The Slow Fade + NC = No Chance?

[flyingfree_hope]

I've kind of been evaluating a lot of my posts lately, and there's a definite change of tune in my perspective. I feel like I am finally letting go, because now if I envision my ex coming back, it's consistently been about how to tell him to take a hike. He'd mentioned when we broke up that he thought we could be friends. And I don't really think I want him as a friend. I feel like it has to be all or nothing.

 

This has given me a kind of release, because it's consistently been nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. What I have heard of him is just him being up to the same antics that he was up to when we were dating, but now I just see it as kind of boring, because what we had doesn't seem so special anymore. It's a standard, run of the mill, ended relationship. All I have are some good memories, a bunch of mix-tapes, and a couple of trinkets. I no longer entertain my fantasy of us at 70 years old, hobbling down the hill to the place where we first met. I mean, yeah, there are some feelings there. I still feel a stab in my heart if someone mentions him. It doesn't last as long as it used to. I've just acknowledged that the stabbing feeling will happen, so I try to avoid it. I feel like I am finally saying goodbye to him, rather than just going through the motions, pausing, and asking "Okay, I think I'm over it. You can come back now."

 

I don't know if I am finally moving on, because I feel a sort of twinge of sadness or guilt or just general melancholy about all of it. The pain in my shoulders that I had shortly after breaking up with him has come back. If this is supposed to feel good, why do I still feel like a hollow version of me? Anyone else in the process of moving on (knowing they won't be back), and it's been more than three months, relate? Where do you think you are in your healing process?

im in the process of NC for 3 months..I had a 7 yr relationship with him but he left me for a co-worker. The co-worker had a bf before the two of them became official. so two relationships wreck as a result of the cheating part. but the thing for the co-worker is that her own bf dumped her as he can't take it anymore as he sensed smth wrong b/w co-worker n my ex.

then my ex dumped me a week after they break up. lollll

 

somehow I always have a glimpse of hope that since this involves two relationship wrecking up, that someday we could just revert to our status quo.. The co-worker's ex and I also wanted our ex-es back...

 

so for me I went NC after I finally knew the truth of him breaking up (which is days after the break up) and so far it has been 3 months. I still can't really move on to be honest, as I really missed him a lot, esp how we went through the bitter times of our lives tgt. But right now he got a decent career prospect, he just simply forgets the hard times and wanted a brand new life and have fun with his status.

 

I am just hoping that he'll come back to me.....still. :SSSS so im still hoping a fairytale would come....

[elseaacych]

Sooshi: I understand. I haven't been as active as usual either. Combination of busy/nothing new to add. I think it may be a good thing for the both of us that we're not patrolling the breakup forum as often. It's a sign that we've stopped clinging so much to other sad stories by looking for answers in others' loss because we are coming to terms with our own.

 

I'm glad you enjoyed my little rant. I feel that reconciliation hopes, while lovely, are often illusory, and actually prevent us from reclaiming the sense of confidence we need to actually go out and live our lives to the fullest. If you were wholly devoted to the relationship, you can take that energy and put it elsewhere without remorse because you have been set free. You gain little by dwelling on the past obsessively, but when you recognize the reality and put positive energies toward rebuilding something that you have control over can you really start to heal.

 

Flyingfree: I am so sorry about your loss. That sounds like a mess and I hope you are making progress in feeling better. NC is the only way to do it but you have to fully commit to letting go of reconciliation hopes. Because those are what drive you to break NC!

 

Here's kind of how NC goes if done right. (At least this is how it went for me)

You get a surge of excitement from cutting your ex off.

Then it feels like crap for a long time.

Then you feel a bit better for a little while.

Then You go back to feeling like crap for a while because you thought you were doing better but because you feel like crap again you think you're really not doing better.

Then you realize you actually are doing better, so you feel better. You realize the crap still comes and goes but it doesn't last as long as it used to.

Then you may have a whole day where you just feel melancholy about the relationship being over. And it feels almost as raw and bad as the break up. This is the last of the crap burning away.

