Bullied by my family

[Loveisonlyformovies]

well, i dont have any hand reaching out for you.

 

My mental health is fine, it's all connected to performance anxiety, if multiple doctors and therapists says i'm fine, then the **** you just said isn't a problem for me.

 

Can't fight them back, then i get kicked out and will be living on the street.

[William]

Folks, I got a report suggesting moderation close this thread and my opinion is that, if all members can remain civil in their interactions, the discussion can continue, relevant to being bullied by one's family members, attendant feelings and working through this challenge. Let's give it a try. Thanks!

[stillafool]

You are going to have to figure out a way to get yourself better. Your parents and grandparents are not going to live forever and you have to find a way to take care of yourself. I don't think anyone on this forum can help you. You need professional help and perhaps the doctors you are seeing are not right for you. Maybe change doctors? Good luck.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

That brings me back On the waiting for another 3 years. I can take care of myself and nothing I need professional help with. I just need a way to live with this **** for another 4 years without it destroying me :/

Edited April 9, 2014 by Loveisonlyformovies

[loveislife11]

The most likely reason you are being bullied is due to the scenario you describe to us. You are not stable in your life. The stability comes from loving yourself and loving others enough that you want to do something for others. Focus on other people in terms of the less fortunate and what you can do for them and then how you will overcome your own diversity(issues) in the process.

 

Being thankful for having a roof over your head, having that shelter alone should be enough to love your parents for allowing you to stay. Many times we don't look at the bigger picture and enable ourselves to understand our limits, our goals and that which by the grace of GOD and his son JESUS what can and will be accomplished.

 

Stop beating yourself up, and don't worry...you do however have a responsibility to love others. Life is about that love and we receive it when we take the responsibility to lean on GOD rather than ourselves.

 

You view yourself as the blacksheep of the family, well change that. Aloow your life to be a principle of love rather than any kind of primordial hate. Succumb not to the enemy, but to the love of life. The love of faith, hope and love which is the greatest of these. Do kindness to others in acts of charity. Explain to employers that you need help, you are young and want to learn....there are so many opportunities to learn new skills and trades and STOP focusing on the negative.....focus on love and it's greater potential and meaning.

 

Geez dear child, you have a life ahead of you and possibilities are rampant. Enjoy the air, the wildlife, the PEOPLE around you and if they don't love you back pray for them...heap coals on there heads and smother em with love and charity.

 

"A sib wants to argue grab em and hug em and tell them I LOVE YOU GET OVER IT!!!"

 

Be wary always of the enemy that is roaring around us; seeking whom it can devour!! resist the enemy and it will flee from you.

 

Keep strong, keep safe and stay clean and sober.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

do for others? I'm a satanist, not a christian. please, keep your sick religion to yourself and don't post it on a forum, it's just creepy.

 

And no, that's not why, they are more unstable than i am.

 

There are no jobs in the area at all, many teenagers are unemployed and i rather live on the street than working at the supermarket or mcdonalds, that's way below my dignity.

[nescafe1982]

...you still have a lot of growing up to do.

 

This. OP I hope you find a way to stay in school, graduate, and start taking some responsibility for yourself. This is just my opinion, but I've seen a few young adults get very "stuck" feeling and frustrated like you are because they hadn't yet decided what path they wanted to take in like.

 

Like, they were still living like adolescents (with no job, limited responsibilities, in their parents home) but that lifestyle was no longer fulfilling them. We all reach a point in life where we have to start looking for ways to challenge ourselves or else we begin to feel hopeless, helpless, and angry.

 

Your family can bully you... but they cannot show you how to be an adult, really. That's a change you're going to have to make on your own. I think school is a big way to do it... if you can figure out what your goal is, set reasonable expectations for yourself each semester (hint: 9 classes at once is WAY too many... you're setting yourself up for failure if you attempt that). YOu might not finish when you expected to... but you will finish. And that's what matters.

[Anela]

The most likely reason you are being bullied is due to the scenario you describe to us. You are not stable in your life. The stability comes from loving yourself and loving others enough that you want to do something for others. Focus on other people in terms of the less fortunate and what you can do for them and then how you will overcome your own diversity(issues) in the process.

 

Being thankful for having a roof over your head, having that shelter alone should be enough to love your parents for allowing you to stay. Many times we don't look at the bigger picture and enable ourselves to understand our limits, our goals and that which by the grace of GOD and his son JESUS what can and will be accomplished.

 

Stop beating yourself up, and don't worry...you do however have a responsibility to love others. Life is about that love and we receive it when we take the responsibility to lean on GOD rather than ourselves.

 

You view yourself as the blacksheep of the family, well change that. Aloow your life to be a principle of love rather than any kind of primordial hate. Succumb not to the enemy, but to the love of life. The love of faith, hope and love which is the greatest of these. Do kindness to others in acts of charity. Explain to employers that you need help, you are young and want to learn....there are so many opportunities to learn new skills and trades and STOP focusing on the negative.....focus on love and it's greater potential and meaning.

