herself Posted January 19, 2014 Share Posted January 19, 2014 Ps. Sorry for typos was typing fast on cell phone with tiny keyboard. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 @ herself Thanks for sharing your opinion. I do agree with you. And as you said that her heart doesn't belong here, that is 100 % accurate. It doesn't. She talks about back home a lot, even when i am around. She misses being home. The weather in the UK doesn't suit her. She is one of those girls that love living in California, the beaches, the weather etc. And i never asked her if she met someone would she like to stay here or just simply go back to California. I think i knew the answer already. But if she asked me, if i was willing to go with her, i mean i was open to options, i am not going to get any younger, i am 25 years old and at that point i felt like a real connection so why not try it out IF it worked out. You stated: ''The hand holding and sexual.glances. ..girls like attention and affection and to feel wanted. Yes even if you dont like a guy in the moment with alcohol a dark bar, feeling lonely and wanting to feel liked or validated you can "love" the one yoir with, get caught up in the moment. ...but deep down its not that way.'' Do girls like her never even feel anything ? I mean i held her in my arms, and the moment i looked her in the eye, it felt like i said a million words in a single second. I really fell for her, its nothing i can do about it now, time will heal the pain but i will never forget what she did and most of all remain in denial that whatever i felt, its impossible she didn't even feel a single thing. Like i mentioned earlier its been a week and its now for certain, if she ever cared about me in that sense she would had done something. I would be seeing her, because we have the same group of friends, and i will try my best to avoid her and not let her follow me around or give me all of that attention she used to give. But who knows, i haven't seen her in like 2 months, maybe she changed and she would stop doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Share Posted January 19, 2014 @ Shepp Exactly mate, i wouldn't let walk all over me. Even if i wanted to express my feelings to her, i would never do it. Because for her it would be a WIN - WIN situation and i knew it from the start. Its true my timing was poor, i met her as a friend, and things never progressed even after she became single. My own friends seem to think, that me and her have something going on, because they have seen how she acts infront of me, and i really thought it could be it. I promised myself not to contact her again and thats final. All i can do is now, move on and start meeting new people. But i know, i will be seeing her again, and if she still continues to do the same things, i have two option, either be direct and tell her to stop playing games or KISS her and see her reaction. I don't have anything to lose either. But at this moment i need some time off, to just mentally heal. Link to post Share on other sites
mano Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 You are taking the right decision. Avoid her and meet new people. Do keep us updated if she tries to talk or it works outs Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 @ mano Sure i will keep you guys updated. So far its another day that went by and still no contact, i mean i will not contact her but soon its weekend and i might get to see her maybe. I will see how things go, won't talk to her much, but she likes to talk much and i will find out what she has been upto, did she meet someone else etc etc. Now i am getting this idea that she might have met someone else. Anyways only time will tell, but whatever the outcome is and how things are going right now, its becoming pretty clear that she is not that interested in me or my life. I am also considering taking a vacation for 2 weeks in Febuary, maybe to Dubai or something like that, to take all of this stress away and will not even tell her about it or her best friend who is my class fellow. By the time i come back i hope to be normal again and chasing other women. But lets see how things go at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
mano Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Yes, its better if you forget about it and focus on yourself. N don't keep asking her best friend about her because she would always inform her that u asked. Its possible that she reconnected with her ex again Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 @ mano First of all, thanks for helping me out, was really helpfull. Second its a strange World, so any thing is possible, her hooking up with her EX or never being interested in me. To be honest, i am in denial and as i mentioned earlier, i really have fallen for her and it hurts quite a bit because what i experienced with her, its so hard to believe that it was just all fake and just to entertain her. You know i used to go out with my friends and i met many women along the way, i always tried to understand them, because i never felt instant attraction, and i always was searching out for someone that would blow me away and make me say WOW, this has to be it. It was one of that girl, it bothers me because it took me sooo long to find someone like her and i knew i will connect with her, which i did, but i just didn't know what kind of a person she really will be like. Anyways, i will keep you updated at least. Cheers- Jack. Link to post Share on other sites
