Dumped because of jealous child

[BC1980]

That reply must have well sucked. I'm sending you a massive hug x I got the same outcome if a bit more wordy.

 

Most people don't want to hear what is wrong with them (or what we perceive to be wrong), and it isn't our job to tell them anyway. It's a huge burden to take on- trying to fix someone else and to control what they think. It's better to realize that you just aren't compatible for whatever reason, and you both want something different. It's a lot less stressful, and you can use all of that energy to work on yourself and decide where you are going in life. It was liberating when I finally realized all of this.

 

Just look at these message boards. People come on here all the time and don't want to take the advice. In general, people are determined to get what they want and what they think they deserve and is owed to them. They do not want to hear advice to the contrary. Look at us. We both persisted in relationships when, deep down, we knew there was some level of dysfunction that was unacceptable. I will tell you that the burn is a lot worse when you have put up with sh*t and bent over backwards to make something work. It's a heck of a lot worse when you have invested years of your life. I have learned my lesson the hard way, and I would never ever settle again. I've dated a little since my breakup, and I've learned how to weed through some BS.

 

Sometimes, it takes an awful experience to propel you to something better. You can choose to learn from this and make a better life going forward, or you can persist in bad habits and keep picking broken partners. I know that I looked back and saw a pattern of picking bad partners.

[BC1980]

Telling Them All About Themselves ? Why It?s Not Your Job To List Their Flaws and Crimes | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

 

 

This blog post might shed some light on things for you. I recommend anything by Natalie Lue. Her book, "The No Contact Rule" was a great investment.

[Summerrose2013]

Telling Them All About Themselves ? Why It?s Not Your Job To List Their Flaws and Crimes | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

 

 

This blog post might shed some light on things for you. I recommend anything by Natalie Lue. Her book, "The No Contact Rule" was a great investment.

 

 

Omg I downloaded this book before I read your post! I wished we lived close by each other, we would have such a fun book club!

 

In fact I think part of my problem is that I don't see my friends or get out enough. They are all settled down and at best can manage dinner once every 6 weeks plus they've moved further and further away and we all have pretty busy jobs so are worn out in the weekdays and just want to head home. It's the scourge of commuting into London I think. Plus I've been I'll for almost a year (physical not mental illness) so it limits me a bit as I'm in pain sometimes so can't always do stuff. This relationship definitely made me worse too )-:

 

At 44 I've ended most of my relationships but in some of them I really was driven to it. I've always said I won't just settle for second best but I still continue to make huge mistakes and I'm still alone. I get boyfriends ok but that's the easy part these days with online dating right? It's getting the right one and keeping him'

 

I can't tell you how much I've appreciated your guidance and I swear it is NOT wasted on me. I feel a bit better everyday and this forum has been a massive help.

 

Edit - that link you sent me is awesome. EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS FORUM SHOULD READ IT!! Omg I am going through her posts nodding and feeling like she knows me! We love to think we are all so unique and special - SO NO!!

Edited April 27, 2014 by Summerrose2013

[Summerrose2013]

Ok, update. I've read the book recommended to me above and think this should be required reading before you join this site.

 

Also realised that I had actually handled some parts of the breakup ok. Never letting him come and see me "to talk" - tick for me! Not using returning his razor, socks etc as an excuse to make contact. Another tick me!

 

Also, for all you cynics of reverse psychology, read on.

 

So, last week on a whim I joined a dating site. Joined Saturday and in a devil may care moment accepted a date for the Monday. Had loads of blokes contacting me. Some of them very genuine and some obviously the usual contingent of knobs.

 

Nice guy BUT declared he had a 7 yo son. Eeeekl!!

 

Anyway he's been emailing during the week but I realised I'm too anti child atm to date him (apologies to all you brilliant parents out there).

 

So I changed my profile to say I won't date anyone with young kids. And I emailed the guy to say I'm breaking off contact because of this. Also sent similar messages to 2 other blokes on the site who haves mailed me.

 

Imagine my surprise when the date guy replies to try and convince me that his family situation is not like that, I'm lovely, he's really disappointed and hopes to see me in the area where we both cycle etc etc. Cue 2 more replies from the website basically them trying to convince me they are different. Bear in mind I don't know these guys.

 

That book is so right. As soon as I made myself a challenge, stopped chasing, the cat stopped running and came over to he stoked!!

 

Also 're read my exes email and realised he's gone into self pity mode (although this could be for show.) Normally I would have replied to stroke his ego and go there there no no you ARE a clever bit etc etc. Not the new me.

 

Dyed my hair today, hung out with the girls and starting a massive project on my house.