 

Geez dear child, you have a life ahead of you and possibilities are rampant. Enjoy the air, the wildlife, the PEOPLE around you and if they don't love you back pray for them...heap coals on there heads and smother em with love and charity.

 

"A sib wants to argue grab em and hug em and tell them I LOVE YOU GET OVER IT!!!"

 

Be wary always of the enemy that is roaring around us; seeking whom it can devour!! resist the enemy and it will flee from you.

 

Keep strong, keep safe and stay clean and sober.

 

Your advice is lovely, but if I had done that with my sister, she would have thumped me. My dad said the same thing to me, about grabbing her and hugging her, and it would never work. She was the one leading the bullying in this house, and I'm a mess now. I was always grateful for what I had, for my family - it was the one consistently good thing in my life as an adult - but no more.

[Anela]

do for others? I'm a satanist, not a christian. please, keep your sick religion to yourself and don't post it on a forum, it's just creepy.

 

And no, that's not why, they are more unstable than i am.

 

There are no jobs in the area at all, many teenagers are unemployed and i rather live on the street than working at the supermarket or mcdonalds, that's way below my dignity.

 

Well, that is just rude. You could have said, "thank you".

[FrostBlaze]

Get a job, it will help you with a lot of the problems you are having and give you more responsabilities.

Indeed you have some growing up to do.

I also hated the jobs i had to take, they were beneath me, but i had to, needed the money. You take a job, work it, look for a better one in your free time, and move when you find something better.

You kinda need the experience, get to know people, a lot of mean things out there.

 

You can always do classes/courses that don't take to long to get a somewhat better job.

You look fine, really matters to people how you prezent yourself at a interview and possible job spots ^^. Try being a waitress.

 

Oh and i almost forgot, since you are still with your parents and its no urgency.

If you trully feel most jobs are degrading, you can try voluntary work(not getting paid). Ask around, people want trainee's and you need experience if you want to get hired these days, few take a fresh student out of university. It will look good on your CV.

I have friends with 2 degree's finding it hard to get a job because they lack experience, some found this voluntary business. (in their field ofc).

 

You said you are doing some courses idk what about, try finding something for it, anything really.

You need to get more active somehow and not dwell home and being negative, job, hobbies.

 

PLUS, this is the season to get something done so get a move on before mid-summer, by then job opportunities allready start to get low.

Edited April 12, 2014 by FrostBlaze

[Loveisonlyformovies]

some growing up? by ruining my entire future by settling for a job like that? prostitution is to prefer before mcdonalds or waitress

 

i'm not negative at all, being positive has taken me to this point in life actually.

 

a pathetic job like that won't give me any benefits when becoming a researcher.

 

Getting a job is useless when i can't deal with school and no school= no high degree and i can't work with what i want

 

and like any mature adult, i've money saved up so i wont have to settle for a low job like that

Edited April 12, 2014 by Loveisonlyformovies

[FrostBlaze]

This is not just about a job, but that's all you got out of this.

I mentioned volunteering in your expertise for experience and keeping yourself busy, hobbies even...blabla whatever.

I don't even know why i bother, you we're totally disrispectfull toward me and insulting.

 

Also it seems you have everything in control, right? SO then, why?

Good luck in future endeavors, hope you get your **** straight soon and life goes as u want.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

how am i supposed to volunteer in what i want to work with when it's in another country?

 

hobbies? studying is what i love to do, honestly, and it has been my hobby since i was 6.

 

I wasn't insulting, i have the right to defend myself when people think my life is worth so little that i should give up my dignity and self respect and follow the advice you gave me.

 

I don't have it under control, but getting a job won't fix that problem.

And I wont, and it wont be the way i want.. it's already too late for that

[Loveisonlyformovies]

I'm not looking for a master degree, I'm going way higher than that. And that's them, i won't waste time on something that kills what's left of my self-respect.

 

A kibbutz sounds way more interesting than a job at a grocery store.

 

And i can't because i can't study. if i can't study, i just find a way to live my life that kills me like cutting, no eating for days etc, because without school, i don't think life is worth living

 

i can always be a surrogate mother

[FrostBlaze]

how am i supposed to volunteer in what i want to work with when it's in another country?

 

hobbies? studying is what i love to do, honestly, and it has been my hobby since i was 6.

 

I wasn't insulting, i have the right to defend myself when people think my life is worth so little that i should give up my dignity and self respect and follow the advice you gave me.

 

I don't have it under control, but getting a job won't fix that problem.

And I wont, and it wont be the way i want.. it's already too late for that

Bolded part. I don't read minds, that's all about communication. Don't jump the gun so fast.

I recommended something, you could of told me it can't be done.

 

Oh and, you contradict yourself often, many told you this.

I pointed it out in some other topics, i can point it out again.

Last bit of your reply contradicts something you said earlier about your attitude.

 

Defend with talk like a mature person, not insults. Noone here insulted you back.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

I've been positive for years, it gave me absolutely nothing. now i don't have any reason to stay positive anymore.

 

90% of the replies i've gotten here are pure insults. I talk respectfully to the people who deserves it, which also is quite clear if you've read all my posts on here.