mano Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Yes, strange world it is. I feel for you , can relate to it. Do keep us updated, n hopefully you will find someone else alot better than her, going on vacations is a good idea, you should go for it Jack. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 As i promised earlier that I will keep you guys updated. Well after such a long time, I finally saw her yesterday at a friends party. I was excited to see her because I missed her so much but not contacting her was a good thing because I was kind of moving on. Anyways this is what happened. I walked in and all my friends were there while she was standing in the kitchen making something. I said hey to everyone and even her and she looks at me and says Hey Jack. Just that, I was surprised to be honest, I hadn't seen her in more than a month and she just says Hey in a spilt second and turns her head around. I told myself not to be down because of her so I pretended like nothing ever happened. I was having a great time to be honest; laughing, joking around with my friends and avoided her and even avoided looking at her. But I noticed something, that she was acting strange, was looking sad and depressed and bored. And no one was giving her attention, so I asked her best friend in private, What is wrong with her and why is she looking sad ? Her best friend told me that she kind of misses back home (California) and her friends and doesn't like being here in the UK and especially in this weather since it's freezing over here. Anyways I felt bad for her so I started to talk to her in a friendly way and as always she opened up and starting laughing and was following me around again but I didn't give her the attention she wanted this time around. So she went Tina room and was there by herself all alone and then I said; Me: You look kind of sad Her: Yeah, I was with this guy back home and he broke up with me, can you believe that he broke up with me, I am sad about that Me: So you went back home for a month, met someone and already started a relationship and then he breaks up with you. Don't you think that was kind of fast ? But anyways that's a bummer. I just don't know what to say. She never liked me in that way ? After all the things that happened or what she did with me, she goes back home and hooked up with another guy. When she said a guy broke up with, I just felt like I am still in the friend zone area, she talks about that guy as If he is a lot better than me... I don't feel sad anymore because honestly I don't even care now. As I stood there, I didn't want her to see that I wasn't having fun while she was on vacations. So I picked up my phone and pretended someone was calling me and I said Hey honey I will call you back later. I wasn't standing next to her but went almost out of the room but when I came back, she said who was that ? I said no one. And then she says you don't call some one honey if you don't know them, and I said again it was no one and she really wanted to know but all I wanted to see was her reaction which I also got. But her talking about that guy felt like a complete lie to me but it could also be true. What should I do from this moment ? Link to post Share on other sites
mano Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 well, i am glad that you said you already feel better Jack, good move right there, even if something happens between you two, u know it wont be healthy because she just wants to get back home n misses her life there, please remain this way. Also dont just keep askin her best friend about her, she will always let her know that u were inquiring, this girls likes your attention, n probably feels lonely over here soo she kinds ov leads you on n then act this way. After what she told you it is obvious, she is definitely just not interested in settling over here, she already hooked up there n broke up ! Link to post Share on other sites
mano Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 you need to see that since she really was interested in this new guy, she hooked up in a short time, n even brokeup. If she was interested enough she could have been more open n interested n encouraged u. Leave her alone, pretend like you dont care, even if she wasnt interested, u two are good firends, she really should have tried talkin to u when she got back. Anyhow, all she is worried about is her new guy n how things didnt work out between them, her heart seems to be in just her homeland. Act like you dont care, dont show her how u feel anymore, glad to hear you are better now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 Thanks mano, i will defo try my best to move on. Even if i do get a chance of being with her, i can not imagine being with her now because it would feel like i was always her SECOND choice, she never chase me or did anything, she was looking for something or someone better and found it. I am avoiding her at all costs now, i just don't care about that and its true she should had contacted me, but she didn't and she hooked up with another guy in a short period of time which explains most of my questions, if she ever was interested in me, she would had hooked up with me in a short time as well but it never happened because she never was interested in me. Its okay i will move on and thanks for your help once more. Link to post Share on other sites