And then you reach an odd dissonant serenity about it all.

 

This is only if done right. Yeah. It hurts like hell. But dissonant serenity is worlds better compared to crap. If anyone wants to share their personal NC high level overview, maybe we could make a data analysis of it! (NERD ALERT.)

Edited May 7, 2014 by elseaacych

[elseaacych]

Wow. I've gone five whole days without a breakup rant. I think this is a personal first. Glad you all are sticking with me, I just have a lot of feelings.

 

Well, we'll hit the 6 month mark tomorrow. I've been missing him a lot lately, because about 6 months ago, I figured I would have heard something from him by now. Nope nothing.

 

I want my freaking breadcrumb, though. Honestly, it doesn't matter whether I get it or not. I am the one who is better off, objectively. I am still me, I have lots of great opportunities that I am really excited about. He's still him, being miserable, pissing around undergrad, taking an extra semester because he didn't have enough credits to graduate on time, and he's wasting his time writing articles for the campus newspaper instead of studying for the GRE or doing independent research, even though he wants to go into academia. Anymore, towards him, I just feel disappointed. I had high hopes for us. Whatever. I still want to feel like I matter.

 

Things are looking up for me. I'm going back to work this summer. I genuinely enjoy my job, and all the people I work with. Even though it's not a traditional legal job, I am hoping there will be a place for me when I graduate law school. I also have a second job doing some research for one of my favorite professors on the state health care compacts. Woo! Legal work! Even though I'll be working on that evenings and weekends. It'll cut into my music time/reading time/meeting people time/potential novel writing time. Whatever. It's a great opportunity and I am looking forward to it.

 

Anyway, that's all from me today. Hope you all are doing well.

[Big Sky]

Hi elseaacych,

 

I've been hanging around these forums for way too long since my breakup with my ex-girlfriend about 15 months ago. And while no, I'm not over my 3-year relationship that lasted for the better part of college even over a year after it ended, I've made great strides in the right direction. It truly takes a lot of work to detach from and mourn something that has wilted... unfortunately for me I have had 2 pretty devastating breakups within the past 5-6 years, so I'm all too well-versed in the topic. For me, it's as if my ex-girlfriend and I each had our own identities, but slowly as time passed during our relationship a third collective identity emerged and became more and more pronounced... and then suddenly when the relationship ended that collective identity died suddenly. The hopes and dreams you once had of that collective identity person are too suddenly dashed. A former therapist of mine once said that it was akin (but probably not as devastating) as a death of a person very dear to one's heart.

 

I happened to stumble upon a few of your posts today on other threads, and I happened to find your main one. I can completely empathize with what you are going through, as I'm sure other LS'ers can also attest to. I must say, even though you are going through a genuinely difficult time, you have handled it with such poise, perspective, and maturity. A mature man who knows his values and what is important in a relationship would be so incredibly lucky to find you. I know he's out there for you, just as I know that someone like you is out there for me.

 

Keep your chin up. Also, a piece of unsolicited advice (sorry): it may feel good to bash your ex and his current circumstances -- I think that's needed from time to time. However, you will know that you've truly let go when you can authentically smile when the memories inevitably surface, and with compassion and mindfulness, genuinely wish them well. That day hasn't come for me yet, but I'm confident that it will. And I wish that upon you also. All the best.

[elseaacych]

Big Sky: I appreciate your thoughts. You're too kind. I don't know necessarily if I have dealt with my break up with "maturity and poise", per say, because I feel like I just sank so low and my emotions just went out of control... there have been lots of repercussions over the last few months. It just leaves you feeling pathetic. I mean... love is something very special, until is ceases to be. And then it's just lost to time. Like it never happened. And to allow yourself to feel it and let the loss affect you so profoundly when there is absolutely nothing you can do, you can just feel weak, especially when you can't shake it. It is very much like the death of a loved one.

