She reconciled, may meet up for "First Date"

[Never Again]

We made it clear that we're going to take it slow, dating, and see where it all leads.

 

Glad you're taking that approach.

 

Overall, this sounds like it's going fairly well.

 

I'll admit, I'm a little jealous

[jphcbpa]

love this for you. blessing and prayers!!!

 

one day at a time

[d0cholliday]

Your story is very inspiring, and reminds me a little on my own story... I still hope this will happen to me, but I'm not expecting anything, as everyone of us is different.

 

I'm so happy for you. Good job.

[xUnknown]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate it all. I'm still trying to figure out where my heart lies - but, that's all part of the dating and taking it slow process.

 

We've been in very limited contact since Saturday. No texts (other than her thank you for seeing her one), but 2 brief emails. The emails pertained about her cell phone and an issue she was having with it. Not discussing the date, next date, or anything, more a friendly "try this to fix it" sort of thing. I do find myself wanting to text her, but, that urge is short lived - but, it will come back a few times throughout the day. Its more of a wanting to talk to her...the conversation the other night was great, I didn't want it to end.

Edited January 29, 2014 by xUnknown

[Colton]

Hey man I gotta say congratulations because this story is very refreshing and you seem to have things under control, good job!

 

I gotta ask though with your NC, did she ever contact you? How did you respond to that if she did? How long did you go NC?

 

My problem is this long into our BU (one year), I don't know how to respond to her anymore. We have spoken a handful of times (mostly texting) over the last year and I can't help but feel that has done only damage. But like I said this long into our break up, I don't know if it makes me look immature if I don't respond to her after keeping minimal contact over the last year. Or is there a respectful way to ask her not to contact me?

[xUnknown]

Hey man I gotta say congratulations because this story is very refreshing and you seem to have things under control, good job!

 

I gotta ask though with your NC, did she ever contact you? How did you respond to that if she did? How long did you go NC?

 

My problem is this long into our BU (one year), I don't know how to respond to her anymore. We have spoken a handful of times (mostly texting) over the last year and I can't help but feel that has done only damage. But like I said this long into our break up, I don't know if it makes me look immature if I don't respond to her after keeping minimal contact over the last year. Or is there a respectful way to ask her not to contact me?

 

 

Thanks very much.

 

I take it she was the one to end it with you? Did you go NC at all immediately after the breakup?

 

I went NC from Day 1. She reached out on our 2 year anniv via text (3 weeks after BU - saying how much she is thinking of me today blah blah), but I never responded. Very next day I get a missed call from her. It was about a car issue on something I installed. I responded a day later (in text) explaining how to fix it and that was it. I "tied up the loose end" so to speak. That was the only contact I had with her for the 3-3.5 months. I told her at the time of breakup that I could not and would not be her friend. If I saw her, I would be cordial, but we cannot remain friends because that wouldn't help the healing process for either of us. She agreed. During NC, my mindset was, she's dead for me...she made this bed, now she has to sleep in it. I'm going to show her what its like to not have me in her life.

 

I think it all matters about how you feel. It seems you still have feelings for her. So, if she is contacting you to just be friendly, I would say screw it. Go NC. You could just stop responding, but eventually she may call you and ask what is going on. Then, I'd say something like, "I apologize for not responding, but, staying "friends" isn't going to help me move on from the past. Us talking is holding me up in the healing process. I would appreciate it if you didn't contact me. If you want to reconcile, I will hear what you have to say, but other than that, I would appreciate it if we didn't contact each other".

[jphcbpa]

. During NC, my mindset was, she's dead for me...she made this bed, now she has to sleep in it. I'm going to show her what its like to not have me in her life.

 

.

 

Love this mindset. This is what she wanted, now give it to her.

[Never Again]

I went NC from Day 1.

 

I told her at the time of breakup that I could not and would not be her friend. If I saw her, I would be cordial, but we cannot remain friends because that wouldn't help the healing process for either of us. She agreed. During NC, my mindset was, she's dead for me...she made this bed, now she has to sleep in it. I'm going to show her what its like to not have me in her life.

 

Sigh, things I wish I did.

[Colton]

Thanks very much.

 

I take it she was the one to end it with you? Did you go NC at all immediately after the breakup?

