I'm tired of chasing women.

[MrRightNow]

Maybe I've just never had good friends.

 

I've had guy friends and female friends and while it was nice to have, it didn't feel that special. Most likely it was because I wanted a girlfriend so much that having friends didn't seem that important.

 

What I haven't experienced is having friends at the same time I have a girlfriend.

 

If I was still with my ex, I was going to put in more into making friends.

 

Right being in a relationship is more fulfilling to me than having friends. A group of friends would be a nice supplement.

 

So who is going to support you and be there for you the next time you get your heart broken? Because chances are, that's going to happen a few more times before you find someone who wants to settle down with you. And it's not just about what your friends can do for you, being there for others is also fulfilling.

[pickflicker]

So who is going to support you and be there for you the next time you get your heart broken? Because chances are, that's going to happen a few more times before you find someone who wants to settle down with you. And it's not just about what your friends can do for you, being there for others is also fulfilling.

 

So true. A break up is so much easier when you have friends who love and support you to commiserate with. And when they go through it, you get to be there for them.

 

Who else is going to go over everything that happened with a fine tooth comb, for the cost of beer/cocktails?

[MrRightNow]

So true. A break up is so much easier when you have friends who love and support you to commiserate with. And when they go through it, you get to be there for them.

 

Who else is going to go over everything that happened with a fine tooth comb, for the cost of beer/cocktails?

 

Exactly. I was devastated when I broke up with my ex two years ago after a six-year relationship. Thankfully, I had friends willing to listen to me whine about my situation over and over again haha. I can't imagine having to rely on strangers on an internet forum for emotional support!!

[pickflicker]

Exactly. I was devastated when I broke up with my ex two years ago after a six-year relationship. Thankfully, I had friends willing to listen to me whine about my situation over and over again haha. I can't imagine having to rely on strangers on an internet forum for emotional support!!

 

They're good friends. The best kind. And once you've talked about it over and over again in circles, you get tired of talking about it and let it go.

 

Somedude, the fact that you wish you'd gotten your gf pregnant so that she wouldn't have left you, is a clear indication that right now, you cannot offer a girl an emotionally healthy, solid relationship. It's a terrible thought that you would be willing to place such a burden on a defensless innocent child. And children do not guarantee fidelity or longevity - sometimes, quite the opposite.

[somedude81]

Gee thanks guys, already talking about my next breakup. I can't wait to meet my future ex-girlfriend

[pickflicker]

Gee thanks guys, already talking about my next breakup. I can't wait to meet my future ex-girlfriend

 

No, we're talking about a very important issue here. You were totally unprepared and blindsided by your first break up. The chances of your next relationship failing are quite high, not just because most people are involved in a few relationships before getting it right, but because you insist that your entire life is on hold until you nail down the girlfriend. In the midst of disturbing ideas like knocking your gf up to make her stay, and viewing her as a pet, rather than a person, the probability is high that you will experience a relationship falling apart again.

 

Believe me, none of us want you to fail. But at the same time, there are none so blind as those who will not see.

[somedude81]

No, we're talking about a very important issue here. You were totally unprepared and blindsided by your first break up. The chances of your next relationship failing are quite high, not just because most people are involved in a few relationships before getting it right, but because you insist that your entire life is on hold until you nail down the girlfriend. In the midst of disturbing ideas like knocking your gf up to make her stay, and viewing her as a pet, rather than a person, the probability is high that you will experience a relationship falling apart again.

 

Believe me, none of us want you to fail. But at the same time, there are none so blind as those who will not see.

Hah, my disturbing ideas. None of those had or will have any affect on a relationship. While I did pet my ex like a kitty and jokingly told her that I wished she'd purr, it was never anything more than that and I never did anything to tamper with condoms and I never will.

 

Yes, odds are that my next relationship will end at some point but I'm not going to think about the aftermath now. Also, it's very likely that I will not be as devastated the next time around. She was my first girlfriend, and quite possibly my first love.

