Is weight gain grounds for divorce?

[not-so-sure]

25 pounds is not insignificant. I don't propose to get into the psychology of how someone packs that much on over time but to some people it has a clear bearing on how they perceive the attractiveness of their partner.

 

I don't get why that's shallow? It is what it is. Yes, people get older and wrinkly and things progressively head south but there's nothing superficial about wanting to be attracted to your partner. And you're kidding yourself if you think the visual aspect of that doesn't play into attraction at all.

 

You can tell me all day that it's what on the inside that counts but for me, well, it's a big part of it but so is wanting to visually appreciate what I see.

 

Fwiw, I'm in better shape now than I ever was. I'm slimmer stronger and faster then ever. I can't do much about my mug or my greying hair but I don't really have much of a choice about those things. Being overweight was something I could definitely attack and so I did. I'm not going to ask my wife to get used to a fat man. That's just me shifting the problem to someone else, and we know how LS feels about *that*.

[aMguilts]

25 pounds is not insignificant. I don't propose to get into the psychology of how someone packs that much on over time but to some people it has a clear bearing on how they perceive the attractiveness of their partner.

 

I don't get why that's shallow? It is what it is. Yes, people get older and wrinkly and things progressively head south but there's nothing superficial about wanting to be attracted to your partner. And you're kidding yourself if you think the visual aspect of that doesn't play into attraction at all.

 

You can tell me all day that it's what on the inside that counts but for me, well, it's a big part of it but so is wanting to visually appreciate what I see.

 

Fwiw, I'm in better shape now than I ever was. I'm slimmer stronger and faster then ever. I can't do much about my mug or my greying hair but I don't really have much of a choice about those things. Being overweight was something I could definitely attack and so I did. I'm not going to ask my wife to get used to a fat man. That's just me shifting the problem to someone else, and we know how LS feels about *that*.

 

 

 

yes you can doing something about` greying hair`

but you choose NOT too

why`s that?

if your wife told you she wanted a divorce because your `growing grey`

what WOULD YOU SAY?

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL????????

 

 

 

 

aM

Edited April 7, 2014 by aMguilts

[aMguilts]

AND btw the way your right

25lbs is NOTHING

 

 

25lbs is 25lbs more woman to love

 

 

IF.....

they really loved her in the 1st place

aM

[aMguilts]

so does this answer your question grumpy?

 

 

aM

[almond]

yes you can doing something about` greying hair`

but you choose NOT too

why`s that?

if your wife told you she wanted a divorce because your `growing grey`

what WOULD YOU SAY?

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL????????

 

 

 

 

aM

 

And if your husband slowly stopped showering and brushing his teeth, and despite your begging and pleading, he refused to work on his hygiene...how would you feel? Would you be okay with living the rest of your life with someone who you cannot be attracted to because they are unable to look after themselves the way they used to, even though it is preventable and they could correct it by taking the necessary steps? Would you feel valued and loved by your partner, even though they are willing to sacrifice your happiness and ability to be attracted to them?

 

For some, weight maintenance and healthy living is on par with hygiene. If my partner didn't maintain his personal hygiene, I would quickly lose attraction. It would eat away at me that he continued down this road, even though it was causing problems in our relationship.

 

Attraction is huge - there is no denying that. If your partner's poor habits eventually get them to a state that you are put off by their appearance, then they need to work on this for the sake of the marriage. Can't control eating habits and are continually gaining weight? See a dietitian/counselor. Refuse to put in this effort for the sake of your marriage? Then suffer the consequences. Compromise and consideration for your partner is vital. The refusal to address weight issues (when they are seriously bothering the partner) can breed resentment and a whole host of other things...it is not conducive to a happy, healthy relationship. I don't believe that people should be forced to stay in relationships that make them unhappy.

 

If someone finds overweight people incredibly unattractive, then that's the way it is...it often cannot be controlled, and they hardly deserve to be crucified for this. If a person desires to spend their life in a happy, fulfilling relationship with a partner that they feel attracted to, then I don't see how this could be held against them.

