Young single women, who want to date, don't exist

[somedude81]

I think to get a girl, for starter you have to like a girl!

I mean of course all girls off limits if you don't make it known from far away that you are really interested.

And then even if she was in a relationship, once she break up, she or you can make a move.

 

I don't want a guy who just want any decent girl, I want a guy that I know have been crazy about me for the last 2 months!

 

Do you understand what I am saying?

 

To stay on the topic?

Do you have a crush right now?

If yes? What r u doing to let her know you r interested.

 

 

 

Sex? Go get in dating sites for sex only!

A nice change of thought.

 

No, I don't have any crushes right now. There are two girls I kinda like and would like to get to know better, but they both have boyfriends. One of them is very friendly to me but I have to somewhat keep my distance from her because she is exactly my physical type and she has a fun, goofy, personality. I could easily become friends with her, but I'd most likely fall for her, which is obviously not a good idea.

 

The other girl I've been getting closer to, but I just found out that she has a boyfriend. I'll still be friendly towards her, but I will dramatically cut back on the amount of attention I've been giving her. It's a shame because she's a ballerina like me ex, but I never got to see my ex dance, or go to the ballet with her, and I was kinda hoping I would be able to do those things with this girl. Oh well.

 

There are a few other girls I've got my eye on and I just started talking to one of them. I'm going to ask her out in the near future, but I don't know if she has a boyfriend or not. Most likely she does.

 

If no? Why then do you want a girl if you don't like any right now?

Because I miss being in a relationship. That was the happiest time of my life. I want that again. I'm very easy going and there are lots of great girls out there that I can be happy with.

[pickflicker]

Who's the underdog, SD or the people trying to convince him of things?

 

Why would anyone but SD be the underdog?

[topaMAXX]

SD, you need to check out the party scene at your school. Make some contacts and get up in there, man!

[topaMAXX]

Why would anyone but SD be the underdog?

 

I wasn't sure if you were talking about "underdog" in terms of life or in terms of this discussion.

[lollipopspot]

SD,

 

it seems to me that you need to formulate a plan to help get yourself out of your depression and your rut. Being more proactive might help.

 

What are, say, 2 things you can do this week that would push yourself beyond your comfort zone in terms of meeting women?

 

Maybe one could be going to a coffee shop and trying to strike up a conversation with a lady. Even if she hardly responds, it's a way to keep putting yourself out there and practicing approaching women.

 

Another could be going to a salsa night at a club, even if you only stay for an hour.

[somedude81]

Somedude, you talk of all people in the terms of "what they can do for you." How can your obese female friend introduce you to skinny single women?

She's not my friend. I have no interest in being her friend.

 

How can you find unhappy women so you can bust up their relationship and steal the prize?

If it's the best chance I have of getting a desirable girl than so be it.

 

Even then, what's wrong with busting a girl out of a toxic relationship? Many women monkey branch and will stay with a guy when they are unhappy. Hopefully my ex is still single, or she did the monkey branching thing again, and she'll never learn.

 

How can the girls in your dance class wear a big sign around their neck that says "Taken, invest no time and effort"?

Why should I invest time and effort into girls I'm never going to date? I'm not a social worker.

 

You don't invest time and effort into bettering yourself. You don't seem to offer anything to anyone else. You appear to be investing very little time in passing your degree.

I actually put a lot of time into getting my degree. How do you think I got an A on my business test?

 

And yes, even in dating, you are investing very little time and effort and appear to be screaming the same mantra over and over again - which is "Can't someone else do it for me?"

You are right that I'm not spending much time and effort into looking for women.

 

I don't know what you mean about the "Can't someone else do it for me?" part.

See what I mean, when I say you treat a girlfriend, and any potential friends in your life, as a commodity? Do you think that's a good way to keep people in your life?

None of that is even close to explaining why you think I never cared about the needs of my ex.

 

You must have some really twisted view of how my relationship worked.

[somedude81]

SD,

 

it seems to me that you need to formulate a plan to help get yourself out of your depression and your rut. Being more proactive might help.

 

What are, say, 2 things you can do this week that would push yourself beyond your comfort zone in terms of meeting women?