mano Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 yes, if she was interested enough, she could have showed interest n encouraged yo, maybe she already had her eyes on the other guy. Its good. Avoid her at all costs, dont even try to be much friendly, if she initiates contact then its fine, but next time again, dont go askin her friend about her looking sad etc. She was just giving u mixed signals, probably to have you as a backup or maybe she needs some company over here, nevertheless, the point is that she never really cared n now u know it. Move on Jack. Its gonna be fine in sometime. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I wasn't standing next to her but went almost out of the room but when I came back, she said who was that ? I said no one. And then she says you don't call some one honey if you don't know them, and I said again it was no one and she really wanted to know but all I wanted to see was her reaction which I also got. But her talking about that guy felt like a complete lie to me but it could also be true. What should I do from this moment ? Her ego was hurt. You weren't paying attention to her, being her puppy dog and she expected you to be into her. You called her bluff, she reacted and it was fake. Its none of her business WHO that was no the phone and she actually made a fool of herself by exposing her ego hurt. If that was a heart hurt, you would have known it. She is not "into" you romantically so it is good that you know for sure and can let go, care less and go on without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 @ whichwayisup Yeah i think it did hurt her ego in a way. As soon as i hung up the phone, there was this big smile on her face, she wanted to know who it was and i never talked about it anyways. From that point onwards she was giving me all the attention and i was just blocking it all, kind of cared less about her and her story. The point is that she was just using me to fill the void, until someone else who she really was interested in, walked by and this happened and now she is all sad and depressed about the fact that he left her. So now she might be looking for more ego boosting and well this time i am not around there... I am moving on, i don't feel sad or anything but just a little disappointed with myself that i really believed something was going on but even IF we now become something, i would never be able to live with the fact that she always thought of me as a number 2 choice so this is a no go in all ways. Its better to move on and find someone else and i don't even need her as a friend in my life... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) I know i shouldn't be writing anymore about this situation but i just don't know what else to do. But before that, i am doing great, its been 2 weeks and i don't think about her that much as i used to before but she is of course still on my mind sometimes but i think with time that would heal as well. I never contacted her or anything, that was strong of me. I think about a week ago i sent a Snap via SnapChat to my friends including her (All on my account) and she texted me. I replied her back after 4 hours and then she sent another text, to which i never replied back. I have been going out with my friends a lot and last Friday i went to a bar, and i had a great time because i managed to get two phone numbers from two attractive women (Though one lives extremely far away, i think i still have a chance with the other one). I think that was the boost which i really needed and i gained a lot of self confidence from it, and to be honest, it was quite easy getting those numbers, i learned a lot. But after such a long time, something still is bothering me about her. Something that she is doing now and is making it completely awkward between us. She is sort of avoiding me, ignoring me and not even looking at me if we are present in the same room. Yes she was seeking attention but i'd love to be her friend, since we have the same group of friends to not make things awkward. Anyways this is what happened last week. I had plans with her best friend to meet her so that we could go to a bar. Note; I never even asked her if she was coming or not, i never cared. But as me and my friend arrived at the bar we were supposed to meet, i couldn't spot her best friend, so i tried calling her and her phone seemed dead. So my friend asked me to call Emma (The girl who played me) and after denying him 3 times i finally called her to ask where her best friend was. The conversation took place for less than a minute but the way she spoke with me was as if she was talking to an unknown stranger. Here is how she spoke with me; Me: Hey ! What's up, do you know where XXXX is ? Her: No Me: Oh she told me that you were going to meet with her but i can't reach her. Her: Yeah i couldn't reach her, Byeee I hung up as soon as she said bye. It was completely disrespectful of her, the way she spoke with me, i felt as if i didn't even know her at all. Yesterday at her best friends Super Bowl party i saw her again. This time, i acted friendly and showed her that i am a bigger person and said hey to her. That was it ! The entire night, she never said a single word or sat next to me, she never even came to speak with me nor did i. I was sitting with my friends and talking to them, she never even looked at me as if i didn't even exist, ignored me at the most. But she was having fun talking to other people she knew, so why did i feel this way. I think i