[aMguilts]

And if your husband slowly stopped showering and brushing his teeth, and despite your begging and pleading, he refused to work on his hygiene...how would you feel? Would you be okay with living the rest of your life with someone who you cannot be attracted to because they are unable to look after themselves the way they used to, even though it is preventable and they could correct it by taking the necessary steps? Would you feel valued and loved by your partner, even though they are willing to sacrifice your happiness and ability to be attracted to them?

 

For some, weight maintenance and healthy living is on par with hygiene. If my partner didn't maintain his personal hygiene, I would quickly lose attraction. It would eat away at me that he continued down this road, even though it was causing problems in our relationship.

 

Attraction is huge - there is no denying that. If your partner's poor habits eventually get them to a state that you are put off by their appearance, then they need to work on this for the sake of the marriage. Can't control eating habits and are continually gaining weight? See a dietitian/counselor. Refuse to put in this effort for the sake of your marriage? Then suffer the consequences. Compromise and consideration for your partner is vital. The refusal to address weight issues (when they are seriously bothering the partner) can breed resentment and a whole host of other things...it is not conducive to a happy, healthy relationship. I don't believe that people should be forced to stay in relationships that make them unhappy.

 

If someone finds overweight people incredibly unattractive, then that's the way it is...it often cannot be controlled, and they hardly deserve to be crucified for this. If a person desires to spend their life in a happy, fulfilling relationship with a partner that they feel attracted to, then I don't see how this could be held against them.

 

 

guess this IS a big issue

NO pun intended

 

 

 

 

Compromise and consideration

on which part is Compromise and consideration a validation for divorce??

Is HE willing to compromise if SHE considers to lose weight?:S

 

 

aM

[Grumpybutfun]

He filed. He never even gave her an ultimatum. I personally think he has someone else. He has always had a roving eye and cheated on all his exes. He has gotten tubby in the last ten years too, way bigger than her. It is a joke he can complain with a straight face.

 

This is a very big issue since after this I have been paying attention to it in conversations and media. Seems many guys are unhappy with their wives weight or appearance. A guy at my gym today was talking about how he and his wife haven't had sex in three years because she is so fat. He was pretty fit and really young...like early twenties. I don't know this guy, I just overheard but three years? I was floored thinking a divorce would be a kindness for a couple who haven't touched each other sexually in three years.

SMH,

G

[almond]

You've completely failed to address most of the points in my post.

 

guess this IS a big issue

NO pun intended

 

For many people, yes, it can be.

 

 

 

 

Compromise and consideration

on which part is Compromise and consideration a validation for divorce??

 

If one person's actions or behaviours are causing the other person to feel unfulfilled and unhappy within the relationship, and said person refuses to work on that behaviour, then I feel either party has the right to terminate the relationship. Everyone deserves to live a happy life.

 

Is HE willing to compromise if SHE considers to lose weight?:S

 

I don't know, I'm not him.

 

 

he married her for better or worse!!!

 

 

yes or no??????

 

That's what is said at some ceremonies, sure. But you believe that he should abide by that no matter what? Do you believe that if you marry someone, then under no circumstances should you ever be able to divorce them? Cheating? Abuse? What if they refuse to shower and the mere thought of touching them repulses you?

 

Marriage means different things to different people. Don't impose your beliefs upon others, and criticise them for not seeing things the same way that you do.

[xxoo]

He filed. He never even gave her an ultimatum. I personally think he has someone else. He has always had a roving eye and cheated on all his exes. He has gotten tubby in the last ten years too, way bigger than her. It is a joke he can complain with a straight face.

 

If he's likely cheating, and is a cheater by nature, the weight thing is probably just an excuse. Esp if he is fat, and not fitness freak himself.

 

Weight is probably often an excuse. Couples very in love don't usually get worked up about reasonable weight gain. "More to love" and all that.

 

Weight gain can often accompany unhappiness, so it may be difficult to parse out what is the actual cause of the demise. The marriage sucks, but fatness is the scapegoat.