[pickflicker]

Hah, my disturbing ideas. None of those had or will have any affect on a relationship. While I did pet my ex like a kitty and jokingly told her that I wished she'd purr, it was never anything more than that and I never did anything to tamper with condoms and I never will.

 

Yes, odds are that my next relationship will end at some point but I'm not going to think about the aftermath now. Also, it's very likely that I will not be as devastated the next time around. She was my first girlfriend, and quite possibly my first love.

 

I'm afraid they will. Take it from someone with a lot more experience.

 

But as I said, there's none so blind as those who will not see. I'll probably bow out of your threads now, there's nothing else I can offer in terms of help. You have to learn the hard way, I guess.

[czanclus]

You don't wanna be the guy that says "I would die for you" and "if you break up with me, I don't know what I'll do. I can't live without you." It's romantic in songs, but in real life...women don't like that.

 

Unless you (or the guy in question) would like to get with me. Then please do tell me that you have lost your sanity and can't get me out of your mind nor imagine your life without me in it. I am perversely attracted this kind of 'neediness' because it spells out nothing but sheer power. A guy who can lose himself in desire of my closeness to the point of being ready to die for me and have the guts to communicate it is hot sh*t, and I should like to walk into his night any given night.

 

Carry on...

[David87]

Gee thanks guys, already talking about my next breakup. I can't wait to meet my future ex-girlfriend

 

This is going to happen sooner or later if you go on this dates with this attitude. Work on yourself, focus on school, and try being more confident.

[organizedchaos]

Gee thanks guys, already talking about my next breakup. I can't wait to meet my future ex-girlfriend

 

Because the story writes itself. The fact that you see being in a relationship as the be all end all to your happiness, even above having actual friends - is disturbing.

[organizedchaos]

Unless you (or the guy in question) would like to get with me. Then please do tell me that you have lost your sanity and can't get me out of your mind nor imagine your life without me in it. I am perversely attracted this kind of 'neediness' because it spells out nothing but sheer power. A guy who can lose himself in desire of my closeness to the point of being ready to die for me and have the guts to communicate it is hot sh*t, and I should like to walk into his night any given night.

 

Carry on...

 

codependency is never attractive or healthy.

[xxoo]

I do know where my life is going. It's just taking longer than it should to get there. There are factors beyond my control that are making things extremely difficult.

 

If I didn't have a math learning disorder, I would have received my Business degree in December, and possibly even as early as June of last year. I have one class required class to complete, which is calculus, and I need to make up my GPA from the math classes I failed. If I had passed calculus the first or second time I took it, I would be done with school and working on my career right now.

 

I do know that things will get easier once I graduate and start working. I'll also start using online dating and generally just have a whole lot more confidence.

 

Though I really want to be in a relationship and I can't wait until December. Any reasonable girl I meet on campus should have no issue with me graduating in December.

 

 

I'm feeling down because it doesn't seem as easy as it should. I really miss being in a relationship and of course my ex. So here I am trying to find a girl who can replace her when I don't really want to replace her and I'm also finding that I'm much more selective now. I want a girl who is about as pretty or more than she was who is also fun to talk to, and it's been pretty hard to find that. I kind of feel that I got spoiled by being with her.

 

I need to figure out how to have conversations with more girls and see who I click with.

 

How to have conversations with more girls:

 

Friends

 

Friends have girlfriends and sisters. Their girlfriends and sisters have female friends. The web of women expands with each person in your social circle.

[somedude81]

Friends are not some magical solution and I'm tired of people trying to present it as such.

 

Do you think having friends helped me get a GF from when I was 13 to 23? No! I never got a single date.

 

As I said before it will take lots of work to make friends, maybe even more work than trying to get a GF.

 

I'd really like it if people give me some advice on how to connect with women and make things easier without making friends.

 

I got an awesome girlfriend without having to depend on friends so I know it's possible.

[organizedchaos]

Ugh, this is beating a dead horse, but here we go again.

 

Friends are not some magical solution and I'm tired of people trying to present it as such.

 

Do you think having friends helped me get a GF from when I was 13 to 23? No! I never got a single date.

