you_can_not_see_me Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I texted this girl a couple of days ago, we got a few texts back and fourth then I texted her this: "I m thinking of going for beers after school, was wondering if u d like to come along" She stopped texting me after that. I m taking this as a rejection, but what puzzles me is why girls often just choose to not respond when they aren't interested, rather than say sorry not interested. I think if she responded with sorry not interested it would have made my next encounter with her less awkward. SO yeah I am interested in female opinions especially. 3
MsSmurf Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 While I can't speak for all women, I know for me at times it is easier to not respond. Why? Because I've been the girl that politely (yes I was really polite) tells a guy I'm not interested only to have him blow up like some psycho. Really? I said no thank you. There were no insults, name calling, or childish taunts. Yet now I'm on the receiving end of a full blown temper tantrum that could very well turn into something worse. Sometimes in response to my polite rejection I've had guys just keep asking. Seriously? I said no thank you and I am perfectly capable of making a decision and sticking with it. I am not some clueless teen who has no idea what she wants out of life or a relationship or whatever. With these kind of guys I always wonder what is so wrong with them that they can't wait to have a woman say yes after they pestered her to death. Is that some kind of a prize and I missed the memo? So OP, sure the no response is irritating and it can hurt the ego. However, it also frees up your time to focus on someone else. So do that 5
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 While I can't speak for all women, I know for me at times it is easier to not respond. Why? Because I've been the girl that politely (yes I was really polite) tells a guy I'm not interested only to have him blow up like some psycho. Really? I said no thank you. There were no insults, name calling, or childish taunts. Yet now I'm on the receiving end of a full blown temper tantrum that could very well turn into something worse. Sometimes in response to my polite rejection I've had guys just keep asking. Seriously? I said no thank you and I am perfectly capable of making a decision and sticking with it. I am not some clueless teen who has no idea what she wants out of life or a relationship or whatever. With these kind of guys I always wonder what is so wrong with them that they can't wait to have a woman say yes after they pestered her to death. Is that some kind of a prize and I missed the memo? So OP, sure the no response is irritating and it can hurt the ego. However, it also frees up your time to focus on someone else. So do that meh my ego will be hurt no matter how she rejects, that's not the point of this thread though. What doesn't make much sense to me is that if you don't answer the guy's text he will still text you if he's the kinda guy who can't walk away. I happen to be the kinda guy who is able to just walk away without blowing up at the girl. I just feel that if she had said sorry seeing someone, or not interested it would have made the next encounter less awkward. Of course it would not change the rejection in anyway.
soccerrprp Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 (edited) Yeah, I've heard from a quite a few women who simply don't respond b/c of the numerous nasty responses they've received by rejecting guys. Of course, if the guy is a major jerk, he's still going to find a reason to send a nasty text or email, etc. Edited May 21, 2014 by soccerrprp
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 so consensus here is that girls don't answer because they are afraid the guy might overreact? Shame I have never reacted with anger towards a girl who rejected me, and I feel its a bit rude that she didn't at least respond, but it doesn't really matter at the end of the day.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I don't know. That just seems rude regardless of the gender. How were your texts up to that point? Did she seem interested? Did you talk about getting together prior to this text? How did you come to texting each other in the first place? There a pile of variables here that may help us come to a better suggestion. Regardless, I think your text was perfectly fine and casual enough to where she should have felt comfortable accepting even if she didn't have any romantic feelings for you. Just two people hanging out and chatting over a couple of beers. It wasn't a wedding proposal for heaven's sake. If previous chats via texts were going well and there were no obvious signs that she disliked you, I think it would have been only polite to respond even if it's to say "No thank you". It just seems like the mature thing to do. Having said that, you're both still young and therefore it doesn't surprise me how she handled it. Her response, or rather the lack there of, is indeed rude not to mention immature. 4
