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Need your insight about Girlfriend


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  • Author
Posted (edited)

I understand what your saying...

 

Then I am confused why she didn't end it.. I understand what your saying Gaeta. I just hope your incorrect.

 

I need to talk to her tonight.. I need to tell her I'm not anything like her ex. I have nothing to loose

 

I'm gravitating towards soccer's theory because she didn't end it.

 

 

Have you been reading the same thread as I have? She told him about the Type A, not because she needs reassurance he's not that type, but to let him know type A men are her favorite and what she feels attracted toward the most.

 

This is not *please don't hurt me* speech. This is *you're not my type I got a foot out the door*.

Edited by Kernal
Posted

I'm following this thread. Looks like your gf doesn't know what she wants. She knows what she doesn't want, which was her ex husband. But then she dated opposites of her ex, and that didn't work either. She is conflicted and stressing you out, so I don't know if you would want to be constantly reassuring her, instead of her trusting you and letting you be yourself. Yes, it's okay that she tells you what kind of guys are good for her, or are compatible with her, but if she tells you in a way that makes you feel not good enough, then that is not a healthy relationship. She has to give you a chance to show what you are capable of. Because if you cannot be yourself in a relationship then it's not going to last. She cannot break up with you because you're there for her and she feels like you like her so much. Once she finds someone better, then she is going to. Sorry, but that's what I feel where this is heading.

  • Like 1
Posted
If it's over why did we have a pleasant Sunday.. Why did she take my hand. Why did she kiss me?

 

The real question here is, if everything is so perfect then why are you so upset? Why are you losing sleep at night?

  • Author
Posted

Things are far from perfect.. I'm just needing to reassure her I'm going to be there if she needed me.

 

The real question here is, if everything is so perfect then why are you so upset? Why are you losing sleep at night?
Posted
Things are far from perfect.. I'm just needing to reassure her I'm going to be there if she needed me.

 

I think she knows this already.

  • Author
Posted (edited)

I should I just let it go? Not address the conversation? Doesn't a type A confront problems head on? I just need to know.

 

 

I think she knows this already.
Edited by Kernal
  • Author
Posted

I'm just wondering if talking to her about it in person would do more harm than good

Posted

You just seem so insecure about everything...that is a turn off for a woman who likes a Type A. You just had the conversation with her Saturday night. I would not bring this topic up again anytime soon. You know where she stands.

  • Author
Posted

Yes.. Maybe I should just drop it. Not bring it up..

 

I'm sure if she wanted to break up she would have.

 

I think the conversation was just her trying to explain why we haven't progressed further in our relationship.

 

You just seem so insecure about everything...that is a turn off for a woman who likes a Type A. You just had the conversation with her Saturday night. I would not bring this topic up again anytime soon. You know where she stands.
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I guess I wouldn't want to come across as being insecure or weak..

 

My buddy said because she didn't break up with me I might be reading to much into it..

 

I'm sorry. I was falling in love with her. It's one thing to be an a****** to a girl or cheat on her and get dumped. But when you've done nothing but shown your best side and get rejected because of your personality it really sucks

Edited by Kernal
  • Author
Posted

Well. She is now texting me again like nothing is wrong.. just chatting me up... She initiated the texting..

 

WTF??

 

Wants me to start running with her next weekend..

 

I just don't understand.

Posted

The first thing that comes to mind is after all she told you (not being the type A, and stuff) she feels bad and is now trying to fix that distance she instigated. Maybe she realized how inconsiderate she has been with some of the things she said.

  • Author
Posted

all I can think of is her conversation with me was simply her stating the differences Between me and the previous men she has dated.

 

it might have been her way of explaining why we aren't more involved in our relationship because she has these concerns about her needs and my personality

 

 

 

 

The first thing that comes to mind is after all she told you (not being the type A, and stuff) she feels bad and is now trying to fix that distance she instigated. Maybe she realized how inconsiderate she has been with some of the things she said.
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Maybe I'm on probation lol

 

in all seriousness I'm sure she's just telling me she's unhappy and if things don't change she'll be done with me..

 

I'm thinking things I need to do is stop being so wishy washy and be more confident.

Edited by Kernal
Posted

 

I'm thinking things I need to do is stop being so wishy washy and be more confident.

 

Quoted for truth. Be confident. Be chill. Live in the moment. One word of caution - don't mistake confidence for arrogance.

  • Like 1
Posted

I think you pulling back and giving her space made her realize she was taking you for granted. Now she's texting you more, inviting you out, now your going for runs. I think it made her wise up a bit.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I think I am going to invite her out to dinner tonight or tomorrow.I want to be able to touch on our conversation but keep it short and keep it sweet.

