mortensorchid Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I had posted on this situation before, not being sure where I stood with this man I'd been seeing for the last 5 months or so. We'd been drifting, communication had been waning when it was good if not very good for a while. See this thread at the bottom for more information. I'd been thinking about comments made and other things, and I have decided to just walk away from it / let it be. When a man really likes a woman he will make efforts to see her, and he hasn't made one the entire week to see me. Last weekend, I went out and did some other things and I hadn't heard a peep out of him. I sent him a text saying "Hope you had a nice weekend, I was very busy doing other things." He replied back that he was also busy doing other things but had a good time. After that? Nothing from either him or me initiating contact. We're done. Am I doing the right thing? Yes, I am. Had an odd feeling about him from the beginning once I learned some things about how and why his marriage ended months before. IN a nutshell, he married his now ex wife because she was pregnant, days/weeks after they married she miscarried and I guess that was that. On top of that, they lived apart since she spent 10 months out of the year in South America for her university teaching job and he stayed here. I find that whole set up to be very strange, but that's what happened according to him. Couple that with the waning interest, I think it's just best to let it be. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/474328-i-think-we-re-done
ja123 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Yes, you are doing the right thing by ending it. Just tell him you're not feeling it. No need to justify anything to him (or yourself, for that matter). You deserve better! Point final.
Dallers Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 It is true, when a guy really likes you he will go out of his way to get to you. The girl I currently like and am dating lives 60 miles away and cost me £25 a pop each way in travel. I don't even blink an eye.
Dallers Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) Some men do what you do.....and then realize down the road how naive they were, or how they got used. You and your lady may be great for each other.....but just because a guy blindly chases a woman, giving 110% effort, does not mean that she feels the same in return. If all women gauged interest in men based on how much effort they put into chasing them.....there would be a lot less single guys in the world. Your reply is so negative and you have clearly been hurt but do not waste your life living with regret. We have all been through bad times but you can either drag it with you or let it go. Just because I make effort and travel a distance to see a girl I like does not mean I am chasing nor that I wouldn't do the same for the next girl even if this one f**ks me over. Why? Because I will never let another person get me down. It is her loss. Edited May 24, 2014 by Dallers 1
Dallers Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) You only use that phrase because its been taught to prop you up and save face. You fabricate the reality thats its "her" loss and not yours. If it doesnt work out, maybe you are the loss and its her gain? Ever think of that? or do you just mask everything that may hit you with a dose of reality? Save face?! Um no. I have been rejected and messed about hundreds of times so do not act as if you know me, what do you expect me to do crawl into a corner like you and feel sorry for myself?! Grow a pair seriously. The quicker you learn that life isn't fair and girls will treat you like s**t the quicker you learn to love yourself more than anyone else and when you do that you can easily become involved with someone but still be able to walk away and move on. You sound very bitter but continue doing that to yourself if you like because I move on and quickly someone else comes along. Your attitude will get you nowhere and no one. Like a pinch of salt. Edited May 24, 2014 by Dallers 2
TXGuy Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 When a man really likes a woman he will make efforts to see her, and he hasn't made one the entire week to see me. Last weekend, I went out and did some other things and I hadn't heard a peep out of him. I sent him a text saying "Hope you had a nice weekend, I was very busy doing other things." He replied back that he was also busy doing other things but had a good time. After that? Nothing from either him or me initiating contact. We're done. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/474328-i-think-we-re-done I'm with MrTurk on this. When a woman likes a man se will make some efforts to see him, particularly five months into a relationship. If, after five months, a woman is not putting a near equal effort into the relationship, then she is really not that into the relationship. Letting the relationship go is probably a good move on the guy's part. 1
tbf Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 Stick a fork in this one because it sounds like it's done. Men who are highly interested ensure they tie up your time. Ones who are insecure, lazy or medium to low interest, won't put in much effort. 4
Author mortensorchid Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 And isn't it hysterical? Once I had already sealed my plan for the night, he sends me a text saying "Sorry I've been away for a bit, been busy." But I said I had just made an alternate plan twenty minutes before. Ha. Still, we're still done. I think he's just lazy.
firmness Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I wonder how long it will take men and women to realize that the old ancient rules of dating are gone. That whole idea of "If he wants you he will pursue you" is seriously outdated. In all fairness, this may be true sometimes - but that is usually when the man thinks you are worth it. The minute the games begin, a good man will disengage. It is just how it works. Even the average woman in America acts like a Diva these days. It is a curious thing this is. No talent, no fame, average looks (by definition), and all attitude and swagger. When men do this they call them arrogant jerks. When a woman does this - what shall we call her? Marketers, feminists, and society in general have done women a serious disservice. They have convinced women that they are special flowers and that men should chase them around and treat them with respect and honor and dignity - things that men usually have to work very hard to earn with each other - as if it is a birthright. To make matters worse, women are told that this is not a matter of character or integrity, but an issue of men being bad. It is THEIR fault that you have not earned respect. Virtually every time I have seen a woman called out on this, it is the deliverer of the message who catches hell. The woman does the misdeed, and the messenger gets shot! *sigh* I am glad I am older now. I cannot imagine walking out into the dating world with this mess floating around. 1
jbelle6 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 It's sort of hard for women too though, if we do the texting or calling while you are not texting us, we get labelled "clingy". I know it's not easy for guys either. I do admit that I prefer the man to make plans. I'm also afraid to bother him if he's busy at work or with family/friends. I guess I'm pretty shy. 1
firmness Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 It's sort of hard for women too though, if we do the texting or calling while you are not texting us, we get labelled "clingy". I know it's not easy for guys either. I do admit that I prefer the man to make plans. I'm also afraid to bother him if he's busy at work or with family/friends. I guess I'm pretty shy. I have a very strong caveman side. If I want a date I invite her. If I want her to walk on my left side, I pull her by her arm there. If I want a kiss, I take it - and hair pulling is usually involved. No formulas or games - just wherever the mood takes me. That is just the way it is with me. You would think that I would have caught a lot of crap over the years, but the exact opposite is true. So I get you jabelle. It is tricky for women too - but I suggest that you be more like me in this way...just do what you want and be honest. I would rather someone hate the real me than love a fake version of me. That thought scares me like no other. So I am honest and open. It doesn't always work, but when it does - WOW! 1
jbelle6 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 (edited) I have a very strong caveman side. If I want a date I invite her. If I want her to walk on my left side, I pull her by her arm there. If I want a kiss, I take it - and hair pulling is usually involved. No formulas or games - just wherever the mood takes me. That is just the way it is with me. You would think that I would have caught a lot of crap over the years, but the exact opposite is true. So I get you jabelle. It is tricky for women too - but I suggest that you be more like me in this way...just do what you want and be honest. I would rather someone hate the real me than love a fake version of me. That thought scares me like no other. So I am honest and open. It doesn't always work, but when it does - WOW! I am same, always myself, I'm submissive and need D/s relationship. I like traditional gender rolls. If I don't call it's only because of that, it's never because I'm playing a game or anything. I just want him to come get me when he wants me. Usually I choose people that are into the same stuff and they would know that I'm that way. I think a regular guy might be put off. I wanted to add, I don't just expect the man to act traditional, I am as well. I just want him to be the leader, it makes me trust him and feel safe with him. In turn I like to take care him as well, just in a different way. Edited May 28, 2014 by jbelle6 1
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