 

I went NC from Day 1. She reached out on our 2 year anniv via text (3 weeks after BU - saying how much she is thinking of me today blah blah), but I never responded. Very next day I get a missed call from her. It was about a car issue on something I installed. I responded a day later (in text) explaining how to fix it and that was it. I "tied up the loose end" so to speak. That was the only contact I had with her for the 3-3.5 months. I told her at the time of breakup that I could not and would not be her friend. If I saw her, I would be cordial, but we cannot remain friends because that wouldn't help the healing process for either of us. She agreed. During NC, my mindset was, she's dead for me...she made this bed, now she has to sleep in it. I'm going to show her what its like to not have me in her life.

 

I think it all matters about how you feel. It seems you still have feelings for her. So, if she is contacting you to just be friendly, I would say screw it. Go NC. You could just stop responding, but eventually she may call you and ask what is going on. Then, I'd say something like, "I apologize for not responding, but, staying "friends" isn't going to help me move on from the past. Us talking is holding me up in the healing process. I would appreciate it if you didn't contact me. If you want to reconcile, I will hear what you have to say, but other than that, I would appreciate it if we didn't contact each other".

 

Dang I definitely could have used this advice a year ago. Over the past year I've bit onto her BS breadcrumbs, etc. I think I will just go NC from now on. Even though we've spoken a few times over the past year, I really just don't care anymore. Well not that I don't still care about her, I just have lost the care for reconciliation, whether or not she's in my life or not. I guess I'm just indifferent now, idk.

 

I should have gone NC from day one, oh well you live and you learn.

[xUnknown]

Dang I definitely could have used this advice a year ago. Over the past year I've bit onto her BS breadcrumbs, etc. I think I will just go NC from now on. Even though we've spoken a few times over the past year, I really just don't care anymore. Well not that I don't still care about her, I just have lost the care for reconciliation, whether or not she's in my life or not. I guess I'm just indifferent now, idk.

 

I should have gone NC from day one, oh well you live and you learn.

 

Yeah, I came here when we first went on a break and learned about NC, so I was NC ever since the 2 week break before the breakup. I was at the same point you were - not really caring for a reconciliation.

[xUnknown]

So we just had "date 2" last night. We had plans to go and do something for dinner, but she left that part a secret for me. I can't go to may places due to my situation so I was really puzzled on this one. We both have kittens and she decided to bring hers up so they could have a "play date" as well. She ended up surprising me by cooking me dinner. I was really impressed. She told me to go into the living room and don't come in the kitchen under any circumstances so i was really excited to see what she was making for us.

 

The dinner was excellent. She made this steak rolled up around veggies, with potatoes, broccoli and fresh loaf of bread. I asked her how long it took her total to prepare and she mentioned 1.5 hours at home, then another 30 here. I was very impressed. Dinner was good, we had "Breakfast Club" playing as background noise while we were talking. Flirting here and there afterwords (like a quick squirt with the sprayer hose from the kitchen sink). After dinner, relaxed and talked some more, watched the cats play/fight haha then put on the movie "Wolf of Wall Street". We made it about 2 hours (2/3 of the way through) then then we started kissing. It didn't go any further than making out, but obviously it was clear we both wanted it to haha. But again, that would have been us falling into the same routine as last time. Things cooled off and finished the movie (she ended up falling asleep on me). She left around 12. I texted her a few hours ago thanking her for coming to visit and the delicious dinner. Still hadn't heard back yet, but I'm trying not to let that bug me.

 

We still didn't plan anything yet for another date, but because of plans we both have the next few weeks. My guess is it won't be until a week or two after Valentine's Day weekend. Which sort of got me a little bummed (not seeing her over V-Day weekend), but then I thought to myself, why should it? We aren't together or anything. We're dating. Its better that we aren't seeing each other V-Day because if we both get caught up in the whole "romance" type of bs that goes on, things may progress too quickly. The plan was to go every 2-3 weeks so this 3-4 weeks will be a good break for things.

[Mariposa10]

Well, you usually wait a couple of hrs/days to respond right? So don't let that bother you.

 

I'm glad to hear you two didn't have sex. It's better to take things super slowly!!!

 

 

So we just had "date 2" last night. We had plans to go and do something for dinner, but she left that part a secret for me. I can't go to may places due to my situation so I was really puzzled on this one. We both have kittens and she decided to bring hers up so they could have a "play date" as well. She ended up surprising me by cooking me dinner. I was really impressed. She told me to go into the living room and don't come in the kitchen under any circumstances so i was really excited to see what she was making for us.

