crazy for thinking about doing it again?

[DKT3]

I think (and correct me if I'm wrong) Hope's point was that if a couple is going to choose to reconcile after an A, they have to address not only the A but all the issues the relationship had before the A.

 

I'm a fWS...my H and I had issues. Those issues did not justify or excuse my A in any way shape or form. However, when we decided to work on things, I was fortunate that my H recognized that there were things that he could improve on in our marriage. I worked on me; he worked on him; and we both worked on us. And that led to a much healthier marriage for us.

 

Also, my H made it crystal clear when he decided to work on us that if I did anything like this again (break NC, another A, etc) that there would not be another chance. In his words, "World War Three." I have no doubt of his seriousness in that matter. However, I decided to work on me and change not for him or to keep him; I decided to make changes because I wanted to be a better person.

 

DK, you may see true changes in your wife and true effort to learn why she made these choices and such. Or you could see "cosmetic" changes that are meant to hold on to the relationship. The latter is probably what you are being warned against.

 

Hope this helps.

 

I've said in this thread that the issues my wife had with me were valid, I not longer travel for work, I'm 100% engaged in my childrens lives. That guy is miles back in my rear view.

 

Her (Hope) point isn't valid, its personal. Very few would connect laughing at what cheating friends can make their AP's believe with expecting ones own wife to be faithful. That whole line of thinking is asinine.

[Hope Shimmers]

Her (Hope) point isn't valid, its personal. Very few would connect laughing at what cheating friends can make their AP's believe with expecting ones own wife to be faithful. That whole line of thinking is asinine.

 

It's not personal as I don't know you.

 

If "very few" people here on this thread don't have a problem with a person (you, by your own admission) who has "many friends who are cheating" and who "laughs/jokes about how their many good friends deceive their OW... and oh - one of them even went to get fake divorce papers to convince the OW"... then I'll gladly be one of the few in the other camp. Enjoy their support.

 

You want support because you were cheated on, yet you participate in laughing at others who are being cheated on. You are laughing with the very people who did what your wife did to you. I guess others get it, but I don't. Good luck.

Edited April 11, 2014 by Hope Shimmers

[Furious]

I've said in this thread that the issues my wife had with me were valid, I not longer travel for work, I'm 100% engaged in my childrens lives. That guy is miles back in my rear view.

 

Her (Hope) point isn't valid, its personal. Very few would connect laughing at what cheating friends can make their AP's believe with expecting ones own wife to be faithful. That whole line of thinking is asinine.

 

I just read your entire thread...

 

I commend you for reflecting back and owning that during your marriage you were selfish and took your wife for granted.

 

You wife made a poor choice, she should have divorced you instead of cheating.

 

What concerns me, is that you were never disgusted by your cheating male colleagues and friends.

 

The double standard, is something that many people buy into, as long as they're not the one being cheated on.

 

Double standards are entrenched in our society, hypocrisy flourishes.

 

How do you feel about infidelity now, and does it shape who you socialize with and befriend?

[veritas lux mea]

Laughing and joling about something you have firsthand knowing is not in any way funny is not an admirable thing. An it does make you wonder the strength of one's character when they aren't just impartial friends with people like that but actually take part. Even if it means staying quiet and going along with the flow. Such friends are not friends of committed relationships and integrity. They aren't the kind of people someone usualy wants to have around.

 

 

Cheating is cheating and yes wrong but laughing and joking and being so open about? It is cheating without discretion. Reconciliation or no, I think you need to reconsider the people you hang out with or at least grow a pair and tell them they are being disgusting pieces of poo... Or better yet get some proof and let their poor wives and ow know how they get their jollies off.

[Speakingofwhich]

I've said in this thread that the issues my wife had with me were valid, I not longer travel for work, I'm 100% engaged in my childrens lives. That guy is miles back in my rear view.

 

Her (Hope) point isn't valid, its personal. Very few would connect laughing at what cheating friends can make their AP's believe with expecting ones own wife to be faithful. That whole line of thinking is asinine.

 

Glad you realize the issues your wife had with you are valid, DKT3!

 

Your brief synopsis of Hope's line of reasoning in your above paragraph doesn't seem accurate to me. Perhaps that's why you believe it to be asinine.

 

Imho, it's not so much an issue of hypocrisy, that bothers me about your laughing at your cheating friends' mockery of women. Or even an issue of misogyny, though those two issues are certainly part of the equation.