 

Re: advice. I try not to bash my ex. He, like me, like all of us, is a person of many flaws. I've just gotten to know his flaws very intimately over the past three years, and it's hard not to express great disappointment. I very much mourn the loss of our potential shared future. To see that continue to be undone, and to hear of him making choices that undermines the life he told me he aspired to live (regardless of if I was part of it or not) is just saddening. I don't know if the dreams he shared with me are necessarily what he wants anymore, but I encouraged and supported him, and laid some groundwork for him to make that dream happen.

 

Unfortunately, he is his own worst enemy, he kept passing up good opportunities because he couldn't connect the dots, or think outside the box, he has also made many careless mistakes that set him back, and has a tendency just to make his own life more complicated than it needs to be. As two people who are both intensely driven by passion and have multiple interests that pull us in so many directions, I could understand him much better than he ever knew. The difference is that he is a tornado that would go one direction and then another, and I a laser beam that could bounce from thing to thing and still end up on target. If that analogy makes sense. Anyway, getting back, I truly had the best of intentions for him to help him get where he wanted to be. It's just disappointing to be given up on, because I did my damnedest to do everything right and stay true to both of our dreams and aspirations. And yet, here we are. I am the one without a S.O. and "success", and I feel lost. He has a new S.O., and is doing things that seems counterintuitive to what anyone with a functioning brain and a goal would do. Who's happier? I don't know. I'd just like for everyone to win.

[elseaacych]

Hi all:

 

I was at a graduation party for my cousin yesterday. He's graduated from my undergrad and has been accepted into a good Phd. program come fall, and my family's really proud of him. I was looking through the commencement booklet, that lists all the graduates, looking for all my friends and acquaintances who are graduating this year as well. Anyway, all the B.A. students are all lumped together. Guess who I found... my ex's new girlfriend...

 

I felt a big jolt in my chest. I'd been a little moody before that, and seeing her name did not do anything to help me out. I just don't understand. I am six months on. I am better off. I am the catch. In my last (only) relationship, I never felt threatened by any girl or woman because I never felt competitive. I've never felt a rush to get a guy, (except for the last few months, but I think that's normal)I don't pursue people who are in committed relationships. If someone tells me they are having a relationship problem, I tell them to go work it out with their partner, if they can. I don't get involved with their sh-t. I didn't feel the need to check my ex's phone, or question his relationships with other women, even when things got bad. In other words, I think I don't need to be leery towards other women or "need to protect what's mine" by lashing out at them. I protect what's mine by working on what the problems are between me and my partner, and being "good enough" that another woman shouldn't be able to become even a potential romantic interest while I am in the picture. But this one, she seems like a threat who just came out of nowhere. And let me reiterate, I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE NATURE OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP BEFORE MY EX AND I BROKE UP.

 

I just felt so bothered by it. Like, I dislike this girl merely because she's now dating my ex. I've never even met her and I want to be passive aggressive towards her if I ever do meet her. That's not THE KIND OF PERSON I AM. I AM NOT A HATER.

 

Also, it's easy to be in love with someone when they have lots of good things going for them in their life. I feel like it's not fair that he gets to move from one woman and be in love with them when they are successful, and then when she has a rough couple months (and it wasn't the bad kind of rough, either! It was just school! He actually caused more problems for me in those months than school did! He treated me like an obligation, rather than a girlfriend!), and then get to move on to another girl and celebrate while she's up, and be part of her joy with zero effort. (And, this sounds bitter, but I hope he secretly feels like sh-t inside, because now he's had two girlfriends graduate college before him.)

 

I just don't even know why these things continue to bother me! Why should I feel threatened by someone I don't know? Why do I want my ex to be miserable? Why do I feel like it is so unfair that he (who acts like a jerkass), gets a new girlfriend while I (who calls everyone a friend until they prove themselves otherwise, and generally likes most people, and, compared to him, is more stereotypically successful in life) just can't seem to find someone to hit it off with? I feel like such a failure!!!

 

Anyway, I am sorry for the tantrum this morning. I just needed to blow off some steam. If you all have any insight into why I feel the way I do, or have a story where you relate, would love to hear it.

 

In other news, I am done with my first year of law school! Yippee!!! I can relax for a bit, and then go back to work!

