mortensorchid Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I'd been seeing someone for the last few weeks/months. There have been a lot of things going on lately that have kind of prevented us from seeing each other. He bought a house on the other side of the city, about two months ago I was in a car accident and have just gotten a new car two weeks ago. Communications have been very good if not great between me and him, in the past he has told me if he is running late or if he has something else to do that day, etc. And for those of you who have had poor communication in the past, this is refreshing to hear (just on a side note). Last week we were talking on the IM ... And there was no mention of the weekend. We are now on Sunday night, and I didn't see him last weekend. It got to be Friday, I did not hear from him. Then as Saturday progressed, I heard nothing from him. I went out for a bit without him, and I have heard nothing from him. During the day he liked a few of my Facebook posts and things, but no reaching out from him. Should I have reached out to him? I don't want to look clingy or anything.
Legatus Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I think sometimes we worry too much about looking too clingy. It's better to take the chance then regret not doing anything about it. You want to hear from him, then you have a right to engage, but I know from experience, it's best not to mention why he hasn't reached out. Just ask him what he's up to, whether you would see each other. I have similar situation (only shorter) but I haven't heard from a woman for couple of days. I sent her a message on Thursday, then a text on Friday and that's it. At least I know I've done what I wanted, and if she doesn't reply I may try again next week as a last resort..
Author mortensorchid Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 Ok, I think that may be the case. He introduced me to others as his friend and that's fine with me. Maybe I'm just one of those people who shouldn't be with someone at all, I'm starting to think I am just too ... Something for them. They'd rather have trash instead. But that's another thread.
Legatus Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I know exactly what you mean. I hate people who play games, that's why I never wait around any more. I take action and if they think it's too needy or something - that's their problem if they run away instead of communicating.. I'm sure if your guy would say to slow down or something, you would understand.. but that's the problem of some people - they judge too quickly 2
KathyM Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 If you've been dating for a few months now, there's no reason you shouldn't call him up and invite him out, rather than waiting for him to call. Figure out something fun to do for the next weekend, and call him mid week to invite him to do this thing with you. Make it something really fun. For some reason, he is losing interest, and it may not be too late to salvage the relationship. If he turns you down or makes up some excuse not to come, then you have your answer.
FitChick Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 If you have only been passive and letting him do all the initiating and planning the dates, he might think you aren't that interested. Can't hurt to do a little research for something different to do this weekend and call. If he declines you have your answer. 4
Author mortensorchid Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 If you have only been passive and letting him do all the initiating and planning the dates, he might think you aren't that interested. Can't hurt to do a little research for something different to do this weekend and call. If he declines you have your answer. I will do just that, thanks FitChick. It's not a big deal if he says no either, will not be depressed or disappointed. Life will go on. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think you have to ask the man out when he really likes you. A guy who is interested will make it happen. But give yourself some credit for putting yourself out there and trying to meet someone good for you. It's not easy - but it's the only way to find real love. Keep it up. I'm doing the same myself. It's HARD, but necessary. 5
Babolat Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think you have to ask the man out when he really likes you. A guy who is interested will make it happen. But give yourself some credit for putting yourself out there and trying to meet someone good for you. It's not easy - but it's the only way to find real love. Keep it up. I'm doing the same myself. It's HARD, but necessary. I am old fashoined, too. The woman I am currently seeing, getting to know, said men just don't ask her out. She is amazing, I am shocked. My best guess is her looks, intelligence, personality, etc. All bigs pluses for me. And I don't think I would approach her if I saw her in public. She created an OLD profile to just find me. Her gf, who was using the same OLD site I was, told her about my profile, said she just thought we would be a great match. She hemmed and hauled for a week or so and finally created a profile, answered the questions, hit Enter and there I was! She sent me a quick message, I replied, we exchanged #'s, she has not been back on since. She said she wanted to try something different, approach a man she is interested in. And, so far, it has worked!
Babolat Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I'd been seeing someone for the last few weeks/months. There have been a lot of things going on lately that have kind of prevented us from seeing each other. He bought a house on the other side of the city, about two months ago I was in a car accident and have just gotten a new car two weeks ago. Communications have been very good if not great between me and him, in the past he has told me if he is running late or if he has something else to do that day, etc. And for those of you who have had poor communication in the past, this is refreshing to hear (just on a side note). Last week we were talking on the IM ... And there was no mention of the weekend. We are now on Sunday night, and I didn't see him last weekend. It got to be Friday, I did not hear from him. Then as Saturday progressed, I heard nothing from him. I went out for a bit without him, and I have heard nothing from him. During the day he liked a few of my Facebook posts and things, but no reaching out from him. Should I have reached out to him? I don't want to look clingy or anything. During the second go around with my ex gf, I got like this very quick. It was fun for a few weeks, then I found myself not making "us" plans and really just "being present", but not actively present. I waitied for her to make plans, I waited to hear from her. It was a sign for me that something was off as that is not my normal self. I was not into an us the 2nd time, and i quickly realized that. The 2nd time lasted about 4 months, and the last 6-7 weeks of those 4 months I think we saw each other 4-5 times. That's probably why is was so easy for me to move on and start dating again. I was physically "there", but not emotionally. Probably time to sit down and have a talk with him to see where his head is at.