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 I don't know. That just seems rude regardless of the gender. How were your texts up to that point? Did she seem interested? Did you talk about getting together prior to this text? How did you come to texting each other in the first place? There a pile of variables here that may help us come to a better suggestion. Regardless, I think your text was perfectly fine and casual enough to where she should have felt comfortable accepting even if she didn't have any romantic feelings for you. Just two people hanging out and chatting over a couple of beers. It wasn't a wedding proposal for heaven's sake. If previous chats via texts were going well and there were no obvious signs that she disliked you, I think it would have been only polite to respond even if it's to say "No thank you". It just seems like the mature thing to do. Having said that, you're both still young and therefore it doesn't surprise me how she handled it. Her response, or rather the lack there of, is indeed rude not to mention immature. the short story is we were classmates, one of the last few weeks of the semester I got her phone number under the premise of doing a group study with other people, I though she was interested and in person she always seemed receptive, but admittedly I didn't really try to flirt with her or anything. we have texted a number of times since, usually it was to coordinate a meetup for our study group but there were occasions where we just joked a little. Since the beginning she has seemed like a shy girl, but I actually thought she was warming up to me. the day I texted her the op message she started off texting me a whole bunch of texts after my inital text, so she seemed in a talkative mood. and yes it a bit weird that she didn't even respond, I expected that at the very least she would say she was not interested since we have some degree of rapport. 1
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 (edited) Heck this girl was comfortable enough where she used the words F#c% and bull**** in her texts to me. we are also FB friends and she hasn't unfriended me or anything. Edited May 22, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me
Assasda Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 In that particular exchange, seems like that girl is just weirdly nervous, coward. Which is fine. -- You asked that question, im a good way, so think nothing about it
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 In that particular exchange, seems like that girl is just weirdly nervous, coward. Which is fine. -- You asked that question, im a good way, so think nothing about it well I guess that could make sense, she seemed like a shy girl initially when I meet her in class, but I actually thought her shyness was mostly due to her liking me , since she didn't seem as shy when talking to other people.
aprilisi Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I hate texting. This has happened so many times to me, the conversation is going well then it just stops. Just last week got a text from a man who was silent for 5 weeks to the day. He asks why I didn't text, I sent him two with no answer over 2 of those weeks. I got the point.. For this reason I am hesitant to text too much. I hate games, but its such a delicate process. And I wish men would just call sometimes. Phone calls are so rare, and I miss them.
Potz4prez Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 the short story is we were classmates, one of the last few weeks of the semester I got her phone number under the premise of doing a group study with other people, I though she was interested and in person she always seemed receptive, but admittedly I didn't really try to flirt with her or anything. we have texted a number of times since, usually it was to coordinate a meetup for our study group but there were occasions where we just joked a little. Since the beginning she has seemed like a shy girl, but I actually thought she was warming up to me. the day I texted her the op message she started off texting me a whole bunch of texts after my inital text, so she seemed in a talkative mood. and yes it a bit weird that she didn't even respond, I expected that at the very least she would say she was not interested since we have some degree of rapport. Eh, if she's not interested she may have just forgotten to respond. Just take it as a no and move on. What are you doing facebook friends with her before even dating anyways? You set yourself up for failure when you asked for her number under the guise of group study. If you want to get anywhere with a girl, you have to be forward. Move on to the next one.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Eh, if she's not interested she may have just forgotten to respond. Just take it as a no and move on. What are you doing facebook friends with her before even dating anyways? You set yourself up for failure when you asked for her number under the guise of group study. If you want to get anywhere with a girl, you have to be forward. Move on to the next one. nah its definitely intentional, I sent her that text right after she was responding to to my other texts. Being facebook friends is not big deal, I have no idea why you think someone has to be dating to facebook friend someone. I had no choice in how I got the number. she approached me after class one day and or conversation went to studying and she gave me her number.