[me0wth]

I was dumped last year after a relationship that lasted a little over a year. It was my first relationship. Although I think about her all the time, it's a passing thing and there are other women out there. Here is some advice just to help:

 

A) Cut all contact. Just don't communicate or respond. Honestly the guy left you, and whether there is unfinished business between you or not, closure or no closure, friendship.... He let you go, you should not want him back. It will never ever be the same and the trust will be gone.

 

B) Focus on your goals. I am a computer science student so I can relate to the law degree in certain wYs. These are both extremely sophisticated and specialized fields. Studying and learning is stressful. Keep improving in this area of your life. It was hard for me, too.

 

C) You are not alone. This fact may be comforting or depressing, but it is fact nonetheless. Almost everyone else has been in your shoes at least once in their lives.

 

D) Find yourself again. Remember who you were when you were single? Over time you will notice that you are returning to your old self again. You have complete independence and 0 romantic obligation to ANYONE. This is HUGE. You don't owe anyone a goddamned thing, you can flirt as much as you want, chase any sexual fantasy that you have, and spend your tine how YOU want to spend it.

 

E) When you get sad, you are learning strength. You and I both know that you will eventually completely move on no matter how long it takes. If you are like me, you haven't had any desire to have the person back, you just want revenge.

 

F) Revenge is a dish best served unknowingly. Improve yourself and it will not go unnoticed. Your ex is now an enemy. Do not let this person get ahead of you in any way whatsoever.

 

 

Cut contact, grow, meet others, use downtime productively, and return to your old self bringing your new experience with you. If your ex ever runs into you again, they will not have the strength that you have accumulated, and therefore, they will be powerless and defeated by the sight of you.

 

Love is war.

[elseaacych]

Oh, don't you know it, me0wth. A revenge of sorts would be lovely, and by revenge, I mean, me continuing to win at life and my ex remaining an ass.

 

Anyway, things have been quiet here. I've finished up the first year, waiting impatiently on grades. Starting work this next week. Two jobs, exciting. I took a little vacation with my Mom, out of town, for a spa overnight earlier this week. We had a great time. Anyway, during this time I got a facebook notification that some of my content had been reported and removed. I went to check on it today, and found out it was my old pal "Mystery Reviewer", who had not only reported me for "harassing a friend" but also blocked me.

 

Interesting. This happened a month ago, and you're blocking me now? I went to do a quick search of my ex, and found that I could still search for him on my account. I did sneak in and take a look at his (and his new girlfriend's) profiles out of curiosity while I was on another friend's account, not mine. They're not friends with either anyway, so they were a little confused as to why I was doing this. (I noticed that neither was showing their relationship statuses anymore. Also interesting, but not worth investigating because I could feel my chest tightening up again, and I don't need to give myself a panic attack.) Hell. I was a little confused as to why I was doing this because this situation is between me and "Mystery Reviewer".

 

WTF. Really. It's the end of the school year. Mystery Reviewer isn't even supposed to be writing anything for the review, so there is no reason for them even to be on facebook. Also, did I mention this interaction happened a month ago? And that they said they'd "take no offense", if I decided not to be friends with them? (See full contents of my conversation with Mystery Reviewer a couple pages back. I think it's on 6 or 7.)

 

DOES THIS EVEN MATTER? WHY DOES IT MATTER? It's a MYSTERY TO BE SOLVED!

 

Later, LS Pals. If you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them, but I need to go pursue hobbies other than facebook stalking.

 

PS: Now you have to be overtly creepy if you are interested in a friend's facebook relationship status. My life is ruined. [/sarcasm]

http://www.newsweek.com/facebook-wants-let-you-ask-your-friends-their-relationship-status-251672

Edited May 23, 2014 by elseaacych

[elseaacych]

I knew that my little Facebook adventure would have poor repercussions.

 

After seeing what I saw, I can't help but wonder about my ex's relationship status. I knew when I blocked his new girlfriend that they were together. I could see her relationship status on top of her page. It wasn't there when I looked at her account from another person's account, also not friends with either of them.

