Flaky behaviour?

[TaraMaiden]

You know, I've taken a step back and thought to myself 'maybe I'm over reacting' and after reading your post I cannot agree with you more. .....so I'm taking my eggs elsewhere!

 

 

(Unfertilised!!)

[lovesickpuppy]

I would think he's married or involved with someone else.

 

Everyone seems to be saying the same thing, I have done some extensive internet research on him and have found absolutely nothing. Maybe he's just not interested in me. I asked him a while back what he wanted from this and he told me 'Right now, I don't know what it is that I want, however I am enjoying getting to know you and talking to you'. Which I kind of took to mean 'I don't want to be in a relationship with you, I do however, want sex with you'.

 

I don't know, the dating game is becoming tedious.

[Hello_is_it_me]

You know, I've taken a step back and thought to myself 'maybe I'm over reacting' and after reading your post I cannot agree with you more. I have no problem with his closeness to his parents, if he is telling me the truth that is. My issue is his last minute cancellations and the fact he can't commit to spending more than a few hours with me so we can get to know each other better. However, if he is lying, which I suspect, I had a feeling last night this was going to happen to be honest, then it just shows what type of person he is and exactly where his priorities lie. I'm going N/C, if he decides to contact me to rearrange, again I'll give him the benefit of the doubt one more time. BUT, as far as I'm concerned, right now, he's made his impression on me, and it's not a very good one because of his flaky actions, so I'm taking my eggs elsewhere!

 

Hell, maybe everyone's right and he lives at home with his parents and his wife and kids.

[lovesickpuppy]

Everyone seems to be saying the same thing, I have done some extensive internet research on him and have found absolutely nothing. Maybe he's just not interested in me. I asked him a while back what he wanted from this and he told me 'Right now, I don't know what it is that I want, however I am enjoying getting to know you and talking to you'. Which I kind of took to mean 'I don't want to be in a relationship with you, I do however, want sex with you'.

 

I don't know, the dating game is becoming tedious.

 

and sex is fine...if he could actually meet me with no excuses or cancellations!

[Cunning_Linguist]

I'm with Gaeta. If you really like him, I would give him one more chance. Everyone is making assumptions based on not much evidence. It is possible that those things happened. If he flakes again, move on.

[Hello_is_it_me]

I'm with Gaeta. If you really like him, I would give him one more chance. Everyone is making assumptions based on not much evidence. It is possible that those things happened. If he flakes again, move on.

 

Even if he was telling the truth each time, he still is displaying poor time management skills that border on being outright rude to the OP.

[lovesickpuppy]

Even if he was telling the truth each time, he still is displaying poor time management skills that border on being outright rude to the OP.

 

Mhhhhmmmmm gurrrlllfriend

[Cunning_Linguist]

Even if he was telling the truth each time, he still is displaying poor time management skills that border on being outright rude to the OP.

 

It's rude to cancel plans if a family member is in need?

[Hello_is_it_me]

It's rude to cancel plans if a family member is in need?

 

In the context of last minute-cancelling because the mother not wanting to be in the house alone the day after mother's day, then, yes.

 

This is an odd reason to me. Did he never tell the mother of his plans for that day before? Was he getting ready to head out the door and his mother suddenly stopped him? It's not even the actual Mother's Day. Didn't the guy just spend the entire day with her the day before? If she knew the guy had a date planned for that evening wouldn't she have asked her husband/the guy's father to stay home with her? Where was the husband? Why didn't she accompany him that evening? It's just an odd setup for me.

 

Now to the second cancellation. He first semi-cancels the date saying he can only stay til 6pm (okay..?) THEN, less than 24 hours later he cancels the date altogether because his dad "fell off a ladder." I'm not even going to delve into the "did his father need to go to the er? Did he break something? Unconcious?" I'm just going to say that this guy is either very unreliable/family has the worst luck imaginable or he is full of it.

 

I'm seeing a pattern and I'm smelling a rat. The excuses he gives, if true, are ones that no empathetic person could call him out on. They're smart. Even if you want to disregard the reasons, the frequency is a red flag. And the biggest of all is semi cancelling the date to a 6 pm limit. Then soon after cancelling the entire date due to a completely different reason.

