Is the slut-shaming as bad as the male virgin shaming?

[Els]

I'm neither a virgin, nor a slut so my past isn't relevant to this thread.

 

Though I did tell her that it's been a very long time since I last had sex, that I didn't have a girlfriend before and that I've only had sex with women that I didn't care about and that didn't make me feel good.

 

She knew that for the past five years before I was only interested in having sex while in a relationship which I wasn't that successful in getting, and that is why I've gone for so long without sex.

 

Everything was 100% true and she didn't press me for more details.

 

And yes Elswyth, there are things about my past that I've talked about on this forum and I request that you don't bring them up.

 

It is relevant, because the thread is about 'slut'-shaming. And I recall that you (and TBQ as well, though I could be mistaken about him) have posted on former threads about how a man's sexual past was none of their partner's business, in defense of men who slept with prostitutes. Yet now, somehow, their partner's sexual past is their business? How does that work?

 

You are right in that I should not have posted the details of what you'd mentioned about your previous encounter, though. That was my bad.

[xxoo]

You don't need to be with a lot of guys to have memories of fun sex.

 

I also think that sex would be more fun with a regular partner than lots of different guys.

 

Also, fun memories for her, doesn't benefit me in any way.

 

I personally don't want to have sex with lots of men.

 

But other women might prefer sex with many men, just like some men prefer sex with lots of women. So for them, there is a benefit. Not everyone has the same preferences, or enjoys sex in the same way.

 

I don't understand the point of shaming people for enjoying casual sex in an honest way (not feelings shame, and not misleading potential partners).

[Woggle]

I personally don't want to have sex with lots of men.

 

But other women might prefer sex with many men, just like some men prefer sex with lots of women. So for them, there is a benefit. Not everyone has the same preferences, or enjoys sex in the same way.

 

I don't understand the point of shaming people for enjoying casual sex in an honest way (not feelings shame, and not misleading potential partners).

 

I don't shame them but I don't feel a person should be shamed for deciding they don't want that in a partner. People who are serious about commitment generally tend to want somebody who is similar to them.

[somedude81]

It is relevant, because the thread is about 'slut'-shaming. And I recall that you (and TBQ as well, though I could be mistaken about him) have posted on former threads about how a man's sexual past was none of their partner's business, in defense of men who slept with prostitutes. Yet now, somehow, their partner's sexual past is their business? How does that work?

 

You are right in that I should not have posted the details of what you'd mentioned about your previous encounter, though. That was my bad.

 

The biggest issue I have with the past is how recent ago the event was.

 

The things I did in my past that I regret took place over five years ago.

 

If a girl is 23 and has already slept with 20 guys, odds are that the most recent casual encounter wasn't that long ago.

 

I'm basically trying to say that I'm more forgiving of a "reformed slut" than one who is still active.

 

I've acknowledged my past and made sure to put it behind me without any relapses.

[GoreSP]

The biggest issue I have with the past is how recent ago the event was.

 

The things I did in my past that I regret took place over five years ago.

 

If a girl is 23 and has already slept with 20 guys, odds are that the most recent casual encounter wasn't that long ago.

 

I'm basically trying to say that I'm more forgiving of a "reformed slut" than one who is still active.

 

I've acknowledged my past and made sure to put it behind me without any relapses.

 

So you get to put your past behind but you give importance to your partner's past?

How hypocritical.

[Woggle]

So you get to put your past behind but you give importance to your partner's past?

How hypocritical.

 

There is a statute of limitations on many things for a reason.

[GoreSP]

There is a statute of limitations on many things for a reason.

 

Yeah....

 

Not for this there isn't.

[somedude81]

So you get to put your past behind but you give importance to your partner's past?

How hypocritical.

 

And you completely misunderstood what I was trying to say.

 

There is a difference between the recent past and the distant past.

[Woggle]

Yeah....

 

Not for this there isn't.

 

For me there would be. Like I said it is all about attitude and not numbers.

[GoreSP]

And you completely misunderstood what I was trying to say.

 

There is a difference between the recent past and the distant past.

 

I didn't misunderstand.

[Pompeii]

This thread in general is hilarious. Why? Because there are two sexual dynamics at work. The male virgin is looked at the same level of shame as the female slut, yes. But the male virgin has significantly more obstacles to overcome. In sexual and romantic relationships, the male is expected to lead. To the female mind, inexperience is seen as being an invalid male. You're not "man" enough to handle her. Very few women will be forgiving of inexperience. As far as a man with a lot of partners, he can lie by omission and say "I've had some girlfriends" and the topic will be over. For the male virgin, the woman will ask why he is terrible in bed and bad when it comes to the relationship dynamic.

 

The female "slut" has more of a breathing room. Society encourages this behavior surreptitiously in females and if a woman has a high body count, she is more encouraged to lie about it. Which she easily can. Women can easily obtain sex as long as they are beyond a certain benchmark of attractiveness.

 

With regards to sexual partners, it is much more impressive for a man to have a higher partner count than a woman. The man must actively search for partners while women more or less accept or reject. A woman can easily come on to a man and he will usually accept as well.

 

What really "gets" men is how they are committed for life to a woman that was had by a lot of men that invested very little while he must invest a lot in her. Men inherently have an investment-asset mindset that influences this, which stems from evolution.

 

High partner count women have no business being with low count men and visa versa. The difference in views with regard to sex is too much of a bridge to cross.

[Els]

The biggest issue I have with the past is how recent ago the event was.

