Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 Surprisingly, I've known a women who had told me their "how we met stories" where a man had asked her out on more than one occasion only to win her over. I recall at a Meetup, hadn't seen this woman in ages at an event. I knew the guy she used to date pretty well, turns out she broke up with him and I hadn't seen her since until later at another Meetup. She was with a new man, I asked how she's been lately and whose the "new guy in her life" She said, "Funny story, he asked me out like 3 times, and each time I said 'No', on the fourth time I decided I'd go for it...and we've been together ever since". So chances are, if done properly and in a non-pushy fashion, if you ask a woman out multiple times, you'll eventually get her to go with you...depending on the situation and if you "space apart" the amount of times that a guy does it. I am definitely not going to ask any girl out multiple times. I am way too proud to do that.
Spirit1985 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 May she just got cold feet or was distracted by another guy and couldn''t be bothered replying. It is very rude though I must admit!! Who knows, maybe one day you can ask her and she'll give you an answer. In the meantime, don't let this situation affect you for the rest of your life. I know lots of guys that don't like commitment or getting their feelings hurt because of past experiences.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) well damn, the girl finally texted me back tonight. she said she was sorry for responding so late. She didn't address what I mentioned in my text directly, but she said she's going to her friends graduation tomorrow then might be going back to city X which is an hour or two away. she then asked how my graduation went. I don't know if she's trying to backout of this situation without necessarily addressing it or she's still oblivious to the fact that I wanted to ask her out? I need some opinions on this!! Edited May 24, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me
iiiii Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Honest opinion? Ask her out. Ask her out properly, so she knows for sure it's a date that you want. She might turn you down, in which case you know for sure where you stand. She might accept, in which case it's a win. As an aside, I personally hate it when guys don't have the guts to actually ask me out properly, but instead just sort of hint at it. I think a lot of guys avoid properly asking girls on a date so that if the girl declines, the guy can save their pride by pretending they never actually wanted a date anyway. I can see why they do it, but IMO it's cowardly and unattractive. Not saying you're necessarily doing that but... bite the bullet! Ask the girl out. What's the worst that can happen? 1
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Honest opinion? Ask her out. Ask her out properly, so she knows for sure it's a date that you want. She might turn you down, in which case you know for sure where you stand. She might accept, in which case it's a win. As an aside, I personally hate it when guys don't have the guts to actually ask me out properly, but instead just sort of hint at it. I think a lot of guys avoid properly asking girls on a date so that if the girl declines, the guy can save their pride by pretending they never actually wanted a date anyway. I can see why they do it, but IMO it's cowardly and unattractive. Not saying you're necessarily doing that but... bite the bullet! Ask the girl out. What's the worst that can happen? HOW should I ask her out without sounding too eager at this point? An example of the wording would be useful. What I don't get about her is why wait 5 days to reply and apologize for it then. Wouldn't it just have been easier to answer earlier?
