Author Michael 93 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Share Posted February 20, 2014 I really feel as though I am going into depression Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Michael...I pray I am not responding too late. She heard you be CONFIDeNT & professional and not say one personal word & trust me that looks SO good for you. She was probably surprised & impressed you showed such strength. Believe me she knows you havent moved on. She didnt forger you miss her so no need to remind. Im so proud of you. Keep showing strength & silence. Its so powerful to your dignity & self esteem & ur only hope now honey. You did SO good. Dont break NC dont you dare! Wow! Your making such good progress! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ithappenedagain Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Hey man.. It's okay! Don't kick yourself too much over your actions. It happens! I've done it, others have done it. Treat this as a lesson learned. You know? I know the pain you are in. The hurt you are feeling is something you wouldn't wish upon your worst enemy. It sucks. It really does. Being abandoned by someone that you truly loved is comparable to the pain of losing a loved one due to death - in some cases it can be even worse. The fact that they CHOSE to leave you is the stinger. You just want to know the ''why's, what's, how's, etc. etc." My only suggestion for you is to start the detachment process. Don't ask about her. Dont snoop on social media. Don't call. Don't text. Etc Etc. Walk away from her. It's not going to be easy. She will still be on your mind. In fact, I have had breakdowns the last 3 days where I just started balling out of nowhere.. But just know that it is HEALTHY to cry. It is healthy to release your emotions. One day those tears will turn into anger.. and then one day that anger will turn into mellowness... and one day that mellowness will turn into you not even caring if you literally see her kissing someone right in front of you... But all of it starts with YOU! You have to take the next step forward by following the NC guide to a T. I am right there with you buddy. Just know this. I am hurting as much as you, but I am also trying to be proactive by NOT doing what you have been doing. Hang in there buddy - let me know if you need any help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Share Posted February 20, 2014 @herself @ithappenedagain I would just like to say THANK YOU so much. I am overwhelmed with support and so so greatful for your replies and advice. I was trying to show that I can maintain professionalism at work and that If I need to speak to her about something better to break the ice now. I understand I have looked into this a bit too deep. One of my main problems is over analysing everything. As you said in the previous post I have contacted her, text her, looked at her facebook. I understand even the littlest thing I need to cut out. I am getting there bit by bit. I miss her greatly and the pain I feel of her being away hurts me to sleep at night. I hope now she has spoke to me she thinks woah this guy is actually really there..the way the phonecall was handled was mature, i Guess the urge to text her come from just hearing her voice. Why I cant let go of the hope she will come back I will never know. i guess i just never saw the day coming that she would leave. I thought we were that strong from the core this would never happen. @herself that message was lovely and really has cheered me up I am overwhelmed with people support I would not have made it this far without. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Share Posted February 20, 2014 Hey man.. It's okay! Don't kick yourself too much over your actions. It happens! I've done it, others have done it. Treat this as a lesson learned. You know? I know the pain you are in. The hurt you are feeling is something you wouldn't wish upon your worst enemy. It sucks. It really does. Being abandoned by someone that you truly loved is comparable to the pain of losing a loved one due to death - in some cases it can be even worse. The fact that they CHOSE to leave you is the stinger. You just want to know the ''why's, what's, how's, etc. etc." My only suggestion for you is to start the detachment process. Don't ask about her. Dont snoop on social media. Don't call. Don't text. Etc Etc. Walk away from her. It's not going to be easy. She will still be on your mind. In fact, I have had breakdowns the last 3 days where I just started balling out of nowhere.. But just know that it is HEALTHY to cry. It is healthy to release your emotions. One day those tears will turn into anger.. and then one day that anger will turn into mellowness... and one day that mellowness will turn into you not even caring if you literally see her kissing someone right in front of you... But all of it starts with YOU! You have to take the next step forward by following the NC guide to a T. I am right there with you buddy. Just know this. I am hurting as much as you, but I am also trying to be proactive by NOT doing what you have been doing. Hang in there buddy - let me know if you need any help. Do you think about her all of the time?? I havent gone a day where I dont think about the times we had Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Share Posted February 20, 2014 Michael...I pray I am not responding too late. She heard you be CONFIDeNT & professional and not say one personal word & trust me that looks SO good for