.. I'm 'late' and have yet to tell MM

[IfWishesWereHorses]

What is your definition of love? Is it a noun or a verb? Is it about your feeling, someone else's or both?

[2sunny]

He's assuming he can come live with you and your husband?

 

Why would he assume that?

[KaliLove]

Is termination an option? If you and your friends' husband are not ready to be parents, maybe you shouldn't bring a child into the world who you could end up resenting. Also, this may not be a healthy environment to raise a child in.

 

If not termination, what about adoption?

[Trimmer]

Anyone that has read my past threads know I'm involved in an affair. My marriage is relatively open (not casual sex but we have dated other people) my husband knows and is accepting of my relationship with my MM but my MM wife does not know we are involved and would not obviously be ok with it.. So I am cheated, although not on my husband.

Curiosity question, and I will not beat you up for it, but was part of your agreement with your husband that it was OK to have the relationship be a secret one on the OM's side? Or did he just turn a blind eye to that aspect?

 

It was his idea to have unprotected sex, he's brought up 'making a baby' with me several times...

 

He talked me into it, said it was going to be fine, not saying he intentionally did this...

Really? Are you serious that you don't think this was intentional on his part?

 

No I feel really sick about it. Not prepared. He said he was going to tell her immediately, and I flipped out. He said he thinks on some level he wanted this so she wouldn't be able to talk him into staying again and I flipped out.. Im an emotional mess. I said that was a horrible thing to say. He apologized ..

He apologized to get out of a sticky conversation with you, but doesn't this seem pretty obvious, in retrospect?

 

I have very few female friends who are close enough to talk about any of this with and the ones I do can't relate and I don't want to burden with it anyways.

... and you should understand that any female friend who is close to you is going to seriously question your loyalty to your female friends.

 

They've been discussing separation so it won't be a complete shock but still she's going to be blindsided about me..

Yeah, don't fool yourself. You're taking a 100% shock and saying it will be 0.5% less because they've already been talking about separation. Just be prepared and be honest with yourself here.

 

 

But we have all discussed having a family and my husband is taking things really well.. Even said he wouldn't love any child born to me different than if he knew it was his.

 

He said that he doesn't think he would love this kid any different than his own and that MM is a great dad and this kid will be so loved.

So, he's gone from "wouldn't love a child any different", to "doesn't think he would love this kid any different." I hope, for everyone's sake (especially the child's) that trend doesn't continue, but you are definitely entering uncharted territory.

[SoleMate]

What's done is done and can't be changed. However, as you move forward, I hope you will carefully consider how your choices and your actions have predictably led to you being "sick" and "nervous" and in an "emotional mess", and whether you could make different choices in the future that have better outcomes.

 

Open marriage is supposed to be based on honesty, so it was contradictory to have a partner (the MM) who was in a dishonest situation vis-a-vis his wife.

 

Another thought: If you are pregnant, it's not clear who will assume the father role and provide emotional, practical, and financial support for the next 18 years. Right now there are two men in the picture.....but you might be surprised at how quickly one or both can evaporate. I suggest you see a family law practitioner ASAP and learn how to protect your unborn child at least legally/financially (lawyers sadly cannot help with the emotional side).