Author Kernal Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 I think she does appreciate it to an extent. That's why shes still with me for the time being. Find a woman that really appreciates the value of it.
DKT3 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Man, the more you write, the more I feel this is a bad situation for you. I would back off to the point of maybe telling her since its casual maybe you should keep your options open. What she wants in a guy isn't what you bring to the table. Your not that vested in this relationship, back off. I know its hard because you like her, if your not careful this woman will hurt you.
Author Kernal Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) Here I am up at 3:30 am and I cannot go back to sleep. This is all weighing on my thoughts and a have a pain in my heart. I don't know what I should do.. I really don't think she is happy either. I remember when I first met her telling me that I was different from the type of guy she normally dates. Although she more focused on my age. I am 45 and she is 47. She said she dates men normally about 10 years older than her because men our age normally don't have their s*** together. I don't know why she felt like she needed to have that conversation at 1130 at night saturday that I described. Maybe she just needs me to understand why our relationship is where its at. She specifically said type A personality. Not alpha male. This conclusion that my personality might be different than what she desires seems to have been formed over the course of our 6 month dating. She also didn't seem to suggest I should change. She was just noting her desires of what type of man she wants and my differences in that. ultimately what I think she was doing was explaining to me why I am NOT the man for her Maybe she's overall satisfied in the relationship and just bringing up minor issues.. Maybe.. I drove her home after the game of Thrones premiere last night. When we got to her house she leaned over and kissed me and I thanked her for the talk we had Saturday night. I told her I was glad we can communicate like that. She just smiled and went inside. Mentally I think I should be preparing for her to break it off with me sooner than later. Edited April 7, 2014 by Kernal
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Mentally I think I should be preparing for her to break it off with me sooner than later. Did you read this? Look, Type B is the relaxed and laid type, that is you but she doesn't want it even though she has been giving a speech about it. The speech was not about her preferring Type A, the speech was about don't get too close to me I don't share that feeling with you. My advice: Give her some type A attitude, take charge and break up with her. Why would you wait for her to finish using you? Type A The theory describes a Type A individual as ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, sensitive, truthful, impatient, always try to help others, take on more than they can handle, want other people to get to the point, proactive, and obsessed with time management. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence.[4] Type B The theory describes "Type B" individuals as a contrast to those with Type A personalities. People with Type B personality by definition generally live at a lower stress level and typically work steadily, enjoying achievement but not becoming stressed when they do not achieve. When faced with competition, they do not mind losing and either enjoy the game or back down. They may be creative and enjoy exploring ideas and concepts. They are often reflective, thinking about the outer and inner worlds.
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Did you read this? Look, Type B is the relaxed and laid type, that is you but she doesn't want it even though she has been giving a speech about it. The speech was not about her preferring Type A, the speech was about don't get too close to me I don't share that feeling with you. My advice: Give her some type A attitude, take charge and break up with her. Why would you wait for her to finish using you? Type A The theory describes a Type A individual as ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, sensitive, truthful, impatient, always try to help others, take on more than they can handle, want other people to get to the point, proactive, and obsessed with time management. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence.[4] Type B The theory describes "Type B" individuals as a contrast to those with Type A personalities. People with Type B personality by definition generally live at a lower stress level and typically work steadily, enjoying achievement but not becoming stressed when they do not achieve. When faced with competition, they do not mind losing and either enjoy the game or back down. They may be creative and enjoy exploring ideas and concepts. They are often reflective, thinking about the outer and inner worlds. Based on this, I much prefer having a Type B for a partner. Less stress. But, dating and in love with a type A-ish. I'm a type A/B and do my best to lean towards the B-ish personality to help my gf and myself take away the stressors in our lives. She loves the B-ish side of me. It complements her. OP, I think she's telling you that she wants someone more like type-A. That she doesn't see that in you. She doesn't feel confident with you. Yeah, be prepared for her to back off steadily. Just prepare. 2
mikefromtheblock Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Correct me if I'm wrong, I thought we, guys, are the ones who need space and who don't like texting too often.
Author Kernal Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Hmm.. Maybe I should bring it to her and ask flat out if she feels confident in me.. I asked her how sussesful her type a dating has been.. She said it hasn't been.. She's been hurt in all cases. I wonder why she didn't break up with me then? Sunday after the conversation Saturday night was a good day. We were intimate Sunday morning.. Watched a movie. She held my hand.. Spent most of the day together.. Mixed signals.. Maybe she's just making observations..
Author Kernal Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Yes.. That was the original problem till Saturday night talk Correct me if I'm wrong, I thought we, guys, are the ones who need space and who don't like texting too often.
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Hmm.. Maybe I should bring it to her and ask flat out if she feels confident in me.. I asked her how sussesful her type a dating has been.. She said it hasn't been.. She's been hurt in all cases. In other words your girlfriend is stuck in the pattern of dating and being attracted to bad boys. Women will grow out of it eventually but it's a personal process you cannot help her with. She is not ready to settle, and till she is, she will keep on dating jerks and morons that will hurt her.
