shet Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Woah woah. Woah. You wouldn't date before an LDR? You mean, you would not actually meet someone at all until you had spent months talking on the internet and phone? What's the idea with that? You know nothing about anyone that way. Your never seen, long distance boyfriend could be a woman. Could be nothing like whatever they carefully cultivated their persona to be. That is a famously bad idea. The entire reason you date, which is, meet a person, physically, in a safe environment, to talk directly, is to figure out if they're A.) Interesting to you and B.) Not an axe murderer. And even then people fall foul of every kind of *******, misanthrope, psycho and generally terrible person who managed to put on a good show to begin with and only revealed themselves later on. You have no chance, insisting on never meeting. You're positively asking to be manipulated into a false impression, at the least. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 by seeing the way they write i get access to what's going on in their head, people never manage to break through my walls only by meeting and talking to me IRL. It's just as big chance that they lie in reality as online. But doesn't matter now anyway.. my ex just convinced me otherwise and how bad of a girlfriend i'd be, it's just not worth the pain in the end :/ I appreciate your answers though Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 by seeing the way they write i get access to what's going on in their head, people never manage to break through my walls only by meeting and talking to me IRL. It's just as big chance that they lie in reality as online. But doesn't matter now anyway.. my ex just convinced me otherwise and how bad of a girlfriend i'd be, it's just not worth the pain in the end :/ I appreciate your answers though You can't tell a whole lot about a person by what they write on the internet. We can be whatever we want. We can enhance and exaggerate parts of our personality. Or we can be someone else entirely. That's why I advise anyone who is online dating, to meet a person they're chatting to as soon as possible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 people can do the exact same thing in reality, i dont connect with people if i dont see them write, and i've never been wrong in my judgment before. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Your ex convinced you???? Maybe its because he is a really bad boyfriend? by seeing the way they write i get access to what's going on in their head, people never manage to break through my walls only by meeting and talking to me IRL. It's just as big chance that they lie in reality as online. But doesn't matter now anyway.. my ex just convinced me otherwise and how bad of a girlfriend i'd be, it's just not worth the pain in the end :/ I appreciate your answers though Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Ive been wrong loads of times...... people can do the exact same thing in reality, i dont connect with people if i dont see them write, and i've never been wrong in my judgment before. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 he's not a bad boyfriend, then he still wouldnt be perfectly happy even after a year with his new girlfriend without having any issues at all in the relationship. he treats her like a princess. and that's you, not me, i'm usually right Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 If you are usually right, don`t you think you judge someone too soon? (Just saying) Most ex`s don`t tell you if you are a bad partner. They find another reason not to be with you. But if someone told me i was a bad partner , for me it would reflect on them. Good luck with your search. he's not a bad boyfriend, then he still wouldnt be perfectly happy even after a year with his new girlfriend without having any issues at all in the relationship. he treats her like a princess. and that's you, not me, i'm usually right 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 he gave me a million reasons not to be with me and the other day when i tried to make peace with him he gave me a looooooooooooooog explanation how wonderful his girlfriend is and how bad i am. if he was a bad partner she'd be unhappy but she's not Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 people can do the exact same thing in reality, i dont connect with people if i dont see them write, and i've never been wrong in my judgment before. How much dating have you done in "reality"? I am telling you, it is utterly impossible to discern a person's true motivations based entirely on how they write on the internet. You can offer the benefit of the doubt, but you must accept most of what they're telling you on faith. Writing misses all of the subtle nuances of body language, facial expression, tone, etc. That's why you Skype, or at least talk on the phone, or meet the person ASAP. So that you can see them in front of you and be comfortable that the person you're speaking to, is who they say they are. If you deal with people in an entirely online fashion, it's going to make it extremely difficult to talk to people in real life. Ever seen that show, Catfish? No one in their right mind would spend months or years speaking to someone, and not Skype, or meet, or accept excuses like "my webcam is broken/I like to talk online only/I don't have a phone", or any other excuses they might provide. Distance is one thing, but you resolve it ASAP with a visit. In the meantime, you should talk to people face to face ASAP - not talk for months and months online. They, and you, could be anybody. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 your view, not mine. i lose interest in people way too fast by talking to them irl, by writing people are more open. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 your view, not mine. i lose interest in people way too fast by talking to them irl, by writing people are more open. But people will almost certainly lose interest in you, because you won't meet IRL. It sounds like you just want an internet penpal. I'm sure there are plenty of those. If you want a relationship though, it will require more investment, and more risk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 i dont mind meeting IRL, just saying that chatting is the best way to get to know me and keep my interest, people still meet and text when they are apart you know^^ Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 i dont mind meeting IRL, just saying that chatting is the best way to get to know me and keep my interest, people still meet and text when they are apart you know^^ Yes. People do text. In between physical meetings. Like I said, I think you're after an internet penpal, not a physical/emotional relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Ive been wrong loads of times...... You're getting better though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I could write to you and tell you want you to hear? your view, not mine. i lose interest in people way too fast by talking to them irl, by writing people are more open. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 tell me what i want to hear? i see through such things fast. It's the way people write that gets my interest, what they write has not as big meaning to me. Just saying if i haven't texted/chatted with a guy for at least a month and get to know him somewhat, then i wouldn't feel comfortable around him and the date would be doomed to fail. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 tell me what i want to hear? i see through such things fast. It's the way people write that gets my interest, what they write has not as big meaning to me. Just saying if i haven't texted/chatted with a guy for at least a month and get to know him somewhat, then i wouldn't feel comfortable around him and the date would be doomed to fail. You can't via text. Impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 maybe for you but not for me. it works for me. they way a person writes tells a lot about his/her character Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 maybe for you but not for me. it works for me. they way a person writes tells a lot about his/her character Ok. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 "she makes me happier than you ever have goodbye, i don't expect any message from you from any account , I don't want to hear from you ever again. nor do i want to see anything from you , keep your friends out of my life and never think about me again" of course a long message before about how amazing she is and how bad i am... guess i'll never get to hear from him again and it hurts so much... How to get over hearing something like that? it's the most painful thing he ever told me :/ Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 "she makes me happier than you ever have goodbye, i don't expect any message from you from any account , I don't want to hear from you ever again. nor do i want to see anything from you , keep your friends out of my life and never think about me again" of course a long message before about how amazing she is and how bad i am... guess i'll never get to hear from him again and it hurts so much... How to get over hearing something like that? it's the most painful thing he ever told me :/ He probably said something like that because you've doggedly refused to accept it's over. When we break up with people, we expect them to take the hint. If they constantly contact us, it can quickly turn dismissive. He's made himself very clear. You must move forward without him. Continuing to contact him doesn't do any good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 i haven't tried to get him back and accepted that he moved on. he knows that so it was all uncalled for, he says i'm the lowest scum in the world in his eyes. He knows i accepted that it's over since long :/ he was the one getting back in touch with me Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) "she makes me happier than you ever have goodbye, i don't expect any message from you from any account , I don't want to hear from you ever again. nor do i want to see anything from you , keep your friends out of my life and never think about me again" of course a long message before about how amazing she is and how bad i am... guess i'll never get to hear from him again and it hurts so much... How to get over hearing something like that? it's the most painful thing he ever told me :/ As I said in my previous post, the only way to get over that is to cut ALL contact with this fool. Even if he is the one still contacting, block him on every possible social media, email adress, etc. You need time to heal and work on your confidence. Each time you're re-reading such messages, it prevents any chance of healing. At least this message you received is just him putting her on a pedestal while chastising you. This is merely a message which took place after the fact. Let me tell you a short story: 2 years ago, I was dumped on the same day that I discovered I had cancer. My then ex was taunting and goading me into doing things to myself such as suicide, etc. I didn't have the luxury of cutting all contact (or stopping to read messages as is your case atm.) which she sent me, due to the fact that we were both in college following the same courses with the exception of one major. Ofcourse after 3-4 months I figured out she was cheating on me with a guy from her economics class and quickly entered a relationship with him which lasted about 2 months. I was confronted with her taunts on a daily basis which I could not avoid. That, my dear, was unavoidable pain. Since then I have become very familiar with the concept known as "The pain of healing". Both in a physical and emotional sense. Yours can and should be avoided when possible. Do not think that he represents all members of the male race. If that was the case, then the future would be catastrophic to say the least... Edited April 3, 2014 by Teraskas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted April 3, 2014 Author Share Posted April 3, 2014 i just want to be good enough for him i hate that he sees me in such bad way.. :/ and that he thinks she's that much better than me since it only proves how awful i am Link to post Share on other sites
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