BlueSpiral Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Hey all me and my ex gf broke up four months ago. It was kind Of a nasty and unexpected break up. We went into NC and both worked on ourselves in a massive way. It seems all the issues that resulted in us growing apart have been adressed and resolved. For us personally, that is. Today we first met after four months. She wanted to talk about what i got from soul searching, which i did a little bit. i was kind of carefull not to go too deep, and was kind of distant on the points where it got too close. This was mostly because i didnt really know if she had someone else allready, or what she expected from the future. We talked well, and laughed a lot. She told me she didnt see anybody, but i kind of felt like she was fishing there. We told eachother we were proud of how we both changed alot for the good. Then we went for a cup of tea and she told me she still thinks of the breakup everyday. She does seem to feel okay with the breakup, i think. I was kind of overwhelmed by how i felt seeing her again. I clearly still love her, and hope to reconcile. I couldnt tell her this right now. I told her we should let this first meeting sink in and then see how we feel. That was dumb i think.. i should have at least made a clear statement of what i want What would you guys do now? Please help me
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 who actually initiated the break-up? You say you both broke up, but which of you actually stated this was over, exactly?
Author BlueSpiral Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 That was her. I went through a bad time, she had issues considering avoidment. We were abou to move in together, when we got in a huge argument over the phone. Then she broke it off.
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I thought so. That's why I asked, I suspected as much, from your first post.... SNIP: She does seem to feel okay with the breakup, i think. I was kind of overwhelmed by how i felt seeing her again. I clearly still love her, and hope to reconcile. .... i should have at least made a clear statement of what i want Nope. Not up to you. Reconciliation is down, always and only, to the dumper (that's her), not the dumpee (that's you). She basically fed you a pile of breadcrumbs, and that's why she wanted to meet up: to make HERSELF feel better and to confirm her impressions. The meeting was really for her benefit, not yours. Read the No Contact Guide (first post) in my signature/link. The remainder of the thread deals with what a bad idea it is to meet up/stay friends....
Author BlueSpiral Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Thanks! I know about the breadcrumbs. I kind of felt like it would maybe open the possibility for igniting a first date. I wanted her to see i've changed. I kind of found it selfish of her wanting to meet after four months, but figured i would feel worse if i never would know. I don't feel worse, so at least that was okay. do you think it could help to call her up after a few days and tell her i would like to see her again as well, but i would see that as a first date? That is kind of my plan now... Thanks again for your rep! Its good to hear from sober perspective
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 do you think it could help to call her up after a few days and tell her i would like to see her again as well, but i would see that as a first date? That is kind of my plan now... No. No, no, no, no. And - No. No. NO. YOU don't make plans, you don't contact, you don't reply, respond, react, or open the door for any more dialogue, other than something which lets you know, unambiguously, unequivocally, that she definitely, really, really wants you back. re-initiating a relationship of any kind is her job, not yours. Thanks again for your rep! Its good to hear from sober perspective You can thank me by following the advice - and the Guide - to the letter. 1
Raid Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Tara can you please have a look at this thread (sorry to hijack) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/413322-ls-need-options Thanks
David87 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 OP don't contact her, she neded an ego boost, she got it and that's it. Never call her again, never meet up with her , and don't respond to her text until she says that she made a mistake and wants to get back together.
RDawg Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Hey OP Great to hear you had a successful first meet up. I would ask her out again but take it slow and keep it light and fun. I wouldn't call it a first date though, that kind of puts pressure on the two of you. You will soon see if she is really interested in getting back into a relationship with you or not. Be prepared for another round of rejection, as others have suggested it's quite possible that she doesn't want to reconcile. Maybe she is uncertain, you will only know if you spend more time together. Like at the start of a new relationship a second chance can take a while to develop. Good luck and let us know how it goes!
opinionlover Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I think that is sounds like you have both done the right thing by taking some time out to 'soul search'. If I were you then I would be honest with her, maybe arrange another meeting with her without sounding desperate and just tell her how you feel, to her face. If she rejects you again at this point then don't run away, let her know how you feel.. really feel. But you must be sure that you really want her back. i think that in this breaking up game too much emphasis is placed on no contact. If she knows how you really feel then you can be sure she isn't just coming back simply because she is wondering what you're up to. It's because she genuinely want's the same things. If you do get rejected again and some extra heart felt messages and contact doesn't do the trick then you need to move on. Properly. One thing that does perhaps have cause for concern is (i could be wrong) but it sounds like you have been with someone else while you haven't been together. When she finds this out she will have a range of emotions if she does still have feelings for you and this could dampen the start of something new. I therefore think it is best to tell her about anything that has happened whilst you two have not been together, as you try and win her back... so that she can process this information. If you suddenly reconcile and then she starts asking questions theres a chance that you will be in trouble... hope this helps/makes sense.. in some way.
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