 

Ironically, I've read that couples tend to gain weight when they are HAPPY in marriage, too. I guess the idea is that they feel comfortable with each other, feel loved as they are, and feel less pressure to be super fit. That hasn't been my experience, as I enjoy being fit for its own rewards. But it does go to show that weight gain doesn't always result in marital dissatisfaction.

[regine_phalange]

It's a very superficial reason, and indeed doesn't seem like the deep motive for the divorce.

 

I've had someone in the past complaining that I gained weight one night we went out, because I had dessert. But, I was very thin (I was 5.5 and 112 lbs). We were going through a crisis for other reasons, and I'm sure that was just an excuse to express dissatisfaction in a passive agressive way.

 

I'm not the type of person to really criticize someone on their appearance to start with, I think it's something very sensitive. You can't expect someone to stay the same with the years. There is going to be some receding hairline and some fat that won't go away, no matter how hard you try. I'm fine with that, as long as the man of my life is truly respecting and taking care of himself and his habits.

[whichwayisup]

He filed. He never even gave her an ultimatum. I personally think he has someone else. He has always had a roving eye and cheated on all his exes. He has gotten tubby in the last ten years too, way bigger than her. It is a joke he can complain with a straight face.

 

This is a very big issue since after this I have been paying attention to it in conversations and media. Seems many guys are unhappy with their wives weight or appearance. A guy at my gym today was talking about how he and his wife haven't had sex in three years because she is so fat. He was pretty fit and really young...like early twenties. I don't know this guy, I just overheard but three years? I was floored thinking a divorce would be a kindness for a couple who haven't touched each other sexually in three years.

SMH,

G

 

Good riddance. Now she can grieve the loss and find a man who will love her no matter what. To divorce over weight gain is the stupidest reason. Yes he is with someone else or he's just a very shallow person and never was in love with his wife.

[Misadventure]

If it is true that it is the real reason.. that is shallow and a horrible thing. Love is supposed to be unconditional.

 

So he is either very shallow and vain.. OR...

 

There are underlining issues and the weight gain is a scapegoat for it.

[Raena]

Your sister in law may find that him leaving her, the stress of the break up, will cause her to lose that 25 pounds without even batting an eye.

 

That will be her best revenge Lose the loser and the weight and move on to a better place without him. He sounds like a complete idiot anyway.

[trippi1432]

Your sister in law may find that him leaving her, the stress of the break up, will cause her to lose that 25 pounds without even batting an eye.

 

That will be her best revenge Lose the loser and the weight and move on to a better place without him. He sounds like a complete idiot anyway.

 

Yep, always is when it comes to shallowness.

[Grumpybutfun]

Your sister in law may find that him leaving her, the stress of the break up, will cause her to lose that 25 pounds without even batting an eye.

 

That will be her best revenge Lose the loser and the weight and move on to a better place without him. He sounds like a complete idiot anyway.

 

 

She looks great to us, so the only weight she needs to lose is my younger brother.....

G

[Grumpybutfun]

Update

 

My little brother called me...he needs money, of course. His inability to think ahead to the flogging he is going to receive from me always astound me. He never learns.

 

He claims she is having an affair, isn't sexually meeting his needs, isn't doing her part around the house.....in which I cut him off and said, in whose history has all of these things been more prevalent and started naming off every woman, every time he has been left for not performing ahem ahem...cough, cough and I reminded him that we have the same family, I know his inability to hold down a job or do things around the house. I told him that being a couch potato video gamer alcoholic philanderer isn't conducive to making others believe his lies. My son is sitting there the entire time shaking his head, saying God, how is he your brother?

 

You get no money, and a lecture on what a moron you are, with a promise of an ass beating next time I see you so thanks for calling.

 

My wife paid the retainer for our SILs attorney, the best one in the area so she won't have to worry about him manipulating the situation in any way and I spoke to him to make sure she is treated well.

 

She is better off and she has lost all the weight she needs to at this point,

Grumps

[trippi1432]

Da*n Grumps!! I wish you could have been my BIL!! My ex's family gave him Hades too, a bit, but they also wanted to keep out if it. They still don't like his AP wife. Kudos to you and your wife for not caving to his bad behavior and being there for your SIL. You rock!!

