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Is the slut-shaming as bad as the male virgin shaming?

Editbee

By Editbee
in General Relationship Discussion

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TheBigQuestion Established Member

TheBigQuestion

Posted
Posted
Because you don't get to have a say in someone else's sexual life choices.

 

You're right, but that still doesn't explain why I'm supposed to respect those choices. I don't have a say in most people's choices period. That doesn't mean I have to respect those choices. You're still not identifying anything that should compel me to have to respect anything.

  • Like 2
GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
You're right, but that still doesn't explain why I'm supposed to respect those choices. I don't have a say in most people's choices period. That doesn't mean I have to respect those choices. You're still not identifying anything that should compel me to have to respect anything.

 

By respect, I mean 'recognize it's the other person's choice'

I get the feeling that by respect you mean 'agreeing with the other person's choice'

 

Also : slut shaming in general? Not very respectful...

TheBigQuestion Established Member

TheBigQuestion

Posted
Posted
By respect, I mean 'recognize it's the other person's choice'

I get the feeling that by respect you mean 'agreeing with the other person's choice'

 

Also : slut shaming in general? Not very respectful...

 

I've never failed to recognize that it's the person's choice. That means that in your view I'm respectful of promiscuous women. Nice!

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
I've never failed to recognize that it's the person's choice. That means that in your view I'm respectful of promiscuous women. Nice!

 

Cool!

 

Now the next step is to stop assuming they are more likely to cheat.

(wishful thinking)

  • Like 1
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted

Everything depends strongly on context.

 

A relationship minded man who respectfully turns down a woman with a sexual past that differs from his strongly is not a slut-shamer, and any attempts to paint him as such are reactionary. However, a man who engages in the routine chastisement of who he deems to be sluts in order to denigrate them, is exactly that. Even worse, if he engages in the same behavior. Some will cry evo-psych or that stupid master-key/****ty-lock analogy, but that falls into the same category for me.

 

Regarding male virginity - if a woman respectfully turns down a man who isn't experienced, that is fine. If she denigrates him, deems him a loser or other such thing just because of his number, then she is as bad.

 

It depends on the implications and also it's worth noting that both genders take part in both simultaneously. Female slutshamers and men who demonise male virgins. So they are just as bad IMO.

  • Like 6
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
Cool!

 

Now the next step is to stop assuming they are more likely to cheat.

(wishful thinking)

It's not hard to see why they would think that, if they are being completely black-and-white about the issue. It's a case of self-preservation in some cases rather than outright disrespect.

 

But in any case, I wouldn't draw a conclusion based on the numbers. There are lies, damn lies, and statistics ;).

  • Like 3
janedoe67 Established Member

janedoe67

Posted
Posted
"Slut-shaming" is simply a juicier topic than male virgin-shaming. People openly condemn behavior that they find repugnant, morally or otherwise. Whoop-dee-do. What a big "problem."

 

How do you know that in a majority of cases, the promiscuity will stop? I obviously don't know what percentage of people actually stop being promiscuous for good once they decide "alright, it's relationship time!" but it's besides the point. A rational, contemplative, well-informed male will generally prefer to not risk a lifetime commitment with someone who previously had a revolving door of penis on the probability of the woman foregoing the revolving door from that point onward. A guy that doesn't verbalize any reservations about shacking up with a known strumpet is most likely being dishonest with himself and with the world.

 

So are you saying you think that a woman who waited until she was, say 25 or 26 to get married and was a virgin is less likely to cheat than a woman who had been with a dozen guys by then?

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
Everything depends strongly on context.

 

A relationship minded man who respectfully turns down a woman with a sexual past that differs from his strongly is not a slut-shamer, and any attempts to paint him as such are reactionary. However, a man who engages in the routine chastisement of who he deems to be sluts in order to denigrate them, is exactly that. Even worse, if he engages in the same behavior. Some will cry evo-psych or that stupid master-key/****ty-lock analogy, but that falls into the same category for me.

 

Regarding male virginity - if a woman respectfully turns down a man who isn't experienced, that is fine. If she denigrates him, deems him a loser or other such thing just because of his number, then she is as bad.

 

It depends on the implications and also it's worth noting that both genders take part in both simultaneously. Female slutshamers and men who demonise male virgins. So they are just as bad IMO.