[Gaeta]

In the context of last minute-cancelling because the mother not wanting to be in the house alone the day after mother's day, then, yes.

 

This is an odd reason to me. Did he never tell the mother of his plans for that day before? Was he getting ready to head out the door and his mother suddenly stopped him?

I will only comment on that part. I did not know people had to schedule their break-down. His mother had one the day following Mother's Day, these things happen when they happen. She may have been in tears, OP doesn't know the situation, his mother may be suffering from depression and a list of other things that made it preferable to not leave her alone.

 

There is a lot of speculation in this thread. More than the usual I find.

[HappyLove]

Definitely married. Tell him it's ok and you want to come over tonight, let's see how fast his feet start shuffling with that one.

[truth_seeker]

I get a text this morning telling me his dad has fallen off a ladder..

 

This made me laugh.

[Hello_is_it_me]

I will only comment on that part. I did not know people had to schedule their break-down. His mother had one the day following Mother's Day, these things happen when they happen. She may have been in tears, OP doesn't know the situation, his mother may be suffering from depression and a list of other things that made it preferable to not leave her alone.

 

There is a lot of speculation in this thread. More than the usual I find.

 

If it was one thing that had happened. Like if it was just the Mother's day thing. Or just the dad ladder thing. Or just the limit to 6 pm thing. Then I would have given him the benefit of the doubt. But All these things together. Where there's smoke...

[truth_seeker]

Don't you ever get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is wrong? Did you not get it here with this guy?

[Trapito]

Don't you ever get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is wrong? Did you not get it here with this guy?

 

Yes, the famous 'gut feeling'. It can tell you a lot. I'm very curious how this story continues. Please keep us posted OP.

[lovesickpuppy]

Well, unfortunately this endeavour has taught me one thing - I am such an idiot!

It didn't end well.

Here is the end:

He text me explaining he had taken his dad to A&E he hasn't sprained it, but it is severely bruised and he won't be able to use it for the next 2 weeks..I wished his dad all the best and then,

 

Me: 'Look, I've been thinking, I really enjoyed meeting you and your company, but as you know I have a busy schedule and my days off are limited. Yours are pretty much exactly the same, I've been willing to make time for you, but unfortunately unforeseen circumstances have came into the picture and we haven't been able to meet. If our meetings are so far and few between and always pushed for time, I don't really think this is going to work for either of us.'

 

Him: 'Yeah. I agree. It's a shame that it's the case. I feel **** because I guess if I drove the it would be easier to head over to see you or whatever. And even if we arranged to see each other again we don't know when that might be '

 

Me: 'But, I drive and I try to make time for you. When you like someone, you are willing to make the time for them regardless of busy schedules, hence why I try to rearrange every time something comes up with you. Your actions are not those of someone that values me or my time.'

 

Him: 'Yeah you're right. They're not. You've definitely been the instigator of arranging things and I know you had things planned for today. I do like you, and I really enjoyed meeting you. I dunno what it is. You definitely deserve someone who will value you and your time and I guess that's not been me.'

 

I haven't replied, I have nothing left to say to that. It frustrates me but I'm glad I've got out sooner rather than later.

Thank you all for your amazing responses, if it hadn't been for the advice I probably would have been pestering him about our next date!

 

What a douchebag.

[lovesickpuppy]

Oh and truth seeker and trapito, I had the dreaded gut feeling from the very moment I spoke to him. It was all too good to be true, we got on far too well. I just couldn't put my finger on it. I guess I'll never know what was going on! I should have gone with my instinct, but hey, he was a 'nice guy'.

[Versacehottie]

yeah, i didn't agree with all those responses saying he was married. He's only 27!!! But it could be that he just wasn't that into you (which kinda sounds like what he said) OR that he's casually dating and way you present yourself makes it seem like you would want something more serious. Some people are really not ready to date for whatever reason but continue to dating while discovering that. And leave a trail of the perfectly great people they've cycled through during their process. I would say count yourself lucky you've found out relatively soon. And handled very well for yourself! Good luck with the next one.