 

and please get your own thread if you can't come up with an advice of me putting up with living in this hell for another 4 years without letting it destroy what's left of me, thank you.

Edited April 12, 2014 by Loveisonlyformovies

[pickflicker]

7 pages of advice later...

 

OP, your question has been answered multiple times.

 

To change your situation, you need to get a job, get some friends, get some hobbies, get a life. Or don't. The choice is yours, no one can do it for you.

 

To paraphrase my mother: "Any child of mine who was unskilled in the workforce who said that a job at McDonalds was 'beneath' them, isn't too old for a smacking."

[Loveisonlyformovies]

i have a life and hobbies, i don't need a job, simply don't have time with that at the moment. and telling me to get a job is not an advice that answers my question.

[pickflicker]

i have a life and hobbies, i don't need a job, simply don't have time with that at the moment. and telling me to get a job is not an advice that answers my question.

 

It is. To improve your relationship with your parents, you're going to need to move out of home. That's because children are not meant to live at home forever. To continue to hang around, only strains your relationship with them.

 

To move out of home, you need money. To have money, you need a job. To have a job, you have to start at the bottom, working in a grocery store, or fast food restaurant, or reception, to gain a skill set to make you employable in better jobs.

 

If you think a job at a grocery store or fast-food restaurant or call centre is "beneath you", you're unlikely to get a job. Which means you're unlikely to have money. Which means you're unlikely to move out of home. Which means you will continue to be miserable and make your family miserable.

 

Everything is tied to a job. Whilst books and movies would like to tell you that love makes the world go round, it doesn't. It's money. Can't do anything without it.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

i'll live at home for another 4 years til i finish uni. not moving out, because once i do, i wont improve my relationship with my mum, i'll cut contact for good.

 

i dont make my family miserable at all i

 

 

it's not about a job, besides in sweden you make more money being unemployed than working at a grocery store. i have money but wont leave home, i dont wanna live alone, even less with roommates.

 

this thread is only to get advice to deal with the situation at home without moving, if you can't give advice on that then please don't say anything at all

[pickflicker]

i'll live at home for another 4 years til i finish uni. not moving out, because once i do, i wont improve my relationship with my mum, i'll cut contact for good.

 

i dont make my family miserable at all i

 

 

it's not about a job, besides in sweden you make more money being unemployed than working at a grocery store. i have money but wont leave home, i dont wanna live alone, even less with roommates.

 

this thread is only to get advice to deal with the situation at home without moving, if you can't give advice on that then please don't say anything at all

 

She's your mother and it's her house. You need to toe her line and follow her rules. It doesn't matter if your 10, 15, 20 or 40 - her house, her rules.

 

Either do as she says, or move out. You don't have any clout with her, whilst you continue to occupy her space as a full-grown adult.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

I'm ill so it's living at home or at the hospital and if I choose that then I can never join the military.

I do follow her rules, even though she has a million more rules for me than for my siblings. Still that's no reason to just let the bullying destroy me or move out.

[pickflicker]

I'm ill so it's living at home or at the hospital and if I choose that then I can never join the military.

I do follow her rules, even though she has a million more rules for me than for my siblings. Still that's no reason to just let the bullying destroy me or move out.

 

It's an excellent reason. Millions of people before you have done it. Living at home got you down? Move out.

 

Quite frankly, I'm not surprised that she has those rules. You're refusing to work, refusing to contribute, and still have years of study left. You're refusing to get treatment for an illness, so she has to parent you the best way she can, given that you're so stubborn and won't help yourself.

 

You want freedom, that ball is entirely in your court. You can't mooch around her house, lying in bed and refusing to contribute, and expect that she will just leave you to your own devices, and give you respect for it.

 

If you're the eldest, then she has younger children that need more of her attention. That's parenting. At 20 years old, you should be making a contribution to the house financially, or helping out with siblings, cooking meals, mowing lawns, ironing clothes, etc. And she shouldn't need to ask you, you should do it without having to be asked. If you're doing none of these things, no wonder she is frustrated. If a shrink can't treat you, go to a hospital. All of us have been ill at one time or another, and we all seek treatment for it. But you are adamantly against getting out of your own way, and protesting when people can't deliver you the answer that you want to hear.

 

If you're half as obstinate IRL as you are on here, then you're not going to get anywhere. There is 7 pages of advice, and your patent refusal to take any of it. No one here as a magic solution. Only practical ones because that's life. Sometimes it sucks, but we just have to keep pushing through.

[Loveisonlyformovies]

I've offered to pay for my living at home, she doesn't want the money . I've been getting treatment for long but it's not working so far. I've tried my best for years to help myself but failed.

 

I help a lot at home and with my siblings

 

There's seven pages telling me to move out which has nothing to do with this thread

[pickflicker]

I've offered to pay for my living at home, she doesn't want the money . I've been getting treatment for long but it's not working so far. I've tried my best for years to help myself but failed.

 

I help a lot at home and with my siblings

 

There's seven pages telling me to move out which has nothing to do with this thread

 

If she won't accommodate you, then you can't make her.

 

Much like we can't make you take the advice on here. Perhaps you two are more alike than you think?