SJC2008 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) This is turning into SD81'S thread. Don't ask her out again, it was a rejection. In these passive/social media times it's how most people communicate. If she was interested she'd of *jumped* at the opportunity to grab a drink with you. I don't personally know anyone who would "go off" on a woman for rejecting him. If this is the "norm" for some women they may want to consider they type of men they're giving their numbers to/accepting first dates from. Sure, some woman may want you to lock on to them pupil to pupil and ask them out with the confidence of zeus but for the vast majority of people that's not how dating works. You get a number, call (most people text) and go from there. I *always* call the first time because that's the generation I'm from but the majority of the time I get a ***TEXT*** back. The last woman I got a number from answered and asked me to text her, I didn't. A lot of people like to critisize on this forum, especially onss who struggle. They say xyz about the way/venue you ask a woman out and yes for a small percentage of woman that's the case but for the most part, if a woman likes you you can do no wrong. Edited May 24, 2014 by SJC2008 1
SJC2008 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/463877-can-you-text-me Here's the opposite of what you did, I *CALLED* and look whose side they took. What a surprise I should of texted her blah blah blah. Don't put too much weight into what most people here say. You'll learn who's a strait shooter here and who's not. You'll learn who they are over time. 1
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 This is turning into SD81'S thread. Don't ask her out again, it was a rejection. In these passive/social media times it's how most people communicate. If she was interested she'd of *jumped* at the opportunity to grab a drink with you. I don't personally know anyone who would "go off" on a woman for rejecting him. If this is the "norm" for some women they may want to consider they type of men they're giving their numbers to/accepting first dates from. Sure, some woman may want you to lock on to them pupil to pupil and ask them out with the confidence of zeus but for the vast majority of people that's not how dating works. You get a number, call (most people text) and go from there. I *always* call the first time because that's the generation I'm from but the majority of the time I get a ***TEXT*** back. The last woman I got a number from answered and asked me to text her, I didn't. A lot of people like to critisize on this forum, especially onss who struggle. They say xyz about the way/venue you ask a woman out and yes for a small percentage of woman that's the case but for the most part, if a woman likes you you can do no wrong. I do think more likely than not the girl is not interested, why else would she wait 5 days and not jump at the opportunity to go out? However in retrospect I do think my indirect ask out wasn't the best choice. For all I know this girl might think I still just trying to be friends (though doubtful). I may make an attempt to properly ask out this girl, but I can afford to wait a bit. 2
SJC2008 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I do think more likely than not the girl is not interested, why else would she wait 5 days and not jump at the opportunity to go out? However in retrospect I do think my indirect ask out wasn't the best choice. For all I know this girl might think I still just trying to be friends (though doubtful). I may make an attempt to properly ask out this girl, but I can afford to wait a bit. Ciuld you have worded it better? Absoloutely! The point I'm trying to drive home is that she liked you and is like mist women she'd of said yes in a heartbeat. Same stroy I used in SD81'S thread. I askes my 1st gf out over the phone after her friend told me she said I had to ask her out in person. Do you know what she said when U asked her out? You tell me.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Ciuld you have worded it better? Absoloutely! The point I'm trying to drive home is that she liked you and is like mist women she'd of said yes in a heartbeat. Same stroy I used in SD81'S thread. I askes my 1st gf out over the phone after her friend told me she said I had to ask her out in person. Do you know what she said when U asked her out? You tell me. yeah I don't disagree.
KaylaP Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I texted this girl a couple of days ago, we got a few texts back and fourth then I texted her this: "I m thinking of going for beers after school, was wondering if u d like to come along" She stopped texting me after that. I m taking this as a rejection, but what puzzles me is why girls often just choose to not respond when they aren't interested, rather than say sorry not interested. I think if she responded with sorry not interested it would have made my next encounter with her less awkward. SO yeah I am interested in female opinions especially. Its because we don't want u whining & crying LML!
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Its because we don't want u whining & crying LML! :confused:okaay 1
Shaun-Dro Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I do think more likely than not the girl is not interested, why else would she wait 5 days and not jump at the opportunity to go out? However in retrospect I do think my indirect ask out wasn't the best choice. For all I know this girl might think I still just trying to be friends (though doubtful). I may make an attempt to properly ask out this girl, but I can afford to wait a bit. Why wait? Afraid of hearing the wrong answer? Fearing a rejection reply? I don't care whether a dame accepts or rejects. I'll move on to the next and it is the most satisfying when she rejects me, then I shut her out, only to get her trying to get my attention again. I lost count of how many women I took to bed after they tried to reject me in the beginning stages. I think the lack of not caring and moving forward gets her interested because most men go on pestering the woman, vying for their affection as if she's worth more than gold.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Its because we don't want u whining & crying LML! Why wait? Afraid of hearing the wrong answer? Fearing a rejection reply? I don't care whether a dame accepts or rejects. I'll move on to the next and it is the most satisfying when she rejects me, then I shut her out, only to get her trying to get my attention again. I lost count of how many women I took to bed after they tried to reject me in the beginning stages. I think the lack of not caring and moving forward gets her interested because most men go on pestering the woman, vying for their affection as if she's worth more than gold. I m not afraid of being rejected cause, I think I am more or less rejected at this point. I just think its only fair I wait a bit too when she waited 5 DAYS to return my text.
