Whats up with POF

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I regularly use POF and all i get is pain, frustration and disappointment i can't seem to figure out what i'm doing wrong, i guess i just don't look good enough or have good enough photos to get interest no matter how nice or personal i write my messages i get nothing, a few times i thought i was getting somewhere it turned to nothing, i did one date which turned out to be strange affair indeed.

 

I would be happy to give you some tips/pointers if you want me to have a glance at your profile. Sometimes you need an outsiders perspective. I used to get compliments on the written part of my profile all the time.

[Targetlock]

I would be happy to give you some tips/pointers if you want me to have a glance at your profile. Sometimes you need an outsiders perspective. I used to get compliments on the written part of my profile all the time.

 

Okay thanks any help is welcome can't hurt, will send a PM if that is okay.

[SugarLips72]

the online dating world is full of flakes. A lot of people post ads with no intention of meeting. Keep messaging and eventually you will find someone legit who wants to meet.

[irc333]

I send messages, some reply, and then we only have 4-5 message convos until they stop replying. What's wrong with me? Or this service? Or with them? Is my email game bad?

 

POF, with it being free and all, is mostly filled with attention seeking catfishers and overly picky single people that remain as permanent fixtures of the site until they leave town, physically and geographically, to venues with more options.

 

Though, I have rarely gotten responses on that site, if I actually DID get a response...it'd be like pulling teeth to get a face-to-face meet-in-person situation.

 

Seems a lot of women on that site write their profiles as if they have some kind of axe to grind as well.

 

Funny, I was seeing the same faces on the site constantly that live in my small town area, some of course I've already emailed not have gotten a response....a few weeks later I'd contact them again with a follow-up...because sometimes, they are new in town and basically hadn't come to terms realizing that their only options are the elderly and toothless rednecks. The kind of people they are looking for are already married.

 

Thus...smalltown America. That's why I suggest they just need to relocate, because whatever is they are looking for...won't be found here.

[irc333]

Note to self, never take dating advice from someone who has a screen name with the word "Baller" in it.

 

 

Five days isn't that long especially if you meet up during the weekend. If your into a guy there is no way that you'd just forget about him after a week. If you meet up with any other guy the guy that hasn't called will always be on your mind.

 

When I was 20ish I always did the next day thing but it's only more recently that I've figured that women need that element of unpredictability.

 

This is a perfect example of why so many men don't get it, it's because of the advice column that counteracts everything. It's like when girls say that guys should say I love you and call all the time, just to end up dumping guys because he says he loves you too much and calls you too often. All my female cousins always follow a pattern of dating a tough guy, try to make them soft and then dump them for being too soft.

 

By the way I'm saying 5-7 days AFTER the first meet up.

[Strength in Healing]

Some reply because they don't want to come off heartless, but disappear because they're not truly interested. I feel like that happened to me, and I sure did it to a few girls.

 

But it's also that they're receiving 100000+ messages a day if they're even remotely attractive.

Edited June 27, 2014 by Strength in Healing

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

Ok so I got back to reading all of this. wow

 

From most of your advice, I can admit my profile pictures are just bad. Some of them are from 2 years ago. And don't even ask about the tie lol. I will try to take better pictures and see if I have any luck. Now, regarding the "about me," idk if I should change it or make it "better" (what constitutes better in this case???) Some users here said it was better than most and that my description was alright. I'm leaning toward making some small changes.

 

The 5-day waiting thing is really ridiculous to me. Maybe it worked 30 years ago before all of this instant msging but these days it just seems cruel and immature to wait for so long.

 

The shades...they are not going. They stay

 

And I've been contemplating...very very much taking the approach where you ask for the number 3-5 msgs into the conversation. My method has not been working so I will try another one.

 

 

Also, the area that I live in does kinda suck. Most of the users there are "southern bells," "southern ladies," "country princess," and I reeeeeaaaaallly hate those kinds. It all just screams, REDNECK. And as a 20 year old Hispanic guy living in redneck territory, I am put at a huge disadvantage. Seriously, most women will not date outside their race around these parts God Bless America.

 

I will persist. And I will also take up msging on Sundays. And I will also be less serious. I thought POF was alright but it actually kinda sucks.