 

The dinner was excellent. She made this steak rolled up around veggies, with potatoes, broccoli and fresh loaf of bread. I asked her how long it took her total to prepare and she mentioned 1.5 hours at home, then another 30 here. I was very impressed. Dinner was good, we had "Breakfast Club" playing as background noise while we were talking. Flirting here and there afterwords (like a quick squirt with the sprayer hose from the kitchen sink). After dinner, relaxed and talked some more, watched the cats play/fight haha then put on the movie "Wolf of Wall Street". We made it about 2 hours (2/3 of the way through) then then we started kissing. It didn't go any further than making out, but obviously it was clear we both wanted it to haha. But again, that would have been us falling into the same routine as last time. Things cooled off and finished the movie (she ended up falling asleep on me). She left around 12. I texted her a few hours ago thanking her for coming to visit and the delicious dinner. Still hadn't heard back yet, but I'm trying not to let that bug me.

 

We still didn't plan anything yet for another date, but because of plans we both have the next few weeks. My guess is it won't be until a week or two after Valentine's Day weekend. Which sort of got me a little bummed (not seeing her over V-Day weekend), but then I thought to myself, why should it? We aren't together or anything. We're dating. Its better that we aren't seeing each other V-Day because if we both get caught up in the whole "romance" type of bs that goes on, things may progress too quickly. The plan was to go every 2-3 weeks so this 3-4 weeks will be a good break for things.

[xUnknown]

Well, you usually wait a couple of hrs/days to respond right? So don't let that bother you.

 

I'm glad to hear you two didn't have sex. It's better to take things super slowly!!!

 

hah, yeah I hear ya. It bugged me at first but then I put myself in her shoes and I would have waited as well. Anyways, she and I sent a few texts back and forth later tonight - nothing special. And yeah I agree with you 100%. It could have easily gotten to that point last night too haha (but it didn't).

[Colton]

So we just had "date 2" last night. We had plans to go and do something for dinner, but she left that part a secret for me. I can't go to may places due to my situation so I was really puzzled on this one. We both have kittens and she decided to bring hers up so they could have a "play date" as well. She ended up surprising me by cooking me dinner. I was really impressed. She told me to go into the living room and don't come in the kitchen under any circumstances so i was really excited to see what she was making for us.

 

The dinner was excellent. She made this steak rolled up around veggies, with potatoes, broccoli and fresh loaf of bread. I asked her how long it took her total to prepare and she mentioned 1.5 hours at home, then another 30 here. I was very impressed. Dinner was good, we had "Breakfast Club" playing as background noise while we were talking. Flirting here and there afterwords (like a quick squirt with the sprayer hose from the kitchen sink). After dinner, relaxed and talked some more, watched the cats play/fight haha then put on the movie "Wolf of Wall Street". We made it about 2 hours (2/3 of the way through) then then we started kissing. It didn't go any further than making out, but obviously it was clear we both wanted it to haha. But again, that would have been us falling into the same routine as last time. Things cooled off and finished the movie (she ended up falling asleep on me). She left around 12. I texted her a few hours ago thanking her for coming to visit and the delicious dinner. Still hadn't heard back yet, but I'm trying not to let that bug me.

 

We still didn't plan anything yet for another date, but because of plans we both have the next few weeks. My guess is it won't be until a week or two after Valentine's Day weekend. Which sort of got me a little bummed (not seeing her over V-Day weekend), but then I thought to myself, why should it? We aren't together or anything. We're dating. Its better that we aren't seeing each other V-Day because if we both get caught up in the whole "romance" type of bs that goes on, things may progress too quickly. The plan was to go every 2-3 weeks so this 3-4 weeks will be a good break for things.

 

 

This might sound kind of lame but, your posts makes me happy. I know you guys are still "dating" and taking things slow, but from the sound of it I would be surprised if things didn't work out and work out better between you two.

 

And when I say your posts make me happy, I mean that not so much that I'm trying to apply your stories to myself but rather that it's refreshing to see two people who love each other not give up. To not let the BS and trivial differences get in the way. To realize faults, forget them, and move on together, not separately (which is so easy).

 

Good luck on everything man! Keep us updated!

[xUnknown]

This might sound kind of lame but, your posts makes me happy. I know you guys are still "dating" and taking things slow, but from the sound of it I would be surprised if things didn't work out and work out better between you two.