 

Why do I care? Validation, I guess. If it is what it looks like, I think I'd feel better: that she's no better than me. I do and don't want to talk about it, because I don't think it will really make me feel better to get honest information. There really isn't an outcome I think I'd be happy with. Knowing for sure sucks just as much as not knowing, because I think I'd just find something else to be unhappy about regarding my whole ex-mess. So for now, I am not looking. NC is NC.

 

I am dealing with another aspect of that relationship, that I feel needs to be fixed before I move on to another one. It's really more to do with me, and it feels like a personal failing. I think I may need to go talk to someone in person about it, but I don't think I have the time to do that. I wish I had enough time in my life to get to everything that felt important.

 

Sigh. What a gloomy day out. I hope the weather's sunny where you are at, everyone.

[elseaacych]

No, definitely can't deal with that part of it without crying. Damn. It was something I haven't cried over much during the course of the breakup, but here it is.

 

I don't miss him. I miss what we had. In many ways, I feel like wasted so many opportunities. It's tough, because I often still feel strongly. I feel strongly that I could have made him a happy man. I wanted to make him a happy man. That he squandered it. That I squandered it. The thing I'm crying over, I think 'm just looking for reasons to blame myself now, because I am the only one I have control over.

 

I have this laundry list of things I want to improve. So many things. Old Elsea only worried about things like this to a little extent.

 

New Elsea just wants to fill her life with new tasks to keep her so busy she can't think, and things that she thinks will make her happy- read, be a distraction. And these things just seem kind of empty at the end of the day. Material goods can only go so far, and there is always a quiet second at the end of the day for doubt to sink in.

 

One of the problems I've had is tying my self worth to my ex. He detested my dreams of going to law school, for some reason. He just broke me down instead of building me up. And since everything seems to have gone wrong since entering law school, I feel that it is because I've chosen to do this, that it makes me unlovable. Even though I know it is not the case.

 

One of the things I've repeated over and over to others on this forum is that "You are enough", however you are. It's advice easier told than taken because when you get broken up with, you are essentially told that you aren't good enough for someone who you let see the real you.

 

Not many people get to see the real you, and when you get rejected, it hurts so badly... months and months on... You all know this anyway. It just shakes you to the core.

 

Anyway, I hope you all understand what I am saying, because I'm just tired and venting.

 

Good night, LS.

Edited May 25, 2014 by elseaacych

[Breadimus]

This needs a solid answer.

 

Bare with me as I am exhausted so it will come in the morning aus time.

[BC1980]

 

 

One of the problems I've had is tying my self worth to my ex. He detested my dreams of going to law school, for some reason. He just broke me down instead of building me up. And since everything seems to have gone wrong since entering law school, I feel that it is because I've chosen to do this, that it makes me unlovable. Even though I know it is not the case.

 

One of the things I've repeated over and over to others on this forum is that "You are enough", however you are. It's advice easier told than taken because when you get broken up with, you are essentially told that you aren't good enough for someone who you let see the real you.

 

Not many people get to see the real you, and when you get rejected, it hurts so badly... months and months on... You all know this anyway. It just shakes you to the core.

 

I was talking about this with a friend just yesterday. How you feel like you presented the real you to someone, and it wasn't good enough. I recently realized that since I was a teenager, I've had this deep seeded idea that I'm not good enough to be in a relationship. That no one would want to love me. That's it's just been random luck when I've found someone who likes me, and I can't believe another person would actually want to be with me. My breakup hit me so hard because it reinforced that idea.

 

Then I asked myself why I wasn't worth a healthy relationship, just as I am? Who told me that? The answer was that I told myself that, and there was no reason it was true. I actually wrote out "WHY" in my journal and numbered a list like I was going to fill it with reasons I was unworthy. There wasn't one reason I could come up with, and it hit me at that point. I kept looking back to my ex and refusing to move forward because I needed that relationship to work to invalidate the original premise that I was not worthy. I started moving on much quicker once I realized how screwy my logic was.

