Feeorin Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 You are hurt. It's understandable... Like everyone has said, take this as a lesson and don't sleep with someone on the first date. It does give the wrong impression. Especiallu if you were expecting more out of this. Move on and let him be. 1
Lernaean_Hydra Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 It sickens me that you think this was ok. Yes a very flippant goodbye. You are saying usung women is ok? Once again, how did he use you?? Because all I see is a guy who didn't call you soon enough after sex. Going by your logic, you used him as well since it seems you tried to use sex in order to con him into a relationship. You are so brutal..its obv guys writing this. Nope. I'm a 23 year old girl. My picture is right there on my profile. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Krista, you create thread after thread of essentially the same thing. As we've all said before, you need to work on you. If you're looking for a relationship, you need to first fix your BS Radar and not sleep with a guy on a first date. This isn't so complicated, really. (And I am a woman, too) 5
SmartDude Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 OP, I am sorry you had to go through this. You may be right in your anger, no one here will ever know. There are certain types of men who will lie and be emotionally manipulative so they can get sex. The good news is that there are a lot of men who do not do this. That being said, A man could easily interpret this situation as a casual sexual encounter. If a woman wanted to have sex with me on a first date I might think that she sees no potential in a relationship with me at the moment, so why not just have sex. I might go along with it, even haven just been "rejected" , if its a good night lol. UNLESS it was a situation were we were both on fire and just could not wait. A connection of some mysterious type. But then I would make sure to let her know when I would be contacting her again so I could A)Have her say "ya that sounds great" or B) find that it is going no further. Its not always easy to tell, don't feel bad just try to move on.
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 It sickens me that you think this was ok. Yes a very flippant goodbye. You are saying usung women is ok? Nobody is saying it's OK. We are saying that telling him off on FB was equally not OK. You made a choice to have sex with this guy. It turned out to be a bad choice but you still said yes initially. You were a willing participant. I'd be mad at your friend too. If your friend knew this guy liked to collect notches on his bedpost why weren't you given that info before the date?
Author krista28 Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 Thanks everyone for your input. I know it gives the wrong impression ive just had a crush on this guy for awhile...so it hurt a lot. Maybe it wouldnt if I hadnt. The guy obv didn't see it going anywhere. Yes I heard he is a player...thst he tries to sleep with women and never calls them back. Its apparently happened before exactlyhow I described....what can u do...rejection hurts...I guess its easier to swallow that I didnt go on many dates with him only to find he wasn't after anything...when I did.
Author krista28 Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 Krista, you create thread after thread of essentially the same thing. As we've all said before, you need to work on you. If you're looking for a relationship, you need to first fix your BS Radar and not sleep with a guy on a first date. This isn't so complicated, really. (And I am a woman, too) Im a bad judge of character...trust too easily. 1
Author krista28 Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 Never used it to con. He had been so sweet all night and charming that I trusted him...I even stopled him halfway cuz I didnt know
MidwestUSA Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Never used it to con. He had been so sweet all night and charming that I trusted him...I even stopled him halfway cuz I didnt know Which is it, krista? You stopped him (which isn't really fair, getting into bed naked and all) or everything ground to a halt because he couldn't keep it up? At 28, you have a lot to learn, and you don't seem to be learning from making the same mistake over and over. It hurt because you've had a crush on him for a long time. What about him? He saw a first date opportunity to have sex, because you allowed it. Did you think this would seal the deal for you, after crushing on him for so long? Did you not have any inkling of what others have obviously known about him for some time now? Own your responsibility in this. And, yes, telling him off via Facebook was lame, and showed who you really are. 3
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Im a bad judge of character...trust too easily. Knowing that about yourself, what is your take away from this dating disaster? What have you learned? How will you prevent this from happening again? You don't have to post the answers to these Qs but you better know them. Be well.
Author krista28 Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 My answer is be more skeptical of men who seem to be interested in me but are not...and have malicious intent. Be more descriminate.
2sunny Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 The limp peepee thing was odd never happened to me before. .and I dont think the guy felt like a failure....I kissed him the next day....showed I was into it...now I just hate him...why are guys such losers and use women It only happens by the way you participate. Start participating differently for a new outcome. A few things - he any have gone limp because he masturbates too much. He's moving? If so, it may be wasted energy to get something meaningful started. Can you date a guy and wait until you really know him as a person to THEN make a decision to share your body with him? What's your experience? Do you "normally" consider having sex before you get to really know him?
