katielee Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Anyone else kinda “meh” about their marriage. If you ask yourself if you are better off staying married is this good enough marriage enough for you? There are more positive things to me staying married and just one big negative thing. I think that a lot of marriages are like this, from what I read and hear. It makes me sad. I read this on another site, a quote from the movie Love Actually: “Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?”
Clay Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Is this how you are feeling about your marriage? If it is have you tried to repair the marriage? If so what have you done? Clay
amaysngrace Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I think if you question "how would it be if I leave" is a bad sign. It sounds pretty unsatisfying if you're weighing your options.
Author katielee Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 I think if you question "how would it be if I leave" is a bad sign. It sounds pretty unsatisfying if you're weighing your options. I think everyone weighs their options after an affair. 4
Author katielee Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Is this how you are feeling about your marriage? If it is have you tried to repair the marriage? If so what have you done? Clay IC/MC, reading, spending time together having fun, talking, letting time go by. It's just one of those fairly good marriages tainted by pain... 2
amaysngrace Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I think everyone weighs their options after an affair. Oops....I didn't even realize what section I was in :/
whatatangledweb Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 No, I asked myself if I would be happier with him than without him. I am happy with him. He screwed up and hurt me deeply. We have moved past that. I love him and I am happily married. An okay marriage would not be enough for me. 2
Author katielee Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 No, I asked myself if I would be happier with him than without him. I am happy with him. He screwed up and hurt me deeply. We have moved past that. I love him and I am happily married. An okay marriage would not be enough for me. whata - how'd you move past it and get to happily married?
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I think everyone weighs their options after an affair. It is a very personal choice. Is the one thing missing from your marriage... Love?
xxoo Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 There is definitely a chance for peace and happiness outside of your struggling marriage. No doubt at all. Is there a chance for peace and happiness in your marriage? Only you can decide that. But the number of years you've been trying points to no.
Author katielee Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 It is a very personal choice. Is the one thing missing from your marriage... Love? nope. I love him. But am I loving ME enough by staying? knowing he's being great now but having difficulty incorporating betrayals into our life.
whatatangledweb Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 whata - how'd you move past it and get to happily married? I'm not going to lie. It is hard. He has done everything possible to show me how sorry he is. He never blamed me. He is an open book now. I had the hardest time with "how could you do this to me?". You get to the point after a year or a few years that you have to accept that it happened and it can't be undone. God, I wanted it to be able to have never happened. So did he. Accepting that it happened , believing they love you, and you are not a fool for letting them stay...those took almost two years. I was much better the second year. I had to let it go into the past where it belonged. Holding onto it was destroying me. Time is what helps. It used to really tick me off when people told me that. I wanted to know how much time. It depends on each person. How long ago was your d-day? Were you happy before you found out? 1
Author katielee Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 How long ago was your d-day? Were you happy before you found out? my 2nd dday was almost two years ago, 1st one was with three months before that with another woman. I had had an A two years before that and we were reasonably happy before that.
peruano99 Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Oh so you both had affairs...hm is he happy with the marriage?
Author katielee Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 I'm guessing he's where I'm at - wishing it hadn't happened, angry sometimes, lots of other reasons to stay together, including love. 1
snappytomcat Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I don't have the same marriage as I did before husbands betrayal,but its a new fresh marriage,we are dating again,holding hands,just having fun,is it easy?no way it takes a lot of work,but I don't ever want to go back to that old place,and we really love each other,i could never imagine being with anyone else 1
ladydesigner Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Our M is getting better. We are still on the road to R and at times it does feel Meh. I think that is okay as long as it is not that way all of the time. We also have days that are better than our pre-M days so I believe there is hope ahead. 1
BHsigh Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I'm at the point where I think that this is pretty much as good as it's going to get as far as marriage goes. I would love for marriage to be better, but it's just not in the cards for me. I know that if we don't make it, I will never, ever marry again, for any reason, the vows obviously mean nothing to far too many people, and I will never risk that again. I will also never pursue a fully committed relationship again, so I might as well stay and try. If we divorce, I will stick with finding someone for a FWB and stay focused on my kids and career. 1
Clay Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I think I would be on the fence with this one. Since you both had affairs I am not sure how you can really find that center ground again unless you are both really seriously willing to do the hard work it takes. I was the BS so I really have a hard time understanding the WS standpoint. Its not for lack of trying. My xW continued to cheat so we never really had a chance to begin with. Have you tried to talk to him and tell him how you are feeling? See where he stands too? Was either affair a PA ? Clay
snappytomcat Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 I'm at the point where I think that this is pretty much as good as it's going to get as far as marriage goes. I would love for marriage to be better, but it's just not in the cards for me. I know that if we don't make it, I will never, ever marry again, for any reason, the vows obviously mean nothing to far too many people, and I will never risk that again. I will also never pursue a fully committed relationship again, so I might as well stay and try. If we divorce, I will stick with finding someone for a FWB and stay focused on my kids and career. this makes me really sad for you,i hope you can make it work,and be happy you deserve it
AlwaysGrowing Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 Katie, were you and your husband best friends before the affairs? I ask because often, this is what really hurts. Your best friend stabbing you in the back. All the focus is about the marriage relationship and not the best friend relationship. How often does one allow a friend back in the inner circle once they broke that trust? Not too damn often I bet. I know I never have. The best friend/love relationship is very deep and very special. Not everyone has that kind of marriage. I believe that most who confess on their own do, and that is the real driving force on not being able to keep the lies up. That the best friend part of the relationship is the one that gives them the most guilt and remorse. Because they know their partner didn't cause it or deserve it. They genuinely love who their BS is and do indeed respect that person.
Author katielee Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Was either affair a PA ? Clay all were and I caught him in the act with the second OW
Author katielee Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Katie, were you and your husband best friends before the affairs? yes. and, being he didn't confess either affair, well, that was so crushing. trust is coming back though.
Clay Posted February 14, 2014 Posted February 14, 2014 all were and I caught him in the act with the second OW This is probably the reason your at the stage you are in this relationship. Its one think to not know what exactly happen and wonder but to walk in and caught him its something you don't forget. I know. This kills more feelings than anything. I think you probably should set him down and trying to figure out where you both are at. If you both can move forward I would peruse MC. Today would be the day I would hope you would be feeling special and getting flowers. I am sorry you are going through this. Clay
Author katielee Posted February 14, 2014 Author Posted February 14, 2014 Oh we are in MC. I may want to move because both OW live here but he doesn't want to. MC said someone will have to be the bigger person and not have resentment if we stay or go. What im going to ask in MC, why do I have to be the bigger person, I didn't do anything wrong, regarding this trigger at least. Hubby says hasn't there been enough suffering on both sides? Yes, yes there has...
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