 

It still doesn't take away the fact that I miss him, but I've been able to deal with the grief better. I've been able to move forward, step by step, because I no longer need that relationship to prove I am worthy.

[elseaacych]

We all deserve the relationships we can give, and we should settle for nothing less. Life is too short to be in unfulfilling relationships.

 

Which is why when my ex wanted to go, I let him go. I wasn't going to let him make me unhappy. (Subsequently, he has, for a very long time. But that's on me, really. I can't help it that I have a lot of feelings and hold myself to high standards! I really need to stop beating myself up over this stupid thing.) Anyway, I am getting off track from my original purpose of this particular post. (But I think self confidence is an important thing to discuss as well, and I will be happy to rant at you about it.)

 

My ex has a little sister. She and I are alike in many ways. College econ major, wants to be a lawyer, sorority life (She's in the sorority I would have joined had I gone to her college. I secured recommendation letters for her when she went through rush, so she could definitely get n.) Wicked sense of humor. She's basically the sister I wanted to have.

 

I also got her interested in a competitive summer economics program in Washington DC that I attended a couple of years ago. She applied for it. A couple days after my ex broke up with me, she let me know she was accepted to the program. I expressed my congratulations and let her know that she would have a good time, and to let me know if she needed anything (And I did my happy dance for her, because it's a great program, and she'll probably have a blast. ) Haven't heard from her since, but her mom emailed me in February, asking about some stuff related to the program. I responded to her and gave her the answer she needed.

 

Anyway, she's probably headed out for this program in a couple of weeks, and I want to touch base with her. Congratulate her again on getting in, send her an article on some fun off beat stuff to do, and wish her well. (Heck. I wish I was going back there again. I LOVE THE DC AREA.)

 

I've asked a couple of people about this, and they've encouraged me NOT to, because apparently it would "stir things up". As I've chatted her and her mom both since the break up, and not mentioned the ex. I think I could, because it's really not about him. It's only because she's my ex's sister that I hesitate. We (Me, and my ex's sister), just haven't chatted since she let me know she got in, so maybe it would be a little awkward? I dunno. I have many good friends who I am only in contact with occasionally, maybe an email or phone call once or twice a year, so for me, it's not a break from my usual habits.

 

I don't know, I just don't want to be awkward, and genuinely want to wish her well because I encouraged her to look into the program and helped her through the application process, and am excited for her all around.

 

Love Shackers, offer your wisdom?

Edited May 26, 2014 by elseaacych

[BC1980]

I don't see the harm in it as long as you don't mention your ex, which I'm sure you won't. I still speak to my ex's sister occasionally, and we never mention him.

[elseaacych]

Hi LS'ers!

 

I am about four days into work! I love my day job, detesting the night job. (Briefing 50 cases in less than two weeks. No fun.) Anyway, that's that. I'm not fully happy being this busy, because it's a little too much like being back at school.

 

Anyway, in the back of my mind, I am still wondering about whether my ex is still in that relationship or not. As I have unfriended him, I have no easy way to figure that one out. (But I do have a way.)

 

I keep telling myself it won't do anything for me to look into it. On one hand, if he's still in the relationship, nothing has changed. On the other hand, if he's not, I feel validated and awesome because then the girl he left me for wasn't that great after all. (Petty, I know. It's not something I'm proud of.) At the same time, if he's not in the relationship, he hasn't come crawling back like I thought he would. That's not as validating, because I'd still like to think I meant something to him, even if it is just to get a breadcrumb. (Pathetic thought, I know.)

 

Either way, my behavior has to stay the same regardless of the outcome: yes or no. I need to be true to myself, and to contact him would be to permit him to walk all over me. I don't want to open myself up to hurt. Because I would theoretically treat the information the same way, it makes just as much sense to stay in the dark than it is to know. Because what I "know" won't affect the reality of "he's not talking to me".

 

So I haven't given in to looking.

 

Not now.

 

Back to work.