 

And when I say your posts make me happy, I mean that not so much that I'm trying to apply your stories to myself but rather that it's refreshing to see two people who love each other not give up. To not let the BS and trivial differences get in the way. To realize faults, forget them, and move on together, not separately (which is so easy).

 

Good luck on everything man! Keep us updated!

 

Thanks Colton for your kind words. I'm just trying to keep an eye out whats best for me right now. Right now, its taking it all slow - the upside is that this benefits the "relationship" as well.

 

I don't believe you can ever truly "forget" the past. There will be times where it will pop up and you'll think about it. Its the forgiving part that matters the most. That is what helps one "forget" the past and move on.

 

Update:

We are texting and/or snap chatting every few days to keep conversation. Nothing over the top and relatively short conversations. Still keeping it short and sweet.

[erklat]

Can you look my thread @unknown?

[xUnknown]

Can you look my thread @unknown?

 

Posted a few days ago. Looks like things are going well for you Erklat.

[xUnknown]

So far things have been going well. I haven't seen her in person since she cooked dinner for me two Friday's ago. She was in NYC this past weekend to celebrate one of her close friends B-day and is going on a ski trip with a group of 10 or so co-workers this weekend.

 

Contact has been pretty decent between us. Over the weekend I let her initiate contact because she was on her trip. We skyped Monday and she told me about her trip to NYC. I can tell by the way she talks that her confidence level has increased since when we were together. She always had self esteem issues and didn't hold herself well. She never wanted to go out to the bar and have a night of dancing because of how she though she looked. She also never really had many close friends (one or two, tops). Now, she has become very close friends with some coworkers (women).

 

She is working out a lot more. Ran regularly in the fall after our BU and since winter is here, she started doing insanity with one of her co-workers. Its nice to see her motivate herself to keep in shape and be active. So far she's lost 13-15 pounds. So I'm sure that has helped her confidence too.

 

We've been in fairly regular contact. Last week we were texting every few days. This past weekend she would snap chat me here or there pics from her trip (I asked her to because I've never been to NYC-even though I live 4 hrs from it, yeah, I know, shame on me! hah). So she went out with her 2 gfs to a club Saturday night in NYC and surprisingly she was texting me while she was there.

 

You know what they say, if they call or dunk text you, you're on their mind. The texts weren't raunchy or anything bad...but more of a glad and happy we're doing this, she misses me and wishes I could be there with her and how much the bars/clubs suck without a bf because of all the "weird creepers". haha. She sent me a picture before she went out with her friends of her dress/outfit. In the past, when she went out, she wanted all eyes on her (because of her self esteem). She'd wear extremely sexy dresses, low cut, you know, not slutty stuff, but revealing (hey I didn't mind, I was with her). This night she wore a very nice, black dress - full arm sleeves and the collar was a crew cut around her neck (vs being low/V cut), medium length. I must say, she looked good. Classy, not slutty, or a college girl like in the past, but a woman. To me, it showed that she wasn't trying to show off to get attention. It was just another positive aspect that has showed me that something is different/changed since before.

 

She dropped a line to me asking me to work from home the Monday the 17th. She has off work and would be in town and wanted to see me. She said something like "You should be sick and work from home Monday, I think you're coming down with something" I asked what (kind of knowing what the answer may be) and she said "the love bug" haha. I laughed cause it was cute. (This was the night she went out with her friends to the club so there was alcohol involved). I told her I can't but if she has time on the way home from the trip to stop by, but don't go out of her way for me. The following morning I wake up to a "good morning" text and then later she mentions she was sorry if what she said was too forward, because she didn't want to scare me off. I told her it was alright, I know alcohol was involved and I didn't really read into it. Its just nice to see that I'm on her mind while she's out enjoying her time with her friends.

 

Anyways, so since the Monday texting/snap chatting here or there. Not full blown conversations, just how is your day going kind of thing. I initiated yesterday so today I'm gonna hold off and wait for her to. I'm not going to be the one seeming too eager.

[xUnknown]

Obviously Friday is Valentines day. She mentioned that she knows she'll be left out of her Ski Trip this weekend because most of it is couples that are going.

 

This will be my (and hers) first valentines day in 2 years not together, so its going to be different. Not sure if I should send a casual text "Happy V-Day" or not...or, wait for her to see if she sends something.

 

I'd appreciate anyone's input here.

[jphcbpa]

Obviously Friday is Valentines day. She mentioned that she knows she'll be left out of her Ski Trip this weekend because most of it is couples that are going.

