gaius Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Can we just get over this spanking is bad nonsense already? The amount of ill behaved children running around is proof positive that experiment failed. Sound, you did your best to bring order to a completly chaotic and dysfunctional situation but sometimes the chaos just won't accept order. Take it from a guy who's spending his Saturday morning trying to convince someone to shower who hasn't in a week and a half. Don't let anyone tell you you did something wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Can we just get over this spanking is bad nonsense already? The amount of ill behaved children running around is proof positive that experiment failed. Sound, you did your best to bring order to a completly chaotic and dysfunctional situation but sometimes the chaos just won't accept order. Take it from a guy who's spending his Saturday morning trying to convince someone to shower who hasn't in a week and a half. Don't let anyone tell you you did something wrong. What the OP did was wrong. He's very lucky that things turned out the way that it did. If his girlfriend wasn't such a pushover, to point where a five year old child can boss her around, he would have to answer to his actions. Any real mother would never tolerate allowing a boyfriend to lay his hands on her child. There is clearly something wrong with this woman. Most single mothers in that position would immediately end the relationship, smack the boyfriend in return for his discrepancies, or call the authorities then and there. Discipline your own children. Volunteer to discipline other children without their parents consent and watch what happens. The OP was lucky. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 If his girlfriend wasn't such a pushover, he never would have felt compelled to get an out of control child under control, since SHE wasn't doing it. That said, it should have been discussed beforehand - if you don't do something, I will. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Children are wonderful! They sure can be. Usually while they're asleep. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Children are wonderful! They are our flowers! Yes... deadly nightshade, laburnum and wolfsbane, spring to mind.... Link to post Share on other sites
Celleste Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 ^ thank you I really feel sorry for your girlfriend. She will be single until her child is grown and gone unless she matures and realize that her child needs discipline. I can't imagine any man wanting to deal with being stuck in 3rd place and also being okay with the disrespect the little girl is getting away with. I've known a lot of relationships that were broken because of a parent who didn't want to discipline an unruly child(ren). Like you I believe in spankings and that was how I was raised. I'm also a mother and I find her little girl's behavior way out of control and disrespectful. My son would have NEVER behaved that way in the mall or anywhere else. When she contacts you again (I'm sure she will). Boundaries must be set where you two can have a healthy relationship with each other and her daughter. Do whatever it takes to keep the peace. If nothing works then your are much better off with out a woman who doesn't want to take her place as a parent. Link to post Share on other sites
atlg8r Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 There is nothing wrong with properly spanking a child.It isn't your place to do it. Sadly, it is the mother's role, and unless you two had discussed it beforehand, you did cross a line.If this woman is 33 and her child is 5, your gf should know better how to raise her daughter. If you were interested in having more children, be prepared that this is her "parenting" style. It would be a deal-breaker for me. I'd also leave the relationship and explain to her that having a brat for a child is not an option, whether it be my child or a step-child. I am not okay with a child screaming and throwing tantrums, and he/she would certainly never get away with hitting me as his/her parent. Link to post Share on other sites
atlg8r Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 update : I got dumped. again. there are many issues with the relationship other than the child. basically she has the maturity level of a 16 year old girl. we have broken up about 5 times in the past 7 months. shes always the one that breaks up with me. she has mental/emotional/hormonal issues. blames me for everything, even if she has to make things up. has had me at my witts end for months. she dumps me, then after a week or two, begs for me back. its a cycle. i do have good times with her so it is really hard to let go and move on. especially when she says nice things to get me back in. once im back with her she pushes me away. here is what went down last night : we had a pretty good night. went to dave and busters with some of her coworkers. all night tho, the issue was bothering me. finally we got home and i brought it up. i was really reasonable and nice about it but i just mentioned that the daughter is really starting to effect my well being and i feel like more should be done about it. she took it offensively of course and told me things like "she is my flesh and blood!" "you are saying you dont like my daughter!" and "my daughter is never going to change!" and then asked me to leave her apartment so i left. I got home and noticed a meme on her page saying "hold your head high and your middle finger higher" then saw that i was removed from her relationship status. all i was trying to do was communicate. wasnt aggressive or rude about it. and thats what i get. this is an example of how she behaves in the relationship. its embrassing, frustrating, and just plain immature. thoughts? I missed this part. You dodged a bullet. If she sees nothing wrong with her child's behavior - especially the child hitting her own mother - she's an idiot. (Sorry.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rns4lyfe Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 She sounds like an idiot. You have to discipline your child at a young age so they don't grow up thinking it's okay to beat on their parents or disrespect them Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Okeedoke, Soundsystem. I've been where you are. Kids grow into and out of all kinds of behavioural mischief. The trick is to work with them. Rather than leaping like Batman for the jugular over the spanking thing....(was it a swift whack on the behind or a vicious broad assault? - there is a difference) The point is - it's all a learning curve. You did what you did. You reacted, and for a reason. Your girl expressed her opinion about that, and you responded in kind. Respect. But the point is that the kid obviously has issues. Yet she has two adults in her life to help her work through them. So that's what you should do. With kindness, patience, and hopefully, a bit of wisdom. It doesn't come overnight. It takes time. You shouldn't be called upon to fix what her mother has allowed to grow into a problem. You may find that if you are actually capable of bonding with this child - good things will happen. (That's what I found.) You um.......actually have to LIKE kids. If you do, they are more than capable of liking you back. And if that happens, your opinion of them will matter. When that happens, they tend to start responding more positively. I'd say this all has to start with some serious dialogue with your girl. There's a lot at stake. I wouldn't be surprised if her daughter has a lot of anger. Somewhere out there in the world she has a daddy who seems to not care a lick about her. That can really hurt and piss a kid off. The solution - is to not bother being surrogate dad. Be her friend, instead. (You may wind up pleasantly surprised.) I hope this "advice" helps. Good luck to all three of you! Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I missed this part. You dodged a bullet. If she sees nothing wrong with her child's behavior - especially the child hitting her own mother - she's an idiot. (Sorry.) Yeah, I missed that part too. Sounds to me like the biggest part of the problem is not the kid. It's the mom. Time to break out the space suit and move on through the toxic zone with care............ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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