 

It really would bother me for you to laugh at your friends if they were mocking men, too.

 

And the fact that tons of your friends are so cavalier about having this same character flaw begs the question, "What would cause you to end up with such a high percentage of your friends who engage in this type of behavior?" The concept behind the old saying, "Birds of a feather flock together," might be worth giving some thought to.

 

Many of those who cheat feel guilty about it, even as they remain in the A, they know it's wrong and would like to have the strength to find their way out of it. One reason they keep it a secret is that they are ashamed of it, and rightly so.

 

But, for an entire group of friends to flagrantly flaunt this moral failure as if it was a game and then to hold up the other participant in their very own shameful failure to ridicule as a sport for others seems indecent to me.

 

Given that every human being is valuable. And that there is almost always the hope of redemption and restoration for a person who has debased themselves through infidelity or in other ways, at the very least this type of behavior (the mockery) seems crass to me.

[DKT3]

Laughing and joling about something you have firsthand knowing is not in any way funny is not an admirable thing. An it does make you wonder the strength of one's character when they aren't just impartial friends with people like that but actually take part. Even if it means staying quiet and going along with the flow. Such friends are not friends of committed relationships and integrity. They aren't the kind of people someone usualy wants to have around.

 

 

Cheating is cheating and yes wrong but laughing and joking and being so open about? It is cheating without discretion. Reconciliation or no, I think you need to reconsider the people you hang out with or at least grow a pair and tell them they are being disgusting pieces of poo... Or better yet get some proof and let their poor wives and ow know how they get their jollies off.

 

Gosh, I've said at least 5 times that I've voiced my opinions on the matter.

 

My wife cheated, so what your saying is that I should cut her out of my life?

[DKT3]

Laughing and joling about something you have firsthand knowing is not in any way funny is not an admirable thing. An it does make you wonder the strength of one's character when they aren't just impartial friends with people like that but actually take part. Even if it means staying quiet and going along with the flow. Such friends are not friends of committed relationships and integrity. They aren't the kind of people someone usualy wants to have around.

 

 

Cheating is cheating and yes wrong but laughing and joking and being so open about? It is cheating without discretion. Reconciliation or no, I think you need to reconsider the people you hang out with or at least grow a pair and tell them they are being disgusting pieces of poo... Or better yet get some proof and let their poor wives and ow know how they get their jollies off.

 

I just read your entire thread...

 

I commend you for reflecting back and owning that during your marriage you were selfish and took your wife for granted.

 

You wife made a poor choice, she should have divorced you instead of cheating.

 

What concerns me, is that you were never disgusted by your cheating male colleagues and friends.

 

The double standard, is something that many people buy into, as long as they're not the one being cheated on.

 

Double standards are entrenched in our society, hypocrisy flourishes.

 

How do you feel about infidelity now, and does it shape who you socialize with and befriend?

 

Infidelity has change who I am, I'm a better person NOW.

 

My friendships go back 20 years with these guys, would I make friends with a known cheater today? Not likely.

 

As I said before, by this logic I should also be done with my ex, right?

[Furious]

Infidelity has change who I am, I'm a better person NOW.

 

My friendships go back 20 years with these guys, would I make friends with a known cheater today? Not likely.

 

As I said before, by this logic I should also be done with my ex, right?

 

 

By this logic, if your cheating friends stopped cheating and owned their poor choices, you friendship is more authentic.

 

If your wife hung out with cheating girlfriends would you be ok with it?

Edited April 11, 2014 by Furious

[veritas lux mea]

Gosh, I've said at least 5 times that I've voiced my opinions on the matter.

 

My wife cheated, so what your saying is that I should cut her out of my life?

 

If she was laughing and joking about cheating on you and showing all signs she would cheat on you again yes. If your friends aren't laughing and joking about their cheating and are not currently cheating then obviously that is different. If this only occured back then i guess what you got was a wake up slap. Infidelity was funny and a joke until you got cheated on. In which case it doesn't matter.

[DKT3]

By this logic, if your cheating friends stopped cheating and owned their poor choices, you friendship is more authentic.

 

If your wife hung out with cheating girlfriends would you be ok with it?

 

Before she was unfaithful, no I wouldn't have had an issue. Post affair, IDK, maybe. We really haven't dealt with that. The real DDay came after I filed for divorce. After she made her half ass confession she back off and said she was trying to get my to react, too get my attention and for me to show some emotion. The divorce was quick I gave her what she wanted because I wanted out. For 3 1/2 years after I didn't care what she did. She would offer info I never asked. But to suggest she should have an issue is unfair, I've never cheated or did and said anything to a woman I wouldn't have done or said with her standing there.