Potz4prez Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 nah its definitely intentional, I sent her that text right after she was responding to to my other texts. Being facebook friends is not big deal, I have no idea why you think someone has to be dating to facebook friend someone. I had no choice in how I got the number. she approached me after class one day and or conversation went to studying and she gave me her number. Duh it was intentional. I was putting it nicely. "facebook friend" is 50% friend... you're 100% friend now. Adding her on facebook is a weak move. Then you should have then asked her out, right then and there. Said **** studying, let's get a drink.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Duh it was intentional. I was putting it nicely. "facebook friend" is 50% friend... you're 100% friend now. Adding her on facebook is a weak move. Then you should have then asked her out, right then and there. Said **** studying, let's get a drink. sure I should have been more forward, but that part about Facebook is total nonsense, if you think me friending her on facebook hurt my chances you are out of your mind. 1
Potz4prez Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 You were desperate for validation, so you sought whatever sliver of it you could get... in the form of her accepting your facebook request. Makes you look needy and puts you on the same plane as every other guy friend she's FB friends with.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 You were desperate for validation, so you sought whatever sliver of it you could get... in the form of her accepting your facebook request. Makes you look needy and puts you on the same plane as every other guy friend she's FB friends with. damn it, your point is starting to make some sense. shucks I m really acting like an amateur, I just didn't think all this stuff mattered. I thought if a girl liked you, she liked you and you don't need to worry about anything. But I have been rejected by girls who really seemed to like (romantically) me initially but then turned me down, when I started acting weird. I wonder if I sorta ruined the attraction. 1
Potz4prez Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 damn it, your point is starting to make some sense. shucks I m really acting like an amateur, I just didn't think all this stuff mattered. I thought if a girl liked you, she liked you and you don't need to worry about anything. But I have been rejected by girls who really seemed to like (romantically) me initially but then turned me down, when I started acting weird. I wonder if I sorta ruined the attraction. Eh, I was the same way. No biggie. Learn through experience. It really shouldn't. Just be forward with girls you're interested in. Ask them out on a date explicitly when you get their number. Stop trying to befriend them, THEN ask them out. There's different levels of guy-girl friends... you found yourself on the not-serious-friends-but-hey-flirting-is-a-fun-way-to-waste-time level. Nothing wrong with that as long as both parties know what's going on. Just take the risk and make your intentions known early. Just takes some courage Eventually it'll come easy to you. 2
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Eh, I was the same way. No biggie. Learn through experience. It really shouldn't. Just be forward with girls you're interested in. Ask them out on a date explicitly when you get their number. Stop trying to befriend them, THEN ask them out. There's different levels of guy-girl friends... you found yourself on the not-serious-friends-but-hey-flirting-is-a-fun-way-to-waste-time level. Nothing wrong with that as long as both parties know what's going on. Just take the risk and make your intentions known early. Just takes some courage Eventually it'll come easy to you. I ll try bro, I m still shy when it comes to being direct with girl and I do have an avoidant personality when it comes to stuff like this, but I ll work on it, hopefully next time I ll have better luck.
Imported Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 OP, have you ever been alone with a girl you think of as a friend and you have zero sexual interest in and she offers to give you a blowjob? Don't answer with some thought out **** of how you think you would handle it. Just consider it. Out of the blue, completely blind sided, a female friend you have absolutely no attraction to offers to give you a blowjob.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 (edited) OP, have you ever been alone with a girl you think of as a friend and you have zero sexual interest in and she offers to give you a blowjob? Don't answer with some thought out **** of how you think you would handle it. Just consider it. Out of the blue, completely blind sided, a female friend you have absolutely no attraction to offers to give you a blowjob. How is this related to my thread? I would tell her no of course, and I have not been in such a case. what's the point of this question. Edited May 22, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me 1
BlueIris Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 So was this the first time that you offered/suggested anything social and personal, rather than class-related? It sounds like it was. If it was, don't text a women your first invitation for a date. Ever. For all you know, she never expected it, considered you a school colleague and just stared at her phone thinking, "huh?"
Imported Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 How is this related to my thread? I would tell her no of course, and I have not been in such a case. what's the point of this question. Handling surpise bomb situations with a person you don't want to make feel bad. I'd like to think I would be upfront and decline in a way that doesn't insult her, but I don't think there is anyway to do that. So, pretend I didn't hear or pretend I didn't understand and change the subject fast.
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