[noob_saibot]

if you want a chance. its very simple physically but mentally it is not. you have to move on quicker than your ex. ive seen it so many times my friend. i have even had an ex who was moving on and it was okay for her to start dating again, but the moment a prettier girl was interested in me, she we get mad try and real me back in, and she would try and confront the other women. i have seen it with men too, my sisters ex did the same thing. the moment she started hanging out with someone else. there he was texting and worrying. not to mention i have seen this pattern online aswell. all you have to do is:

 

sit back.

relax.

go out

hang out with friends

go on dates

 

and if your ex contacts you. just reply in a friendly manner. but never contact your ex first

 

show no emotion, no nothing,. just make it seem like your doing fine. and your ex will loose their mind and be back on your door step.

 

go to the gym too and brush your teeth.

 

try this, it works 100% of the time( as long as you didnt cheat or beat the crap out of your ex)

 

good luck

[elseaacych]

Thanks man, any more now, this is just a journal for my thoughts. My ex is definitely long gone by now. It wasn't a healthy relationship in the end for either of us. (I still maintain that it was mostly his fault that it ended.) He and I would both need to be entirely different people if it were to work out in the future. And he wants to live a tough, complicated life. I don't. I want to be happy.

 

That being said, my oral hygiene is definitely on the up and up. I'm even flossing too. BOOM.

[Natsume21]

Love is a game of attraction.

 

Just because you lost the battle doesn't mean you lost the war.

[Natsume21]

I'm gonna give the sad reality of the situation.

 

If you don't have something to offer another, chances are no one is going to want to be with you.

 

So it's either you have to have an amazing body, a great personality, or money.

 

And unfortunately, I'm fresh out of all three and just got stood up.

[elseaacych]

Nat: I would disagree. Reading your posts, you seem to have a great personality. You are straightforward and honest, which is a qualities that many people seem to lack nowadays. Lacking money is only a temporary issue, unless you have habits that are detrimental to your long term financial well being. I can't speak to your looks as I've never met you in person.

 

Anyway, you don't want to deal with someone who's going to stand you up. Disrespecting someone's time is one of the worst things you can do, IMO, because we all have goals and dreams and things to do on our own separate timeframes. It's a fundamental sign of disrespect, that goes deeper than being late or not showing up at all.

 

So screw them. Others are out there.

[Natsume21]

Nat: I would disagree. Reading your posts, you seem to have a great personality. You are straightforward and honest, which is a qualities that many people seem to lack nowadays. Lacking money is only a temporary issue, unless you have habits that are detrimental to your long term financial well being. I can't speak to your looks as I've never met you in person.

 

Anyway, you don't want to deal with someone who's going to stand you up. Disrespecting someone's time is one of the worst things you can do, IMO, because we all have goals and dreams and things to do on our own separate timeframes. It's a fundamental sign of disrespect, that goes deeper than being late or not showing up at all.

 

So screw them. Others are out there.

 

I don't smoke or drink or any of that, lol. My problem isn't saving money. I'm a cheapskate. It's that I've hit hard times with the family and live in a very small town(the ones with huge drug problems)

 

And jobs here are difficult to find. So it's making money that's the problem for me.

 

Getting stood up SUCKS tho.

 

Oh and I'm 5'8. While that is still not TALL, it's around average and a lot of short girls don't mind it. So really, the only thing im lacking is materials.

 

I've been around the state working for people doing what I can, trying to save up to buy my own set of wheels. It's hard out there but I'm trying to keep my head up.

Edited May 31, 2014 by Natsume21

[elseaacych]

Well, the full extent of the damage has been done. Finally got my spring semester grades. They were borderline terrible, but I could have done much worse considered what a f-ck up I've been since the break up.

 

In my desperation, I got my fix. I had to ask a friend to look him up. He's still with that girl. The story of how I got there wasn't relevant. (Accidentally came across a new facebook picture. He looked stoned in it.) Moral of the story, I just went ahead and blocked him. No more. Goodbye. Forever.

 

I swear to God, if I ever have to go through a heartbreak again, I will be cutting them off immediately.