 

Its honestly a good question, IDK.

 

As I said I have long friendships 20 years two of them pretty much my whole life. Its goes back to before any of us were married. Those guys are family I'm closer with three then I am with my brother.

[Eivuwan]

Good luck in your reconciliation. I do have a few concerns though. First, even though you have both changed a lot over the years there are some relationship dynamics that never changed. She's generally the one who is always accommodating you and chasing after you. You are usually the one who gives her just enough to keep her chasing you, but not enough to make her feel loved. What happened during the marriage is the same as what happened after the divorce. I am just wondering what makes you think things will change now? It's been the same pattern for the last 20 or so years. This kind of dynamic makes me wonder how much of it is truly love and how much of it is co-dependence. I hope the marriage counseling will address this.

[Furious]

Before she was unfaithful, no I wouldn't have had an issue. Post affair, IDK, maybe. We really haven't dealt with that. The real DDay came after I filed for divorce. After she made her half ass confession she back off and said she was trying to get my to react, too get my attention and for me to show some emotion. The divorce was quick I gave her what she wanted because I wanted out. For 3 1/2 years after I didn't care what she did. She would offer info I never asked. But to suggest she should have an issue is unfair, I've never cheated or did and said anything to a woman I wouldn't have done or said with her standing there.

 

Its honestly a good question, IDK.

 

As I said I have long friendships 20 years two of them pretty much my whole life. Its goes back to before any of us were married. Those guys are family I'm closer with three then I am with my brother.

 

Does your wife know your long time buddies cheat?

 

I think you're really trying to grow. But....you can not play both sides of the field when when it clashes with your core values.

 

Your relationship with your wife and your beautiful children must be without a doubt be paramount in life.

 

Your cheating buddies don't give a darn about your wife and children, because if they don't give a darn about their own wife and children why should care about yours. Same for you, you really don't feel empathy for their wives. You know these women, know what their husbands are up to but you'll sit down to dinner in their home and not feel an ounce of disgust.

 

 

You and your wife have a chance to rebuild, your children have a chance at an intact and heathy home.

 

Your priority is to be the man and the role model for your children. How would you feel if your son or daughter was the spouse of someone's buddy who cheated on.

Edited April 11, 2014 by Furious

[DKT3]

If she was laughing and joking about cheating on you and showing all signs she would cheat on you again yes. If your friends aren't laughing and joking about their cheating and are not currently cheating then obviously that is different. If this only occured back then i guess what you got was a wake up slap. Infidelity was funny and a joke until you got cheated on. In which case it doesn't matter.

 

I'm not getting what your point is here. Infidelity isn't funny before or after being cheated on. This has turned into a huge issue for some, and in checking those seem to be OW. I don't know those women and what I laughed at was not so much them but what they were told and the fact they believed it. Very few here can claim to have never laughed at someone else. Yet the judgement is heavy.

 

I haven't cheated and I hold no ownership of them doing so. If you all are willing to end friendships over your friends personal sex life then so be it. I'm not that's my stance. Continued disscussion on the matter won't sway my opinions.

 

My wife joking and laughing about cheat on ME is personal. That was our marriage. So yes of course I would be upset and we would be were we are today. But I love her and she would be betraying me. I'm not betrayed by cheating friends.

[Hope Shimmers]

Infidelity isn't funny before or after being cheated on.

Except you admitted to making a joke of it and laughing about it with your friends, so clearly it was funny to you and them.

 

This has turned into a huge issue for some, and in checking those seem to be OW.

This isn't an OW thing. I don't condone A's which is why I have a problem with this in the first place. Seems others are having the same issue - not just OW's.

 

I don't know those women and what I laughed at was not so much them but what they were told and the fact they believed it.

 

THIS is where the character flaw comes in. First, to laugh at OW being taken advantage of is horrendous. Just because you don't know them matters nothing. Don't you care about human beings? Do you think that just because they are OW that they matter less than your "friends"? The fact is, your friends are as bad or worse - you just don't see it. That is the problem.

 

Even worse in this case, you are ignoring the fact that these friends' wives are being hurt - in laughing and joking about it, you minimize it and dismiss it as being unimportant. Yet you are in the very same position as these BS that your FRIENDS are cheating on. For the life of me, I can't understand how you can rationalize that. I would be furious.