you. She was probably surprised & impressed you showed such strength. Believe me she knows you havent moved on. She didnt forger you miss her so no need to remind. Im so proud of you. Keep showing strength & silence. Its so powerful to your dignity & self esteem & ur only hope now honey. You did SO good. Dont break NC dont you dare! Wow! Your making such good progress! @herself You have no idea how much this has increased my mood today. You are right this is my only hope. I have tried literally ever other thing! the funny thing is... She said 3 weeks ago.. "I know you wont forget about me, I know you will love me. I'm not stupid and I know you don't want to move on" Thats exactly what you have just said. The point being... I shouldn't text her because she will know all of this and if she wants me.. she will get me. God I miss her! Link to post Share on other sites
ithappenedagain Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Yep. I think about her a lot. Mainly when I am alone. If I am keeping busy at work, or doing things that I enjoy then the thought of her doesn't come up as much. It's been 5 weeks since the BU and I can definitely tell you that I am not thinking about her as much as I did those first few weeks, but she is definitely still on the back of my mind. It is generally the ''happy moments'' we shared that come to mind. The vacations we took, the stupid stuff we laughed about, etc etc... Like I said ealier, I had a few breakdowns this past week. It's not gonna be an easy process for you, but with that said, it will get easier - if you put the effort in. And looking back... I think you showed GREAT composer by answering that call in such a calm demeanor. You are right. You didn't want her to come between your work, so you took the call for your collegue as if you would for any other person that was being transferred to him or her. Good job man! That call essentially was a ''trigger''. You heard her voice so you instantly starting running thoughts through your head. It's 100% normal man. We got your back! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubblesbursted Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I am so sorry Michael , I know what you are feeling and I know how hard it is. But she did emotionally detach herself from you long time ago like you suspect. One thing I learnt from LS is that, Feelings dont fade overnight. This was happening from long. Dont even expect your feelings to go away in a fortnight. It will take time. We all are grieving and it will get easier trust me. My BU happened almost a month back, I had a break down yesterday so I know what you mean. You did the right thing with the call , you are doing the best you can. Keep holding on and dont break NC! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 (edited) Dude, she screwed you over three ways to Friday. Time to let her go. She is NOT WORTH ALL OF THIS STRESS AND AGGREVATION!! You need to start making positive chances in your life. You need to keep yourself busy! You need to find a new hobby and get involved in it. If you get a hobby, then chances are, there's going to be a club in your area that you can join with people that have the same shared interest. JOIN IT! Get out and meet new people! Join a running club, or cycling Club! Take dive lessons! Take a photography course, cooking classes, co-ed sports....whatever! If I were you I would change gyms. (I believe you and this other dude works out at the same place). Eat right and get plenty of sleep. Stay away from booze right now if you feel you're spiraling into a depressive state. And then travel! Go see the world! Take short get away trips to take you out of the norm. Go away to recharge and decompress. Sooner or later she's going to hear about all the fun things you've been doing and all the places that you've seen. She'll hear that you've been to Paris, London, the Bahamas, Rome, Madrid, Venice, the Greek Islands....And she'll think, "Man, I could have been doing those things with him, instead I chose a Bouncer that's getting hit on by girls all the time and is probably cheating on me for my next boyfriend." And do you know what? HER LOSS!!!! THAT'S how you get your revenge, you lead a DAMN good life. You have to look ahead and get motivated to do those things and you can say to yourself, "My life is great and she missed out!" Edited February 20, 2014 by Chi townD 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Share Posted February 21, 2014 me and my partner split now just over a month and a half ago. A lot has happened since the split and I have tried to win her back several times. We went into NC and yesterday it was 3 weeks since we had actually spoke. I went to see a clairvoyant and had a reading. she was pretty much mentioned alot throughout it. She told me that if you love something so much dont give up on it as love will never fail. I text my partner explaining that I had been to see this lady and that It was crazy. Explained that I hope she is ok and i was thinking about her. She replied within a minute and asked "how did it go" I explained that she was mentioned a lot and it was unbelievable how accurate it was, again she replied within a instant saying " would you like to talk" We spoke on the phone for almost an hour. It was lovely to hear her voice and we discussed everything from the reading to our relationship (good & bad) and what we had both been doing with our time, her social networking, how she had been feeling and how I had been feeling. She