 

Maybe one could be going to a coffee shop and trying to strike up a conversation with a lady. Even if she hardly responds, it's a way to keep putting yourself out there and practicing approaching women.

 

Another could be going to a salsa night at a club, even if you only stay for an hour.

I'm actually going to start going out salsa dancing more often. I don't have a reserved parking spot at my apartment complex so whenever I come home after 7, I usually have to walk two blocks to get home, and I don't live in the safest of areas to be walking around at night. Though a garage in my building just became available and I should be getting it in a couple of days.

 

With a garage I'd feel more comfortable coming and going at night.

[pickflicker]

She's not my friend. I have no interest in being her friend.

 

 

If it's the best chance I have of getting a desirable girl than so be it.

 

Even then, what's wrong with busting a girl out of a toxic relationship? Many women monkey branch and will stay with a guy when they are unhappy. Hopefully my ex is still single, or she did the monkey branching thing again, and she'll never learn.

 

 

Why should I invest time and effort into girls I'm never going to date? I'm not a social worker.

 

 

I actually put a lot of time into getting my degree. How do you think I got an A on my business test?

 

 

You are right that I'm not spending much time and effort into looking for women.

 

I don't know what you mean about the "Can't someone else do it for me?" part.

 

None of that is even close to explaining why you think I never cared about the needs of my ex.

 

You must have some really twisted view of how my relationship worked.

 

No. I have the view of your relationship as you presented it.

 

Anyone who views a woman as a "kitty that can come and go as she pleases, so long as she gives affection", as a warped view of exactly what a woman is supposed to provide in a relationship.

[somedude81]

No. I have the view of your relationship as you presented it.

 

Anyone who views a woman as a "kitty that can come and go as she pleases, so long as she gives affection", as a warped view of exactly what a woman is supposed to provide in a relationship.

I miss that shaved pussy

[Iguanna]

ltjg45 is now being ignored.

 

How mature.

[pickflicker]

I miss that shaved pussy

 

Thank you for proving my point.

[somedude81]

How mature.

I was tried of him ranting at me.

 

At least now he should know not to waste his time writing posts to me anymore.

[somedude81]

Thank you for proving my point.

Yup.

 

Nobody likes hairballs.

[suladas]

A nice change of thought.

 

No, I don't have any crushes right now. There are two girls I kinda like and would like to get to know better, but they both have boyfriends. One of them is very friendly to me but I have to somewhat keep my distance from her because she is exactly my physical type and she has a fun, goofy, personality. I could easily become friends with her, but I'd most likely fall for her, which is obviously not a good idea.

 

The other girl I've been getting closer to, but I just found out that she has a boyfriend. I'll still be friendly towards her, but I will dramatically cut back on the amount of attention I've been giving her. It's a shame because she's a ballerina like me ex, but I never got to see my ex dance, or go to the ballet with her, and I was kinda hoping I would be able to do those things with this girl. Oh well.

 

There are a few other girls I've got my eye on and I just started talking to one of them. I'm going to ask her out in the near future, but I don't know if she has a boyfriend or not. Most likely she does.

 

 

Because I miss being in a relationship. That was the happiest time of my life. I want that again. I'm very easy going and there are lots of great girls out there that I can be happy with.

 

Your shotgun approach of trying to find a GF is pathetic. The object of finding a GF isn't to go around chatting up every single girl you find hot hoping to end up with her. Try actually spending time getting to know ONE girl at a time that you want something more then friends with, and let it build. Other girls are fine, but platonic. Girls aren't stupid, they know if you're going around hitting on anything that moves, and no self respecting girl will find that attractive.

[pickflicker]

Yup.

 

Nobody likes hairballs.

 

Not what I meant.

[somedude81]

Your shotgun approach of trying to find a GF is pathetic. The object of finding a GF isn't to go around chatting up every single girl you find hot hoping to end up with her. Try actually spending time getting to know ONE girl at a time that you want something more then friends with, and let it build. Other girls are fine, but platonic. Girls aren't stupid, they know if you're going around hitting on anything that moves, and no self respecting girl will find that attractive.

How do you think I find out if a girl is taken or not?

 

I don't go up to a girl and ask if she has a boyfriend within 5 minutes of meeting her.

