starla33 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 i've been dating a guy and things have been going well. I definitely waited a while to have sex with him. He used to text me really cute things like good morning which hes kind of stopped doing as much now. Is this normal for a guy to do after you have had sex to calm down on the cute texts? We still talk and plan dates, it just does not seem that we talk as much as we did in the start. Should I be worried?
jaycee1 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 That is VERY normal as a relationship progresses. The initial high of texting and flirting is the chase, it is not how anyone is day in and day out. The slow down is a sign of comfort - as long as the actions still match - . If your still planning dates and seeing each other then my guess is your fine. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 No you should not be worried. If you miss the cute texts, tell him that. Be very appreciative when he repeats those behaviors. 2
soccerrprp Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Frankly, I don't know why being comfortable with someone means stopping doing the small things. I am very comfortable with my gf, but you better believe my daily, spontaneous texts will not stop. Gotta go. Need to send a text to my gf while at work to tell her that I love her. 8
Babolat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 You have not given us a lot of info to go on here, like how long have you been datinged, when did you first have sex, how is/was the sex and your sexlife with him now, etc. Speaking for myself, the flirting and "sexting" with the right woman does not change, in fact it usually intensifies for me especially after the first 10+ times we have had sex. With what you have shared, and making some assumptions, i say No, this is not normal. 2
somedude81 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Is this the same guy you made a thread about a couple of weeks ago where you were asking if it was OK to ask if he was sexing other people? Are you guys in an exclusive relationship? 1
Author starla33 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 You have not given us a lot of info to go on here, like how long have you been datinged, when did you first have sex, how is/was the sex and your sexlife with him now, etc. Speaking for myself, the flirting and "sexting" with the right woman does not change, in fact it usually intensifies for me especially after the first 10+ times we have had sex. With what you have shared, and making some assumptions, i say No, this is not normal. It is still pretty new and have had sex about 3 times now and its been pretty great so no issues in that department. I just feel like we are not talking as much as we did before or maybe I'm just freaking out and being a girl :/
Author starla33 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 (edited) Is this the same guy you made a thread about a couple of weeks ago where you were asking if it was OK to ask if he was sexing other people? Are you guys in an exclusive relationship? We haven't talked about it no, but I'm pretty sure he is not by the things he has said. I'm going out of state for a month so didn't want to bring this up before I left since it is still early on...didn't think it would be fair to either of us. However if he is still around after I get back it is a convo I would like to have I guess I'm just really worried he wont be around when I get back.... Edited May 15, 2014 by starla33
Babolat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 It is still pretty new and have had sex about 3 times now and its been pretty great so no issues in that department. I just feel like we are not talking as much as we did before or maybe I'm just freaking out and being a girl :/ Than no, it's not normal. I'm all over you, physically, texting, flirting, etc. if I am still into you, at this point. 1
Babolat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I guess I'm just really worried he wont be around when I get back.... Why worry about what you cannot control? If he is not around, guess what, he made the decision for you. I'm not hearing a lot of things here that would keep me around anyway if I were you.
somedude81 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 We haven't talked about it no, but I'm pretty sure he is not by the things he has said. I'm going out of state for a month so didn't want to bring this up before I left since it is still early on...didn't think it would be fair to either of us. However if he is still around after I get back it is a convo I would like to have I guess I'm just really worried he wont be around when I get back.... No, it's not fair to you, to have things so open like this. How would you feel if he hooked up with one or more girls when you are gone? You obviously like the guy and I'm sure you want him to still be around when you get back. If he really likes you, he can wait a month, and not have sex with anybody else. If he doesn't like you enough to wait, even after having sex a few times, then it's better to find out now instead of a month down the line, right?
Chocolat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 We haven't talked about it no, but I'm pretty sure he is not by the things he has said. Is this the guy you posted about previously who was "sexting" other women? Regardless, why did you agree to have sex if you weren't exclusive when this is (apparently) what you are looking for? If you won't act in your own best interests, who will? 1
Author starla33 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Than no, it's not normal. I'm all over you, physically, texting, flirting, etc. if I am still into you, at this point. I was only talking about the communicating aspect. Everything else is great
Author starla33 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Is this the guy you posted about previously who was "sexting" other women? Regardless, why did you agree to have sex if you weren't exclusive when this is (apparently) what you are looking for? If you won't act in your own best interests, who will? No no i was just overall asking when to bring that up. I'm pretty sure he is not.