 

I'm not betrayed by cheating friends.

Meaning you care about you, and you alone - who cares if someone else gets hurt in the same way you did by your friends and at your expense too, because they aren't 'you'.

[DKT3]

Good luck in your reconciliation. I do have a few concerns though. First, even though you have both changed a lot over the years there are some relationship dynamics that never changed. She's generally the one who is always accommodating you and chasing after you. You are usually the one who gives her just enough to keep her chasing you, but not enough to make her feel loved. What happened during the marriage is the same as what happened after the divorce. I am just wondering what makes you think things will change now? It's been the same pattern for the last 20 or so years. This kind of dynamic makes me wonder how much of it is truly love and how much of it is co-dependence. I hope the marriage counseling will address this.

 

I never saw it or really heard her during the marriage. I openly admit I was a d*ck. I've even admitted that I have wronged her far more then she did me. I've given her reasons to not trust me (not infidelity). Divorce should have been the route she took.

 

We have been together since she was 16 and I was 17. She will be 40 in 10 days that's a long time. Co-dependence? Of course we WERE. Just before the D was final we talked about the fear that we both had with it ending. It was painful, it still bring me to an emotional state talking about it now. Over the 5 years we both discovered, alone we would be ok.

[Spectre]

Laughing and joling about something you have firsthand knowing is not in any way funny is not an admirable thing.

 

Nobody is saying it is. But is has little to do with his own wife cheating on him. It comes off like trying to focus on the wrong thing. This isn't about his buddies, this is about his cheating wife. Focus on that.

 

An it does make you wonder the strength of one's character when they aren't just impartial friends with people like that but actually take part. Even if it means staying quiet and going along with the flow. Such friends are not friends of committed relationships and integrity. They aren't the kind of people someone usualy wants to have around.

 

This is a man considering taking a woman back after she betrayed him in the worst way possible. Please do not talk about strength of character, because that shows a LOT of strength of character. Let's not get silly. It is absolutely insane to talk about character flaws. The fact that he is even entertaining the idea of taking this woman back shows a huge amount of character. But hey, lets just focus on the part about his friends.

 

Let me ask you, are you here because you were cheated on or because YOU cheated? I'm guessing the latter, right? Well, it takes a lot to forgive such a betrayal. I am not trying to defend bad behavior, but people to start throwing around words like morality and talking about this dudes character..yeah I have to say something. Go look around here at all the families destroyed by cheaters. Go see all the people who didn't get second chances. Then try to say someone lacks character when they are actually trying to forgive their wife for betraying them in the worst way possible.

Edited April 11, 2014 by Spectre

[veritas lux mea]

Nobody is saying it is. But is has little to do with his own wife cheating on him. It comes off like trying to focus on the wrong thing. This isn't about his buddies, this is about his cheating wife. Focus on that.

 

 

 

This is a man considering taking a woman back after she betrayed him in the worst way possible. Please do not talk about strength of character, because that shows a LOT of strength of character. Let's not get silly. It is absolutely insane to talk about character flaws. The fact that he is even entertaining the idea of taking this woman back shows a huge amount of character. But hey, lets just focus on the part about his friends.

Giving someone a second chance may or may not take strength of character and just because you have strength in one area doesn't mean you don't have seious weaknesses that could bring you down in others.

 

The kind of friends he hangs out and his frat boy attitude canand probably will affect his chances at reconciliation. You hang out with trash you get trash on you. It is recommended across the board that a couple encourage friendships that are friends of the marriage. People who are against lying, cheating, and making light of it. Those sort of people are good influences in your life. I would say he could be a good influence to these friends but obviously he cares more about keeping them as friends and what they think about him than actually having a spine. I have friends I disagree with their lifestyle. We are still friends but we don't talk about it and they know I don't care for that part of them. They don't rub it in my face and I don't preach at them but I am never apart of discussion surrounding it and I certainly don't give my approval by remaining silent when I am apart of the discussion or joke about it. And this is a behaviour that is self destructive not infidelity that is not only self destructive but also destructive towards the BS he cares less for despite the fact he should at least have empathy. And a callous attitude towards the Ow who are being lied to.

 

The very atmosphere is hangs out with says affairs are okay so long as you don't get caught. Not something to be apart of when wanting to reconcile.

 

The advice is relevent to him giving a second chance. Creating a healthy enviroment for his relationship not a toxic one.

