 

I am 33 years old and happily married with a newborn baby boy. In my late 20's I was you. I made good money and was having an affair with a married man at work. I kept trying to walk away but couldn't for a long time.

 

I had to get very angry at him and institute NC because I wanted it, to finally end the back and forth and get him out of my mind and heart. I changed jobs and blocked his number. My next job actually paid more. So you can do it. Even a pay cut if necessary would be worth it to avoid this emotional turmoil. I don't see how you can get over someone you see a lot. Or at least I couldn't. I also did a lot of therapy and reading about how I got into this situation and how to change. I am so much happier now. I was just nursing my baby and feeling so grateful that I got out of that miserable situation with MM and now have a happy life and a great husband who was single when I met him. I came here (haven't been here in ages) and saw your thread. Please do whatever you have to do to free yourself from him. You really can have a happy life and a fulfilling relationship and your own family. You deserve better than you are giving yourself.

 

And congrats on the new baby!!! I'm sure he is a never-ending joy