 

Frankly I think I'm spending too much time getting to know one girl at a time.

 

Since I have yet to find a girl that I know is single, I'm not really spending any significant amount of time on anybody.

 

Also you have no idea how I'm hitting on anybody. All I'm doing is being sociable with a lot of girls. Don't even start to try to tell me that girls don't like guys who are sociable. The most popular guys are the ones who talk to a lot of girls.

[pickflicker]

How do you think I find out if a girl is taken or not?

 

I don't go up to a girl and ask if she has a boyfriend within 5 minutes of meeting her.

 

Frankly I think I'm spending too much time getting to know one girl at a time.

 

Since I have yet to find a girl that I know is single, I'm not really spending any significant amount of time on anybody.

 

Also you have no idea how I'm hitting on anybody. All I'm doing is being sociable with a lot of girls. Don't even start to try to tell me that girls don't like guys who are sociable. The most popular guys are the ones who talk to a lot of girls.

 

Don't tell them that.

[somedude81]

Don't tell them that.

Why would I?

[suladas]

How do you think I find out if a girl is taken or not?

 

I don't go up to a girl and ask if she has a boyfriend within 5 minutes of meeting her.

 

Frankly I think I'm spending too much time getting to know one girl at a time.

 

Since I have yet to find a girl that I know is single, I'm not really spending any significant amount of time on anybody.

 

Also you have no idea how I'm hitting on anybody. All I'm doing is being sociable with a lot of girls. Don't even start to try to tell me that girls don't like guys who are sociable. The most popular guys are the ones who talk to a lot of girls.

 

Who cares if you find out later on she has a BF? You've gotten to know someone, maybe become friends. Shockingly, having female friends can be a good thing. There is nothing wrong with having 100% totally platonic female friends, and even hanging out 1 on 1.

 

I know what you're doing because of your intentions. You're only purpose of talking to girls is trying to make her your GF, or her introduce you to a potential GF. There is never too much time spent getting to know a girl. My ex liked me for nearly a year before we started dating, who cares how long it takes? Spending time even as friends can be enjoyable.

 

If you can't find a single girl in college, you aren't looking very hard, or you are looking at such a small demographic of women.

 

As everyone has tried to tell you a million times, there is nothing wrong with being single. I've been single over 1.5 years. Would I like to be in a relationship? Sure of course, but i'm not going around with my only intent to find one. It'll happen when it happens. And no, i'm not doing anything to try and get a GF right now. My last one came out of nowhere when I wasn't even trying from a unpredictable place, so why worry?

[somedude81]

Who cares if you find out later on she has a BF? You've gotten to know someone, maybe become friends. Shockingly, having female friends can be a good thing. There is nothing wrong with having 100% totally platonic female friends, and even hanging out 1 on 1.

I have a habit of falling for platonic female friends and I always end up getting hurt. I've been rejected by about 15 platonic friends over the years.

 

Until I get a GF, I have to refrain from making any platonic female friends. It's for my own protection.

I know what you're doing because of your intentions. You're only purpose of talking to girls is trying to make her your GF, or her introduce you to a potential GF. There is never too much time spent getting to know a girl. My ex liked me for nearly a year before we started dating, who cares how long it takes? Spending time even as friends can be enjoyable.

I'm just trying to avoid developing feelings for girls who are unavailable.

 

I once spent two years being close friends with a girl that I was absolutely obsessed with. Guess how that turned out.

 

Why did you wait for a year to start dating your ex if she liked you?

 

If you can't find a single girl in college, you aren't looking very hard, or you are looking at such a small demographic of women.

Right now my main focus is women in dance classes. Which is all types of girls. There is a very large amount of variety in the girls.

 

As everyone has tried to tell you a million times, there is nothing wrong with being single. I've been single over 1.5 years. Would I like to be in a relationship? Sure of course, but i'm not going around with my only intent to find one. It'll happen when it happens. And no, i'm not doing anything to try and get a GF right now. My last one came out of nowhere when I wasn't even trying from a unpredictable place, so why worry?

It's great that you are happy being single.

 

I've known for some time that I can't be happy single. And now that I actually know what it's like to be in a relationship. I'm absolutely miserable being single. That's just how I am.