 

I don't agree. slut shaming isn't contextual.

 

I am not one to jump at the man who chooses not to have a relationship with a woman based on her sexual past - it's his choice and I'm fine with that.

 

But he is making this choice based on the fact the woman in question has more sex than he wishes she had - which is slut shaming by definition.

 

Slut-shaming is the act of criticizing a woman for her real or presumed sexual activity. However, to be perfectly honest, if this was the only type of slut-shaming out there, I wouldn't give much ****.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Everything depends strongly on context.

 

A relationship minded man who respectfully turns down a woman with a sexual past that differs from his strongly is not a slut-shamer, and any attempts to paint him as such are reactionary. However, a man who engages in the routine chastisement of who he deems to be sluts in order to denigrate them, is exactly that. Even worse, if he engages in the same behavior. Some will cry evo-psych or that stupid master-key/****ty-lock analogy, but that falls into the same category for me.

 

Regarding male virginity - if a woman respectfully turns down a man who isn't experienced, that is fine. If she denigrates him, deems him a loser or other such thing just because of his number, then she is as bad.

 

It depends on the implications and also it's worth noting that both genders take part in both simultaneously. Female slutshamers and men who demonise male virgins. So they are just as bad IMO.

 

:love::love::love::love:

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
I don't agree. slut shaming isn't contextual.

 

I am not one to jump at the man who chooses not to have a relationship with a woman based on her sexual past - it's his choice and I'm fine with that.

 

But he is making this choice based on the fact the woman in question has more sex than he wishes she had - which is slut shaming by definition.

 

Is it? I don't think the person in question is necessarily "shaming" her for her choice, just that the attitude towards sex differs slightly towards his own. If it turns him off, should he still see her anyway even though it does? Are you saying there's no way to respectfully turn down a woman because you are turned off by her sexual past, or believe it to indicate an incompatibility?

 

Slut-shaming is the act of criticizing a woman for her real or presumed sexual activity. However, to be perfectly honest, if this was the only type of slut-shaming out there, I wouldn't give much ****.

 

If he's not criticizing her for the choice, then how is it shaming? I'm merely asking, as I'm not in the practice of slut-shaming nor do I base my compatibility solely on number of sexual partners.

  • Like 2
GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
Is it? I don't think the person in question is necessarily "shaming" her for her choice, just that the attitude towards sex differs slightly towards his own. If it turns him off, should he still see her anyway even though it does? Are you saying there's no way to respectfully turn down a woman because you are turned off by her sexual past, or believe it to indicate an incompatibility?

 

 

 

If he's not criticizing her for the choice, then how is it shaming? I'm merely asking, as I'm not in the practice of slut-shaming nor do I base my compatibility solely on number of sexual partners.

 

Why would someone be turned off by someone else's sexual past otherwise? It's a decision made based on the fact the other person has had more or less sex than one thinks he/she should.

 

It is slut-shaming/virgin-shaming. In its mildest form - it's not really hurting anyone - hence the me not giving a ****.

 

Not all racists yell at black people who walk by them. They are still racist.

 

Catch my drift?

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Why would someone be turned off by someone else's sexual past otherwise? It's a decision made based on the fact the other person has had more or less sex than one thinks he/she should.

 

In the case of men who have only had sex in LTRs themselves, it can be about compatibility, not about what they think their partner should or should not have done. Just like how women with few partners desiring men with few partners are not manwhore-shaming (for lack of a better term :p). Or non-virgins desiring non-virgins.

 

All the others? Yeah, they're being hypocritical slut-shamers.

  • Like 4
GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
In the case of men who have only had sex in LTRs themselves, it can be about compatibility, not about what they think their partner should or should not have done. Just like how women with few partners desiring men with few partners are not manwhore-shaming (for lack of a better term :p). Or non-virgins desiring non-virgins.

 

All the others? Yeah, they're being hypocritical slut-shamers.

 

I see your point.

But I stand by mine. But like I mentioned if that was the only type of slut shaming out there, I wouldn't care as much.

  • Like 2
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
Why would someone be turned off by someone else's sexual past otherwise? It's a decision made based on the fact the other person has had more or less sex than one thinks he/she should.