 

That has WAY more to do with you than with having friends. Friends are just one avenue to meeting girls. But if you really truly do not understand the value of friendships at this point in your life, then you are destined to live a lonely life. No girl will want to be with a guy who has no friends and relies on her and her alone for all of his happiness and satisfaction. I don't understand why this does not sink in to your skull.

 

As I said before it will take lots of work to make friends, maybe even more work than trying to get a GF.

 

Nope, you're just wrong.

 

I'd really like it if people give me some advice on how to connect with women and make things easier without making friends.

 

Why? Anything we tell you you dismiss anyway. You'd think you'd actually listen to the hundreds of posts across your numerous threads that it would sink in by now. You've been given this advice but you are too stubborn to listen to those with vastly more experience than you.

 

ONCE YOU FIND HAPPINESS BY YOURSELF, ONLY THEN WILL YOU PORTRAY THE CONFIDENCE TO ATTRACT WOMEN.

 

Of course, you'll respond that women don't pick up on these clingy vibes you give off. And of course, your track record with women proves otherwise.

 

I got an awesome girlfriend without having to depend on friends so I know it's possible.

 

And she was so awesome that she dumped you after 6 months?

 

I'm sorry I'm being harsh. But you need a good swift virtual kick up the backside to start realizing where your problems are and what you need to fix.

[xxoo]

Women are people. If you have an overarching issue connecting with people (making friends), that will obviously limit your success connecting with women.

 

These are not unrelated issues. Learn to connect with people, and women will come with that. If you stay in the fringes, you'll always struggle and be limited to the few women you meet in your activities.

[Scales]

 

ONCE YOU FIND HAPPINESS BY YOURSELF, ONLY THEN WILL YOU PORTRAY THE CONFIDENCE TO ATTRACT WOMEN.

 

Pretty much disagree with this completely. So many people go through their lives hating themselves while attracting others. In many cases, there are women who have not spent more than 2 weeks being single and hate to be alone. They never have problems finding someone to fill their gap as they are usually swinging from one bf to the next one. There are a few guys that do this too but they rarely have the same options or opportunity. So why is it guys have to become happy with themselves to attract someone while its fine for women to be insecure? They don't have to because its simply not true. Plenty of bros out their with authority and parental issues and manchild like macho insecurities getting relationships left and right.

 

Somedude, here is the solution to your problem simplified. You either stop limiting yourself and date someone who is roughly below or around your actual value, OR you self improve by yourself to achieve the league you are shooting for. If you keep limiting yourself to only better than or equal to your one ex, you will be alone. Stop doing that. Go and talk to women of all types and free yourself from being overly selective. You are an older student without a job, unless you are Channing Tatum in the looks department, you should settle on a nice girl to have someone be there for you while you succeed in school. You can work your way up to someone hotter in the future with the experience you gain from it.

 

If you are so in need of a girlfriend because having one makes you happy and successful, you should be able to be with just about anyone right? Or is it really about her meeting your requirements at the same time? If so, your problem has nothing to do with having a girlfriend and is ego based. You can fix it on your own.

[organizedchaos]

Pretty much disagree with this completely. So many people go through their lives hating themselves while attracting others. In many cases, there are women who have not spent more than 2 weeks being single and hate to be alone. They never have problems finding someone to fill their gap as they are usually swinging from one bf to the next one. There are a few guys that do this too but they rarely have the same options or opportunity. So why is it guys have to become happy with themselves to attract someone while its fine for women to be insecure? They don't have to because its simply not true. Plenty of bros out their with authority and parental issues and manchild like macho insecurities getting relationships left and right.

 

Well, I think the fact that these people can't stand to be alone and are always jumping from relationship to relationship without taking time to properly grieve, deal and learn from their failed relationships proves my point.

 

They will never be truly happy and in a healthy relationship because they are not happy with themselves. They rely on others to provide that happiness. Doesn't matter whether the person has any problems attracting people or not.