[GorillaTheater]

Grumps, your brother sounds like a dumbass, and I'm glad you all are helping your SIL out. But at the risk of steering the thread off in a direction you didn't mean for it to take, just a thought:

 

Weight gain shouldn't effect love, but I think we're fooling ourselves if we think it shouldn't effect attraction. Where that line is differs for different people; 25 pounds to me doesn't matter at all, but 100 pounds sure might.

 

We have a responsibility to be the best spouse we can be, emotionally, mentally and physically. Fall down on the job in any of these areas and you're running a risk. Of course I'm not talking about things beyond our control, life surely does throw us curve balls from time to time whether it be illness, injury, or a myriad of other things. But to the extent we have control, we should exercise it.

[Grumpybutfun]

Grumps, your brother sounds like a dumbass, and I'm glad you all are helping your SIL out. But at the risk of steering the thread off in a direction you didn't mean for it to take, just a thought:

 

Weight gain shouldn't effect love, but I think we're fooling ourselves if we think it shouldn't effect attraction. Where that line is differs for different people; 25 pounds to me doesn't matter at all, but 100 pounds sure might.

 

We have a responsibility to be the best spouse we can be, emotionally, mentally and physically. Fall down on the job in any of these areas and you're running a risk. Of course I'm not talking about things beyond our control, life surely does throw us curve balls from time to time whether it be illness, injury, or a myriad of other things. But to the extent we have control, we should exercise it.

 

 

I agree, like I said earlier, if someone just gives up and doesn't put forth the effort, there are deeper issues. 100 lb. weight gains to me are alarming. I can't imagine what would have to happen to my wife for that to happen. You have read my posts, you know how much effort I put into being healthy and also fit...my wife is the same, we enjoy moving and eating healthy, always have. There is no argument here, we love the attraction still here in a marriage that has been around longer than some of these kids posting. She wouldn't be happy with a tubby Grumpy either. She is very visual as am I, and we don't see aesthetics as being something that can be ignored.

This wasn't about her weight gain so much as about him wanting to behave poorly. To put this in perspective, my brother is my height and is wide, stomach hanging over, bloated face, etc. My SIL, according to my wife, may be a US size 6 or 8, she's tall, and though she has gained 25 lbs. she was really thin to begin with. She looks better than him by a wide margin. Pun intended.

 

G

[roger136913]

Married my Wife she was 160lbs, 7 years later she went to 132lbs when she left she was 227lbs. Weight never changed how I felt or looked at her.

 

Some people it bothers other's it don't.

[Grumpybutfun]

Married my Wife she was 160lbs, 7 years later she went to 132lbs when she left she was 227lbs. Weight never changed how I felt or looked at her.

 

Some people it bothers other's it don't.

 

Was something else going on for her to have fluctuated in weight like that? Did it not affect your attraction to her sexually? Were you intimate after she went to 227 lbs.? She left the marriage, so she obviously was unhappy and that contributed to weight gain, so if you knew it did you try working on it, going to MC or IC? Did she receive your help?

Rousseau once said that our health mirrors our self esteem so do you think it was something within her that made her fluctuate to such an extent? You don't have to answer any of this, I just think it is something to think about.

 

I will always love my wife, but I am going to be alarmed and getting some major help if she goes from 130s to 230 lbs. There is something definitely going on that she needs help with. That is more being concerned with health than anything and no I won't find her as attractive at 200+ lbs. as I am sure she wouldn't find me as attractive at 300. I will love her regardless but there is something amiss, something wrong, something going on, something we need help with if it gets to that.

JMHO,

Grumps

[roger136913]

Grumpy

 

I met my Wife in 1986, she was 160lbs, she was always a larger Lady, 7 years later I had my affair, her weight went to 132 lbs not sure if she lost the weight for me or her affair with my Brother..

 

When she left 6 weeks ago she was 227lbs. I never had a problem with her weight, it never bothered our sex life and she always said our sex life was great.

 

She left the marriage for so many reasons, My affair 18 years ago and her 3 throw on a foreclosure to boot. But her Weight was never an issue with me..