Why would he need an "entire day off" for a date?

[ShiningMoon]

If you want to see him, YOU take the day off.

 

Problem sorted!

 

 

 

LOL. Clearly, you didn't read the thread properly. He works night and sleeps all day. I'm pretty sure he'd be against grabbing a coffee during the day, since he needs it to sleep! Therefore, me taking a day off would be pointless. Why would I take a day off if he sleeps all day? That's a strange advice.

[Ronni_W]

I used to date a bartender. When he talked about his "day off" he was actually referring to his shift off or his night off, measured as any 24-hour period in which he did not have to work at all.

 

If his "day off" is tomorrow, it would mean he is working tonight, sleeping for however many hours during the day tomorrow...and will be available tomorrow night, which for him is his day off.

 

Of course he didn't need 16 hours of sleep...so plenty of time before our date for his manscaping, mani and pedi appointments

[ShiningMoon]

I used to date a bartender. When he talked about his "day off" he was actually referring to his shift off or his night off, measured as any 24-hour period in which he did not have to work at all.

 

If his "day off" is tomorrow, it would mean he is working tonight, sleeping for however many hours during the day tomorrow...and will be available tomorrow night, which for him is his day off.

 

Of course he didn't need 16 hours of sleep...so plenty of time before our date for his manscaping, mani and pedi appointments

 

What he meant is "day off" as in an actual "day off", like vacation day whatever you wanna call it. Not "day off" as in the weekly "day off" he's entitled to. I understand he's got a tight schedule. I genuinely do. It just seems weird to me that he'd ask me out and then tell to me to wait god knows how many weeks (he didn't say weeks, but I'm assuming it will be a while before we go out) until we can finally go on a date. Oh well.

 

I like him, so I don't mind waiting a little. However, if it exceeds a month, I'm out. I don't have time for this. I have a feeling that dating a bartender isn't the easiest thing around and I'm looking for something easy and hassle free.

[Ronni_W]

What he meant is "day off" as in an actual "day off", like vacation day

Well then that is very freakin' freaky

He actually said that? That he needed to wait for a vacation day off??? <scratching head> Who knows what that would be about?

[ShiningMoon]

Well then that is very freakin' freaky

He actually said that? That he needed to wait for a vacation day off??? <scratching head> Who knows what that would be about?

 

Yeah, that's what he said. A "vacation" type day off.

 

Hence, I'm really wondering why he even bothered asking me out in the first place. It's slightly shady. I mean, surely, if you're not into someone you just met, you don't ask them out unless you wanna get laid in which case, you don't wait until you have a "vacation" day off to meet up.

 

I'm confused here.

[Ronni_W]

I don't think it's just about getting laid. I mean, maybe it is but for some reason that's not my sense of it. (Not that my sense is anything to be relied upon too heavily.) He can get laid on his coffee or dinner break...at least mine could

 

Maybe yours just works a lot, so any day off is for him like a 'vacation'? I do somewhat understand your confusion...and also agree that there's a lot of over-thinking going on, too.

 

I guess you can either just wait out your allotted one month or just ask him (assuming you'll be seeing him at his place of work) what is going on in his mind about needing a 'vacation' day to go on a date with you?

[ShiningMoon]

I don't think it's just about getting laid. I mean, maybe it is but for some reason that's not my sense of it. (Not that my sense is anything to be relied upon too heavily.) He can get laid on his coffee or dinner break...at least mine could

 

Maybe yours just works a lot, so any day off is for him like a 'vacation'? I do somewhat understand your confusion...and also agree that there's a lot of over-thinking going on, too.

 

I guess you can either just wait out your allotted one month or just ask him (assuming you'll be seeing him at his place of work) what is going on in his mind about needing a 'vacation' day to go on a date with you?

 

I actually asked but I couldn't get a straight answer out of the guy. He just said he worked a lot but he clearly mentioned day off aside from his own version of "weekends".

 

The second problem is he contacted me earlier this week to tell me he had a a few days off and asked me to choose a day. I said Monday and he was fine with it. Then this morning he texted me to cancel because he's going on vacation blah blah and he's coming back next Wednesday.

 

Now, if he goes away every time he's got a day off (and it's his right to do so), how are we supposed to meet up?

 

This man is strange. I just don't understand. In my opinion, he should not have asked me out. He can't even be straight with himself. It's never happened to me before. I'm not sure how to act. The worst part of it all is he keeps texting.

Edited January 25, 2014 by ShiningMoon

[Ronni_W]

Now, if he goes away every time he's got a day off

Nah...that's just you making a HUGE leap from major generalizing to major assuming. It ain't a very pretty sight, if I may say so.

 

He has gotten under your skin though, yes?