explained she missed me and cared about me and thinks about me alot even though I didnt know it she does.She also said "I wish you had experienced our relationship with somebody else first and then we were together because non of this would of happened" She told me she knew that nobody would love her as much as i did. She also jokingly replied that "nobody would put up with me as long as she did" we laughed and had a joke and it sounded like the girl I used to know, it was a really nice conversation and nice to know we could speak about things like adults. She said she loved hearing the sound of my voice and it was nice speaking to me. I told her I wasnt going anywhere and Im not planning on moving on from her anytime soon and that I miss every day she isnt around. the conversation ended well and she added, I shall speak to you soon. I love this girl and do not want to give up just yet. We have come so far after reflecting over a few weeks and when we finally spoke it was nice and felt normal. The conversation was over an hour! She even said she wouldnt be on the phone if she didnt care, which is true I guess. I am trying not to read too much into this at the moment, but knowing she does actually care and think about me is lovely. we work for the same company so it will be hard to forget about each other. How should I play this from here? I dont want to overthink or rush into anything. She knows I am there and still love her. What next? Link to post Share on other sites
lvroflife Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 As exciting as that is...here is some facts. She has had her ego boosted by you. You are not a challenge to her right now... The fact she only said "I'll speak to you soon" does not sit well. Now you she knows you aren't going anywhere because you told her you're not. She now knows she can take her time and do whatever she wants. BASICALLY YOU GAVE HER TO MUCH INFORMATION. First contact an hour?!? I can understand if you twobwere talking about reconciliation to speak for an hour, but you guys basically spoke as "friends". And you gave her exactly what she needed an EGO stroke! But then again I could be wrong. I think it is wonderful she responded quickly to your text, and asked to talk. If her intention is to take it slow and work to a reconciliation then that is awesome!! But if she needed the emotional crutch, you're back at square 1!! Only the next 2-3 conversations will let you know. I hope it does work out in your favor. Proceed with caution!! Link to post Share on other sites
r321148 Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I told her I wasnt going anywhere and Im not planning on moving on from her anytime soon and that I miss every day she isnt around. I'm not sure that saying this part was a smart move. The rest though sounds pretty positive. Good luck with it. Hope it works out for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Share Posted February 21, 2014 Hmm I too feel as though it was a bit to much for me to drop that one. I just wanted to make her aware. She sounded like she was her old self and we were speaking like we used too. I enjoyed it. We ran over a lot of things and it felt good in a way. Also me knowing she cares and thinks about me is also a good thing. She said she is having fun at the moment and enjoying spending time with her friends, said she isn't thinking about guys. She also said she has never loved anyone like me and loved me with all of her heart. In a way it is good to go through this talk and see how each other actually felt. I am trying to not read in too much, so i agree with your caution. Just not sure how to play things from here Link to post Share on other sites
lvroflife Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Are you sure you're not trying to read into it? Or are you convincing yourself you're not? Of course she sounded like her old self, that is because she is not emotionally involved with you. She does miss you, yes and she does care and love you, but she is still using logic here!! You are still emotionally invested and the things you are going to/will do come from your emotions. Hers come from logic. It felt good cause she is your drug and you got your fix. The fact she said she is enjoying her life and friends and is not thinking about guys should help you to slow down and again PROCEED WITH CAUTION! Perhaps she wants to come back. Who knows, but you have to show her THE MAN SHE fell for. Be the alpha, and right now youre very emotional. Read tips on speaking with an ex, the warning signs, do's and don'ts. Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I had something very similar when my ex and I were going through this phase. We were our old selves talking on the phone one night. I remember feeling the same way that you did. BUT... I see where I went wrong. She was approaching this type of conversation as a friend and I was approaching it as a way to reconcile. We were on totally different pages. The next couple of conversations cleared it up and I knew there was no way I was going to get her back... so I've been full NC ever since. Maybe it'll work out for you, but use caution and make sure you're approaching this from the same place she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 me and my partner split now just over a month and a half ago. A lot has happened since the split and I have tried to win her back several times. We went into NC and yesterday it was 3 weeks since we had actually spoke. I went to see a