 

 

Somedude, here is the solution to your problem simplified. You either stop limiting yourself and date someone who is roughly below or around your actual value, OR you self improve by yourself to achieve the league you are shooting for. If you keep limiting yourself to only better than or equal to your one ex, you will be alone. Stop doing that. Go and talk to women of all types and free yourself from being overly selective. You are an older student without a job, unless you are Channing Tatum in the looks department, you should settle on a nice girl to have someone be there for you while you succeed in school. You can work your way up to someone hotter in the future with the experience you gain from it.

 

If you are so in need of a girlfriend because having one makes you happy and successful, you should be able to be with just about anyone right? Or is it really about her meeting your requirements at the same time? If so, your problem has nothing to do with having a girlfriend and is ego based. You can fix it on your own.

 

Good advice.

[somedude81]

That has WAY more to do with you than with having friends. Friends are just one avenue to meeting girls. But if you really truly do not understand the value of friendships at this point in your life, then you are destined to live a lonely life.

I know that friends have value. Though to me, they have less value than have a girlfriend. Just having friends and not having a woman in a life, does...not... make.... me.... happy.

 

There is no other way I can say that.

 

No girl will want to be with a guy who has no friends and relies on her and her alone for all of his happiness and satisfaction. I don't understand why this does not sink in to your skull.

Because it's completely false.

 

I'm completely capable of entertaining myself. Satisfaction doesn't have anything to do with friends.

 

Nope, you're just wrong.

Maybe that's how it's been for you, but for me, it's been pretty hard to make guy friends.

 

Why? Anything we tell you you dismiss anyway. You'd think you'd actually listen to the hundreds of posts across your numerous threads that it would sink in by now. You've been given this advice but you are too stubborn to listen to those with vastly more experience than you.

 

ONCE YOU FIND HAPPINESS BY YOURSELF, ONLY THEN WILL YOU PORTRAY THE CONFIDENCE TO ATTRACT WOMEN.

That generic "advice" that's been given over and over is nothing more than bullsh*t.

 

Anybody who is telling me that I have to love myself first before I can love anybody else, or any of the variants is just wasting their time. Nobody wants to hear that cliche crap.

 

Of course, you'll respond that women don't pick up on these clingy vibes you give off. And of course, your track record with women proves otherwise.

How the hell can I give off clingy vibes to women I barely know and only talk to for 10 to 20 minutes a week?

 

And she was so awesome that she dumped you after 6 months?

Her dumping me after six months does nothing to change that she was an amazing girlfriend. Yeah she handled the breakup in a very immature way but for 99.9% of the time that I knew her, she was great in my life.

[somedude81]

Women are people. If you have an overarching issue connecting with people (making friends), that will obviously limit your success connecting with women.

 

These are not unrelated issues. Learn to connect with people, and women will come with that. If you stay in the fringes, you'll always struggle and be limited to the few women you meet in your activities.

Women may be people, but I sure as hell don't interact with them the same that I would with guys.

 

Making guy friends, and trying to attract women are two completely different skill sets.

 

The whole problem I have with making friends, is that I have no desire to talk to guys, nor would I even know what to do to make a guy friend.

 

It's just always been easier with girls. I'm much more comfortable spending time with a girl one-on-one than I would be with a guy.

 

Right now I want to focus on getting better with interacting with women.

[organizedchaos]

I know that friends have value. Though to me, they have less value than have a girlfriend. Just having friends and not having a woman in a life, does...not... make.... me.... happy.

 

There is no other way I can say that.

 

Then you need professional therapy.

 

 

 

I'm completely capable of entertaining myself. Satisfaction doesn't have anything to do with friends.

 

You missed the point, again. It has to do with no woman wants to be with a man who has no friends and relies on her alone for his complete happiness.

 

 

Anybody who is telling me that I have to love myself first before I can love anybody else, or any of the variants is just wasting their time. Nobody wants to hear that cliche crap.

 

Ok, keep plugging your ears and wondering why you've had your first gf at 32 years of age.

 

How the hell can I give off clingy vibes to women I barely know and only talk to for 10 to 20 minutes a week?

