SongOfMySelf Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 ave we considered the following line of thought? A man asking out a woman his is interested in getting to know better :: A woman trying to attract the attention of a man she is interested in getting to know better This means that: A woman being asked about by a man she has no interest in :: A man asking out a woman he has no interest in I think the typical guy would not even think to ask out a woman he wasn't at least slightly attracted to. This is why it is difficult for some guys to empathize with dating from a female perspective. It doesn't work that way, anymore. It didn't even work when I was younger. When women are attracted to men they'll approach, and they'll approach by using their legs and by opening their mouths, not by smiling while turning 180s degrees in his direction. I remember one girl who was 6'2'', she was well-built. She was more ''manly'' than many of the young men whom she interacted with. She was rather shy. But one day she saw a guy she came to fancy. She asked her girlfriends to talk to the guy about her and to bring him to her. There you go. If a guy approaches a woman he can be considered a creep and will be shunned socially, and you can be sure he won't be calling on his friends to bring the girl he wants to him, that is if he doesn't want to be called a weakling. Women do approach the men they want. They either directly approach the guy, or they have their girlfriends find a way for her to talk to him. Saying that a woman is rejected when a man doesn't approach her is like saying that women aren't going to have sex if men don't approach them. For the life in my I have never heard of any sexually frustrated women regardless of her looks. Link to post Share on other sites
Copelandsanity Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Women have to deal with pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, biological clock. I'm grateful that I never have to deal with any of these items. I think generally speaking, it requires men much more effort to not only date but to maintain relationships with women. Men are such simple and logical creatures that they're easy to handle and maintain. You give them food, sex and some attention, and they'll generally be happy. Keeping a woman requires monumental effort, and I think it overwhelms a lot of men who value simplicity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SongOfMySelf Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 IMO that's what it all boils down to. The women who are single for long periods of time, are just very picky. I seriously doubt that they are not frequently getting asked out, unless they project "don't talk to me signals." Very few women are single for extensive periods of time. A woman can end a relationship and have a new guy in under a week. She might be below average, its not a problem. She will have a decent-looking guy if she wants. Imagine how it is to be a man who has to compete with the vast majority of other average man for that short window of opportunity. No wonder so many men die of heart attack in their 50s. Stress and more stress if men insist in staying in the dating world. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 I think a few of you males on here are missing the whole point of the thread. It's to show that men and women have struggles in dating/relationships. They may be on different levels of the dating spectrum but they are struggles none the less. I see you guys complain about women. Have any of you really stepped out and thought of things in the POV of a woman? Women: Have any of you women really stepped out and thought of things in the POV of a man? Really put some thought into it. Sad thing is neither side will take the time to do it. They are so focused on themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I think a few of you males on here are missing the whole point of the thread. It's to show that men and women have struggles in dating/relationships. They may be on different levels of the dating spectrum but they are struggles none the less. I see you guys complain about women. Have any of you really stepped out and thought of things in the POV of a woman? Women have struggles? Not that I know of. Anybody want to enlighten the men here that dating as a woman isn't as easy as we think it is? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Do you even want to understand the struggles of the opposite sex? I did, and invested in them, probably to my own detriment, from about age 14 to about age 50, when I got divorced. I'm retired now. Reflecting, I think the key is understanding without investing, presuming one wishes to understand, ergo processing it at an intellectual, rather than emotional, level. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 Women have struggles? Not that I know of. Anybody want to enlighten the men here that dating as a woman isn't as easy as we think it is? It's why you single now and will be for a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 It's why you single now and will be for a while. Ha ha. I love these types of responses! I never pictured you as a white knight. Guess I was wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 If members wish to discuss which gender has a more difficult time dating/relationships, we have a thread for you: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/396907-consolidated-discussion-dating-relationships-my-gender-has-much-harder-time This thread is discussing opinion on the 'want' to understand the dating/relationship struggles of the opposite sex. Separate topic. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 It's why you single now and will be for a while. What if I told you understanding women's struggles has nothing to do with success in relationships... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 What if I told you understanding women's struggles has nothing to do with success in relationships... Of course it doesn't. Caring about the issues women have with dating is completely irrelevant to a relationship. What, am I going to sit with my girlfriend and talk about why dating is hard for women? She can talk about that stuff with her girlfriends. Such topics will only lead to arguments. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I fully agree with you OP. Men and women do have certain fundamental differences but we also must allow for individuality and the unique character, experiences, expectations, opinions etc of each and every person. To truly connect with an INDIVIDUAL you cannot generalise, stereotype or transform every disagreement into a gender war. Otherwise you are thwarting your attempts to connect with and forge a relationship with a human being. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Yes I believe I understand the struggles of both sex on OLD. Average men can't get anything, while averge women get bombarded with too many messages. If I'm gonna blame somebody, I blame both. Men, I'm gonna start with the nasty ones, who send sexual messages to women. Then the 50 year olds that try to get with 20 year old girls, not women lol. That helps flood women's inboxes. Then the regular guys too, some not knowing a girls get hundreds of messages, don't get any replies, so they start firing messages to all of them trying to see if any respond. (I'm guilty of that) That adds even more messages to women's inboxes. Instead of getting the hell off of there after a week of the same thing (like I did), they keep trying everyday, thinking their luck might change or "Their's gotta be one that likes me" and just keep adding to the problem. Women, when they see a 30+ messages and start going through these messages and realizing this is insane, find the sexual ones, and old guys. They should get the hell off (within a couple of days, not weeks) They get big headed, average women start thinking they look better than they do (Much better) so they stay on there too. Skimming through messages, by picture, looking for some type of prince/actor/model. Once in a while they find one, he uses them for sex/money/whatever, then dumps them. They get heart broken, start saying "men are such pigs" but I'm not sure they realize at that point that the guy was out of there league. So they keep their standards right where they were, looking for the next super hot guy. I wish they'd do away with OLD. Put the site makers out business. But that only fixes part of the problem. Don't forget Facebook, Instagram, tumblr all that other ego boasters. lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 Of course it doesn't. Caring about the issues women have with dating is completely irrelevant to a relationship. What, am I going to sit with my girlfriend and talk about why dating is hard for women? She can talk about that stuff with her girlfriends. Such topics will only lead to arguments. It will only lead to arguments because you don't believe women struggle. We all have the same struggle in a sense men and women. We all want a relationship. The struggle may not be the way you see it but there is a struggle. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 topaM Have you ever considered that the 34 year old might not be attracted to you? Perhaps the age difference As for being picky. I have been ripped for that myself. Like most men, I am attracted to a women by her looks. She has to be in the Goldilocks zone, not too short, not too tall, and not too fat and not to skinny. And she has to have a pretty face with long hair, and I prefer long legs, but hate bird legs. This is not my choice. The plain truth is that is if she is below and 8 in the looks department, there is no way that I can get an erection. Over my life time, of the women who have approached me, and or hinted that they were interested in getting to know me better, no more than one in ten was I interested in. So label me as being picky. There is nothing I can do to change it. And it is the same with women. Who knows what it might be? Age difference, your sense of humor, there is something there that she does not find attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Seems like most of the posts here have answered the thread title, albeit unwittingly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 Ha ha. I love these types of responses! I never pictured you as a white knight. Guess I was wrong. I am far from it lol. The thing about understanding it is you learn we are all the same in a sense and different. We all look for the same things but the actual struggles are different. It also helps you realize the problems you have are just things you as a person need tobchange instead of blaming the opposite sex. Women blam men for their problems just like men blam women. The reality is majority of the reason for the struggle lies with YOU. The opposite sex changing isnt going to fix the issue. Nothing changes until you change 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) It will only lead to arguments because you don't believe women struggle. We all have the same struggle in a sense men and women. We all want a relationship. The struggle may not be the way you see it but there is a struggle. You're right, I don't believe women struggle so there is no way I'll have this sort of conversation with a GF. Here's the thing, I know that it's hard to maintain a LTR for both men and women. Men and women are pretty much equal there, though I do believe women hold the upper hand. So it's almost equal~ish. Though since my ex suddenly dumped me after six months, and has refused to even see me since then, I'll say that women have more power in relationships. This is completely based on my personal experiences and biases. Though in the beginning stages, getting dates, going on the early dates, decided when a relationship happens, women have the clear advantage. From my understand, the struggles of women are almost always due to them making poor decisions. Namely, having sex too soon. Going out with a guy who has a ton of red flags. When she wants a relationship, but the guy says he doesn't want anything serious, and she still sleeps with him and so on. Compared to the hoops men have to jump though, I don't call a series of yes or no choices, a struggle. Edited March 23, 2014 by somedude81 Link to post Share on other sites
Truthsayer Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I am far from it lol. The thing about understanding it is you learn we are all the same in a sense and different. We all look for the same things but the actual struggles are different. It also helps you realize the problems you have are just things you as a person need tobchange instead of blaming the opposite sex. Women blam men for their problems just like men blam women. The reality is majority of the reason for the struggle lies with YOU. The opposite sex changing isnt going to fix the issue. Nothing changes until you change The sad thing is you really believe that. You say men and women are equal but what about approaching? Let me guess its just the mans job. Just because someone changes to your mind set and tries hard does not grantee success with women. Ever think maybe change isn't the answer? That maybe, just maybe someone struggling in the dating game is a decent person and they just need to find somebody who likes them and not some stupid and fake version of themselves? You must have had a ton a great relationships in your life. Your thinking seems OVERLY optimistic. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 You're right, I don't believe women struggle so there is no way I'll have this sort of conversation with a GF. Well, I think you answered the Op's question! Here's the thing, I know that it's hard to maintain a LTR for both men and women. Men and women are pretty much equal there, though I do believe women hold the upper hand. So it's almost equal~ish. Though since my ex suddenly dumped me after six months, and has refused to even see me since then, I'll say that women have more power in relationships. This is completely based on my personal experiences and biases. Though in the beginning stages, getting dates, going on the early dates, decided when a relationship happens, women have the clear advantage. From my understand, the struggles of women are almost always due to them making poor decisions. Namely, having sex too soon. Going out with a guy who has a ton of red flags. When she wants a relationship, but the guy says he doesn't want anything serious, and she still sleeps with him and so on. Compared to the hoops men have to jump though, I don't call a series of yes or no choices, a struggle. I've had guys dump me,too, and usually for someone else. They just dump me out of the blue. No big argument. No honest explanation if any. Men aren't the only ones who experience that. Sometimes women do struggle aside from making "poor decisions." I've had grown 30-40 year old men try to lie to me into sleeping with them. Yes, women can get a lot of first dates and second dates because there's a chance of s-e-x. Ive tried to explain this to guys before, it gets exhausting trying to date but most men see you as a means to an end (their own relief and bragging rights). You talk as if a woman can make a man be in a relationship with her. That's very, very far from the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 1.) Do rich women really give a crap about the poor women with 3 kids working at Walmart? 2.) What about guys who are having sex with multiple women a month, do they care to "understand" the struggle of the 25 year old male virgin? 3.) What about the 18 year old kid who's parents are paying for their entire 4 years of college, does he care about the dude down the block who'll be 100,000 in debt when he gets out? Nah In our society nobody really gives a damn about the struggles of anyone else, gender or the actual struggle at hand is irrelevant . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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