learning_slowly Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 I know it sounds harsh, but you didn't value yourself and so neither did he. The fact you have few friends may mean you have lost some social skills. Can you not join a club where you have to interact with people? Or try and get in touch with old friends? Then when you have built up a support network, you'll be the one saying to the next guy: I'm busy Saturday as I'm doing this with blah, but can we do it another time? That way it shows you must be likeable and have outside hobbies etc. I know you go to the gym which is a good thing,but you need to start putting your life before your career. Consultancy work makes it hard to keep up relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 I'm sorry you are going through this, but hopefully this is the inspiration for you to actually get going with the rest of your life. You've wasted a year cowtowing to this man, so it's almost as if you have just broken up. Don't waste any more time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 Thanks for the messages - KaliLove - the thing is I think he knows I still like him... so I've already dropped the ball on him not knowing I've been obsessing for a year. As much as I want to ask that question so much, I'm pretty worried about how pathetic having to actually ask will look in his eyes... bigger blow to the esteem I think than him actually say 'no chance'! If you're not willing to ask, then you need to give up. It sounds like he already knows how you feel and he's not doing anything about it. I'm sorry you're hurting..the only thing that will help is time..and NC. Link to post Share on other sites
brokenheart94 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I know exaclty what you mean. Whenever i talk to my ex gf i have this constant need to be told that its over by her just so i can move on. So i would ask her things like 'so me n u r over yh?' she wud reply 'i dna' which stopped me from moving on. But yday she finally said Yes we are and i guess ill use that as a backbone to move on. Bear in mind its still going to be difficult n i love her loads but i feel hopeless and there is nothing i can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 Okay - 1 week on... not feeling any different yet i.e. still massively want to text. Just seems a shame that this really does feel like the end. Not expecting any replies to this - just posting... I can't possibly bend any more friends ears on this! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 This guy knows you want him back and if he wanted you too he would have made his move. He has moved on and like someone else said if you didn't contact him he probably wouldn't contact you either. You have wasted 1 year of your life pinning for him don't waste anymore years on this because there is someone else out there for you. Walk forward because if you keep looking back you will miss the love of your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 I agree with everything you are saying stillafool... just got to get my heart to meet the mind on this one! Thing is that he does contact.. but there is never any substance behind it i.e. its just a catch up to say hi, not to meet / rekindle anything. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 and That's the worse type of contact when you are trying to get over someone. You will constantly analyze every word that comes out of his mouth. This is why you need to go complete NC. If you don't you will never get over him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 haha - you are spot on stillafool... every word from him and me is analysed to a ridiculous degree. You're right - I agree with you on everything you've said. Do you think banging my head on the desk will help? ;-) (I should add I'm sitting in an open plan office!). Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 16, 2014 Author Share Posted June 16, 2014 Okay (again just posting to avoid texting back)... today he choses to text to say hi and ask what I've been up to. I'd love so much to engage in a chat, but I know I'll feel rubbish afterwards... holding stong (even though ignoring goes against my friendly grain!). Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 16, 2014 Author Share Posted June 16, 2014 Fail.. messaged back... nothing meaningful - just to not be rude. I hate all this...feeling crap again just to make him feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 I text mine yesterday about fathers day (he brought my daughter up for 3 years) just said that although he's not around anymore he was the only father my daughter knew and happy fathers day he replied immediately just thanking me when he hasnt acknowledged me in many months.. it hasnt really effected me but it has made me wonder why he would acknowledge me now after so long of ignoring x Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 16, 2014 Author Share Posted June 16, 2014 Perhaps because this time its about your daughter... something which perhaps he feels is in some way separate from your relationship status? I don't know, and don't have children myself yet unfortunaltely, but just from friends / family relationships I know that people can talk about their children together and yet cannot touch on the subject about their own history together. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 Shes not his child though and I would have thought being in a new RS which he is he wouldnt have bothered replying. I know now I will be okay either way but it is funny how I still do analyse to a degree but no where near what I used too... am getting there slowly! lol x Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 16, 2014 Author Share Posted June 16, 2014 I can identify with you on the analyzing! The only thing that brings me back a little (and not for long, and not in a nice way) is the reality check that he's probably not analyzing / thinking on it whatsoever.... at least in my case. Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 Sportygirl - I am not a professional in any way (well, not a mental professional), but it seems to me you're experiencing limerence. Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I've been there, and all I can tell you is once I got out of it, I was flat stunned by what my brain was able to do when I didn't have control of it. Absolutely get help from a good therapist. Money should not be an excuse, as anything that can destroy your life the way this is should be the number one priority for you to eradicate. You seem like a great girl and it's just a matter of getting through this, once you do you'll be so much stronger for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 Fail.. messaged back... nothing meaningful - just to not be rude. I hate all this...feeling crap again just to make him feel better. I think you need to block his number or e-mail. If you can't discipline yourself, then get it to the point where you don't get notifications of his contact attempts. He's not going to do the work for you -- you have to do this on your own. And it's ok to block and admit that you need help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 Well today was a bad day. I failed :-( Messaged... nothing significant. We just chit chatted.... again not about anything in particular. Its just nice for those brief moments that it does make me feel semi-complete in some way... and slightly validated in some way. I know this sounds daft. I'm just so lonely, and feel like I missed out on something good. Something happy. Wish I could turn back the clock to when he would choose to message me :-( x Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 Gosh... so desperately sad. Can't lift this easily today. I'm just alone... for what feels like forever ;'-( Meanwhile I'm fairly sure he's out there without a care in the world, not a clue about the sadness I'm going through and have gone through for what seems like forever. Its all so cruel. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Block him. It's obvious you have no self-control, so you need to take extreme measures to expedite this process. I mean, we can't help you if you refuse to help yourself. And your sadness is completely self-inflicted at this point -- he's not the one torturing you, you're torturing yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Gosh... so desperately sad. Can't lift this easily today. I'm just alone... for what feels like forever ;'-( Meanwhile I'm fairly sure he's out there without a care in the world, not a clue about the sadness I'm going through and have gone through for what seems like forever. Its all so cruel. So you feel bad after you contacted him? Why in the world do you still contact this person and torture yourself? What are you hoping to get from a conversation with him that is helping you in any way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportygirl Posted June 28, 2014 Author Share Posted June 28, 2014 Sorry - I just re-read my post from earlier... that really was a downer. Sorry folks. SimonPheonix, you are right. I don't blame him at all for me being sad.... it's my ability to handle things that's the issue... not his doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thekid36 Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 Well today was a bad day. I failed :-( Messaged... nothing significant. We just chit chatted.... again not about anything in particular. Its just nice for those brief moments that it does make me feel semi-complete in some way... and slightly validated in some way. I know this sounds daft. I'm just so lonely, and feel like I missed out on something good. Something happy. Wish I could turn back the clock to when he would choose to message me :-( x Sounds as if you are focusing so much of your time right now on something that is just not happening. Not the whole way you would like it to be. I gather that this is not at all what you want with him. You want to have a relationship again. The only problem is that there are two people in all situations like this. If he is not feeling you other than a friend, then no matter how hard you try, it's not going to change. No matter how much contact there is, he is still not giving you what you want. This then has the tendency to hold you back. What you deserve is a man who will feel the same way about you. That is when the contact can be much more fun! Not trying to be harsh at all. Not trying to lessen your longing. Just trying to be realistic in relation to the specific situation. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 If I was never contacted, that's just what I wanted to hear - silence. A thousand times better than more lies or sentimental and melancholic crap. Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 If I was never contacted, that's just what I wanted to hear - silence. A thousand times better than more lies or sentimental and melancholic crap. I never was either. I sent him some messages, but he never responded. As much as my ego rebelled against the idea that he didn't miss me enough to even want to contact me a little, it was truly an incredible gift. For me, as an HSP, healing from a romantic relationship is different and in some ways more difficult(this is very much related to a lot of things, but one of the primary drivers for this--and believe me I am not saying that it isn't excruciatingly difficult for everyone, because it is--is as vivid as everyone's memories are, HSP's memories, as well as our dreams, tend to be even more vivid, multi-sensory, and given our emotional over-drive, often when we go into a memory, it doesn't matter if it happened twenty years ago, it literally feels like it happened 5 minutes ago), so any contact would have prolonged my healing by a thousand fold. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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