Andyy Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Yes, I would date somebody more intelligent than me. It's a very attractive quality IMO. Nothing worse than struggling to find things to talk about/trying to get your partner to understand some basic concepts. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Flowers for Algernon Link to post Share on other sites
ffw Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Depends how one defines intelligence. Having encountered intelligence in different forms. I think somebody who has a wisdom, an eye for issues with intelligence is good to go. Book smartness may or may tell about a person's intelligence but certainly will show that the person is ambitious and hard working. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Yes, I would date somebody more intelligent than me. It's a very attractive quality IMO. Nothing worse than struggling to find things to talk about/trying to get your partner to understand some basic concepts. Andyy, Could the lack of something to talk about be more about different interests than intelligence? I know that I would be bored if I dated a woman who had a PhD in physics let's say and all she could talk about was the string theory or the multi-state of matter within the context of quantum principles. I would quickly try to steer away from such. I simply don't have a great interest in having a whole conversation about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Andyy Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Andyy, Could the lack of something to talk about be more about different interests than intelligence? I know that I would be bored if I dated a woman who had a PhD in physics let's say and all she could talk about was the string theory or the multi-state of matter within the context of quantum principles. I would quickly try to steer away from such. I simply don't have a great interest in having a whole conversation about it. Yes, true. However everybody's favourite topic is usually themselves or something they like. If you want good conversation then you need common ground or at least the ability to hold conversation/show interest in something foreign to you. Regardless I still think it's an attractive quality and beneficial for conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Andyy, Could the lack of something to talk about be more about different interests than intelligence? I know that I would be bored if I dated a woman who had a PhD in physics let's say and all she could talk about was the string theory or the multi-state of matter within the context of quantum principles. I would quickly try to steer away from such. I simply don't have a great interest in having a whole conversation about it. I think that's a common misconception. I don't believe that just because a person excels in one area means that they only speak on that subject matter. Most intelligent people that I know are knowledgeable in a wide variety of subjects because they seem to have a natural thirst for it. Kind of like Jeopardy! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Andyy Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I think that's a common misconception. I don't believe that just because a person excels in one area means that they only speak on that subject matter. Most intelligent people that I know are knowledgeable in a wide variety of subjects because they seem to have a natural thirst for it. Kind of like Jeopardy! Agreed, my point exactly! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Agreed, my point exactly! Aaah okay. I missed that as being your point but yea...there it is...plain as day! Yes I will agree that some smart people are just downright boring. Link to post Share on other sites
anna1988 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Of course, highly intelligent men are a real turn on. A point to ponder - insecure people may tend to want someone dumber than themselves so they can feel superior. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Once dated a doctor and was far more enamored of her skills in the kitchen than those in the emergency room. Her intelligence and knowledge was never an issue, as I love to learn, and did learn a lot from her, about life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I've read of quite a few women complain of the fact that having a phd makes it more difficult for them to get a date because the men get intimidated. What kind of men are these women seeking? I have a science PhD and both as a grad student and as a university faculty member I have consistently observed my female colleagues intentionally seeking "opposites-attract" relationships. They want stimulation in areas outside the intellectual. Such guys usually have more alpha-type personalities and it wouldn't be surprising if many of them are uncomfortable being second in both earning power and professional status. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Intelligence comes in many forms... It's important to find someone whose form of intelligence compliments or supplements yours... THAT is exactly how I feel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I think it would have to do more with the intellectual level of maturity. During my marriage I went to school and got my Bachelor's, then MBA. My ex did not see the point. As my education furthered, so did my career and exposure to people with the same educational background. I grew mentally, but my husband did not. So while I worried about retirement, 401K, the elections and economy. He worried about the sound system in his car, how big his rims were, and being the first to get the new Michael Jordan tennis shoes. It got to the point where we couldn't even have a decent conversation anymore or relate to anything similar. So yea, education would not be the first factor in determination, but whether or not that person was on the same intellectual level would be extremely important. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 YES there are many different kinds of intellegences. So far everyone I know who has a PhD has all of them in spades. To get a PhD is not simply a matter of studying for a long time or passing a bunch of test. You have to have the interpersonal intelligence to work with your colleagues who also have great intelligence and big ego's. You have to have the creative intelligence to come up with a new idea and new approaches to investigating nature. Coming up with something truly novel is not easy. You have to have the raw general/mathematical/logical intelligence to take in a large array of facts, data, and analyze it. Especially in the physical sciences STEM PhD's have been known to invent whole new kinds of math. In my own life I have had my most fulfilling relationships with people who were on my level in those regards. I don't know anyone with a PhD who would discriminate based on educational attainment alone. I do know that everyone with a PhD tends to get with those who have a great deal of demonstrated intelligence. We also should not discount the jealousy factor against the women in the OP's message. Men do not want to think they are not as smart as their women. Some men will even resent a woman who has a PhD or a better job or a greater income. It is a gender role thing too. Lots of men like to think they know everything (i.e. not wanting to ask for directions or consult a map when lost.) Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) In a harsh, competitive world, I imagine that many men want to feel they are better than 'someone' in most things. That 'someone' is often the woman in their life. They are happy to relinquish those things that society doesn't value and relegate those tasks to her. For some men, having their woman be better than him at something important makes him less of a man. Unfortunately, our culture reinforces this... even if the woman in his life is the most loving, caring, supportive person ever... A man who is insecure about his place in the world and unhappy with his lot in life is encouraged to take out his frustrations on her... and society as well as many major religions oblige women to 'happily' take a back seat at whatever cost to her and the children in order to reinforce said man's fragile ego and cultural standing. It's pretty limiting, IMHO... for both the man... who only gets a shadow of a partner and is never really challenged to be all he can be...and for society... who only gets a portion of both person's abilities. ...All so that he can FEEL important without actually doing the work of BEING important.... whatever 'important' means to his partner and family *shrug* Edited February 9, 2014 by RedRobin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hudson701 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 If he's far smarter than I, I might not stimulate him enough, and he might get bored with me. However, I would take that risk in a heart-beat, because my kids get his genes. You mean 'yours and his kids'? You can't make a baby without a man, dear. Why do women almost objectify children? Get all possessive? Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I've read of quite a few women complain of the fact that having a phd makes it more difficult for them to get a date because the men get intimidated. I'm starting to think that this applies to women as well. It's rare that two people of radically different intelligences click but it does happen. I think if a woman met a guy that she clicked with but she knew that he was more intelligent than her, most would not feel uncomfortable. But I will admit that most guys don't like feeling inferior to their spouses. A lot of women state on their OLD profile that they are looking for a guy that is intelligent but what I think they really mean is a guy just as intelligent as they are. So, here is my question: women, if you're looking at a guy's OLD profile are you turned off when it's clear that the guy is way more intelligent than you? Having a PhD doesn't make one smarter, it simply means 'better educated'. In my last relationship, if you count credentials i was the dumb one, as she was working on her PhD and was actually very good in her field while i dropped out of college. We didn't break up over my lack of credentials, but my lack of drive to accomplish something was a major factor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I like the idea of having a woman equally intelligent, if not more intelligent than I am. In all honesty, I've really only ever met one, and she said she was into me, but she worked so much that she never even had time for a first date. The problem seems to be that the more intelligent the woman, the less..... youthful spring in their step, the less likely they are to be silly and playful, to have that " not ruined by life yet " aura. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) In a harsh, competitive world, I imagine that many men want to feel they are better than 'someone' in most things. That 'someone' is often the woman in their life. Nope, that's not why. They are happy to relinquish those things that society doesn't value and relegate those tasks to her. For some men, having their woman be better than him at something important makes him less of a man. Unfortunately, our culture reinforces this... When i find the right woman, i hope [desperately hope] that she is better than me at some things. I'm a curious individual, and i don't like to hear things in echo. even if the woman in his life is the most loving, caring, supportive person ever... A man who is insecure about his place in the world and unhappy with his lot in life is encouraged to take out his frustrations on her... and society as well as many major religions oblige women to 'happily' take a back seat at whatever cost to her and the children in order to reinforce said man's fragile ego and cultural standing. The reverse is also true, how many of the men here have had to dish out compliments after compliments about a girl's bum ? Yes, it's perfect, it's not fat ... pls stop asking, no, we don't think you are at all insecure if you keep asking ... pls for the love of GOD ... pls stop. It's pretty limiting, IMHO... for both the man... who only gets a shadow of a partner and is never really challenged to be all he can be...and for society... who only gets a portion of both person's abilities. I don't see how that can be, but i'll take you at face value ... ...All so that he can FEEL important without actually doing the work of BEING important.... whatever 'important' means to his partner and family *shrug* You're so spot on, the truth is that we men thoroughly enjoy dying in wars, working to death at a job so that the missus can then travel the world after we have kicked the bucket early from heart problems. You should have met my French teacher, she used to be a guide for american women who visited Europe, after at least 1 husband died of heart-attack [she also knew English and German]. Edited February 9, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 In fact, most people on the lower end of the scale do not usually recognize folks on the higher end, just as how it would be much more difficult for someone without any guitar proficiency to differentiate an amazing guitar player from an average one. Not PC, but true. The Dunning-Kruger effect is also proven to be quite real. So frankly, I would not be worried about 'much less intelligent' men being intimidated by 'much more intelligent' women, because they would not know that she is. They may just be intimidated by other things (the aforementioned financial situation, etc), or put off by things completely unrelated to intelligence. People who aren't as smart cannot distinguish between the truly smart and the pretenders. And there are a lot of pretenders. In my experience, the fake people get off on being surrounded by admirers who can't tell that they're full of it. Those people don't want an intelligent partner at all, who would see right through them. By contrast, the truly brilliant people I've met have all been married to other brilliant people. They DO want somebody who can tell the difference. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SYLLPalmer Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I like the idea of having a woman equally intelligent, if not more intelligent than I am. In all honesty, I've really only ever met one, and she said she was into me, but she worked so much that she never even had time for a first date. The problem seems to be that the more intelligent the woman, the less..... youthful spring in their step, the less likely they are to be silly and playful, to have that " not ruined by life yet " aura. Not me. I am a 42 year old pharmacist with a voracious appetite for knowledge and a proclivity for this little bunny. I heart him because he adequately describes my feeling or intent. I have been snubbed by the spectrum for being silly. This only makes me more so. Personality and intelligence are two distinct heritable traits. Link to post Share on other sites
SYLLPalmer Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 People who aren't as smart cannot distinguish between the truly smart and the pretenders. And there are a lot of pretenders. In my experience, the fake people get off on being surrounded by admirers who can't tell that they're full of it. Those people don't want an intelligent partner at all, who would see right through them. By contrast, the truly brilliant people I've met have all been married to other brilliant people. They DO want somebody who can tell the difference. Now that is a hypothesis worth exploring. I love it. Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I've read of quite a few women complain of the fact that having a phd makes it more difficult for them to get a date because the men get intimidated. I'm starting to think that this applies to women as well. It's rare that two people of radically different intelligences click but it does happen. I think if a woman met a guy that she clicked with but she knew that he was more intelligent than her, most would not feel uncomfortable. But I will admit that most guys don't like feeling inferior to their spouses. A lot of women state on their OLD profile that they are looking for a guy that is intelligent but what I think they really mean is a guy just as intelligent as they are. So, here is my question: women, if you're looking at a guy's OLD profile are you turned off when it's clear that the guy is way more intelligent than you? I don't often meet people "a lot" more intelligent than me, but I'd love it. I love very smart guys. One guy I've talked to was attempting to explain M theory to me and while I am not quite bright enough to get a good handle on it, I certainly was swooning. I've never known these same guys to not like that I was intelligent, either. I have run into that, but not from the very intelligent. Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Yes 100%. As a degree holder i would like to date or at least marry a women who is a intelligent women. Brains is much better than beauty. Sexy nerds. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Nope, that's not why. Lots of men here say that after a hard day competing at work, they don't want to come home and feel like they are competing. I get that. I don't either. Except that lots of men assume by default that if a woman is equally or more competent than they are at something, that they will be 'competing'... it's more a function of how men are socialized (ie everything is a friggin competition) rather than a reflection of reality or even any real dynamic. Most women are socialized to be collaborative... even the brainy ones. I don't even LIKE competing, even when I'm obliged to. The only person I compete against is myself. When i find the right woman, i hope [desperately hope] that she is better than me at some things. I'm a curious individual, and i don't like to hear things in echo. As long as it's not something that you, as a guy, are supposed to be good at... is my general observation. The reverse is also true, how many of the men here have had to dish out compliments after compliments about a girl's bum ? Yes, it's perfect, it's not fat ... pls stop asking, no, we don't think you are at all insecure if you keep asking ... pls for the love of GOD ... pls stop. Fair enough... but I haven't gone down that path myself since I was in my early 20's. I agree it's obnoxious to have to keep pumping someone up like that. One of the plusses of growing older. I know when I'm hot and when I'm not...lol. Certainly have no interest in torturing my partner over it. I don't see how that can be, but i'll take you at face value ... ... because both suffer when he either gets a false sense of his worth (he's not as good as he thinks he is) and she and the partnership suffers when they aren't making the best use of her skills... whatever they are. Same is true in reverse as well... I imagine there are some women who might feel threatened if a guy was better in an area that women typically excel at. Although, I don't see too many women complaining when their H is a fabulous cook or parent. You're so spot on, the truth is that we men thoroughly enjoy dying in wars, working to death at a job so that the missus can then travel the world after we have kicked the bucket early from heart problems. You should have met my French teacher, she used to be a guide for american women who visited Europe, after at least 1 husband died of heart-attack [she also knew English and German]. Well, you'll be happy to know that at least in the US, women have been given the green light to occupy combat positions and heart problems in women are also on the rise. Shared struggles tend to bring more empathy towards the other roles... which is a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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