Reasons my break up was a good thing

[Lifegoezon]

PS...I am TOTALLY in like with the new guy...he texted me tonight and said that I am the best thing in his life right now and he adores me, but he's also happy to take things as slow as I want. Mmmmm..he's so cute and sweet...

 

Go Kali!

 

Thought of some more overnight...

1. 
   

I've gone back to dancing salsa so I'm losing weight and meeting new people

I've arranged a full schedule of places to go and things to do over the next few months instead of waiting and hoping he might do things with me

I'm getting my garden back in shape

[sooshi]

I'm glad you've found someone who you really like, Kali

[KaliLove]

I'm glad you've found someone who you really like, Kali

 

Thank you! You're next..you just wait...

[TheyCallMeOx]

I wouldn't define any breakup as a "good" thing unless physical/mental abuse is involved. If I said it was a good thing, I'd be deluding myself. Truth is...if it was such a "good" thing, why am I paying 50 dollars a month for a blood test I had taken at some hospital after I was taken off campus by the cops for having thoughts of suicide? I wouldn't say it was good. Profitable? Perhaps. Necessary? To a certain degree. Since the breakup, I've learned several things:

 

 

1. I didn't love myself. The breakup was "good" because it forced me into a corner, accepting my circumstances, and motivated me to love being in that corner.
   
2. My life needs a little bit of work. My decisions don't just affect myself, but it affects my ability to get vagina. A world without vagina is a very depressing world.
   
3. It got rid of my "soul-mate" perspective. I'm more realistic.
   
4. I'm more cautious about my decisions, and I'm more aware of my surroundings. I also have developed a more positive attitutde
   
5. I finally can hold my hand to my heart, close my eyes, and tell myself that I'm proud of myself.
   

I wouldn't say it's good, but I've got a better perspective on myself, life, etc...and I guess that's a good thing. The breakup, however, was far from good.

[KaliLove]

I wouldn't define any breakup as a "good" thing unless physical/mental abuse is involved. If I said it was a good thing, I'd be deluding myself. Truth is...if it was such a "good" thing, why am I paying 50 dollars a month for a blood test I had taken at some hospital after I was taken off campus by the cops for having thoughts of suicide? I wouldn't say it was good. Profitable? Perhaps. Necessary? To a certain degree. Since the breakup, I've learned several things:

 

 

1. I didn't love myself. The breakup was "good" because it forced me into a corner, accepting my circumstances, and motivated me to love being in that corner.
   
2. My life needs a little bit of work. My decisions don't just affect myself, but it affects my ability to get vagina. A world without vagina is a very depressing world.
   
3. It got rid of my "soul-mate" perspective. I'm more realistic.
   
4. I'm more cautious about my decisions, and I'm more aware of my surroundings. I also have developed a more positive attitutde
   
5. I finally can hold my hand to my heart, close my eyes, and tell myself that I'm proud of myself.
   

I wouldn't say it's good, but I've got a better perspective on myself, life, etc...and I guess that's a good thing. The breakup, however, was far from good.

 

You're overanalyzing.

 

Also, if you made a suicide attempt, then your life needs more than a 'little bit' of work..it needs a sh*t ton of work. Sounds like you're up for it though..you'll be fine. Better off in fact.

[hermitinator]

Good girl Soosh..proud of you.

 

PS...I am TOTALLY in like with the new guy...he texted me tonight and said that I am the best thing in his life right now and he adores me, but he's also happy to take things as slow as I want. Mmmmm..he's so cute and sweet...

 

 

 

These are the things that my ex-lover would tell me. Our relationship was very fulfilling and we were compatible, but little problems started to build up in the course of a year. I was not good for him in ways that he wasn't good for me. I am like the tide: in and out. It was emotionally draining for him and, even though, I was the one who broke up with him, we agreed that we needed this time to focus on ourselves as to grow up and figure out what we want. If we come back to each other, we will come back as mature adults who know what they want and have a stable perceptive of themselves and what they can give to the relationship and to the other person. Because we are young and in our 20s, we are involved in our own lives and are both in transitional points in our lives. I don't regret this relationship or meeting him because I grew and evolved in the relationship. I learned about myself in the relationship as well as the break-up is teaching me things about myself.

[TheyCallMeOx]

You're overanalyzing.

 

Also, if you made a suicide attempt, then your life needs more than a 'little bit' of work..it needs a sh*t ton of work. Sounds like you're up for it though..you'll be fine. Better off in fact.