 

And yes, I still feel and it still hurts to know that someone can de-rail you so easily. Someone who isn't worth a god-damn care.

 

Anyone have any good news today?

Edited June 3, 2014 by elseaacych

[elseaacych]

Good news, everyone!

 

I am apparently NOT a total f*ck up after all. I managed to do something right, somehow, this semester.

 

I WROTE ON TO LAW REVIEW.

 

I am so excited, I can hardly contain myself. I just wanted to share this info to all of you LSers who have been with me on this crazy roller coaster ride we call getting over a break up. You all, by reading my rants and chatting with me, have helped me get through this, (I am not through it yet, honestly.) and I hope that I've been able to help you all as well.

 

Anyway, this is just an open thank you note to you all.

 

Hope you all are having a wonderful day!

[elseaacych]

It's been a long time, friends. I hope you all are doing well in your lives. I am living mine a day or so at a time. I've opened this thread back up because I just didn't know where to put this post. Hopefully this post is the only one that I have to make. Things are looking up, after all.

 

I am feeling anxious. Tomorrow would have been my ex's and my 4th "anniversary". We met by chance, at the first home football game of our freshman year of college. He was sitting at the bottom of the hill with a mutual friend, and I just plopped down next to him and started talking.

 

Football is the big social event on campus. It's almost like a carnival. I am not going to miss it. I'm just worried that I will run into him.

 

Bad news: My ex is single. And depressed.

 

I've thought about asking the guy I went golfing with last week to go to the football game with me, just so I have some company and I don't end up hanging with my bro, who may be in close proximity of my ex. That guy and I don't have such a romantic story. We were at a law school party and drunkenly decided to go on a date together, and then arranged the details when sober. I asked him to go golfing, he did, and we seemed to have a good time. We've texted each other back and forth, but it's the "how's your day" sort, nothing big. I think he may still be hung up on his ex girlfriend, who he's hanging around. I don't know if I even want to develop a relationship with this new guy, but if I do, I want to go slow because I don't want to get burned.

 

I'd feel like I was using this new guy. I also can't read him, because I can't tell whether or not he's interested in me. (So duh, Elsea, why don't you just ask? Because I think I would just feel weird tomorrow anyway.)

 

I just do not want to run into my ex, because who knows what I would say? I don't want to be nice, but I still can't just be unkind to him. I feel ashamed telling my real world friends about this anxiety that I have regarding my ex.

 

I just need some well meaning support, you guys.

[Zapbasket]

 

Bad news: My ex is single. And depressed.

 

Why is that bad news? That sounds like great news! It means you won't have to see him all flirty with some girlfriend or laughing it up and flirting with a bunch of ladies. It means that if you have a down, small moment, you can boost yourself with the knowledge that no matter what appearances depict, your ex isn't exactly the happiest camper at the game. If you see him and he looks miserable AND you're stirred with a smidge of compassion, then it just makes him human--not Perfect, not a monster.

 

It all sounds perfect for causing the minimal amount of stress to your psyche.

 

And this is IF you even see him. I'm imagining it's a huge event? It's possible you'll see him, but it's equally possible you won't.

 

I've thought about asking the guy I went golfing with last week to go to the football game with me, just so I have some company and I don't end up hanging with my bro, who may be in close proximity of my ex.

Don't do that. You'd know deep down you were just doing that to appear a certain way to your ex. People can see through that kind of thing, too--but worst of all is that YOU would know. It's beneath you.

 

What's wrong with holding your head high and being alone? It shows how comfortable you are with yourself, and that is far more of a striking sight than someone obviously dragging a date along because they can't handle being alone at a festive event. If you really want company, why not ask a girlfriend or several? Then you won't have the added mental stress of wondering, "Does he like me? Do I like him? Oh--there's the ex. Does he see me? Do I still have feelings for him?" Et. al.

 

Go, enjoy yourself, breathe. If you do see your ex and don't want to talk to him, just ride the wave of the crowd if you can, and migrate to a different area.

 

I think it's awesome that you're not going to let your ex keep you from going to an event you enjoy :-)