[veritas lux mea]

 

Let me ask you, are you here because you were cheated on or because YOU cheated? I'm guessing the latter, right? Well, it takes a lot to forgive such a betrayal. I am not trying to defend bad behavior, but people to start throwing around words like morality and talking about this dudes character..yeah I have to say something. Go look around here at all the families destroyed by cheaters. Go see all the people who didn't get second chances. Then try to say someone lacks character when they are actually trying to forgive their wife for betraying them in the worst way possible.

 

You don't need to get all preachy at me. You have been hammering him that he is crazy to reconcile but yet defend his descision to have people who are actively betraying their wives as close friends. If someone's friend is a drug addict, alchohlic, theif, or anything else real friends of integrity don't joke about it with them or ignore it.

 

But I get it because i cheate what do I know about anything right?

[AlwaysGrowing]

DK:

 

Male friends that are currently cheating on their spouses...that joke about the AP.

 

I can understand where maybe your empathy for the AP in the situation might be lacking (not that I agree), but where is your empathy for the BS.

 

Is it a case of....as long as it is the other dude...it is okay? Then what does that say about your fluid view of betrayal?

 

What does it say about how your life-long bro's view/respect you...if they know you have been on the receiving end of similar behaviour and view cheating, lying, betraying as amusing?

 

Personally, my decision to be a part/how much or little of others lives absolutely depends on more than how long I have known them. I have boundaries. I have an expectation of how I want to be treated. I recognize when a relationship is one that adds to my life or is one that demeans it.

 

I do want to make sure that you hear me when I say....that self incrimination and taking responsibility for your actions/lack of in your marriage is not in question...at least to me. The question is are there other areas (internally)that might need to be examined that could undermine you/your wife/relationship going forward. And if there are...how do you address them or minimize their impact.

[Spectre]

Giving someone a second chance may or may not take strength of character and just because you have strength in one area doesn't mean you don't have seious weaknesses that could bring you down in others.

 

The fact you could say "may or may not" here is a problem. Truly giving a spouse a second chance after they carry on an affair for 2 years is never something that doesn't take strength.

 

The kind of friends he hangs out and his frat boy attitude canand probably will affect his chances at reconciliation.

 

An assumption without any merit.

 

You hang out with trash you get trash on you.

 

So the friends that cheat on their wives are trash and he will become trash if he hangs with them. Why would you then not say that he'd get trash on him by hanging around his wife too? After all, she cheated. So following this logic to it's inevitable conclusion, he should stay away from everyone. That does not make a lot of sense.

 

It is recommended across the board that a couple encourage friendships that are friends of the marriage. People who are against lying, cheating, and making light of it. Those sort of people are good influences in your life. I would say he could be a good influence to these friends but obviously he cares more about keeping them as friends and what they think about him than actually having a spine. I have friends I disagree with their lifestyle. We are still friends but we don't talk about it and they know I don't care for that part of them. They don't rub it in my face and I don't preach at them but I am never apart of discussion surrounding it and I certainly don't give my approval by remaining silent when I am apart of the discussion or joke about it. And this is a behaviour that is self destructive not infidelity that is not only self destructive but also destructive towards the BS he cares less for despite the fact he should at least have empathy. And a callous attitude towards the Ow who are being lied to.

 

So because he doesn't care that his friends cheat on their wives, it is going to mean he won't be able to reconcile with his cheating wife?

 

You say he should "at least have empathy" but then, why didn't the wife have empathy and not betray him? So you see the problem with this line of thought you are using.

 

The very atmosphere is hangs out with says affairs are okay so long as you don't get caught. Not something to be apart of when wanting to reconcile.

 

Given that he divorced this woman over an affair it's hard to argue he is sending any type of message that says "affairs are okay".

[Spectre]

You don't need to get all preachy at me. You have been hammering him that he is crazy to reconcile but yet defend his descision to have people who are actively betraying their wives as close friends.

 

I'm not defending anything and I do think he should not get back with her since she did indeed cheat. But my problem is you are trying to say because he is friends with men who cheat it says something about his strength of character, etc. which is bizarre when he is showing the very opposite of a lack of character here by even considering taking this woman back.

 

If someone's friend is a drug addict, alchohlic, theif, or anything else real friends of integrity don't joke about it with them or ignore it.

 

But I get it because i cheate what do I know about anything right?

 

We aren't really talking about drug addicts and stuff though, they are not really the same thing.