Author krista28 Posted June 29, 2014 Author Posted June 29, 2014 yes the beating off thing is very probable. I don't know the night went so well..he was sweet...for some reason I just trusted him..ive been crying for the last hour now i am feeling better...I really liked him from what iknew..and I though the sex was special..it felt like a real connection to me..he held my hand and was intimate about it. then its like he shut down like a cold wall....I am hoping its more to do with him then me..because I was really feelin it. I just don't know what to think...if ihad made him wait...might it had turned out different or woul dhe still have been an ass
snowflakes88 Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 You end up in the same kind of situation over and over and over and over again. I suspect these men sense your desperation and treat you accordingly. 1
Zahara Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Same thing over and over again. A few threads ago you agreed you need to stay away from dating and work on yourself. Lo and behold another thread about another guy treating you like crap. Your radar is one thing but it's also your lack of self-esteem that keeps you doing this then blaming guys for using you. When do you become accountable for not allowing yourself to be in a position of getting and feeling used? 1
2sunny Posted June 29, 2014 Posted June 29, 2014 Same thing over and over again. A few threads ago you agreed you need to stay away from dating and work on yourself. Lo and behold another thread about another guy treating you like crap. Your radar is one thing but it's also your lack of self-esteem that keeps you doing this then blaming guys for using you. When do you become accountable for not allowing yourself to be in a position of getting and feeling used? I'm always accountable for the way I participate. Men don't use me because I don't allow it.
Author krista28 Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 Thanks as if I dont already feel bad enough. I guess the guys not one of trust worth.
Zahara Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Thanks as if I dont already feel bad enough. I guess the guys not one of trust worth. Well, the only one putting you in that position is you. You expect coddling? Read the amount of threads and advice you've been given. What would you expect people to say to you? Poor Krista. All these bad men using her? Time and time again, the consensus has been that you stay away from dating and work on yourself. It's not about who and what these guys are anymore. It's about your own actions and what you put yourself through to get a man to want you. Until you love yourself and find value within you, you'll keep repeating this pattern. You want to quit feeling bad, start making better decisions for yourself. 2
2sunny Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 In this situation - no one made you the victim. Yet you're typing like you are the victim. It's difficult to learn a lesson (and change things) as long as you view this as your pity party. Many here have openly expressed how to participate differently so you never experience this again. They are trying to help you. You want help or you want pity?
2sunny Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Thanks as if I dont already feel bad enough. I guess the guys not one of trust worth. When you trust yourself - you will feel differently about men who earn your trust. Maybe you don't trust yourself to make good decisions that look after your best interest? Could that be part of it?
Author krista28 Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 I see how I have part in this. I gjesd I trusted thst he was interested for the right reasons....and that this wouldn't happen. I am later told this same guy bangs hitchikers and really dirty ppl a.d is just dirt. Question to myself is how did I not pickup on this? Yes I have part in this....I am not choosy enough about men I date and if someone likes me im right in there...
Zahara Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 I see how I have part in this. I gjesd I trusted thst he was interested for the right reasons....and that this wouldn't happen. I am later told this same guy bangs hitchikers and really dirty ppl a.d is just dirt. Question to myself is how did I not pickup on this? Yes I have part in this....I am not choosy enough about men I date and if someone likes me im right in there... Trusted he was interested? What has that got to do with having sex with him so quickly? Does a man's interest automatically justify sex on every first date? You couldn't take your time and just go out, spend time, get to know one another? Maybe if you took the time to get to know him first, you would have gathered more information about who he is and what he does? How do you not pick up on this? You answered your own question. You'll settle for anyone that shows you attention because that attention validates you. You have no self-esteem or self-value that allows you to have standards, boundaries and expectations that allow YOU to decide if a man is worthy or deserving of you. A man, any man -- as long as he shows you attention, you'll do whatever it takes to hold that attention. Sex being one way where you believe you can keep him interested -- and this speaking from all your other threads as well. Until you find your self-worth and you fill that void that you have within you, you're going to keep doing "I am not choosy enough about men I date and if someone likes me im right in there."
Author krista28 Posted June 30, 2014 Author Posted June 30, 2014 Ive already accepted that...I cant date anymore becsuse im making bad choices and that's not good for anyone.
Zahara Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 Ive already accepted that...I cant date anymore becsuse im making bad choices and that's not good for anyone. This is what you keep saying. You get disappointed. You post a thread. People advise you. You agree that you can't date. Then in a month you'll be back with another thread about another guy using you for sex. 1
Zahara Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/433382-guy-crazy Here's your first thread. In October 2013. Nine months ago and 45 threads later about scummy men -- same story. Go back and read all your threads and make a decision for change. Your history is an eye-opener and a kick in the butt for you -- you need to start doing things differently. No more talking about it, just doing. Stay away from dating and men -- focus on yourself.
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