 

No suicide "attempts" but definitely had thoughts of suicide; especially after she broke up with me. I may be better off, but it was still a decision I had no control over. Being forced to get better is no bueno, but I guess it's better to be forced than to not do it at all. LOL

[Me. Myself and I]

It's hard for me to list.... I just edited this because I felt guilty reeling it all off :/

Edited March 22, 2014 by Me. Myself and I

[kgreatie]

After the break up he:

1. didn't care that i would be suicidal if he left, and left

2. made me feel worthless and didn't care

3. explained nothing as to why it ended

4. he's completely heartless and doesn't care how much he hurt me

During:

5. he didn't shower all the time

6. i hated his stupid dog

7. he didn't want to move in with me

8. he was boring

9. disagreed on alot of things

[Never Again]

My break up wasn't a good thing because of my ex - she was the best woman I'd ever met. Still is.

 

It was a good thing because I wasn't in the right place to handle a relationship. I was struggling to piece my life together and let my relationship become routine and boring while I worked on myself.

 

I stopped being exciting, attractive, attentive and romantic. I stopped planning fun/exciting activities and didn't move forward with the ones my ex wanted to do because I was too focused on myself and my problems.

 

So, my breakup was a good thing because it shook me out of this comfort zone where I wasn't contributing, energizing, inspiring or exciting. However, I feel like a good solid FIGHT would've done the same thing

Edited March 23, 2014 by Pfenixphire

[Sandy99]

My last relationship pros and cons

 

pros

 

1. He treated me very well and hardly ever argued with me.

2. He paid for more than he should have.

3. He was nice and considerate and pretty much everything I wanted.

 

cons

 

1. He doesn't really trust anybody except his family

2. He is too money oriented.

3. He works too much.

 

He was a 9 out of a 10 for me and distance basically broke us up. He ranks higher or as high as anyone I have ever dated. So...probably more pros to dating him than cons...which I just realized.

[KaliLove]

After the break up he:

1. didn't care that i would be suicidal if he left, and left

2. made me feel worthless and didn't care

3. explained nothing as to why it ended

4. he's completely heartless and doesn't care how much he hurt me

During:

5. he didn't shower all the time

6. i hated his stupid dog

7. he didn't want to move in with me

8. he was boring

9. disagreed on alot of things

 

If you are suicidal (you don't sound like you actually are..it sounds like maybe you were just using that as a threat to try to keep him), it's not his fault. You can't pin that on him..that is SO unfair and cruel to him. Besides, do you really want someone to be with you just because you've threatened them into it?

 

I'm sure he does care and didn't hurt you on purpose. But again, a person can't stay with someone just because they don't want to hurt them. They have to be in love.

 

Also, the shower thing..eww!! Crotch rot!!!

[KaliLove]

My last relationship pros and cons

 

pros

 

1. He treated me very well and hardly ever argued with me.

2. He paid for more than he should have.

3. He was nice and considerate and pretty much everything I wanted.

 

cons

 

1. He doesn't really trust anybody except his family

2. He is too money oriented.

3. He works too much.

 

He was a 9 out of a 10 for me and distance basically broke us up. He ranks higher or as high as anyone I have ever dated. So...probably more pros to dating him than cons...which I just realized.

 

You missed the point of this thread completely.

[KaliLove]

My break up wasn't a good thing because of my ex - she was the best woman I'd ever met. Still is.

 

It was a good thing because I wasn't in the right place to handle a relationship. I was struggling to piece my life together and let my relationship become routine and boring while I worked on myself.

 

I stopped being exciting, attractive, attentive and romantic. I stopped planning fun/exciting activities and didn't move forward with the ones my ex wanted to do because I was too focused on myself and my problems.

 

So, my breakup was a good thing because it shook me out of this comfort zone where I wasn't contributing, energizing, inspiring or exciting. However, I feel like a good solid FIGHT would've done the same thing

 

Pro - Now you know what NOT to do next time and you can learn from your mistakes!

[KaliLove]

It's hard for me to list.... I just edited this because I felt guilty reeling it all off :/

 

Why? He dumped you. You have no reason to feel guilty at all.

[Never Again]

Pro - Now you know what NOT to do next time and you can learn from your mistakes!

 

Eh.

 

I guess I just thought I'd be able to pull away and give her less attention until she told me otherwise.

 

I was too depressed to realize I was doing the wrong thing. I honestly didn't have two brain cells to rub together. I suppose I always thought that an emotionally sensitive girl like my ex would notice I was being distant, weird, or putting in less effort and would say something instead of letting us grow apart.

 

I'd always agreed to any activity she wanted to do before, so me suddenly avoiding them and not asking to see her couldn't have gone unnoticed lol.

[BradJacobs]

It allowed us both to find someone we wanted in our forever.

 

That is always a plus.

[Sandy99]

Did I miss the point? I guess I was only supposed to say why my break up was a good thing. It wasn't really a good thing. But it was necessary because it was hard to make it work long distance. It was too stressful and unrewarding to have a long distance relationship and it was gong to be that way for months and months and so better to end it before it got very sad.