 

BTW, my last GF came out of nowhere as well. I knew she had a BF, and she was just a class buddy. Then one day after school was over for the semester she finds me on Facebook, friends me and sends me a message. Then she starts dropping obvious hints that she likes me, and I just went with it.

 

Of course, the fact that it happened when I was 31 means that I can't depend on it to happen again. I got lucky. The opportunity showed itself, and I did something with it. That opportunity doesn't happen very often.

[pickflicker]

I'm curious, SD what is your plan once you have a girlfriend? Do you plan on keeping her longterm? Dating a few? What happens if she cheats on you, or lies? My concern is that you're so hard up for a girlfriend, that you'll let her treat you like crap, so long as she keeps throwing you some affection.

 

That's why it's important to be happy when single - so we don't settle for the bulls*** relationship.

 

What happens if you don't meet someone before the end of your degree?

 

Also, what are your plans if you don't pass calculus in December? It's relevant to a relationship, as it is part of your potential future.

 

You need contingency plans.

[suladas]

I have a habit of falling for platonic female friends and I always end up getting hurt. I've been rejected by about 15 platonic friends over the years.

 

Until I get a GF, I have to refrain from making any platonic female friends. It's for my own protection.

I'm just trying to avoid developing feelings for girls who are unavailable.

 

I once spent two years being close friends with a girl that I was absolutely obsessed with. Guess how that turned out.

 

Why did you wait for a year to start dating your ex if she liked you?

 

Right now my main focus is women in dance classes. Which is all types of girls. There is a very large amount of variety in the girls.

 

It's great that you are happy being single.

 

I've known for some time that I can't be happy single. And now that I actually know what it's like to be in a relationship. I'm absolutely miserable being single. That's just how I am.

 

BTW, my last GF came out of nowhere as well. I knew she had a BF, and she was just a class buddy. Then one day after school was over for the semester she finds me on Facebook, friends me and sends me a message. Then she starts dropping obvious hints that she likes me, and I just went with it.

 

Of course, the fact that it happened when I was 31 means that I can't depend on it to happen again. I got lucky. The opportunity showed itself, and I did something with it. That opportunity doesn't happen very often.

 

Why not intentionally pick a girl to try and become friends with who has a BF, that way you should have it in your head prior she is off limits.

 

Two years friends with a girl hoping to date her is too long. Either your platonic friends, or you pursue a relationship before that point. I'm not talking about years, but even a few weeks or a month just focusing on chatting up a girl in a friendly way. Even if it's only a few minutes every few days, work it up to more. It's also a good way to see if she is interested by wanting to spend time with you. It can be tough if she see's it as just friends, but once you get to know them you should be able to have a good guess how she see's you.

 

It took a long time because I seen her as a attractive, but as a friend, no interest in dating. It was very erratic communication maybe once every few days to weeks. Eventually I kind off seen her as more, and the last few months was spending more time together, but again just platonic with two people who liked each other but no one made any moves before she finally made a move to take it further.

 

You can be happy single, that's the thing. I was miserable after it ended, just as everyone is. But you get over that and realize you cannot base your happiness on someone else.

 

I'm not trying to be a dick, but you don't have it that bad. I fell for that girl hard, and when she dumped me it f*cked me up bad. And worse yet, I had to see her dating someone new a few months later, and then another person later on, all the while I was single. Oh and she lived next door to me, that's how we met. Don't tell me you have it bad when you never had to come home a few months after a BU and see your ex with some new guy when you're still single and miserable and realize she fed you a bunch of BS because she's already dating.

 

So what if it took awhile? Quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. All it takes is one to work.

Edited March 30, 2014 by suladas

[topaMAXX]

Why not intentionally pick a girl to try and become friends with who has a BF, that way you should have it in your head prior she is off limits.

 

Two years friends with a girl hoping to date her is too long. Either your platonic friends, or you pursue a relationship before that point. I'm not talking about years, but even a few weeks or a month just focusing on chatting up a girl in a friendly way. Even if it's only a few minutes every few days, work it up to more. It's also a good way to see if she is interested by wanting to spend time with you. It can be tough if she see's it as just friends, but once you get to know them you should be able to have a good guess how she see's you.

