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Is the slut-shaming as bad as the male virgin shaming?

Editbee

By Editbee
in General Relationship Discussion

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GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
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Then that is where our views differ.

 

People change over time, and I think it's wrong to hold somebodies past against them if they have shown that they have made an effort to change.

 

As for the "slut" thing. A woman who is currently engaging in casual sex does not share the values that I do and have had for some time.

 

What is there to change?

So you would be ok with a woman who has a lot of casual sex years ago but now 'regrets it' and is no longer having casual sex?

There is nothing to be ashamed about to begin with.

 

This has nothing to do with your values in finding a partner. Believing a woman should, at some point 'regret' having sex and 'change' her behavior is slut-shaming.

You may rationalize it in any way you want. It is what it is.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
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What is there to change?

So you would be ok with a woman who has a lot of casual sex years ago but now 'regrets it' and is no longer having casual sex?

There is nothing to be ashamed about to begin with.

 

This has nothing to do with your values in finding a partner. Believing a woman should, at some point 'regret' having sex and 'change' her behavior is slut-shaming.

You may rationalize it in any way you want. It is what it is.

Where in my post did I say anything about regret?

 

"There is nothing to be ashamed about to begin with."

That is your opinion.

 

Getting back to the concept of slut shaming. I don't call women sluts or attack any individuals. I simply believe that it isn't right or healthy for a woman to engage in casual sex with lots of men. I'm also far from the only person to have this belief.

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
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Where in my post did I say anything about regret?

 

"There is nothing to be ashamed about to begin with."

That is your opinion.

 

Getting back to the concept of slut shaming. I don't call women sluts or attack any individuals. I simply believe that it isn't right or healthy for a woman to engage in casual sex with lots of men. I'm also far from the only person to have this belief.

 

Slut shaming doesn't involve flat out calling someone a slut.

 

The belief that it is not healthy or not right for a woman (therefore, any woman) to have casual sex is slut shaming.

Even if you are not the only one who thinks this way, doesn't mean it's ok and that it shouldn't change.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Then so be it.

 

I have nothing more to say on this subject.

rewl Established Member

rewl

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The belief that it is not healthy or not right for a woman (therefore, any woman) to have casual sex is slut shaming.

Even if you are not the only one who thinks this way, doesn't mean it's ok and that it shouldn't change.

Well, it isn't healthy nor right for anybody, regardless of gender to be having casual sex in my opinion. I wouldn't touch such a woman with a 10-foot pole personally. You have beef with that?

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
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Well, it isn't healthy nor right for anybody, regardless of gender to be having casual sex in my opinion. I wouldn't touch such a woman with a 10-foot pole personally. You have beef with that?

 

I have a problem with the fact you think it's unhealthy and not right.

 

Now the fact you wouldn't touch them with a 10-foot pole is your business.

rewl Established Member

rewl

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I have a problem with the fact you think it's unhealthy and not right.

Well, tough luck. Deal with it.

 

Oh and I also find casual sex disgusting actually, you have a problem with that as well? ;)

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

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Well, tough luck. Deal with it.

 

Oh and I also find casual sex disgusting actually, you have a problem with that as well? ;)

 

Seriously if you had nothing to bring to the conversation other than trying to provoke me, why didn't you just STFU?

 

And yes, I do have a problem with that - but I'll live.

rewl Established Member

rewl

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Seriously if you had nothing to bring to the conversation other than trying to provoke me, why didn't you just STFU?

 

And yes, I do have a problem with that - but I'll live.

 

I wasn't expecting that response. You're a bit unhinged today aren't you? Do you seriously have an issue with people's sexual preferences? What if I say, for example, I don't like to eat apples, I find them disgusting. Are you going to come after me because of my food tastes as well? :laugh:

 

The first thing you need to do is calm down and let other people be, without relentlessly pursuing them as you done before.

ltjg45 Established Member

ltjg45

Posted
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So are you saying you think that a woman who waited until she was, say 25 or 26 to get married and was a virgin is less likely to cheat than a woman who had been with a dozen guys by then?

 

No but if the second woman has a few ONS or FWBs, I would be skeptical. If the guys she was with is actual relationships, I would give her the advantage.

 

It is not the number I am concerned with, it is how she conducts it that bothers me. If she likes casual sex and I don't, that makes us incompatible.