 

I'm going to tell her that I thought about our conversation and what I've heard from her is she wants me to be more confident and more self-assured and to stop sweating the small things. I'm not going to do this for her. I'm going to do this for me because any future relationship I'm sure this will be an issue.

 

I'm going to leave it at that. That way she knows I listen to her concerns and taking them to heart

Edited by Kernal
Posted
I think I am going to invite her out to dinner tonight or tomorrow.I want to be able to touch on our conversation but keep it short and keep it sweet.

 

I'm going to tell her that I thought about our conversation and what I've heard from her is she wants me to be more confident and more self-assured and to stop sweating the small things.

 

I'm going to leave it at that. That way she knows I listen to her concerns and taking them to heart

 

You telling her this makes you look NOT confident and NOT self assured. Why should you change for her anyway?

  • Author
Posted (edited)

because those are aspects of me that do need to be changed. I am wishy washy and I am less than confident in certain situations. Either way I need to change this about me.

 

I mean I'm going to make the changes whether I tell her about them or not. if not you'll see me on here in 6 months seeking advice for my next girlfriend too

Edited by Kernal
Posted

Ever thought that you are wishy washy because of the vibes she's sending you? Ever thought the next woman may love you just the way you are and that will result in you being super confident !

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

I need to do this for me because she's not the only person that ever notice those characteristics about me

 

Ever thought that you are wishy washy because of the vibes she's sending you? Ever thought the next woman may love you just the way you are and that will result in you being super confident !
Posted
I need to do this for me because she's not the only person that ever notice those characteristics about me
It's who you are !! An A type man would say: This is who I am, take it or leave it !!

 

Being indecisive is part of your personality, it's not a dysfunction like being manipulative and controlling.

 

I am indecisive as well, I am a Libra, every little decision in my life is a long process of weighing the pros and the cons. You don't like it? then fv.ck it! It's me! Someone else will be happy to have me with my little indecisive mind.

Posted

OP: I dated someone just like this. We too are in our 40's & professionals. I am a serious type A but found myself getting somewhat insecure due to some of the dynamics in our relationship, i.e.-- her appearing to have a decreased interest level as time went by.

 

We kept trying to work it out, but she just wouldn't step up and do her part. I was letting my boundaries be trampled on and started to realize it was time for me to get back to my A self. She didn't respond to this either.

 

It just seems to me that your gf is just loosing interest. The reason could be you, her, or your dynamics together. Looking back I can see my gf was loosing interest but didn't want to let go either. Why was she loosing interest? Frankly, I don't give a flying f#ck and you shouldn't either. I have been with too many women who just can't get enough of me to settle for someone who so ambivalent. In fact, look up "ambivalent attachment style". It's a way some people do relationships and it's not what I'm looking for. Sounds like it's not what you want either. In that case, it simply means that no matter how much you care about someone or how much you seem to have in common, you are simply not compatible.

 

Save yourself a lot of grief and move on. Trust me.

  • Author
Posted

these characteristics about me actually I've always wanted to improve on. These types of things have actually held me back in my career progression.

 

I'm going to try and make the changes for myself and not her. I really think its a win win situation.

 

I think it probably would be a mistake to tell her I'm making these changes for her even though I am NOT doing it for her I think we would both benefit

  • Author
Posted

yes I agree. The insecurity has been compounded by her lack of willingness to move forward in a relationship. I would say we're pretty much at the same point we were 3 months ago.

 

I think I need to be a little more proactive in this relationship. I really don't think continuing as I have been is working and has set this relationship destined to fail. at this point I really don't think I have nothing to loose.

 

I'm going to make dinner reservations tonight and let her know I'm picking her up at 7 she needs to be ready.

 

 

OP: I dated someone just like this. We too are in our 40's & professionals. I am a serious type A but found myself getting somewhat insecure due to some of the dynamics in our relationship, i.e.-- her appearing to have a decreased interest level as time went by.

 

We kept trying to work it out, but she just wouldn't step up and do her part. I was letting my boundaries be trampled on and started to realize it was time for me to get back to my A self. She didn't respond to this either.

 

It just seems to me that your gf is just loosing interest. The reason could be you, her, or your dynamics together. Looking back I can see my gf was loosing interest but didn't want to let go either. Why was she loosing interest? Frankly, I don't give a flying f#ck and you shouldn't either. I have been with too many women who just can't get enough of me to settle for someone who so ambivalent. In fact, look up "ambivalent attachment style". It's a way some people do relationships and it's not what I'm looking for. Sounds like it's not what you want either. In that case, it simply means that no matter how much you care about someone or how much you seem to have in common, you are simply not compatible.

 

Save yourself a lot of grief and move on. Trust me.

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