[MidwestUSA]

Oh, keep the shades as long as you have some better pics that show you more clearly.

 

As for POF, you get what you pay for. If you go into expecting nothing and get something, well.....there ya go! Good luck. Does sound like your location isn't going to work in your favor. Giggle at Southern Belles = redneck. Here I'm thinking sprawling plantation homes with servants quarters still being used!

[Baller25]

2 days, 5 days, you call, I call, WTF?!

 

Is anyone else tired of the ridiculous and childish game-playing that seems to go hand in hand with dating these days?

 

How is it childish? The idea is to make you appear to be busy, unpredictable and leave room to think about what to talk about the next time especially in the early dates. A guy can't be successful with women long term if he is predictable, boring and readily available —*women may think they want that but they don't.

 

Why do you know better what women want when you're not a woman? lol

 

You hear from the mouth of women themselves it's too long, yet you still think you know better than women!!

 

What tampon should I use Baller25? I am sure you know best.

 

I get your logic, but your wrong when it comes to romance — women think they want X but they actually want Y. I've actually been given advice from my cousins when I had my first gf, only to later eavesdrop on them complain about that same advice. You love the idea of a guy immediately calling back, but then end up hating that he's too available and therefore low-value.

 

Wow, this is contrary to EVERY experience I have had. EVERY woman I've dated loved and WANTED to be contacted within 24-hours. Maybe it's b/c I've only dated "mature" women.

 

When you're really hungry you want to order a pizza, only to regret eating a whole pizza few hours later — of course she wants you to call immediately, that doesn't mean that is what is best.

 

There's nothing wrong with you. Online dating is the problem here.

 

It's better to work with the system rather than criticize it.

 

I agree, people have different paces and some like to get an idea of character before passing on their number or meeting. It's not easy to do that in 4 to 5 messages.

Really? The best way is to just make a joke early on and once you get a 'lol' or 'haha' then ask for the number. Surely he can do that in under 5 messages considering he's got time to think in between.

 

Note to self, never take dating advice from someone who has a screen name with the word "Baller" in it.

Says the guy with the Heisenberg avatar

 

The 5-day waiting thing is really ridiculous to me. Maybe it worked 30 years ago before all of this instant msging but these days it just seems cruel and immature to wait for so long.

 

Does actually getting the girl seem ridiculous to you too? I'm 25 and I'm telling you that it works today. I can remember so many times that I called the girl the next day, and again and again just to end up with her calling me an hour before we were to meet for our second date saying that she's "not looking for a relationship". It took me years before I figured it all out. I wonder how many attractive women on here have stopped dating a perfectly decent guy after the 1st date without a valid reason.

[mickleb]

I've got to know why the shades have to stay!

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

Don't listen to the haters.

 

There are many reasons people stop responding. Could be they are chatting to others and you're not progressing as quickly as them. Could be they lost interest. Could be your photos/profile aren't great and they filtered you out. Could be their prison warden doesn't let them send more than 4 or 5 messages. Could be they are a group of 3 giggling schoolgirls just having a laugh. Who knows!

 

This is why you should firstly have a great profile and photos. Secondly your messages should always be leading towards a real-life meeting, you should be escalating interest not simply chatting or "getting to know" someone. After 4-5 messages you should be asking for a phone number or an RL meeting.

 

I've used POF a lot, met 20-30 women, hardly ever had this problem or last-minute cancellations that so many others seem to have. Am I very lucky, or just "good at POF"? People are very quick to blame the website, or other users when in fact they should be improving their technique.

 

Recently I started using it again and like I said before, I can get at least 3 women to chat with and some just drop. However, there is this one that completely baffled me. She replied to me and then I asked what time is she free. Instead, she ignores my question completely and asks me something else and we've had like 12 messages back and forth. She's either playing with me or just getting to know me. Idk what she wants. I don't even know if she's interested. I will ask for a number and hope she doesn't drop me.

 

I've got to know why the shades have to stay!

 

Because they make me look COOL. And it's even scientifically proven! Women respond more to men who wear shades because it makes men look cool and mysterious.

 

 

And I updated my profile a bit. Now I have more "confident" pictures as you guys suggested. If you wanna check me out, my name is guitarxplayer.