Author starla33 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 No, it's not fair to you, to have things so open like this. How would you feel if he hooked up with one or more girls when you are gone? You obviously like the guy and I'm sure you want him to still be around when you get back. If he really likes you, he can wait a month, and not have sex with anybody else. If he doesn't like you enough to wait, even after having sex a few times, then it's better to find out now instead of a month down the line, right? Because I'm away for a month and never know what will happen there....I might meet someone there too. So I'd rather not set boundaries for myself so early on yet when he is acting like this.
pteromom Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Because I'm away for a month and never know what will happen there....I might meet someone there too. So I'd rather not set boundaries for myself so early on yet when he is acting like this. So don't... go away for a month, see what happens when you are gone, see what happens when you return. 1
Chocolat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Can you please clarify whether you two are exclusive? Your responses are not consistent. Are you guys in an exclusive relationship? We haven't talked about it no, but I'm pretty sure he is not by the things he has said. ^^^ This makes it sound as though you are seeing only him but that he is seeing you and others.
Author starla33 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Can you please clarify whether you two are exclusive? Your responses are not consistent. ^^^ This makes it sound as though you are seeing only him but that he is seeing you and others. We are not exclusive however from things he has mentioned I'm pretty sure he is not sleeping with other people and neither am I. BUT I mean you can never be 100% sure I suppose.
Zahara Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 We are not exclusive however from things he has mentioned I'm pretty sure he is not sleeping with other people and neither am I. BUT I mean you can never be 100% sure I suppose. ^^^ This ^^^ reminds me of this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/477050-because-i-m-french-am-i-overreacting You can never be too sure. Best to communicate about it. 2
Chocolat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 We are not exclusive however from things he has mentioned I'm pretty sure he is not sleeping with other people and neither am I. BUT I mean you can never be 100% sure I suppose. So is this the guy you wrote about previously who, at that time, was sexting other women? The guy you had not had the exclusivity talk with? Why did you have sex with him without knowing the terms of your relationship first? 1
Author starla33 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 So is this the guy you wrote about previously who, at that time, was sexting other women? The guy you had not had the exclusivity talk with? Why did you have sex with him without knowing the terms of your relationship first? nobody was sexting i asked how to see if a guy is sexing other women that was all that post was about. Nowhere did it say sexting
Author starla33 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Huh!, and I mean that as an RN. You are letting this guy deposit fluids in you but you are not exclusive..and he was sexting other women!!!!! Oh my goodness. That previous post had nothing to do with ANYONE sexing other people. I was just asking how to bring this up to find out if they WERE And nobody is depositing fluids anywhere in me. I'm not crazy
Author starla33 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 (edited) ^^^ This ^^^ reminds me of this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/477050-because-i-m-french-am-i-overreacting You can never be too sure. Best to communicate about it. Yeah I am in a large city like NY with similar rules. But really my post was mainly about lack of cute texts lately not the exclusivity thing since I don't want that before I leave either. Edited May 15, 2014 by starla33
Chocolat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 But really my post was mainly about lack of cute texts lately not the exclusivity thing since I don't want that before I leave either. The problem is that, to some extent, these go together. If you are both free to date others, then there is a chance that his lack of cute texts is due to his having met someone else to conquer/date/whatever. On the other hand, it could just be that he's not that into you or that he has fallen into complacency (although it's quite early for that). Frankly, I think you'd be better off figuring out what you want and then acting accordingly. If you want a guy who is into you and only you, and who will build on that feeling (increased cute texts), then you should have the exclusivity talk before having sex. On the other hand, if you are truly ok with not being exclusive (you've indicated you want to keep your options open), then I can only assume you are both ok with whatever outcome develops, which could be that one or both of you will lose interest. It seems illogical and unfair to want him to continue (or escalate) cute texts and other commitment-style communication while at the same time you leave the door open for meeting someone else while you are away. 3
Author starla33 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 The problem is that, to some extent, these go together. If you are both free to date others, then there is a chance that his lack of cute texts is due to his having met someone else to conquer/date/whatever. On the other hand, it could just be that he's not that into you or that he has fallen into complacency (although it's quite early for that). Frankly, I think you'd be better off figuring out what you want and then acting accordingly. If you want a guy who is into you and only you, and who will build on that feeling (increased cute texts), then you should have the exclusivity talk before having sex. On the other hand, if you are truly ok with not being exclusive (you've indicated you want to keep your options open), then I can only assume you are both ok with whatever outcome develops, which could be that one or both of you will lose interest. It seems illogical and unfair to want him to continue (or escalate) cute texts and other commitment-style communication while at the same time you leave the door open for meeting someone else while you are away. You do have a point which may be the issue I guess. I just don't see us being in a relationship right now it is seriously way too early, but maybe when I get back if he is still around....
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