mortensorchid Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 It is cowardice, yes, but I don't think that is unique to women. Just as many men have broken off relationships with me via text / email, and just as many have suddenly "vanished" like the woman you talked about who never responded to the text message. It's hurtful, of course, for the party who is being rejected. Don't blame technology for this, though. Technology existed for a long time before email and texting came into vogue, and how many of us have been broken up with or heard some kind of upsetting news on the telephone? But to answer your question, you should just chuck it up to cowardice and her not being interested and move on. Do you really want to be with someone who has such bad communication skills to begin with? 1
SJC2008 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Its because we don't want u whining & crying LML! Where ate these men who have no pride and cry and beg when they get rejected? I'm sure they're out there but ti make it seem like it's the rule rather than the exception is 100% ishtbull. 2
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 It is cowardice, yes, but I don't think that is unique to women. Just as many men have broken off relationships with me via text / email, and just as many have suddenly "vanished" like the woman you talked about who never responded to the text message. It's hurtful, of course, for the party who is being rejected. Don't blame technology for this, though. Technology existed for a long time before email and texting came into vogue, and how many of us have been broken up with or heard some kind of upsetting news on the telephone? But to answer your question, you should just chuck it up to cowardice and her not being interested and move on. Do you really want to be with someone who has such bad communication skills to begin with? Did you read the update? she texted me back after five days. if it was her cowardice why text back after 5 days?
SJC2008 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Just as many men have broken off relationships with me via text / email, and just as many have suddenly "vanished" like the woman you talked about who never responded to the text message. It's hurtful, of course, for the party who is being rejected. It's definately not gender specific. People are very very passive.
HeartinPain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Honestly, she really does not seem interested. If she was, she would have texted back within the day. When she finally texted you back, it is obvious it was as a courtesy. Just some constructive criticism - Your invite text was weak. Next time, just be more forward. The "wondering" part of your text was unattractive.
HeartinPain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 so can you provide an example on how it should be done? "I'm getting drinks after class. What time should we meet?" "I'm getting drinks after class. What time should I pick you up?" "I'm getting drinks after class. Would love if you came with." HTH!
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 "I'm getting drinks after class. What time should we meet?" "I'm getting drinks after class. What time should I pick you up?" "I'm getting drinks after class. Would love if you came with." HTH! The first two aren't even giving her a choice to say no. The last one sounds better.
HeartinPain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 The first two aren't even giving her a choice to say no. The last one sounds better. The first two are more forward and aggressive. It would warrant a yes/no response much quicker. It really depends on the girl and what she responds to. Personally, if I were interested in the guy and he texted me either of the first two, it shows confidence and I would find it attractive. However, if I was not interested, I would respond back with an excuse sooner rather than later. I should mention... I'm in my early 30s so that is probably a major reason why I prefer forward guys. 1
lino Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 In the dating realm and most other parts of life, women prefer the path of least resistance. Don't worry about it, you won't get any satisfaction trying to figure it out. It is what it is. Move onto other women and if this one tries to get back in your life, use her as a piece of a*s and nothing more.
Els Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 I did some stuff like that when I was a teenager. Some guys have absolutely no sense of boundaries, and I was young, naive, and afraid of conflict or to hurt someone. I didn't know how to phrase rejection... so I just stopped all contact. Of course ideally they would respond, but people take time to mature and learn.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 Hell, The girl said she's down to go out for a drink I decided to ask her out directly, and after one day wait she replied and said she's down to go out for a drink with me. the only thing that is confusing is she said "haha okay" at the beginning of the text. I don't get it, does she think this whole ask out thing is funny? 2
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