 

Here is my thing: I am not saying he should encourage this behavior, but..these guys are his friends. As long as the way they treat their wives does not have an effect on the way he treats his own wife..I don't think it is as big an issue as you are making it out to be. Since he is considering taking her back after she betrayed him..I tend to think his friends attitudes towards women aren't really rubbing off on him.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I'm not defending anything and I do think he should not get back with her since she did indeed cheat. But my problem is you are trying to say because he is friends with men who cheat it says something about his strength of character, etc. which is bizarre when he is showing the very opposite of a lack of character here by even considering taking this woman back.

 

 

 

We aren't really talking about drug addicts and stuff though, they are not really the same thing.

 

Here is my thing: I am not saying he should encourage this behavior, but..these guys are his friends. As long as the way they treat their wives does not have an effect on the way he treats his own wife..I don't think it is as big an issue as you are making it out to be. Since he is considering taking her back after she betrayed him..I tend to think his friends attitudes towards women aren't really rubbing off on him.

 

 

"You are the company you keep".

 

The more we allow ourselves to be exposed to negative behaviour the more likely we will cross similar lines ourselves.

 

Someone who is currently engaged in offensive behaviour is not the same as someone who has/is making amends and no longer engaged in the behaviour.

 

At least most would make/see the difference.

[DKT3]

"You are the company you keep".

 

The more we allow ourselves to be exposed to negative behaviour the more likely we will cross similar lines ourselves.

 

Someone who is currently engaged in offensive behaviour is not the same as someone who has/is making amends and no longer engaged in the behaviour.

 

At least most would make/see the difference.

 

Two of these guys I've known since diaper days, so explain why I have engaged in their negative bahavior? Didn't in my teens, why would I start in my 40's?

 

To my knowledge none of my wifes friends have cheated.

 

There is a bigger issue then it simply being friends behaving poorly. I think those that are most offended by this are those that have found themselves in situations with OM or MM. In that case its hard to think that maybe just maybe the guy that they thought so highly of, a guy that they risked so much for could be doing the same things.

 

If I was the one who had cheated then I could see this as being a valid point.

 

if we cut off everyone that did things we didn't agree with who would be left?

[veritas lux mea]

Two of these guys I've known since diaper days, so explain why I have engaged in their negative bahavior? Didn't in my teens, why would I start in my 40's?

 

To my knowledge none of my wifes friends have cheated.

 

There is a bigger issue then it simply being friends behaving poorly. I think those that are most offended by this are those that have found themselves in situations with OM or MM. In that case its hard to think that maybe just maybe the guy that they thought so highly of, a guy that they risked so much for could be doing the same things.

 

If I was the one who had cheated then I could see this as being a valid point.

 

if we cut off everyone that did things we didn't agree with who would be left?

 

Meh, believe what you will. I was a involved in a PA only and could care less what he thinks of me now. He never tricked me or future faked so i haven't got some sensitivity towards that. My concern wasn't for the OW it was that you somehow think so long as you aren't being betrayed it is okay to hang out and be besties with people who show such little respect for their wives. And because it isn't your life you seem to not even care their wives are being so mistreated. Who cares about diaper packs. Some friendships are toxic. And if they have made you complecent towards people being treated poorly... Because that is how it sounds. I most certainly don't hang or with people who lie and cheat actively without repentance or remorse for years! And I most certainly wouldn't want my family to be exposed so regularly to such people if I had children.

[DKT3]

Does your wife know your long time buddies cheat?

 

I think you're really trying to grow. But....you can not play both sides of the field when when it clashes with your core values.

 

Your relationship with your wife and your beautiful children must be without a doubt be paramount in life.

 

Your cheating buddies don't give a darn about your wife and children, because if they don't give a darn about their own wife and children why should care about yours. Same for you, you really don't feel empathy for their wives. You know these women, know what their husbands are up to but you'll sit down to dinner in their home and not feel an ounce of disgust.

 

 

You and your wife have a chance to rebuild, your children have a chance at an intact and heathy home.

 

Your priority is to be the man and the role model for your children. How would you feel if your son or daughter was the spouse of someone's buddy who cheated on.

 

I've posted at least three times that my ex and I talked about telling the BS of one, whom we are friends with. So yes she knows, she has known these guys for as long as I have.

 

Let me ask you this, your husband cheated right? And you said at one point you were testing the infidelity waters, and may have slightly crossed into some EA stuff. Does that mean you or your husband doesn't care about your family or your friends families?