Dating a girl with HIV - Persuable?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Self preservation is cruel?

 

Not wanting to be immuno-compromised is cruel?

 

Not wanting to be on meds for the rest of ones life if they happens to contract HIV is cruel?

 

lolol ok...whatever you say. No one said anything bad about the woman. People have told the guy to slow down, and how its potentially not worth it.

 

Agreed K. Women come and go, HIV is for life. Medical advances or not, it's not worth the risk.

[Els]

I've seen threads here about dating someone with genital herpes and the vast majority were on the camp of "hell, no!"

 

I'm honestly surprised that this thread is so obviously slanted towards the OP staying with this girl who is HIV+, which is actually life-threatening.

 

It really sucks for her that she did nothing wrong and still got infected, but you've barely just met her! You shouldn't put your life at risk for someone who you may or may not end up with long-term.

 

The OP has said that he isn't going to have sex yet until he has a better idea of how things are going to be like long term. Or at least that's what I gathered from his response to me. Sounds like a good compromise to me, since he can't get infected if he doesn't have sex. Don't see any harm in him hanging around and talking to her.

[Shepp]

The OP has said that he isn't going to have sex yet until he has a better idea of how things are going to be like long term. Or at least that's what I gathered from his response to me. Sounds like a good compromise to me, since he can't get infected if he doesn't have sex. Don't see any harm in him hanging around and talking to her.

 

Agreed!

 

10%, 5%, 1%, 0.5% - I think when your talking about HIV they're all scary numbers.

But it depends on the relationship OP's looking for here - after all you can talk too, see, date, kiss(? - I think), the girl with a 0% risk.

 

Id say you don't want to jumping into bed with a girl with HIV in a relationship that's anywhere under a 6 months minimum! Longer if you want.

Depends if you can live with a realtionship, that in the short termis going to be largely without sex? ....I think that's the flip side to dating this girl not the virus as such but the precaution your going to have to take.

 

I mean it's not the same but what if you fell in love with a devout catholic girl who was strictly no sex till marriage - some lads do that, even though they don't believe in it themselves!

 

OP If you take sex out of the equation and a relationship with her still sounds good then I don't see the harm in at least saying you tried it, but if you way up a no short term sex realtionship with her against a relationship where you can be I nitrate and it compares unfavourably then you know you need to walk! - your not right or wrong either way, it's just a personal decision.

 

AND of course her decision too...just putting it out there does she still want to date you OP?

[isisisweeping]

Self preservation is cruel?

 

Not wanting to be immuno-compromised is cruel?

 

Not wanting to be on meds for the rest of ones life if they happens to contract HIV is cruel?

 

lolol ok...whatever you say. No one said anything bad about the woman. People have told the guy to slow down, and how its potentially not worth it.

 

 

 

People are not just saying that he should slow down. There are people saying that no matter what he might want - not to get to know her, to run the other direction.

 

 

Both my parents are immuno-compromised (And fyi, none of the 5 kids in my family are.) and no, I think the way of treating a person - encouraging others, not just your own choice, to dismiss them out of hand even if it might be something that could be forever. Acting as if him just onsidering it without sex is a horrible choice.... That is cruel.

 

 

Not really going to convince me otherwise.

[ja123]

To the Yay-sayers: your advice of doing research and staying in a sexless relationship with her, in the short term, to see how it works out sounds good on paper.

 

 

But what about the practice? What about long-term?

 

 

I think this is where the nay-sayers come in.

 

 

I already listed possible future impacts in my first post in this thread. I'm not going to go into them again.

 

 

Let me say this, though: someone comes here for advice. Very few people have direct experience of dealing with a LTR with an HIV+ partner. We can, however, collectively say how difficult it is to get a real LTR of the 'to death do us part' kind. So, all the nay-sayers are saying is 'why take the risk?'

 

 

It's great the guy is intelligent and compassionate, but who says he has to sacrifice himself?

 

 

He still doesn't even know this chick. He's really young! Why even invest the emotions to explore a sexless-relationship with her in the short-term? That's a slippery slope in and of itself. What he needs to do is step back and take a cold hard look at this - and make a decision not based on emotion, but impartial reason.

 

 

How would you advise your child, if he came to you after a few dates with a girl who has HIV?

Edited April 21, 2014 by ja123

[kaylan]

People are not just saying that he should slow down. There are people saying that no matter what he might want - not to get to know her, to run the other direction.

 

 

Both my parents are immuno-compromised (And fyi, none of the 5 kids in my family are.) and no, I think the way of treating a person - encouraging others, not just your own choice, to dismiss them out of hand even if it might be something that could be forever. Acting as if him just onsidering it without sex is a horrible choice.... That is cruel.

 

 

Not really going to convince me otherwise.

Clearly you have a biased dog in the fight.

 

Self preservation is never cruel. Get over it. People are trying to make HIV sound like a damn common cold here. Like someone said earlier, people were more negative and harsh in the herpes thread than here. Thats ridiculous.

[ja123]

Both my parents are immuno-compromised (And fyi, none of the 5 kids in my family are.) and no, I think the way of treating a person - encouraging others, not just your own choice, to dismiss them out of hand even if it might be something that could be forever. Acting as if him just onsidering it without sex is a horrible choice.... That is cruel.

 

 

Not really going to convince me otherwise.

 

 

 

The operative word here is "might".

 

 

Yet again, why take such a high risk for something that may or may not happen, and in all probability won't work out given stats, OPs age, etc.?

 

 

It's good to hear that your immuno-compromised (does that mean HIV? you don't have to answer) parents could make a go of it, and that the children did not contract it.

 

 

But it is most probable that your parents weren't in the OP's situation where they met and one knew of the infection and the other didn't. They probably didn't find out about the "compromise" until a baby was on the way. At which point, yeah, you stick together.

 

 

I pray that they remain healthy for themselves and for any dependent children. Good for them.

[fatalcharm]

You know that there is medication that she can take that can reduce the chance of her passing on HIV to you and there is also medication that you can take that can reduce the chance of you contracting HIV too. If you were both to take these medications, along with using condoms when you have sex, your chances of contracting HIV are very, very low.

 

In the 80's and early 90's, not much was understood about HIV and back then it was a death sentence. Because of that, there is now a huge stigma attached to HIV when there really shouldn't be. A lot of progress has been made over the last 20 years.

 

Of course it is a frightening disease but today, there are people who are HIV positive who are living much, much longer than people with other diseases that have much less stigma attached to them.

 

My suggestion is that you research HIV as much as you possibly can and learn about the disease. You might actually find it a lot less scary than you originally thought.

[Els]

To the Yay-sayers: your advice of doing research and staying in a sexless relationship with her, in the short term, to see how it works out sounds good on paper.

 

 

But what about the practice? What about long-term?

 

 

I think this is where the nay-sayers come in.

 

The long term is where he makes the decision for himself, armed with the knowledge of 6 months or a year of a relationship with her, as opposed to the minimal knowledge he has now. For all we know the relationship will fail by then and the point will be moot, but at least he won't be plagued with 'what if's.

 

That being said, I also don't see any harm in the OP choosing not to continue to date her if he doesn't want to; that is his prerogative. Simply saying that in his position, that is what I'd do.

[Emilia]

I've seen what HIV does to people OP. Even on long term medication, how sick and ill they get. Don't do it. Why prolong something that doesn't have a future.