clairvoyant and had a reading. she was pretty much mentioned alot throughout it. She told me that if you love something so much dont give up on it as love will never fail. I text my partner explaining that I had been to see this lady and that It was crazy. Explained that I hope she is ok and i was thinking about her. She replied within a minute and asked "how did it go" I explained that she was mentioned a lot and it was unbelievable how accurate it was, again she replied within a instant saying " would you like to talk" We spoke on the phone for almost an hour. It was lovely to hear her voice and we discussed everything from the reading to our relationship (good & bad) and what we had both been doing with our time, her social networking, how she had been feeling and how I had been feeling. She explained she missed me and cared about me and thinks about me alot even though I didnt know it she does.She also said "I wish you had experienced our relationship with somebody else first and then we were together because non of this would of happened" She told me she knew that nobody would love her as much as i did. She also jokingly replied that "nobody would put up with me as long as she did" we laughed and had a joke and it sounded like the girl I used to know, it was a really nice conversation and nice to know we could speak about things like adults. She said she loved hearing the sound of my voice and it was nice speaking to me. I told her I wasnt going anywhere and Im not planning on moving on from her anytime soon and that I miss every day she isnt around. the conversation ended well and she added, I shall speak to you soon. I love this girl and do not want to give up just yet. We have come so far after reflecting over a few weeks and when we finally spoke it was nice and felt normal. The conversation was over an hour! She even said she wouldnt be on the phone if she didnt care, which is true I guess. I am trying not to read too much into this at the moment, but knowing she does actually care and think about me is lovely. we work for the same company so it will be hard to forget about each other. How should I play this from here? I dont want to overthink or rush into anything. She knows I am there and still love her. What next? And you PAID that psychic? Dude, really? I think I gave you more solid advice and I didn't even charge you. Did you even read my post right above THIS hot mess you posted this morning? Well, congrats! Welcome to the friend zone! You did and excellent job at making yourself look weak and incapable of moving on with your life because you're still so stupid in love with her and now she knows she's got you wrapped around her little finger. She didn't need to pull on the leash to see if the dog was still there because the dog is so damn close, he's trying to hump her leg! Dude, you gave her a MASSIVE ego stroke and to be PAINFULLY honest, she pity's you. She's thinking, "Awww, this poor sap can't move on from me! Well, I'll throw him a bone every once in a while." I mean, come on dude! Where's your spine! Did you forget that as SOON as she dumped you, the SAME NIGHT she ran to the bouncer in the club to announce that she was now single! "So, when you get off work, why don't you come over to my place and do me!" Did she mourn the loss of you? Nope! Did she even take the time to mourn the loss of your relationship? NOPE! Because, she didn't give a sh*t!!!!! If she even had one shread of guilt about what she did to you and how she went about it, you just eased that guilt. She thinks that everything cool between the two of you. Uggh! I guess some folks are hell bent to find out the hard way....okay! I'm gonna grab a recliner and a tub a popcorn and I'll sit and watch this trainwreck come into crazy town. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 after breaking up with my girlfriend almost 2 months ago there have been ups and downs since then. This has to be the worst down of them all and although you may judge me I need help to get out of this hole. Please see previous threads with regards to what has happened previously. I contacted my ex last night. We were on good terms and she answered. she was very drunk and explained where she was (club) and that it was very difficult to hear me but is everything ok? I explained that one of the things we had spoken about the day before she had done anyway, she protested her innocence and said that wasn't the case and she would phone me when she gets home. I couldn't wait that long (please do not judge) and decided to go to the club to meet her as she was leaving. I kinda hoped that because we were on good terms it would surprise and move her to see me. I will just say that WASNT t the case and it was possibly the worst experience of my life. I feel lost and can not believe what had come over me to even go and see her??? I was desperate and thought it would make her see. The woman I saw last night I DID NOT recognise. That was not the girl I fell in love with I do not know who that was. She was rowdy and wild and flirty and totally unacknowledging I was even there. I took her and her friend to the food shop hoping we could talk when there night ended. Her best friend kept saying you are such a lovely guy it is killing me to see you like this. I really like you and I know how much you care but give her space. I eventually spoke to her and she didn't like the emotion I was showing. Cut a long story short it got blew totally out of hand and escalated to a point I couldn't