was sad because it felt like she doesn't even care about our friendship at all. It was really awkward, i never experienced anything like this before. She was that same person, that gave me her full attention, just spoke with me, laughed with me, teased me, joked with me, held my hand, leaned towards me, made plans with me, and i know that was all for boosting her ego and i get that, i am moving on from that, but i just thought somewhere we were friends also, that was the main reason why all of the things were happening in the first place, so why a sudden twist ? Not even talking to me anymore, pretending i don't even exist. Why does she have such a high opinion of her self that she is showing me that i don't even exist in her perfect little life... It really hurt me... I am furious because i am glad i didn't do anything stupid but next time, i won't even say hey to her. What do you suggest after all this crap she is doing and why is she doing it ? Edited February 3, 2014 by Jack1987 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 Any opinion to why she is doing this guys ? Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Since she misses CA and wants to go back, is it possible that she's pulling away from everyone she has been close to there? If not, it could just be that she is taking your lack of attention personally. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just be cordial to her and let her know that the friendship-door is open if she decides to walk in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 She does miss CA, that i know for sure, i mean for her its just finishing her Masters here and going back to her life which is in CA i guess. Even her best friend tells me that she has a high opinion of her self, that is kind of lame, her first seeking my attention, i am moving on, but after all what she did to me, i just thought being friends was the right thing after all we have the same group of friends and i don't want things to be awkward. But she is just pretending as if i don't even exist... Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) @OP.....read between the lines. Does she have to draw you a map before you get it? The vacation was a blast, and you probably don't want to know what happened This is where I tell you to ... , it will be of you not to Edited February 3, 2014 by Tayken Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 I already let her go, this is not the problem at all, the only problem is that she is making things awkward and i don't understand why, i am currently talking to one other girl, and things look promising. We have the same group of friends, she is making things awkward, i am being the bigger person or the GUY and saying hey and everything to her, she makes me look like a fool as if i am some sort of a slave of hers, that has to say hey to her and everything. She avoids me, ignores me, not even looks at me, she was seeking attention, that was a big blow i know and i let her go, simple as that, but we were friends before that, she used to speak to me a lot, i don't want her to speak to me that much, but at least talk to me like she does with the others... I don't care who she dates or what she does, but when we are in the same room, don't think of me as an outsider and try not to make things awkward, then i just don't know what to do from there... Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 she makes me look like a fool as if i am some sort of a slave of hers, that has to say hey to her and everything. She avoids me, ignores me, not even looks at me, she was seeking attention, that was a big blow i know and i let her go, simple as that, but we were friends before that, she used to speak to me a lot, i don't want her to speak to me that much, but at least talk to me like she does with the others.. You said all this, and then went on to say this I don't care who she dates or what she does, Contradiction anyone? Again....read between the lines, action speaks louder than voice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 Ah mate you are getting me wrong. The thing is that we have the same group of friends, and we used to talk before a lot. So basically what i mean is that i don't really care who she is dating now or what she does, she should at least try to act like a friend again and not ignore me. What do you suggest ? Should i also ignore her then and make things more awkward ? Like in the same group 2 people not talking to each other, that is kind of rude, i don't want to be that person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jack1987 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Any suggestions ? Link to post Share on other sites
mano Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 if she doesnt cares about things getting awkward why should you? Its not your job, n btw it is quite obvious that she is stung by what u did the other day , pretendin to be talkin on phone with ur girl, she is playing games n avoidin u, all she needs is your attention n ego boost. She went n hooked up with another guy in a short time, but thn u showd u got someone else too so she gets soo cold. If it was really abt friendship she wouldnt be actin this way, let her go. Its just to make u chase her, do not talk to her, lyk u said she has a high opinion of herself etc, comeon, make things work out with the other girl now Link to post Share on other sites
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