 

The things I did in my past that I regret took place over five years ago.

 

If a girl is 23 and has already slept with 20 guys, odds are that the most recent casual encounter wasn't that long ago.

 

I'm basically trying to say that I'm more forgiving of a "reformed slut" than one who is still active.

 

I've acknowledged my past and made sure to put it behind me without any relapses.

 

This is really interesting, because it wasn't too long ago that I recall you posting about how it was the best money you'd ever spent.

 

But that aside, I think my point is that, it really does come across as hypocritical for people to pick and choose standards as they please. So, if a woman slept with 20 men over 5 years ago, then that makes it wrong to shame her all of a sudden, but if it was less than 5 years ago, then she is fair game? Why is 5 years the cutoff - because it suits your past?

[GoreSP]

For me there would be. Like I said it is all about attitude and not numbers.

 

And paying for sex is having a good attitude toward sex?

[Pompeii]

This is really interesting, because it wasn't too long ago that I recall you posting about how it was the best money you'd ever spent.

 

But that aside, I think my point is that, it really does come across as hypocritical for people to pick and choose standards as they please. So, if a woman slept with 20 men over 5 years ago, then that makes it wrong to shame her all of a sudden, but if it was less than 5 years ago, then she is fair game? Why is 5 years the cutoff - because it suits your past?

 

This is pretty much the same with someone who shoplifted from a store 20 years ago. If you were asking me if they were different 5 years after the fact, I'd say no.

[Woggle]

And paying for sex is having a good attitude toward sex?

 

No but like I said how long ago matters. I have never paid for sex in my entire life.

[Pompeii]

And paying for sex is having a good attitude toward sex?

 

There are many men who will never be able to be with the women of their choice. Should they deny themselves sexual fulfillment because they simply cannot attract women?

[ThaWholigan]

There are many men who will never be able to be with the women of their choice. Should they deny themselves sexual fulfillment because they simply cannot attract women?

No.

 

But beggars can't be slut-shamers

 

I kid - but when it came to my own late blooming, it was all about framing.

[Tayken]

I think we can all agree that unlike in paying spousal support where there is usually quantum and duration.....when it comes to being a "slut" (irrelevant of gender), no such thing applies.

 

Once a "slut", "liar", "thief" etc, always all of those

[GoreSP]

There are many men who will never be able to be with the women of their choice. Should they deny themselves sexual fulfillment because they simply cannot attract women?

 

Not at all.

 

But if you're going to pass judgement on someone's sexual past, yours better be pretty ****ing clean.

[samsungxoxo]

This is really interesting, because it wasn't too long ago that I recall you posting about how it was the best money you'd ever spent.

 

But that aside, I think my point is that, it really does come across as hypocritical for people to pick and choose standards as they please. So, if a woman slept with 20 men over 5 years ago, then that makes it wrong to shame her all of a sudden, but if it was less than 5 years ago, then she is fair game? Why is 5 years the cutoff - because it suits your past?

This makes me lost hope sometimes. So if a man used to make bad choices in life, we women are suppose to still be forgiving and compromise all our values we have??? Vice-versa and ''Oh no, she's forever damaged and is to never in a relationship ever''. I'm suppose to wait for him and even if he didn't waited, I have to still suck it up and accept him just because that's the way it's suppose to be!!!

 

Overall, a man who had a terrible past should be redeemed and given second chance but not a woman?? Pathetic.....

[Els]

This makes me lost hope sometimes. So if a man used to make bad choices in life, we women are suppose to still be forgiving and compromise all our values we have??? Vice-versa and ''Oh no, she's forever damaged and is to never in a relationship ever''. I'm suppose to wait for him and even if he didn't waited, I have to still suck it up and accept him just because that's the way it's suppose to be!!!

 

Overall, a man who had a terrible past should be redeemed and given second chance but not a woman?? Pathetic.....

 

Yes, there clearly are men who think this way (as evident in this thread).

 

But seriously, not all men do. There really are guys who hold themselves to the same standards that they hold a partner to, be it only having sex in LTRs, or casual sex being fine for both parties.

[samsungxoxo]

There are many men who will never be able to be with the women of their choice. Should they deny themselves sexual fulfillment because they simply cannot attract women?

And there was nothing wrong with waiting. Maybe the dream girl would have come along without obsessing about it constantly; if he wasn't able to get her it's more than likely other deeper issues other than sexuality. Now that he used all that time on meaningless sexual encounters, he now demands his nearly virginal woman with moral compass to accept him and passes judgmental on women who weren't waiting either??'

 

I guess I would be perfectly in rights to not want him either.

[GoreSP]

This makes me lost hope sometimes. So if a man used to make bad choices in life, we women are suppose to still be forgiving and compromise all our values we have??? Vice-versa and ''Oh no, she's forever damaged and is to never in a relationship ever''. I'm suppose to wait for him and even if he didn't waited, I have to still suck it up and accept him just because that's the way it's suppose to be!!!

 

Overall, a man who had a terrible past should be redeemed and given second chance but not a woman?? Pathetic.....

 

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

Seems like much less trouble...

[Woggle]

I have just seen too many cases of men giving reformed bad girls a chance and getting burned.

 

If a woman for whatever reason found it nearly impossible to attract men and then paid a man for sex I wouldn't judge her.

[Pompeii]

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

Seems like much less trouble...

 

And I wish I was gay, but wishing gets no one anywhere.