 

I'll start dating again in a few weeks when I'm in a better place. But until then thanks to those blokes for stroking MY EGO!

 

My sister has given me a lecture about not cutting out men with kids in my life. She's right but the funny thing is I haven't had any abuse from blokes via the website and another TWO men with adult kids contacted me and said they were impressed I'd been so up front about it and they admired my confidence!!

 

I really really do know NOTHING ABOUT MEN, ITS OFFICIAL!!

 

My ex isn't really a game player, he's actually massively scared of rejection ironically so I don't think NC will bring him running BUT I'm treating it as an experiment based on the above...!

[BC1980]

Omg I downloaded this book before I read your post! I wished we lived close by each other, we would have such a fun book club!

 

In fact I think part of my problem is that I don't see my friends or get out enough. They are all settled down and at best can manage dinner once every 6 weeks plus they've moved further and further away and we all have pretty busy jobs so are worn out in the weekdays and just want to head home. It's the scourge of commuting into London I think. Plus I've been I'll for almost a year (physical not mental illness) so it limits me a bit as I'm in pain sometimes so can't always do stuff. This relationship definitely made me worse too )-:

 

At 44 I've ended most of my relationships but in some of them I really was driven to it. I've always said I won't just settle for second best but I still continue to make huge mistakes and I'm still alone. I get boyfriends ok but that's the easy part these days with online dating right? It's getting the right one and keeping him'

 

I can't tell you how much I've appreciated your guidance and I swear it is NOT wasted on me. I feel a bit better everyday and this forum has been a massive help.

 

Edit - that link you sent me is awesome. EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS FORUM SHOULD READ IT!! Omg I am going through her posts nodding and feeling like she knows me! We love to think we are all so unique and special - SO NO!!

 

I wish I had that website and this forum in my 20s. I think it might have saved me from some terrible decisions, but better late than never.

[Elle1975]

Ok, update. I've read the book recommended to me above and think this should be required reading before you join this site.

 

Also realised that I had actually handled some parts of the breakup ok. Never letting him come and see me "to talk" - tick for me! Not using returning his razor, socks etc as an excuse to make contact. Another tick me!

 

Also, for all you cynics of reverse psychology, read on.

 

So, last week on a whim I joined a dating site. Joined Saturday and in a devil may care moment accepted a date for the Monday. Had loads of blokes contacting me. Some of them very genuine and some obviously the usual contingent of knobs.

 

Nice guy BUT declared he had a 7 yo son. Eeeekl!!

 

Anyway he's been emailing during the week but I realised I'm too anti child atm to date him (apologies to all you brilliant parents out there).

 

So I changed my profile to say I won't date anyone with young kids. And I emailed the guy to say I'm breaking off contact because of this. Also sent similar messages to 2 other blokes on the site who haves mailed me.

 

Imagine my surprise when the date guy replies to try and convince me that his family situation is not like that, I'm lovely, he's really disappointed and hopes to see me in the area where we both cycle etc etc. Cue 2 more replies from the website basically them trying to convince me they are different. Bear in mind I don't know these guys.

 

That book is so right. As soon as I made myself a challenge, stopped chasing, the cat stopped running and came over to he stoked!!

 

Also 're read my exes email and realised he's gone into self pity mode (although this could be for show.) Normally I would have replied to stroke his ego and go there there no no you ARE a clever bit etc etc. Not the new me.

 

Dyed my hair today, hung out with the girls and starting a massive project on my house.

 

I'll start dating again in a few weeks when I'm in a better place. But until then thanks to those blokes for stroking MY EGO!

 

My sister has given me a lecture about not cutting out men with kids in my life. She's right but the funny thing is I haven't had any abuse from blokes via the website and another TWO men with adult kids contacted me and said they were impressed I'd been so up front about it and they admired my confidence!!

 

I really really do know NOTHING ABOUT MEN, ITS OFFICIAL!!

 

My ex isn't really a game player, he's actually massively scared of rejection ironically so I don't think NC will bring him running BUT I'm treating it as an experiment based on the above...!

 

I am going to grab this book. Thank you for sharing the information, and not keeping it to yourself. It's appreciated.

[Speakingofwhich]

Agree with the poster who said you may have dodged a bullet.

 

I dated a guy with a teenaged daughter who became jealous of me before she met me and was rude to me the first time she met me. Her sister loved me.

 

He'd been divorced over a decade and had had several other serious Rs before ours. He didn't see a lot of his kids but when he did the jealous daughter made things miserable.

 

We dated over four years.

 

The jealous daughter was just one of the many problems in the R, though.