ManIthurts Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 (edited) (I guess my title was too long but it read "What to do now? (Please read and need responses asap!)" Ok, so recently I posted another thread about me and my ex's break up. (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/469574-will-she-want-me-back-miss-me) which can be found here. Its been a week since the break up (I was the one to do it). It was over the phone because I just couldn't take her indecisiveness anymore. She said she loves me but not sure if she will be in love with me. She said she doesn't think she will always be happy. Now, this is a girl with no friends and when I say no friends, I mean she sits inside all day watching movies (we are both 18 and fresh out of highschool) I am not saying this to make fun of her, its just that she had a horrible highschool experience with all that girl drama. Does it matter to me whether she has friends or not? It does concern me that she has hardly any contact with other people other than her mom and me but I do not care if she is "popular" or if shes a girl who is out and being busy. I loved and still love her for everything she is. We ended our year and a half relationship last Saturday, the next day I went to talk to her because I wanted to stay with her. I didn't want her out of my life. She told me no and that she needs space to herself right now and all that. I told her I don't know if I can go from a year and 6 months to just being friends and maybe we shouldn't talk. She normally agrees with what I say to make me happy. I thought about this. She agrees to what with I say.. I thought about it all week and realized what a complete fool and how bad I treated her in the relationship. No, I didn't beat her, I didn't curse at her and I didn't make fun of her. What I did do was put her down. When her OCD made her take longer than expected to be ready to hang out, I got upset about it and let her know. When she told me "Maybe we can hang out tomorrow, I don't think i'll be ready in time" I again, got upset and let her know. I told her I feel like I am taking care of a kid sometimes. But the thing is, it has always been this way with her. I know you guys are thinking "Shes 18, she has to have her **** together, come on! Shes a grown woman!" But you really can't judge this book by her cover, you have to know her. I should have accepted the fact it takes her longer to get ready. I should have told it was okay and tomorrow was fine. When her depression got the better of her and she wanted to quit going to college because it was hard for her to get up in the morning, instead of supporting her, I told her I was disappointed. When she said she didn't want to do sexual stuff at the moment, I took offense to it. I thought she was viewing me as "unattractive". I told her how I deserve it because I treat her well. When she would say no, I again would get upset with her and we would just sit there at her house, not talking and watching tv. I thought, in my mind, I was doing everything right and doing it for her, but I was really doing all of it for me. I feel so stupid it takes the end of our relationship for me to realize I had been a complete idiot and a terrible boyfriend for her. I love this girl with all my heart. After the first day of being broken up, I texted her goodnight. She didnt reply until the next day because she was taken her normal 3 hour shower and didn't want to wake me up. We talked casually throughout the week here and there and then lastnight, I asked what she was doing Sunday. She said she didn't have any plans and I asked her if she would like to come with me somewhere, she asked where but I wouldn't tell her. I wanted to take her to a nice park close by, to get her out and then tell her all this. I want to tell her that I had a great time being her boyfriend, that I love her and that she is truly amazing. I want to tell her how wrong I was, how sorry I am for not being a supportive boyfriend, for not being there when she needed me and instead putting her down even more. There's not a doubt in my mind that this girl is my best friend. She told me that she doesn't think its a good idea that we hang out because she doesn't want it to mess with our emotions. I told her I just wanted to talk and get things off my chest and she finally agreed. Now I am at a loss for words. I don't know exactly what I want to tell her, but I know exactly how I feel. This girl is truly amazing to me. No girl has made me feel the way she makes me feel. I really do not want to lose her. I want her to be in my life in some way or form whether it be us up at the alter together one day, or if its her up there with another man and me in the pews watching. I want her to be happy and I did a horrible job at that. This girl deserves so much more than what she was given and in short, I just want to tell her I am sorry. We are meeting up tomorrow and I am going to tell her how I feel, I don't know if its too soon or too late but I want her to know how I feel. It is not an attempt to get back together, it was an attempt to be friends, but I think it might just be better to tell her all this and just give her the space she needed. Guys and gals, I know im only 18 and I have a full life ahead of me, but never do what I did. Always respect that person you are with like they will be the last person you will ever date. If I had a second chance, I would go back and do everything right for me, it doesn't look like thats going to happen anytime soon. Never make my mistake. Edited April 5, 2014 by ManIthurts
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