 

I take equal parts responsibility for the relationship ending. I think my ex must be some sort of magician, though, because he has really walked away scott free in all this. I don't blame him for much. But I have definitely felt relationship-ending anger before. And I don't really feel it this time. At least not at him. He was actually a good thing in my life and much more self-sacrificing than me on many counts.

[KaliLove]

Did I miss the point? I guess I was only supposed to say why my break up was a good thing. It wasn't really a good thing. But it was necessary because it was hard to make it work long distance. It was too stressful and unrewarding to have a long distance relationship and it was gong to be that way for months and months and so better to end it before it got very sad.

 

I take equal parts responsibility for the relationship ending. I think my ex must be some sort of magician, though, because he has really walked away scott free in all this. I don't blame him for much. But I have definitely felt relationship-ending anger before. And I don't really feel it this time. At least not at him. He was actually a good thing in my life and much more self-sacrificing than me on many counts.

 

This thread is meant to be lighthearted. If you can't see the positive things about your break up yet then you're not ready for it. Hope you get there soon!

 

Here's a plus..now you can find someone who wants to be with you and is right for you!

[Woodox]

My break up was good because,

 

I learnt that I should go into relationships with my eyes open.

That I shouldn't convince myself that someone is my special someone, they should convince me.

That I will be able to be a father.

Proved to myself that I will be a good father.

That with all the love I have to give I shouldn't settle for someone who cannot return the love.

That it is so important for your partner to make you feel like your the only person they want to be with, that they choose you over anyone else and always will. (Important to me anyway.)

 

From my experiences I have learnt a lot about myself and what I want, regardless of the pain they had to happen for me to be the man that I need to be for the woman that will one day hopefully share my life.

[lamis]

1) Most important thing is that I learned that I really need to not lose myself so much in relationships. I don't know if I made a single new friend for 2.5 years, and the friendships I already had atrophied. I need to not expect my significant other to fulfill all of that, even if she is doing the same, it is unhealthy and that is too much pressure. Basically, instead of drowning in my next relationship, I'd like for it to be more like a pleasant swim.

2) I can stop worrying about all the really important things that she constantly put off (like getting medication refilled, going to the doctor) and can find someone I don't feel like I have to take care of so much.

3) I can find a woman who wears real bras much more often, my ex had a thing for sports bras. At the time, didn't care so much, in retrospect, not nearly as sexy as normal bras.

4) I don't have to spend any significant time in Texas ever again.

5) I can find a woman who is more willing to cook for me. Not saying that I expect women to cook for me because they are women, on the contrary I probably cooked 90 percent of the time in the relationship and a little more equality there might be nice.

[KaliLove]

1) Most important thing is that I learned that I really need to not lose myself so much in relationships. I don't know if I made a single new friend for 2.5 years, and the friendships I already had atrophied. I need to not expect my significant other to fulfill all of that, even if she is doing the same, it is unhealthy and that is too much pressure. Basically, instead of drowning in my next relationship, I'd like for it to be more like a pleasant swim.

2) I can stop worrying about all the really important things that she constantly put off (like getting medication refilled, going to the doctor) and can find someone I don't feel like I have to take care of so much.

3) I can find a woman who wears real bras much more often, my ex had a thing for sports bras. At the time, didn't care so much, in retrospect, not nearly as sexy as normal bras.

4) I don't have to spend any significant time in Texas ever again.

5) I can find a woman who is more willing to cook for me. Not saying that I expect women to cook for me because they are women, on the contrary I probably cooked 90 percent of the time in the relationship and a little more equality there might be nice.

 

Sports bras..woah..that chick is gonna have some LOOOOOW hangers when she gets older. Her nips will be near her belly button.

 

My ex is from Texas too, hahaha. What's up with evil Texans lately??

[bluegreen]

O boy where do I start.

Chain smoker drunk a lot obnoxious childish and emotionally immature.

Worst of all and so far not seen in this post he was closet BI !!!!!

 

Do not even ask me to answer how I found out that one.

What the hell I was thinking

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Sports bras..woah..that chick is gonna have some LOOOOOW hangers when she gets older. Her nips will be near her belly button.

 

My ex is from Texas too, hahaha. What's up with evil Texans lately??

 

Its the reason George Strait doesnt live there......

 

you know? Because of his song all my ex's live in Texas? Get it? Because you guys hav.....nevermind

Edited March 25, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[lamis]

Sports bras..woah..that chick is gonna have some LOOOOOW hangers when she gets older. Her nips will be near her belly button.

 

My ex is from Texas too, hahaha. What's up with evil Texans lately??

 

 

 

Haha, I didn't know there were any long-term implications for women who wear them, but I guess that makes sense. She always said they were more comfortable for her. She wore real bras sometimes, but not as often as I would have liked.

 

 

Just in general, she wasn't that interested in dressing up, and that is another reason it is good that it ended, because I liked to more than she did and it would be nice to have a partner that liked to as well.