 

Women make up their mind whether or not they're going to date or sleep with you in the first few moments of meeting you. The clingyness or needyness comes off from your self-confidence and how you present yourself and how you talk to them.

 

I know you don't believe this to be true, but you have no experience to say otherwise.

[somedude81]

Women make up their mind whether or not they're going to date or sleep with you in the first few moments of meeting you. The clingyness or needyness comes off from your self-confidence and how you present yourself and how you talk to them.

 

I know you don't believe this to be true, but you have no experience to say otherwise.

So then my ex decided she would sleep with me the first day she met me, when she had a boyfriend?

 

[organizedchaos]

So then my ex decided she would sleep with me the first day she met me, when she had a boyfriend?

 

 

Yep, it happens. Or did you also not know that people in relationships cheat?

[xxoo]

Women may be people, but I sure as hell don't interact with them the same that I would with guys.

 

Making guy friends, and trying to attract women are two completely different skill sets.

 

The whole problem I have with making friends, is that I have no desire to talk to guys, nor would I even know what to do to make a guy friend.

 

It's just always been easier with girls. I'm much more comfortable spending time with a girl one-on-one than I would be with a guy.

 

Right now I want to focus on getting better with interacting with women.

 

Then make friends with women. Women have sisters and friends. The point is to meet more women in natural settings, facilitating conversation and flirting.

 

If you have no interest in women outside a possible romantic relationship, that's another serious handicap for you when it comes to meeting women. It is obvious why all of this is SO much harder for you than it needs to be. You're socially isolated, so you lack the social advantages most men have when meeting women.

[somedude81]

Pretty much disagree with this completely. So many people go through their lives hating themselves while attracting others. In many cases, there are women who have not spent more than 2 weeks being single and hate to be alone. They never have problems finding someone to fill their gap as they are usually swinging from one bf to the next one. There are a few guys that do this too but they rarely have the same options or opportunity. So why is it guys have to become happy with themselves to attract someone while its fine for women to be insecure? They don't have to because its simply not true. Plenty of bros out their with authority and parental issues and manchild like macho insecurities getting relationships left and right.

Exactly!

 

There are plenty of guys who don't like themselves at all who do very well with women.

 

Hell, before I started dating my ex I was strongly considering suicide. I had almost given up hope that I would ever get a GF. I was very wrong. And now I'm not as down as I was back then.

 

There is nothing stopping people from dating while they unhappy with themselves as long as they can present a convincing front. Additionally in my case, when I'm with girls I'm actually happy and having a good time and there are no negative thoughts.

Somedude, here is the solution to your problem simplified. You either stop limiting yourself and date someone who is roughly below or around your actual value, OR you self improve by yourself to achieve the league you are shooting for. If you keep limiting yourself to only better than or equal to your one ex, you will be alone. Stop doing that. Go and talk to women of all types and free yourself from being overly selective. You are an older student without a job, unless you are Channing Tatum in the looks department, you should settle on a nice girl to have someone be there for you while you succeed in school. You can work your way up to someone hotter in the future with the experience you gain from it.

 

If you are so in need of a girlfriend because having one makes you happy and successful, you should be able to be with just about anyone right? Or is it really about her meeting your requirements at the same time? If so, your problem has nothing to do with having a girlfriend and is ego based. You can fix it on your own.

 

That's what I'm thinking is the main issue.

 

I may be aiming too high. I'm realizing that I'm only attracted to a certain type of girl and they aren't that common where I live. When I do find them, they most likely already have a boyfriend. For example there are three of them in my dance class. The one I'm the most attracted to I know is taken. I don't know about the other two yet, they didn't go to class yesterday, but I wouldn't be surprised if they were spoken for. All that leaves are the girls that are nice, but don't really do anything for me.

 

Should I just try to see if there is anything from those girls and ask them out?

 

I guess I can upgrade later on, but I really don't like that thought. I'm looking for a serious long term relationship with a woman I'm attracted to mentally and physically.

 

My ex turned me on so much and I don't know if I want to settle for a girl that I wouldn't get that feeling from just by seeing her naked. I'll have to think about this.