Meeting his wife

[Lady2163]

When I was 16 and seduced by the 35 year old married man, I had no choice but to have a good rapport with his wife. I was their babysitter. Definitely icky.

 

 

So, back when I was young and dumb, I was involved with an uber wealthy, Titan of industry, damn near world leader type of guy. I know, hard to believe now. Anyway, he cheerfully introduced me to his wife and family. We only had a few sexual moments together, BUT we had a 17 year friendship with hundreds of air mail letters and eventually emails. He died.

 

I never asked him why he brought me home. I think he genuinely liked me and loved me, but more as a friend than a sex partner.

 

OP is solo until her SO comes home. By introducing her to wife, he throws off any hint of suspicion AND makes it possible to spend time with her. Maybe some night OW can have some "emergency" husband can fix and he can be gone for a few hours...

 

The first example I gave is pretty awful, but in the second example, it turned out all right. The super rich, powerful and famous lead a lot different lives than the rest of us. Plus, while I had sex with rich MM, I'm telling you, it was more a friendship and a buddy situation, especially as he got older (this is before Viagra).

 

Oh - but my recommendation is to NOT do it. This might be a good time for,you to remind MM of the limit that you are only with him until your SO returns. Watch his reaction. Does he sulk? Get angry? Or, even worse, does he become all the more charming, attentive and possibly spoil you with some gifts?

[Lady2163]

DarkAngel, my ExH left me for my best friend. I eventually found peace about my M ending (turned out to be the best thing for me). But to this day I am still angry about how she acted like my friend while banging my H. How I cried to her when he left me (I didn't know he went to her). How since they were friends too could she give me advice on how to save my M? To this day I feel like a fool. And I am angry at her. Not for sleeping with him, she ended up doing me a favor. But for how she played me and made me look like a giant jack ass for running to my H's AP for help saving my marriage. She and all her friends made fun of me behind my back.

 

Please do not befriend the wife. When/If she finds out it will hurt so much more to know her friend was involved in making her look foolish.

 

Okay, I know I am an OW with a high tolerance for the absurd, but that crao is just wrong. I mean, that is awful. So sorry.

 

Totally off - topic, but...I have a thing right now with my supposed best friend. Her boyfriend broke up with her over 3 months ago. She lied to EVERYONE for about a month and just said he wanted a break, some time to think. After two weeks he called me and we have talked numerous times. She thoroughly destroyed the relationship, six myths ago, but he didn't want to break up with her during the holidays. While nothing is going on with her boyfriend and I, nor will it ever. I started lying when she asked me if I've talked to him. Number One: it is none of her business. Number Two: I spent more than two hours a day for a month consoling her, only to find out it was a lie. She wasted 100 hours of time I didn't really have piling lie on top of lie.

 

I can't imagine I could honestly continue such..subterfuge if I was in your former best friends position.

[BeingMe]

My STBXH did this.

 

Firstly he did it with at least 3 different women he was flirting/EA with. Then he did it with the PA AP. The first three, I only realised with hindsight (1 of them I later found evidence & now recognise the pattern he used with the other 2). But the PA AP, when I saw them together I knew straight away by their body language that something was up and it led to our DDay.

 

Why did he do it? I believe it gave him a risk seeking thrill and also that he resented me and it was a way of getting one over me. It was sick game playing. Run, just run as fast as you can away from a man who'd do this.

[DarkAngel87]

I’m not looking a future with my mm or I am looking for love with him. This is a short term relationship and I plan to end it when my SO comes back from overseas (Europe) in late May. I just want some spend time with while my SO away.

 

 

 

Why not a single guy then? I get that mm are easier to land than a single guy, but the extra effort would have been worth it. This has the potential to turn out very badly. Please reconsider your actions.

 

 

I wasn't looking to have affair it kind happened. My mm and I both feel our spouses take us for granted and place other things ahead of us. My MM feels his wife cares more about her career, faith and children and I have always been second place to my SO career even though he very well might not have one if it wasn't for me.

 

I know this can turn out badly. Why are we willing to risk it all I really don’t know.

[Happyinlife222]

She will be very hurt when she finds out about it. You will be very hurt when it ends. Don't make it any worse than it's already going to be for everyone. Or you can do the right thing by ending it now, finding yourself a single man; then nobody gets hurt.

[DarkAngel87]

So, you're just going to end an A with someone that you work with once your H steps off the plane. Uh huh. Well, if he's aware of this, maybe he's trying to get you to be friends with his wife so he can remain close to you, outside of work, after your H comes home.

 

 

He’s knows. He agrees with me when hubby comes back we’d agreed to be just friends and nothing more. I really don’t know why he wants us to be friends but it’s not gonna happen I don’t want to be friends with her.