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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Funny thing...whenever a sex worker (or alleged sex worker, since there's never really any way of knowing for sure whether somebody is what they say they are) contributes to this board, there's always a ton of positivity and respect for her from men on the board..

 

The message would seem to be that while bouncing from dick to dick is frowned upon unless you put on a sexy yet classy outfit, make sure your hair and make up is nicely done and say "yes of course I will suck your dick provided you pay me to do it - and yes, I can take American Express because I'm that smart a business woman."

 

It's only "slutty" if she's looking for love rather than money. Such, it would seem, is the power dynamic between the genders.

 

I have a different theory as to why this is so.

 

Many "slut-shamers" guys feel emasculated that other guys are getting sex and they are not. This really hits home when they see a woman who had sex with plenty of other guys but not with *them*.

 

A prostitute? Well unlike those other girls she *will* have sex with you! She unlike the "slut" who put out for other guys but not for you, will be your angel of mercy, will make you feel like a man. You'll have to fork over your Mastercard but what's the big deal. So guys are nice to her.

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crederer Established Member

crederer

Posted
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I sometimes go on a different discussion forum where the culture is quite a bit different than this one. There are a significant number of posters on there that believe if their spouse has had more than 1 or 2 sexual partners they are sluts that are not worthy of being with them and they must be mentally deranged as there apparently is no reason for a person to have that many sexual partners.

 

It seems pretty crazy to me.

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GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

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I wasn't expecting that response. You're a bit unhinged today aren't you? Do you seriously have an issue with people's sexual preferences? What if I say, for example, I don't like to eat apples, I find them disgusting. Are you going to come after me because of my food tastes as well? :laugh:

 

The first thing you need to do is calm down and let other people be, without relentlessly pursuing them as you done before.

 

*facepalm*

Sure. whatever.

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
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I sometimes go on a different discussion forum where the culture is quite a bit different than this one. There are a significant number of posters on there that believe if their spouse has had more than 1 or 2 sexual partners they are sluts that are not worthy of being with them and they must be mentally deranged as there apparently is no reason for a person to have that many sexual partners.

 

It seems pretty crazy to me.

 

Yeah please don't post this forum's link here. My head will explode.

:lmao:

crederer Established Member

crederer

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Yeah please don't post this forum's link here. My head will explode.

:lmao:

 

I think at the end of the day, if you boil it down to the simplest of things, most people that look down on male virgins because most are not virgins by choice. Most people that look down on women with a lot of sexual partners is because it was a choice that is not considered a noble one. Generally speaking, most women can get sex whenver they want, while men have to work for it. That's why I believe these view points exist.

 

Of course there are exceptions but I think this covers it in a general sense.

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

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What I fail to understand is why you seem to have a large emotional investment in this topic. You aren't changing any minds here.

 

It's one subject that gets me going. I see nothing wrong with trying to get people to rethink about their current ideas. This is what discussion forums are for - having discussions.

Also - day off - crappy weather.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
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It's one subject that gets me going. I see nothing wrong with trying to get people to rethink about their current ideas. This is what discussion forums are for - having discussions.

Also - day off - crappy weather.

 

Why does it get you going though. If men you would not be compatible with anyway want women with a low partner count what is it to you?

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
I think at the end of the day, if you boil it down to the simplest of things, most people that look down on male virgins because most are not virgins by choice. Most people that look down on women with a lot of sexual partners is because it was a choice that is not considered a noble one. Generally speaking, most women can get sex whenver they want, while men have to work for it. That's why I believe these view points exist.

 

Of course there are exceptions but I think this covers it in a general sense.

 

It makes sense.

 

Choosing to have a relationship with someone of another race was deemed 'not noble' for a long time.

It's still not 100% ok now, but it's definitely not considered ok to bash a woman dating a black man.

 

Hopefully, things will change with slut shaming too.

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
Why does it get you going though. If men you would not be compatible with anyway want women with a low partner count what is it to you?

 

Like I mentioned so many times in this thread, what bothers me is the judgments and things like 'it's wrong for a woman to have casual sex or more than X partners'

 

THis is a mentality that I think needs to change.

 

Also, I prefer discussion like this than participating in one of those 'boohoo no one wants me' threads...