 

Why is that he keeps texting the worst part?

 

He can't even be straight with himself.

Yep...there it is again: a HUGE leap (still unsightly, if I may say so )

Seriously, though. How did you get to him not being able to be straight with himself? Are there real signs from him, that he can't? In which case, he wouldn't be worth it (to me) to be expending all this mind-energy and conducting all these mental experiments.

[ShiningMoon]

First of all, he did not apologize for cancelling and cancelled at 6am which I find quite disrespectful to a certain extent, but that's just me. Plus, he stated in his text "I never get days off you know, so when I do, I like to go away". I'm not assuming. That's why I'm saying he is slightly inconsistent.

 

He definitely got under my skin, for sure.

 

Texting is the worst part because I don't think texting is a great idea if you don't already have concrete plans to meet the person again. Texting gets old fast and in my opinion.

Edited January 25, 2014 by ShiningMoon

[Ronni_W]

Okay, yeah. The new info has me scratching my head again.

 

Is it just me or is he coming across a tad under-developed in area of dating skills, how to treat women properly, and the like?

If you'll find fun in 'training' him, then go for it. Otherwise...it won't be so much excitement and titillation as just frustrating and self-tormenting.

[FitChick]

Get a job working the night shift.

[TXGuy]

Since you are so worked up about him not fitting in your schedule, work with his schedule. Tell him you will stop by his bar at 3am (on a Wednesday) after his shift, so the two of you can hang out for a few hours.

 

If he says no to that, then you can justify your current attitude.

[ShiningMoon]

Okay, yeah. The new info has me scratching my head again.

 

Is it just me or is he coming across a tad under-developed in area of dating skills, how to treat women properly, and the like?

If you'll find fun in 'training' him, then go for it. Otherwise...it won't be so much excitement and titillation as just frustrating and self-tormenting.

 

 

Thanks! Actually, this is what I thought too. And I thought I was off base ...

 

I'm not an expert when it comes to dating, but as far as I recall, whenever a guy made plans, he always made sure he'd stick to them or cancel and apologize properly. Same goes for me. I just don't get how you can text someone at 6 a.m to cancel a date in the most unapologetic manner. It's beyond me.

 

Me thinks he still has some learning to do when it comes to dating women. He's 24 though so I'm a bit taken-aback. When you're trying to date a woman, you want to leave a good first impression and even though his behavior at the bar was very gentleman-like, his "dating" skills need work.

 

I want to be treated like a lady, not like an option to squeeze in your schedule.

[ShiningMoon]

Since you are so worked up about him not fitting in your schedule, work with his schedule. Tell him you will stop by his bar at 3am (on a Wednesday) after his shift, so the two of you can hang out for a few hours.

 

If he says no to that, then you can justify your current attitude.

 

Actually, he mentioned that too! That's the first thing he said actually.

 

He knows I work a lot, so before I even mentioned this suggestion (because I wouldn't mind going out at 3am, sounds fun) he said the following:

 

"Alright, so our date will have to wait until I get a day off because I can't picture you hanging out with me at 3 a.m after work since you work so much".

 

I wasn't quite sure what to make of this.

[fatalcharm]

That's the reason I asked. Why would he asked me out just to be "nice"? I didn't ask me out, he did. Then, why come up with some random excuse?! He should have never asked me out in the first place. How is asking someone out on your free will is acting nice?

 

I did not force the man to ask me out. We're adults. I met plenty of men who were not into me and did not ask me out (again). It makes sense.

 

It's not a random excuse, he has a job, he has to work and he happens to work at night. So obviously he is going to need to have a day off work in order to go on a date with you. I don't understand how you can possibly find this confusing.

 

If he starts work somewhere between 6-9pm and you work 9-5, then between you travelling home from work, and him getting ready to go to work then travelling to work, there really isn't any time for a date. He needs to wait until he has a day off...

[FitChick]

He knows I work a lot, so before I even mentioned this suggestion (because I wouldn't mind going out at 3am, sounds fun)

That's why I told YOU to take the day off instead. So you wouldn't be tired at work the next day. Thought it was obvious but I guess not.

 

Find someone else.

[GemmaUK]

Hum. I understand he has to work. But don't bartenders have their own version of "weekends" every week?! That's what I'm asking myself.

 

Oh and he works 5pm to 3am.

 

He only gets one night off a week as you mentioned in your opening post though.

Maybe he has plans or maybe he just needs a rest night that night.

 

I wouldn't date someone who had such conflicting hours to mine to be honest.

The only way you could regularly meet up for dates would be before you start work - if he isn't asleep by 6/7/8am.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I see you're sensing lukewarm, I would probably feel similarly. It can't be too difficult for maybe you to finish early one day (Start early or work through lunch) and grab a coffee with him at his bar before his shift or something? Or go for breakfast together before you start work in the morning, before he crashes for the day.