[DarkAngel87]

I don't know your MM, but if I were to guess he is not up to something nefarious, wanting a threesome, or wanting to rub his wife's nose in it. No. What he is doing is trying to normalize his relationship with you to her as 'friends'. Now, you could certainly call that deception, but I don't think it is because he is trying to hurt anyone.

 

What is it we always hear? "If it is just a friend then they should be open about their friendship with the spouse."

 

That is what I assume he is doing and it is perfectly normal.

 

agree with this I don’t think my mm is trying to do anything malicious.

[DarkAngel87]

She will be very hurt when she finds out about it. You will be very hurt when it ends. Don't make it any worse than it's already going to be for everyone. Or you can do the right thing by ending it now, finding yourself a single man; then nobody gets hurt.

 

 

This is a onetime thing. I don’t plan on having any other kind of affair while I’m with my husband. Once this ends I plan on remaining faith to my husband. I am not going to look for someone else to have affair with it’s not what I want I still love my SO.

[AlwaysGrowing]

He’s knows. He agrees with me when hubby comes back we’d agreed to be just friends and nothing more. I really don’t know why he wants us to be friends but it’s not gonna happen I don’t want to be friends with her.

 

Just a question....why is your husbands return a reason to end the affair but the daily "wife down the road" not?

 

Also, if you don't want an affair....why are you?

[MissBee]

I am seeing this married man for 3 months. My married man wife doesn’t know about affair as of yet and I hope she never does. She does know that I live close by and I see her husband for lunch or drinks often. Today while he was at work (we work together) he brought up the idea of me meeting his wife. He mentioned to me meeting his wife and going out for lunch and he said that his wife and I would get along great. He one time asked me to a family function, but he backed out this was before we stared the affair. I expressed to him that I have no desire to meet his wife.

 

This has me wondering if this kind of behavior is normal?

 

Have any other women become friend with married man’s wife while actively having a affair with her husband?

 

Hmmm it's "normal" in the sense that it's not unheard of. People have affairs for all kinds of reason, and there are types of MM who their affair is some kind of passive aggressive thing against their wife or some bizarre fantasy in which they get turned on by secretly flaunting the OW under their wives' noses. For example: having sex in their marital bed, wanting the OW to be friends with the wife etc. I would run far away as in these cases it's usually that the MM doesn't care for you at all but you're simply a pawn in some sick game he is playing.

[Sub]

OP, have you ever told your H how you feel about him putting his career first? If so, what's his response?

[DarkAngel87]

OP, have you ever told your H how you feel about him putting his career first? If so, what's his response?

 

I have, he always comes up with the same excuse as to why and that he can only do what he does for a short period of time before it’s over. In way he’s telling me suck it up for now.

[DarkAngel87]

Just a question....why is your husbands return a reason to end the affair but the daily "wife down the road" not?

 

Also, if you don't want an affair....why are you?

 

In all honesty I would try to keep my A going even when hubby returned if I knew he would find out. I don’t I would be to continue lying and end sneaking around when hubby back. I don’t really want to end my A but I don’t want to lose hubby either. I try not thinking about his wife, I try to view my mm as if he was a single.Loneliness is the main reason for my A.

[BHsigh]

I am seeing this married man for 3 months. My married man wife doesn’t know about affair as of yet and I hope she never does. She does know that I live close by and I see her husband for lunch or drinks often. Today while he was at work (we work together) he brought up the idea of me meeting his wife. He mentioned to me meeting his wife and going out for lunch and he said that his wife and I would get along great. He one time asked me to a family function, but he backed out this was before we stared the affair. I expressed to him that I have no desire to meet his wife.

 

This has me wondering if this kind of behavior is normal?

 

Have any other women become friend with married man’s wife while actively having a affair with her husband?

 

DarkAngel,

 

I don't usually come into this sub forum, but I thought that I would browse around to try to gain a little perspective.

 

I'm a BS, and I was friends with my WW's ap. Once I started becoming suspicious she pushed real hard for me to become even better friends with him, I started hanging out with him on the weekends, playing pool, I became friends with his friends. I found that I did like hanging out with him. This made it hurt even more once I caught them, it felt like a huge double betrayal, because it was.

 

Do not become friends with his wife, just the affair will be bad enough once she finds out, but for you to become friends with her will be much worse.

 

There's also the possibility that she's already very suspicious, and if you get involved any more than you are now, you will more than likely have to take an active role in hiding the affair, rather than a passive role. Could you honestly meet and possibly befriend her, only to then have to lie to her face if she confronts you?

 

Ask yourself why your MM would want to put you in that possible situation to begin with?

[VeronicaRoss]

This is a great thread to refer to when other LS'ers ask "How can they justify messing up our lives?"

 

Scary but true.

[solostand]

I met xmm's wife when he invited me into his hospital room to visit with him (and her, who I did not know was there). So there I sat, on a chair, beside the wife, pretending to be an acquaintance who accidentally walked by.