[TaraMaiden]

I hate to say it, but with his attitude, impetus, enthusiasm and willingness to engage, this is how he's going to end up like this....

 

Cheer up! "Dodged a bullet" doesn't even begin to cover it!

[lovesickpuppy]

It's unfortunate, but it seems the bigger the douchebag, the bigger the impact they have on you. To go from speaking every single day about anything, to absolutely nothing at all is quite difficult. For some reason I am wanting him to turn around, and actually make the little effort there is to see me. That's silly I know, he's not worthy of my time but it hurts that I didn't make a big enough impact on him for him to want to see more of me. Sucks, for once, I thought this one was different

[PegNosePete]

His loss, he couldn't see a good thing right in front of his eyes! You certainly dodged a bullet so just NC him and move on. Good luck

[martaldn]

 

Him: 'Yeah you're right. They're not. You've definitely been the instigator of arranging things and I know you had things planned for today. I do like you, and I really enjoyed meeting you. I dunno what it is. You definitely deserve someone who will value you and your time and I guess that's not been me.'

 

 

that made my blood boil.

 

I am sorry it ended that way but you didnt need someone like that.

what a loser

[Gaeta]

Me: 'Look, I've been thinking, I really enjoyed meeting you and your company, but as you know I have a busy schedule and my days off are limited. Yours are pretty much exactly the same, I've been willing to make time for you, but unfortunately unforeseen circumstances have came into the picture and we haven't been able to meet. If our meetings are so far and few between and always pushed for time, I don't really think this is going to work for either of us.'

 

Him: 'Yeah. I agree. It's a shame that it's the case. I feel **** because I guess if I drove the it would be easier to head over to see you or whatever. And even if we arranged to see each other again we don't know when that might be '

 

Me: 'But, I drive and I try to make time for you. When you like someone, you are willing to make the time for them regardless of busy schedules, hence why I try to rearrange every time something comes up with you. Your actions are not those of someone that values me or my time.'

 

Him: 'Yeah you're right. They're not. You've definitely been the instigator of arranging things and I know you had things planned for today. I do like you, and I really enjoyed meeting you. I dunno what it is. You definitely deserve someone who will value you and your time and I guess that's not been me.'

 

.

 

I will be the devil's advocate here.

 

The guy had no car, parents demanding his attention, and his pride.

 

Yes he cancelled last minute but I did believe his reasons and he did warned you ahead as much as he could considering some of those incidents were unexpected.

 

About valuing you. It came as a little too much when i read that. You met 2 times and he's suppose to value you? I don't think so. He is suppose to have basic respect for you, the same he would have for an acquaintance but expecting him to see you as 'special' after this very little time is asking for too much.

[Hello_is_it_me]

Him: 'Yeah. I agree. It's a shame that it's the case. I feel **** because I guess if I drove the it would be easier to head over to see you or whatever. And even if we arranged to see each other again we don't know when that might be '

 

This is some busy guy for being 27 with no car. Does he live in a big city? Does he work?

[lovesickpuppy]

I will be the devil's advocate here.

 

The guy had no car, parents demanding his attention, and his pride.

 

Yes he cancelled last minute but I did believe his reasons and he did warned you ahead as much as he could considering some of those incidents were unexpected.

 

About valuing you. It came as a little too much when i read that. You met 2 times and he's suppose to value you? I don't think so. He is suppose to have basic respect for you, the same he would have for an acquaintance but expecting him to see you as 'special' after this very little time is asking for too much.

 

I appreciate your input Gaeta. Are you saying I've over reacted? Regardless of these excuses, he's still unsure of when he will have time for me, I'm not going to waste my time when like I said it's limited enough as it is, on a guy that cannot find a spare couple of hours in his day for me to come and see him.

Regarding him valuing me, this isn't about me thinking I deserve to be thought of as 'special'. What I meant by it was merely he didn't value me as a person after getting to know me for the best part of 2 months, to want to make time for me. I know I valued him and his time, I expected the same from him.