 

It does sound a little lukewarm, I would imagine if he was really excited to see you he'd have tried to solidify plans already, or at the very least checked in to say 'I can't wait to see you, hopefully when I get my shifts next week we can find a time to meet up'. But it wouldn't stress me like it is you, it's supposed to be a first date, let it happen organically when it can happen. In the meantime carry on doing what you're doing in the dating scene and if he gets time and asks you out you can go and see how things feel. It's fine for him to be lukewarm this early. I'd probably assume that he did like me a little but was just asking as either an ego boost or simply so that he knows if he gets time, there's a date waiting for him. Whereas you're taking it as 'ooh he asked me out, I can't wait! When?'

 

The guy I went on third date with last night and I had our first date about... 11 days ago? Then it was a solid 10 days before we could meet again, so we had date two and three consecutive nights. I am seeing him again tomorrow night but then probably won't be free for another week, as I work nights and he works days and I already have some plans for Fri/Sat next week. Sometimes in the early stages when you're both busy you just have to relax and go with the flow. I actually think he's awesome and can't wait to get to know him a little better so my schedule making me busy isn't an indication of how much or little I like him.

[Ruby Slippers]

Don't contort your schedule for any guy, especially one who cancelled your first date last minute. If he really wanted to take you on a date, he would.

[ShiningMoon]

Don't contort your schedule for any guy, especially one who cancelled your first date last minute. If he really wanted to take you on a date, he would.

 

I completely agree with you on this one. I mean, let's face it, why should I be the one changing my schedule? I didn't ask for a date. Had I asked him out, I would have been more than happy to adjust my schedule, but it's not the case here.

 

I went on dates with guys who worked insane hours and they all managed to follow through. None of them cancelled once. I've never had to deal with a guy who has an abnormal schedule and who cancels on me with no apology by texting me at 6 a.m. He's clearly not considerate enough of other people's time.

 

Besides, I'm sure he mentioned the "You probably don't want to hang out at 3 a.m" thing in a hope to get me to change my schedule around. But seriously, a date at 3 or 4 a.m is a joke, unless it's just a quick hook up. I'm not gonna start changing my schedule for a man I barely know, it would scream "desperate" and it would make me look like a doormat. Changing my schedule is not even an option, not gonna happen.

 

No wonder he's been single since he started working as a bartender ... what kind of girl would date someone with such an abnormal schedule, especially if he's not even willing to make an effort?

Edited January 25, 2014 by ShiningMoon

[Ruby Slippers]

Bartenders can be flaky. They tend to be the social butterfly types, and those are often less reliable when it comes to plans and being on time.

 

He would have lost any chance with me with that last minute cancellation. Very rude, not treatment I would accept. I'd just ignore him and delete his number.

[ShiningMoon]

Bartenders can be flaky. They tend to be the social butterfly types, and those are often less reliable when it comes to plans and being on time.

 

He would have lost any chance with me with that last minute cancellation. Very rude, not treatment I would accept. I'd just ignore him and delete his number.

 

I agree. Now, he told me he was not a social butterfly at all. He's supposedly a "homebody" and does not like to party. This is an epic fail. And they say women are drama ... I've never had a guy cancel a first date on me. First date is not something you can actually cancel without looking like a total flake or tool.

 

To say he cancelled on me to go fishing ... how ironic, how about fishing someone who will put up with his rudeness? Lord.

Edited January 25, 2014 by ShiningMoon

[Eivuwan]

 

To say he cancelled on me to go fishing ... how ironic, how about fishing someone who will put up with his rudeness? Lord.

 

haha, that's funny

[NYC-BigKat]

What he meant is "day off" as in an actual "day off", like vacation day whatever you wanna call it. Not "day off" as in the weekly "day off" he's entitled to. I understand he's got a tight schedule. I genuinely do. It just seems weird to me that he'd ask me out and then tell to me to wait god knows how many weeks (he didn't say weeks, but I'm assuming it will be a while before we go out) until we can finally go on a date. Oh well.

 

I like him, so I don't mind waiting a little. However, if it exceeds a month, I'm out. I don't have time for this. I have a feeling that dating a bartender isn't the easiest thing around and I'm looking for something easy and hassle free.

 

 

Uh...maybe u should date a guy that doesn't work? That would make me a candidate I think .

[ShiningMoon]

Uh...maybe u should date a guy that doesn't work? That would make me a candidate I think .

 

Haha. I don't care that he works a lot, it's a great thing! I dated plenty of guys who worked insane hours. However, the 5-3am schedule six times a week is a bit hard to deal with in my opinion.