iiiii Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 (edited) If you've been dating for a few weeks/months, surely it's gotten to the point where you can ask him what he's doing in the weekend, rather than waiting for him to ask you? If you're having to initiate communication all the time, and he is making no effort, then I'd see that as a red flag. But initiating conversation sometimes isn't a bad thing for you to do. If you really like him, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves he's really not worth it. Edited May 2, 2014 by iiiii
Author mortensorchid Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 I don't think I am being too passive when I am waiting for him for contact. I have learned that if, like some have said, a man really likes a woman then he will contact her first. This questionable contact over the last few weeks has been annoying and yet I am sure of a few things. I posted on this before that when one has been in the game as long as I have, I know a few things to be true. I've known him about 5 months now, he hasn't said "I love you". Guess what? He isn't going to say it, at least not to me. Life goes on. 1
crude Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I don't think I am being too passive when I am waiting for him for contact. I have learned that if, like some have said, a man really likes a woman then he will contact her first. I think you're forgetting that men get bored with the same old same old, which is why almost any man will eventually cheat on his wife if he has the opportunity. The man always asking, always chasing, always putting himself out, entertaining the aloof woman gets tedious after a while, and he gets bored with that routine like he would with an old marriage. That's not old or new fashioned, it's the way the human brain works.
Valen Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think you have to ask the man out when he really likes you. A guy who is interested will make it happen. Generally this is true but not in this case. If they weren't dating then the guy should initiate. But in this case, they have been dating for about a month, so if the guy has to call each and every time, he will take she isn't that interested. He is fading out to see if she would call him up sometimes. And if she doesn't then he'll just move on. 1
Valen Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I don't think I am being too passive when I am waiting for him for contact. I have learned that if, like some have said, a man really likes a woman then he will contact her first. Only true if you two are not together but aren't you two already dating? And yes you are being so passive, you said you know him for 5 months, dating for about a month, you still wait for him to initiate all dates? Most guys who has self respect will fade out even if they like you because relationships isn't suppose to be a one way street. This questionable contact over the last few weeks has been annoying and yet I am sure of a few things. I posted on this before that when one has been in the game as long as I have, I know a few things to be true. I've known him about 5 months now, he hasn't said "I love you". Guess what? He isn't going to say it, at least not to me. Life goes on. You know him for 5 months but only dated for about a month right? Or did you two date for 5 months? Because that a crucial difference here. "I love you" comes way too early if it's only been a month of actual dates. Again, to be honest, I think you need to offer a guy something more than just be a passive flower. You got to be more active in making the relationship fun. Be spontaneous, take over the driver seat once in a while.
Author mortensorchid Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 I see there is some debate about this. Just so we are clear on one's being the passive one or not, I did send him an IM through Facebook when I saw him on saying hello, there was no response. The next morning he responded with "Oh I just got the message, I went to sleep and didn't see it until I signed in this morning." The end. That response was just an acknowledgement that he had received the message, nothing else since. I think that after roughly 5 months together off and on if he wanted to see me again, he would say something else like "I will call you tonight" or "I will see you this weekend", etc. That tells me otherwise. Ah well, life goes on.
bu2002 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 How many dates have you been on and who is the one usually initiating communication post-date or to arrange a new date? If a guy is always having to initiate communication it really sends a message the girl is not interested. Lastly, how has the energy/chemistry been on the dates? Is it getting better? In conversation, does he ask your about your life, your past, and thoughts/feelings no things? I''m about to part ways with a girl because I sense a low level of interest, from me always having to initiate communication and because general conversation in that she doesn't ask any questions about me, my past experiences, family, etc.
Elle1975 Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I don't think I am being too passive when I am waiting for him for contact. I have learned that if, like some have said, a man really likes a woman then he will contact her first. This questionable contact over the last few weeks has been annoying and yet I am sure of a few things. I posted on this before that when one has been in the game as long as I have, I know a few things to be true. I've known him about 5 months now, he hasn't said "I love you". Guess what? He isn't going to say it, at least not to me. Life goes on. If it feels wrong, it probably is..
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