 

She had heard about me but although I acted as cool as a cucumber, it ramped up her suspicions to the extreme. I later heard she told others I was there on some trumped up excuse but was REALLY there because I was after her husband. I had already been sleeping with him for a year.

 

I also think he got a secret kick out of showing off his skinny younger little girlfriend to his wife, who he complains is overweight. He actually told me how much she weighs.

 

It was an awful situation, I felt guilt for days, and worst of all, she seemed NICE!!!

[jellybean89]

I wasn't looking to have affair it kind happened. My mm and I both feel our spouses take us for granted and place other things ahead of us. My MM feels his wife cares more about her career, faith and children and I have always been second place to my SO career even though he very well might not have one if it wasn't for me.

 

I know this can turn out badly. Why are we willing to risk it all I really don’t know.

 

Dark,

 

Affairs don't 'just happen'. I know you want to believe that; but be honest with yourself.

 

How would your SO (you are not married, correct?) not have a career without you? If he is military, how did you not know service to his country comes first? Do you work? Does his career provide you with what you need so you aren't poor?

In all honesty I would try to keep my A going even when hubby returned if I knew he would find out. I don’t I would be to continue lying and end sneaking around when hubby back. I don’t really want to end my A

 

You claim to love your SO. I do not believe you love him -- at least not in a healthy way since you would like to continue to cheat on him.

 

Can I ask how old you are? Your posts 'sound' very young and very immature. Your posts also come across as selfish and self centered -- as if your SO should be concentrating on you vs working and building his career. Would it be 'better' for you if he quit his job and sat in the house all day and played video games?

 

I hope your SO finds out. I hope he ends the relationship with you since you have said you want to continue the affair. He deserves someone who loves HIM and appreciates him and someone who would be faithful to him, no matter how lonely they are. I just have a very hard time understanding why you think it is okay to cheat on someone and you seem to have zero remorse for what you are doing. Its almost like a game to you and I find that very sad.

[chelsea2011]

I met xmm's wife when he invited me into his hospital room to visit with him (and her, who I did not know was there). So there I sat, on a chair, beside the wife, pretending to be an acquaintance who accidentally walked by.

 

She had heard about me but although I acted as cool as a cucumber, it ramped up her suspicions to the extreme. I later heard she told others I was there on some trumped up excuse but was REALLY there because I was after her husband. I had already been sleeping with him for a year.

 

I also think he got a secret kick out of showing off his skinny younger little girlfriend to his wife, who he complains is overweight. He actually told me how much she weighs.

 

It was an awful situation, I felt guilt for days, and worst of all, she seemed NICE!!!

 

Wow. That is really disturbing. I think I was on the receiving end of a story like this once and it was very hurtful. I never want to be with someone like that again. Who cares what he is complaining about...a guy who puts two women through that has serious issues. Period. I hope you are moving on.

[DarkAngel87]

Dark,

 

Affairs don't 'just happen'. I know you want to believe that; but be honest with yourself.

 

How would your SO (you are not married, correct?) not have a career without you? If he is military, how did you not know service to his country comes first? Do you work? Does his career provide you with what you need so you aren't poor?

 

 

You claim to love your SO. I do not believe you love him -- at least not in a healthy way since you would like to continue to cheat on him.

 

Can I ask how old you are? Your posts 'sound' very young and very immature. Your posts also come across as selfish and self centered -- as if your SO should be concentrating on you vs working and building his career. Would it be 'better' for you if he quit his job and sat in the house all day and played video games?

 

I hope your SO finds out. I hope he ends the relationship with you since you have said you want to continue the affair. He deserves someone who loves HIM and appreciates him and someone who would be faithful to him, no matter how lonely they are. I just have a very hard time understanding why you think it is okay to cheat on someone and you seem to have zero remorse for what you are doing. Its almost like a game to you and I find that very sad.

 

 

 

 

Me and hubby aren’t legally married but we do see each other as husband and wife. Hubby isn’t he the military and the reason I say he wouldn’t have career without me us because I was the one who supported us when he was barely able to make 20k a year. If it wasn’t for me he would’ve need to look for another job. Yes, I do have a job and I take care of myself I don’t need my SO to take care of me I can do that on my own. Just for your info hubby would have been the poor one without me.

 

I don’t see what my age has to do with anything but am 26 going on 27 soon

 

I have been acting extremely selfish and self-centered I have been a really b**** as of late. I don’t want my SO to give up his career it’s been his dream since he was little kids and I would never take that from him. That’s still doesn’t change the fact he gone for most of the year.

 

I can understand your last part of your post. Most of it is true. I don’t feel any remorse right now. In the beginning I did but now I don’t feel any kind of remorse and that does scare me.