Els Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 I am thinking of sending something like the following: I need to ask you something. I can't stop thinking about our time together. You are the most special woman I have ever met. You are beautiful inside and out. I have to tell you this because I believe that many people go their entire lives without meeting someone like you and I would be regretting it for the rest of my life if I didn't tell you how I feel. I want you to be my long distance girlfriend. Please consider it. Constructive criticism only! Eh. I'll play devil's advocate and say send it. As long as you don't do anything stupid like some of the things you described above, this in itself should be fine. Worst case scenarios: you get rejected and move on, or the LDR doesn't work out and you move on. Both cases you gain some useful experience and learn some lessons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Waaaaaayyyyyy over the top. It smacks of desperation & neediness. First Class Cling-on. It will send her running for the hills. Don't do it. Say something a LOT less in your face such as I'm so glad we met. I had such a great time when you were here. I'm really bummed that you live you so far away but with all the technology we have available, I think that it may be possible to over come the distance. How would you feel about making this a long distance relationship, officially? Re-read yours, then mine. Do you see / can you read the power differences? What are you going to do / say if she replies with I just want to be friends? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Waaaaaayyyyyy over the top. It smacks of desperation & neediness. First Class Cling-on. It will send her running for the hills. Don't do it. Say something a LOT less in your face such as I'm so glad we met. I had such a great time when you were here. I'm really bummed that you live you so far away but with all the technology we have available, I think that it may be possible to over come the distance. How would you feel about making this a long distance relationship, officially? Re-read yours, then mine. Do you see / can you read the power differences? What are you going to do / say if she replies with I just want to be friends? Same question here, OP. Or, what will you do if she's doesn't reply at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 Same question here, OP. Or, what will you do if she's doesn't reply at all? Then I give up. I'll become a monk. Link to post Share on other sites
Moonborn Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 (edited) Then I give up. I'll become a monk. Apologies if I sound too blunt, but I facepalmed while reading this . Getting yourself involved in a serious relationship of any kind with this attitude is the recipe for disaster. But I doubt you are in the state of mind where you'd listen to any advice we give you here so hey, go for it. And good luck. Edited July 5, 2014 by Moonborn 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 Then I give up. I'll become a monk. Tad dramatic, no? Come on, OP. You're putting all your hopes on a girl you made out with at a club while she's in a different country. Get some perspective. I don't mean this unkindly, but you might have some attachment issues. A close friend of mine is the same: she meets a random guy and starts building up a relationship fantasy in her head, based on her need to attach and very little real evidence that the guy wants the same. Then she's crushed when he doesn't reciprocate and meet her distorted and exaggerated expectations. You're doing the same thing. Give the friendship time to grow, for heaven's sake. Email with her, Skype with her, get to know her. Dont pressure her into a relationship. I can nearly guarantee that if you message her now proposing a relationship, you will not get a favourable response. Even if I really liked a guy I met on holiday, I would be creeped out by this suggestion so early in the game. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 SIGH. So she wrote: I am so flattered by what you wrote, I think you are a really great guy and under other circumstances I would certainly say yes, but I think the distance will be a problem. I really enjoyed the time we spent together and for showing me around, and you must definitely still visit. Obviously this is not a great response but is it hopeless? Can this be salvaged? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 There's nothing to salvage. She likes you but is unwilling to deal with an LDR. She understands that there is no hope of overcoming all of the immigration issues. You don't have to become a monk but you could pray for wisdom & patience. She's the exotic girl you made out with. Let her be that beautiful special memory & stop trying to make it into something more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 There's nothing to salvage. She likes you but is unwilling to deal with an LDR. She understands that there is no hope of overcoming all of the immigration issues. You don't have to become a monk but you could pray for wisdom & patience. She's the exotic girl you made out with. Let her be that beautiful special memory & stop trying to make it into something more. I sent my version... maybe it was a mistake. Should I try sending your version? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 I sent my version... maybe it was a mistake. Should I try sending your version? No. It is the same message and you got your response. Anything more will reek of begging and desperation. The distance is an issue for HER and it is doubtful you can change her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 No. It is the same message and you got your response. Anything more will reek of begging and desperation. The distance is an issue for HER and it is doubtful you can change her mind. You don't understand how special she is. She's near angelic. How can I just let this go? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 You don't understand how special she is. She's near angelic. How can I just let this go? You don't understand that she's not interested and doesn't feel the same way about you. Leave her be. You don't want the same things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 You don't understand that she's not interested and doesn't feel the same way about you. Leave her be. You don't want the same things. So you're saying there's no hope at all? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 You don't understand how special she is. She's near angelic. How can I just let this go? She will force you to let this go with her indifference. You can't MAKE her feel what you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 So I know it seems hopeless but if you guys were me what would you respond to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 She will force you to let this go with her indifference. You can't MAKE her feel what you do. I've been trying to analyze her response and put myself into the mind of a girl. I am trying to figure out exactly how she feels. Even though it seems like a rejection on the surface it's a deeper message than any I got from her since she left. What do you think she really means? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 I've been trying to analyze her response and put myself into the mind of a girl. I am trying to figure out exactly how she feels. Even though it seems like a rejection on the surface it's a deeper message than any I got from her since she left. What do you think she really means? She means she's not interested in a relationship with you. Just like she said. This is not so complicated, you just refuse to hear the truth from her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 What do you think she really means? It means she doesn't want what you want and is trying a nice way to tell you, but you aren't getting it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 6, 2014 Author Share Posted July 6, 2014 It means she doesn't want what you want and is trying a nice way to tell you, but you aren't getting it! Nice? She rejected me... Link to post Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 She rejected you very nicely. Accept her friendship and start getting excited for all the angelic women who live close to you! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 Nice? She rejected me... But still left open the invitation to visit her. Stop seeing everything so polarized. Life is not so black-and-white. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Medium.Lumo Posted July 6, 2014 Author Share Posted July 6, 2014 But still left open the invitation to visit her. Stop seeing everything so polarized. Life is not so black-and-white. Well I'm definitely going to visit, it's already arranged... but I am thinking of sending her one last message ... A last ditch effort so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 Well I'm definitely going to visit, it's already arranged... but I am thinking of sending her one last message ... A last ditch effort so to speak. Christ, do not do this. What is it you're not understanding? She isn't interested in a relationship. If you ignore that and send another message, you could very well wind up not hearing from her at all. And then your plans for a visit would be screwed. It isn't all about you and what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
ufo8mycat Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 Well I'm definitely going to visit, it's already arranged... but I am thinking of sending her one last message ... A last ditch effort so to speak. What for? Do you want to make her feel awkward? Does pleading ever bring about a voluntary change of mind? The likely outcome? You won't be welcome in october. Don't make this so difficult. Stay in touch, catch up on Skype like friends. Head to NZ, see what happens. This approach is just going to make her feel put-upon. Sorry man but you sound frighteningly intense. Kiwi's are the nicest people in the world and she has stated her position. It isn't up to you to make her see things your way. Don't make her repeat her position - she doesn't want an LDR with you. Link to post Share on other sites
NightandDay Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 I'm really sorry to say this but you are unsettling me with your intensity, if she is anything like me and you send her another message like that I would block you and never reply again As it stands you are still on talking terms, please don't send another message unless it's to say something along the lines off ' thanks for letting me know, I'm glad we can be friends' and leave it at that You are on the verge of completely chasing her away 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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