 

It is slut-shaming/virgin-shaming. In its mildest form - it's not really hurting anyone - hence the me not giving a ****.

 

Not all racists yell at black people who walk by them. They are still racist.

 

Catch my drift?

I think I do understand your point.

  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
Usually it's the guys who aren't getting it from the "sluts" that have the biggest problem with women and their private sex lives.

 

I have no interest in women who are "sluts."

 

My ex girlfriend is 21 and has only been with two guys. The boyfriend before her, and me.

 

There is simply no benefit to a woman who has been with a lot of guys, for her or myself.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
There is simply no benefit to a woman who has been with a lot of guys, for her or myself.

 

The benefit to the woman may be memories of fun sex with fun men. (Same benefit as for a man who has been with a lot of women).

  • Like 2
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
I have no interest in women who are "sluts."

 

My ex girlfriend is 21 and has only been with two guys. The boyfriend before her, and me.

 

There is simply no benefit to a woman who has been with a lot of guys, for her or myself.

 

And were you honest with her about your sexual past?

  • Like 2
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
Why would someone be turned off by someone else's sexual past otherwise? It's a decision made based on the fact the other person has had more or less sex than one thinks he/she should.

 

It is slut-shaming/virgin-shaming. In its mildest form - it's not really hurting anyone - hence the me not giving a ****.

 

Not all racists yell at black people who walk by them. They are still racist.

 

Catch my drift?

 

Because for some people it matters when looking for a mate. Political correctness really had no place when looking for a mate. I don't care what people do in their personal lives but people have a right to be selective about who they commit to. If I am not in a relationship with somebody I don't care what they do but if they wish to share lives with me I have a right to make sure their is a life I want to combine with mine.

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted

Yeah, I think a lot of men would be surprised at the percentage of women who lie about the number of sexual partner they had...

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
The benefit to the woman may be memories of fun sex with fun men. (Same benefit as for a man who has been with a lot of women).

You don't need to be with a lot of guys to have memories of fun sex.

 

I also think that sex would be more fun with a regular partner than lots of different guys.

 

Also, fun memories for her, doesn't benefit me in any way.

If she's your ex how do you know how many guys she's been with LOL.

 

As of the time that we broke up. Which is only two months ago and I really doubt she's slept with a new guy since then.

GoreSP Established Member

GoreSP

Posted
Posted
Because for some people it matters when looking for a mate. Political correctness really had no place when looking for a mate. I don't care what people do in their personal lives but people have a right to be selective about who they commit to. If I am not in a relationship with somebody I don't care what they do but if they wish to share lives with me I have a right to make sure their is a life I want to combine with mine.

 

Of course they do. Which is why I don't give a crap about that type of behavior.

But it is what it is.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

Also for me it was never about the numbers but about her attitude towards sex and relationships which I can easily tell. I have great instincts about people My boss says I can size up a person better than an interrogator. It's not about the math.

Tayken Established Member

Tayken

Posted
Posted
I have no interest in women who are "sluts."
Well....that must a Freudian Slip cos I think you speak on behalf of all me looking for someone they can call their "partner". I person won't walk along side someone dressed as a "slut", no need for the provocative dressing at all, unless of course self esteem is low, and they are looking for attention

 

Now if we are just talking 1 night stands / quick shags, then some men do prefer the person to be "slut like" in their performance

 

Just saying

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
Of course they do. Which is why I don't give a crap about that type of behavior.

But it is what it is.

 

It is smart. If more men stopped just committing to anybody many would not have the problems that we seem to have with relationships today. It's when men feel pressured by political correctness to drop certain standards that we end up inviting drama into our lives.

  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted (edited)
And were you honest with her about your sexual past?

 

I'm neither a virgin, nor a slut so my past isn't relevant to this thread.

 

Though I did tell her that it's been a very long time since I last had sex, that I didn't have a girlfriend before and that I've only had sex with women that I didn't care about and I didn't feel good about that.

 

She knew that for the past five years before I was only interested in having sex while in a relationship which I wasn't that successful in getting, and that is why I've gone for so long without sex.

 

Everything was 100% true and she didn't press me for more details.

 

And yes Elswyth, there are things about my past that I've talked about on this forum and I request that you don't bring them up.

Edited by somedude81
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