believe. it actually got to the point where she hit me and slapped me numerous times. I just couldn't let her go, and all I was doing is trying to show her how much she means to me. It was unbelieveably intense. She was horrible and kept saying "F*** off, I don't want you anymore your not my boyfriend anymore Im happy now" leave me alone, you have totally blew any chances you have ever had!!" It didn't need to come to this and what I said did not deserve this. Also this resulted in the new guy she is seeing as explained in previous posts texting her asking if she was ok? she continued to call him when I was there as she was obviously really upset about this guy being sad about this. She told me he meant nothing to her obviously not if hes messaging/calling her at 4.00am I am so lost and do not like the person I am becoming. I feel crazy. What is going on!?? Link to post Share on other sites
lvroflife Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 First take a deep breath! What made you so anxious? You now HAVE NO choice but to listen to her and give her space. Back off and I mean way off! Focus on you! Everything you've done has been based off of your emotions!! You can never work things out when you are emotionally!! Do not call her to apologize either, just let it be... She needs time to cool off and regroup and so do you.. As far as them talking at 4 am... he was her rescue who she could call, she may have no intention of contacting him (and probably was going to call you), but you pushed her to it. jUST FOCUS ON YOU!! Heal yourself and let her go!! Let her do her and you do you!! That will be the only way a reconciliation would work...You need those old emotions gone Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 (edited) I'm right with you, brother. Lost my ex fiance of 4 years to another. It's always lies, in my honest opinion. People break up with people for others in the MASS majority of breakups. You deserve better dude, just like me. Keep your head up, we are ALL crazy at this time. You did what your emotions pulled you into doing, and you needed to do that for closure. Now you know, man. You know now. The girl you love doesn't really exist. That girl you saw last night is who she REALLY is. Let that sink in. Illusions aren't worth pining after.. you can never keep them. Last I saw mine, I flipped on her for lying. I called her a liar, screamed at her, and asked if the guy she broke up with me for knows who she REALLY is. She didn't know what to say. I saw her for who she was finally, not as the illusion I created in my head. Now you see that too. Edited February 22, 2014 by Strength in Healing Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 Thank you both. I agree I acted out of emotion and totally let my heart control my head. It was horrific. She said I had ruined anything we had built over the last few weeks and I had totally embarrassed her. She was telling me to go away and just going crazy at me when I wouldnt leave she would lose her cool and slap me, push me. I didnt know that woman last night. Even when I met her coming out of the club she didnt recognise me it was like she was different. When I saw his name on her phone it was horrible. thats the one image I cant get out of my head. Seeing his name on her phone. The message said "nothing im fine dont worry about me" I asked her what it was about and she said people seen you come to meet me! He has sent me a *ucked up message. She seemed so bothered by this. I didnt even think she cared about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 Miss this girl badly. She now knows how much I care. Unbelieveable how things change. I remember being so in love with a woman. Now I dont evem know who it is I used to love. I hope she gets what she wants with this new guy. At least now I know she does think of me. I pushed it too far and she is never gonna speak to me again. That hurts. All I can think about are the times we had and it hurts. When I hear a song we used to listen to it kills me. I remember how happy we used to be Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 I have literally made so many mistakes since my break up. I am fully aware that now she never wants me again! after making many errors since splitting! Causing myself more heartache! This girl works with me however it is in a different office. I need help. I am so determined to actually move on as quick as possible and stop this pain from destroying me!! What is the essential methods for NC, and what do these methods achieve? I am so determined I need to make this work!! Link to post Share on other sites
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 NC is NC. No phone calls, texts, letters, facebook, twitter, smoke signals, etc. Just basically go cold turkey and take it one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 This thread is an excellent resource and includes answers to FAQs: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Read the No Contact Guide in my signature (link) it was originally penned by.... A guy who worked in the same office as his ex, however, she too was in a different office. Take it from the Horse's mouth - your two situations could be identical. She dumped him - and by the time he left she was climbing the walls in frustration, because nothing she did, worked, and everything he did - DID. But you HAVE to do it. All of it. 100%, 100% of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
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