Author Kernal Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Thank you.. this is what I am thinking I need to do. during the discussion she explained to me her first husband was laying on a couch while she was in labor with their son. At the same time her 3 year old daughter was also admitted in the hospital with a severe infection. All her husband could do was complain while laying on the couch that he was tired and wanted to go home. she said he did not offer to help at all I need to go over to her house early this week and sit her down and explain to her I would never do that to her. Even though I told her that on Saturday she needs to understand that I would not allow that to happen. I told her I would always make sure she was taken care of and reassured her that
mikefromtheblock Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 In other words your girlfriend is stuck in the pattern of dating and being attracted to bad boys. Women will grow out of it eventually but it's a personal process you cannot help her with. She is not ready to settle, and till she is, she will keep on dating jerks and morons that will hurt her. Does the saying "nice guys finish last" fits this situation?
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I need to go over to her house early this week and sit her down and explain to her I would never do that to her. Even though I told her that on Saturday she needs to understand that I would not allow that to happen. I told her I would always make sure she was taken care of and reassured her that But that's not what she wants. She wants the Type A remember? the aloof type.
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Does the saying "nice guys finish last" fits this situation? No, not getting in that debate, lol. I am saying she is not ready for a nice guy in her life. I have been there, done that and got the t-shirt + scars on the heart. It's a form on emotional immaturity in women. We need to out grow it. 1
Author Kernal Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) I think type a would fight for her. I need to tell her I would not curl up on the couch like her ex husband . I will take care of her. Edited April 7, 2014 by Kernal
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I think type a would fight for her. I need to tell her I would not curl up on the couch like her ex husband . I will take care of her. Dear, you could be Type XYZ and she would not feel you. You have stopped being a nice guy now and becoming a door mat. She knows you would not let her deal with issues on her own. She knows you are not her ex. She is 47 yo kernal, she is not new at life, she knows all that. 1
Author Kernal Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 If it's over why did we have a pleasant Sunday.. Why did she take my hand. Why did she kiss me?
regine_phalange Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Correct me if I'm wrong, I thought we, guys, are the ones who need space and who don't like texting too often. I assure you, you aren't.
Author Kernal Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Are you referring the space question or my question above.. If so why? I assure you, you aren't.
Emilia Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Reading through your thread OP, I think she wants a less emotional man. In your posts at least she comes across reasonably well-together, independent like you said, perhaps a little aloof, not particularly emotional. I think she probably feels that the two of you are not compatible. I agree with soccerprp's assessment.
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Kernal, She wants someone who is going to be 'proactive'. From the sounds of it, not necessarily taking absolute control, but someone she can be confident in. You had a very nice weekend and that's a good sign, but she has opened herself up to you about what is missing. In you, apparently. It's on her mind. She hasn't apologized for saying any of those things, right? It's what she is really thinking about now. In the short term, she is okay and comfortable, but her concerns are mostly about how she sees things long term. Good luck.
Author Kernal Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 I wonder why she didn't end it? I appreciate everyone's input. I feel she is afraid I am like her ex husband.. She gravitated towards type a's due to him.. The exact opposite. She needs to know am not like that.. I need to tell her that tonight.. Not play like this conversation never happened
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 She needs to know am not like that.. I need to tell her that tonight.. Not play like this conversation never happened I am standing by for that update. She did not end it because it's comfortable for now. She is warning you though she has her doubts.
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I wonder why she didn't end it? I appreciate everyone's input. I feel she is afraid I am like her ex husband.. She gravitated towards type a's due to him.. The exact opposite. She needs to know am not like that.. I need to tell her that tonight.. Not play like this conversation never happened Yes. She needs to be reassured. Her gravitation towards men to the extreme was a desperate decision. People often are attracted to people more like them, not more different. She found little or no success with type-a's b/c she is not really compatible with them. She told you all that stuff as a plea and concern on her part that YOU NOT BE LIKE HER HUSBAND. I dated a woman who divorced 2x. Both men were slugs. She promised to never ever date a man that didn't commit fully to the relationship and have ambition. We didn't work out b/c of distance, but I also sensed that she didn't have much confidence in herself, self-esteem and that that led to her selecting men, in the past, who were less threatening, strong-personalities. I hope she's okay and finds that guy for her, but I could sense she was desperate not to repeat being with a man that would let her down like her exes.
Author Kernal Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 No she didn't apologize.. Maybe she's hoping by telling me I'll step up to the plate in her eyes at least. Kernal, She wants someone who is going to be 'proactive'. From the sounds of it, not necessarily taking absolute control, but someone she can be confident in. You had a very nice weekend and that's a good sign, but she has opened herself up to you about what is missing. In you, apparently. It's on her mind. She hasn't apologized for saying any of those things, right? It's what she is really thinking about now. In the short term, she is okay and comfortable, but her concerns are mostly about how she sees things long term. Good luck.
Gaeta Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Yes. She needs to be reassured. Her gravitation towards men to the extreme was a desperate decision. People often are attracted to people more like them, not more different. She found little or no success with type-a's b/c she is not really compatible with them. She told you all that stuff as a plea and concern on her part that YOU NOT BE LIKE HER HUSBAND. Have you been reading the same thread as I have? She told him about the Type A, not because she needs reassurance he's not that type, but to let him know type A men are her favorite and what she feels attracted toward the most. This is not *please don't hurt me* speech. This is *you're not my type I got a foot out the door*.
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