 

This will be my (and hers) first valentines day in 2 years not together, so its going to be different. Not sure if I should send a casual text "Happy V-Day" or not...or, wait for her to see if she sends something.

 

I'd appreciate anyone's input here.

 

thank you for the update!!!

I think you should send what is on your heart.

[organizedchaos]

Obviously Friday is Valentines day. She mentioned that she knows she'll be left out of her Ski Trip this weekend because most of it is couples that are going.

 

This will be my (and hers) first valentines day in 2 years not together, so its going to be different. Not sure if I should send a casual text "Happy V-Day" or not...or, wait for her to see if she sends something.

 

I'd appreciate anyone's input here.

 

I think at this point you should definitely say something.

[xUnknown]

I think at this point you should definitely say something.

 

thank you for the update!!!

I think you should send what is on your heart.

 

Thanks, and I agree with both of you. I guess I sort of second guessed weather or not I should was because - we aren't "together". But, we're talking...so that would put me at a point where I should.

[xUnknown]

So last Friday I could tell something was up. I called her to set up a skype date and she seemed a bit "off" on the phone. I questioned her about it but I sort of knew what it was about based from a status she posted on Facebook.

 

When we skyped a few hours later she asked me for a favor. She said she knows that its wrong of her to ask me to do this for her, but I could tell something was up based from the FB post, and the call earlier. She asked if she could speak to the ME she used to date because she needed advice. I told her Yes, even though my advice would be the same regardless of if it were ME (old) or ME (new).

 

Essentially, a job posting came her way for her dream job. She didn't know what to do because she just started with this company about 6 months ago and would hate to leave so soon. She said it would be closer to me, her family and would be doing something that she has always wanted to do. In short, I told her she can't base this off of me, even though I was flattered. She KNOWS what she wants to do, she just wants to hear me say it to her. I told her that I know she wants this new job...so she should apply and see where things go.

 

She admitted that she was not happy where she was. In the past, she would always tell me/others how great it was, when deep down I could tell she was not happy. Another positive thing I see here is, she wants to follow what is in her heart - not me, but career wise.

[jphcbpa]

So last Friday I could tell something was up. I called her to set up a skype date and she seemed a bit "off" on the phone. I questioned her about it but I sort of knew what it was about based from a status she posted on Facebook.

 

When we skyped a few hours later she asked me for a favor. She said she knows that its wrong of her to ask me to do this for her, but I could tell something was up based from the FB post, and the call earlier. She asked if she could speak to the ME she used to date because she needed advice. I told her Yes, even though my advice would be the same regardless of if it were ME (old) or ME (new).

 

Essentially, a job posting came her way for her dream job. She didn't know what to do because she just started with this company about 6 months ago and would hate to leave so soon. She said it would be closer to me, her family and would be doing something that she has always wanted to do. In short, I told her she can't base this off of me, even though I was flattered. She KNOWS what she wants to do, she just wants to hear me say it to her. I told her that I know she wants this new job...so she should apply and see where things go.

 

She admitted that she was not happy where she was. In the past, she would always tell me/others how great it was, when deep down I could tell she was not happy. Another positive thing I see here is, she wants to follow what is in her heart - not me, but career wise.

 

This is beautiful that she is talking with you about this. My ex changed jobs and I did not even know she was entertaining an offer. She told me the day she changed jobs. You would think that after 14 months she might have let me in on it. Not that she needs my permission, but hey just so you know what is going on with me kind of thing.

[xUnknown]

This is beautiful that she is talking with you about this. My ex changed jobs and I did not even know she was entertaining an offer. She told me the day she changed jobs. You would think that after 14 months she might have let me in on it. Not that she needs my permission, but hey just so you know what is going on with me kind of thing.

 

Man I'm sorry. Yeah after that long there definitely should have been a discussion. She should have brought that up to you from the get-go.

 

Yeah, when she first got her job that required her to move (7-8 months ago when we were together), we never had the "sit down" type discussion. I told her not to hold back from opportunities (which I still believe), but we both just assumed we'd work through it. Never really had that initial discussion about how I really felt about it.

 

Had we initially sat down I would have told her how I didn't like the idea, but would work through it, and how I felt like she was settling for the first job that came her way. Where she is at now was a fantastic opportunity, but she could never really tell me much of what it involved. I could tell her heart wasn't in it.