 

It took a long time because I seen her as a attractive, but as a friend, no interest in dating. It was very erratic communication maybe once every few days to weeks. Eventually I kind off seen her as more, and the last few months was spending more time together, but again just platonic with two people who liked each other but no one made any moves before she finally made a move to take it further.

 

You can be happy single, that's the thing. I was miserable after it ended, just as everyone is. But you get over that and realize you cannot base your happiness on someone else.

 

I'm not trying to be a dick, but you don't have it that bad. I fell for that girl hard, and when she dumped me it f*cked me up bad. And worse yet, I had to see her dating someone new a few months later, and then another person later on, all the while I was single. Oh and she lived next door to me, that's how we met. Don't tell me you have it bad when you never had to come home a few months after a BU and see your ex with some new guy when you're still single and miserable and realize she fed you a bunch of BS because she's already dating.

 

So what if it took awhile? Quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. All it takes is one to work.

 

I actually disagree with this.

 

While I have had a reasonable amount of platonic female friends develop feelings for me, this is not the way I would go about meeting girls. Generally, in many cases, it's best to either let your intentions be known right away or ramp up the sexual tension asap. Being true platonic friends first is not advice I'd give anyone (especially, in SD's case, where he seems to get stuck in the friendzone often).

 

SD, I agree, to a point, with your shotgun method. You should still be selective though.

 

Remember that edge I told you about in other threads? You need to use that in your dance class. Don't ask the girls out just yet. Don't "befriend" them. Flirt and ramp up the sexual tension. Tease them in a fun way. Touch them. Since you will be seeing these girls often, you don't need to go hardcore direct right away.

 

While you're doing that, start approaching girls in other situations. Like I said, start going to parties. Flirt with girls in other classes. Make friends and meet girls through them.

 

I actually think the reason you aren't successful is because you aren't talking to enough girls. Don't put your eggs all in one basket. It's a numbers game, for the most part.

[suladas]

I actually disagree with this.

 

While I have had a reasonable amount of platonic female friends develop feelings for me, this is not the way I would go about meeting girls. Generally, in many cases, it's best to either let your intentions be known right away or ramp up the sexual tension asap. Being true platonic friends first is not advice I'd give anyone (especially, in SD's case, where he seems to get stuck in the friendzone often).

 

SD, I agree, to a point, with your shotgun method. You should still be selective though.

 

Remember that edge I told you about in other threads? You need to use that in your dance class. Don't ask the girls out just yet. Don't "befriend" them. Flirt and ramp up the sexual tension. Tease them in a fun way. Touch them. Since you will be seeing these girls often, you don't need to go hardcore direct right away.

 

While you're doing that, start approaching girls in other situations. Like I said, start going to parties. Flirt with girls in other classes. Make friends and meet girls through them.

 

I actually think the reason you aren't successful is because you aren't talking to enough girls. Don't put your eggs all in one basket. It's a numbers game, for the most part.

 

I didn't suggest becoming friends with them and then trying to make it into a relationship after. Chatting someone up every few days for a few weeks or even a month, I would not in anyway consider friends yet. It's just getting to know them and see if you have things in common. If you do, you decide at a point to make a move such as getting a number, asking out on a date, etc.

 

The shotgun approach isn't going to work if you actually want a meaningful relationship.

[topaMAXX]

I didn't suggest becoming friends with them and then trying to make it into a relationship after. Chatting someone up every few days for a few weeks or even a month, I would not in anyway consider friends yet. It's just getting to know them and see if you have things in common. If you do, you decide at a point to make a move such as getting a number, asking out on a date, etc.

 

The shotgun approach isn't going to work if you actually want a meaningful relationship.

 

When I was in college, I approached A LOT. But I only approached girls that I actually found attractive (not every single girl).

 

By doing this, I landed girls that wanted relationships (though, I wasn't interested in that at the time). I definitely think it's a better idea than just waiting around for a girl to walk into your life.

 

Don't get me wrong. That CAN happen. It's happened to me, for sure. But approaching tons of girls also works (and will likely work faster, which is what SD wants).

 

To each their own.