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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Posted
Like I mentioned so many times in this thread, what bothers me is the judgments and things like 'it's wrong for a woman to have casual sex or more than X partners'

 

THis is a mentality that I think needs to change.

 

Also, I prefer discussion like this than participating in one of those 'boohoo no one wants me' threads...

 

I don't think it is wrong but deep down people's tastes won't change.

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
I don't think it is wrong but deep down people's tastes won't change.

 

Again, not here to change people's tastes when choosing a partner.

 

I wouldn't date someone who is morbidly obese - I don't go around saying morbidly obese people are disgusting and dirty either.

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isisisweeping Established Member

isisisweeping

Posted
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, to conclude that a previously promiscuous individual will remain that way. Past behavior is generally a good indicator of present and future behavior.

 

.

 

non sequitor.

 

 

A woman who engaged in casual sex or was just not in long term relationships so accumulated more partners is not more likely to cheat.

 

 

Maybe someone who cheated often in the past.

 

 

It's irrelevant in a relationship.

 

 

Regardless, however, the real issue is value judgments.

 

A person can choose not to be involved with someone who has slept with many, just as I can choose not to be with them no matter how desirable they find my "number" because it makes me think we are absolutely not compatible and I wouldn't respect them for their unsupported value judgments of people.

 

 

To call them less, or anything along those terms, more than your PERSONAL preference, that is just... terrible.

gDizzie Member

gDizzie

Posted
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Male virginity shaming does happens but it's too much spread out as slut shaming. I haven't met anyone giving trouble when I was a virgin in HS all the way till age 22. I chose to wait and exercised a great deal of self-control because I wouldn't ever do a ONS not even if the girl was pretty. I'd rather masturbate alone than do something that's not in me. If someone were to have ridiculed me for that well then they wouldn't be my friends. Real friends aren't suppose to put you down nor pressure you into doing something you clearly aren't interest in.

 

I think it's one thing to be engaging in random sex and shame women that do it too, which is unfair vs never engaging in that and trying so hard to work it when finding out she doesn't share your same attitude and yet still have to deal with bitter feminists ripping you to pieces if you dare say that it's really bothering you esp if you lived a conservative lifestyle and were raised that way. Basically, we don't even have a voice anymore and have to keep accepting everything that's thrown to us.

 

Now I'm 28 years old and still view sex only existing in a relationship. I'm currently in my 3rd relationship and found out not too long ago about my gf's past by accidentally overhearing a conversation with her female cousin about having been with 20-30 others and mainly not in relationships. Needless to say it hasn't been very easy keeping this secret and go on with the day. I would assume that at some point, she would come forwards with it or maybe not.

 

Overall, I think one of the reason for the slut-shaming is because it's slightly easier for a woman to get laid. She really has to do nothing except look pretty but for us, we have to do a lot of hard work to get her to even like us. In my HS there were more virgin guys than virgin girls, also in college.

 

I'm sure some women don't understand how hard it's to be the man you were raised to be, have self-control and keep waiting even when you're horny in your teen years and early 20's, go through all the process of asking the girl out and eventually getting into a relationship but she doesn't have your same views? Honestly, I think it's easier to for a conservative woman to find herself a virgin man or one with a low number than vice-versa.

isisisweeping Established Member

isisisweeping

Posted
Posted
It makes sense.

 

Choosing to have a relationship with someone of another race was deemed 'not noble' for a long time.

It's still not 100% ok now, but it's definitely not considered ok to bash a woman dating a black man.

 

Hopefully, things will change with slut shaming too.

 

 

 

That is an excellent point.

 

 

There was a time when that showed obviously ("No use in arguing it", much as some are trying to present here) showed a woman didn't respect herself and wasn't worthy of more.

 

 

Times change.

Thankfully.

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gDizzie Member

gDizzie

Posted
Posted (edited)
A person can choose not to be involved with someone who has slept with many, just as I can choose not to be with them no matter how desirable they find my "number" because it makes me think we are absolutely not compatible and I wouldn't respect them for their unsupported value judgments of people.
Unfortunately men who aren't into casual sex just don't have too many options in the dating pool. I just want to settle down one day even if that means I'll probably not end with the woman I've been looking for years ever since I was in HS; never found her. Edited by gDizzie
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